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How would you feel - told no phone use at family event - early UPDATE


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#26 Ellie bean

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:16 PM

View Postnewmumandexcited, on 18 December 2019 - 03:58 PM, said:

Ha it’s controlling af but probably not a bad idea.
It’s not a bad idea if you’re spending the day with people you really want to talk to. How many of us can really say that about eg their in laws...
Eta I rarely whip out my phone at gatherings but knowing I can if I really need to escape is invaluable. Luckily my children are you g enough that I can still pretend they need a lot of supervision which allows me to escape plenty of conversations

Edited by Ellie bean, 18 December 2019 - 04:19 PM.


#27 Ozquoll

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:17 PM

The dictatorial nature of that request would annoy me! Is there *actually* a problem in your family gatherings of people staring at phones and not interacting? I find when my extended family gathers, everyone has phones nearby but they are an aid to the conversations rather than a substitute - we show each other family pictures, play funny vids, maybe settle an argument by googling something. But no-one is staring at their phones and ignoring the people around them.

#28 RichardParker

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:17 PM

It’s a shame that this is what it’s come to- but I actually sympathise with the sentiment - there are too many pictures of our kids online; there are too many interruptions into general human connection due to constant phone use - even maintaining eye contact is a challenge sometimes. A ban on phones is actually the more rebellious position to take - let’s stop recording every freaking moment and start actually being in the moment.

My DH would never countenance going to such an event, but I would love it because I’m sick of having a conversation with the top of his head while he stares downward at his phone...

It’s not just the staring at the phones, it’s the pulling them out all the time for the photo, then looking at the photo, then uploading it, then a quick thumbscroll to check for notifications. Then back to the conversation before the next interruption, or the next pulling out of the phone to show a funny video, or to google a fact to settle an argument. It’s probably a lost cause because phones are here to stay and their use is changing our brains- but some of us are old enough to remember when they weren’t an extra appendage and you actually had to engage with people in the room for an extended period of time. It was fun.

Edited by RichardParker, 18 December 2019 - 04:22 PM.


#29 rileys-mum

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:19 PM

I would be ok and celebrating the decision

#30 JRA

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:21 PM

Quote

maybe settle an argument by googling something

God yeah. We have no phones at the dinner table always, but we do use to settle an argument. Arguments/disagreements on stuff is what makes dinner time conversation the best, being able to "Settle it" just adds to the fun.

#31 RichardParker

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:24 PM

See sometimes I think it kills the fun - because now there’s just Wikipedia and that’s it.  Some people don’t even bother trying to discuss or argue stuff- why bother when you can just google the answer?

#32 Anonforthistime

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:25 PM

This is slightly off topic, but...
One thing I do love about phones is that we all now have cameras in our pockets.

Christmas is often the time for family to get together in a big group and capturing photos of that is so important, especially when there are elderly relatives etc Not like years gone by, when there was a couple of polaroids and then dad would get out the “good” camera, and the associated lenses, while someone else would snap away with the instamatic. (I think I’ve just aged myself with that bit!!)  then we would wait a week or 2 to see who had their head cut off and who was blinking.

I was just looking at an impromptu photo of a friend the other day - it was a silly group photo. Probably 6 people all have the same photo. This photo had special significance because just 4 hours later, he was killed in a freak accident. That photo is extra special now.

I’m not one for dozens of photos of the kids uploaded to social media every day, but some family photos shared among the relatives, and printed out for the grandparents is still important.

#33 Riotproof

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:27 PM

How badly do you really want to go? They sound like hard work.

#34 JRA

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:29 PM

View PostRichardParker, on 18 December 2019 - 04:24 PM, said:

See sometimes I think it kills the fun - because now there’s just Wikipedia and that’s it.  Some people don’t even bother trying to discuss or argue stuff- why bother when you can just google the answer?

Ah we dont do that, we have blood lining the table from the "discussion" before we go to the phone

#35 Falala-llyjonk

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:29 PM

I dislike how much time I spend on my phone but, apparently, lack self control.  It would be good for me to have it forbidden. My husband is worse but he doesn't even acknowledge it so it's live for him to have to be device free too.

I'm also a terrible photographer so the photos would not be a great loss either.

#36 Ozquoll

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:31 PM

View PostJRA, on 18 December 2019 - 04:29 PM, said:



Ah we dont do that, we have blood lining the table from the "discussion" before we go to the phone
Hehe, us too 😅!

#37 AnythingGoes

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:32 PM

Depending on the day I need to be in touch with work and/or checking up with an unwell relative.

So I'd say "sure I'll leave my phone at home but I'll be giving your number to work and aunt mary and will be bringing my laptop to keep an eye on emails.'

#38 Ellie bean

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:34 PM

View PostJRA, on 18 December 2019 - 04:29 PM, said:



Ah we dont do that, we have blood lining the table from the "discussion" before we go to the phone
Whereas my Christmas Day with the in-laws usually consists of fascinating things like being verbally told the recipe for everything that was cooked (I didn’t ask by the way) and being told repeatedly how involved they are with my kids (they’re not) and being told how Marge’s neighbours sisters hip surgery went (I’ve never met Marge).
Being able to browse EB and read other people’s Christmas vents may have prevented several murders.

My family, all cool, no phone required! (DH might disagree however)

#39 literally nobody

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:36 PM

I hate being told what to do too. Id go but I’d also bring my phone to take a pic or two if I want, not their kids of course. Id politely say I have my phone and I’ll be using it but not to the extreme. If they have a problem with that Id decline the invite.

Not taking pics of them or their kids is one thing but I refuse to have rules made like this where we are obligated to follow. We are all adults, and I’d be expected to be treated as one.

#40 SkeptiHandsOnMum

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:39 PM

Maybe they are afraid of the radiation from all of the phones? Are they a bit into woo-woo? If so tell them that you will bring some crystals and a salt lamp to counter the radiation.

#41 .Jerry.

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:45 PM

View PostSkeptiHandsOnMum, on 18 December 2019 - 04:39 PM, said:

Maybe they are afraid of the radiation from all of the phones? Are they a bit into woo-woo? If so tell them that you will bring some crystals and a salt lamp to counter the radiation.
  LOL


Not too into woo.  Do use amber teething necklaces till kids are way old.  However they do vaccinate thank goodness.

A bit anti radiation I think but mostly moral judgey about raising children and the corruption of the world.  A bit crunchy. Kids all homeschooled and don't really have toys.
I think they mean well but I hate the paternalistic way they are trying to reduce phone use at their house.

Our family isn't really into the phone use at these events.  We chat, as we don't see each other often.

The teens will struggle with this though. ;)  Might be good for them.
I just think adults should be treated as adults and have issues with the way the family is trying to reduce photos and phone use.

#42 JRA

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:49 PM

Quote

The teens will struggle with this though. Posted Image  Might be good for them.
I just think adults should be treated as adults and have issues with the way the family is trying to reduce photos and phone use.

You may be surprised. We had the xmas get together for DH's youth group (who are obviously no longer youths). The kids ranged from 14 to 26 and in the 4 hours there I dont think I saw a phone. Lot of talking cricket, footy etc.

Lots of teenagers I see are in to cards again.

#43 **Xena**

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:57 PM

I personally hate any sanctimonious rules being dictated to me. Makes me want to do the exact opposite even if it's not something I would have done anyway.

I'd just take my phone and take some pics of my child with the people who are okay with being in photos. What are they realistically going to do about it.

#44 Dianalynch

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:57 PM

The only ‘rule’ I’d be okay with is not posting photos of their kids to social media, I mean that’s fine, but everything else? You’re adults, you can be expected to behave more or less in line with social norms, if you impose your values on others expect a bad reaction...

#45 RynandStompy

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:59 PM

The concerns for me with host no phone rules are:
a) much of our family is overseas and likes to message or brief call on Christmas Day. I wouldn't hold a long chat at someone else's house but I'd want rellies to be acknowledged in their timezone.
b) photos. I'd respect no photos of their kids but DD infrequently sees her cousins so it'd be sad to forego a photo op. And I only have a camera via phone.

#46 Kreme

Posted 18 December 2019 - 05:07 PM

As far as I’m concerned they can make rules about their kids appearing on social media, no drama there. Preventing their kids being photographed by relatives is pretty OTT but fine it’s their child. But the whole no phones thing is is just controlling and preachy. I would make a point to take a photo of my own child or show someone a photo from my phone to highlight the ridiculousness of the “rule”.

We also have family in the UK and USA who like to FaceTime when we are all together. Anyone who wants to stop me talking to my brother or ILs on Christmas Day can go jump.

Edited by Kreme, 18 December 2019 - 05:10 PM.


#47 -Emissary-

Posted 18 December 2019 - 05:07 PM

Yeah I’d be annoyed but probably roll my eyes and move on as I don’t really use my phone when I’m at a party either (unless there’s a need to like check for a missed call if I’m expecting one)

DS is occasionally allowed to play on my phone at dinners and parties if he’s bored out of his mind. If the host really take that up as an issue I’d probably leave early if there’s absolutely nothing for him to do.

I’m happy not take pictures of people’s kids so happy to follow the rules there.

Edited by -Emissary-, 18 December 2019 - 05:09 PM.


#48 annodam

Posted 18 December 2019 - 05:10 PM

No issues for me, hardly take my phone with me as it is...

#49 Squeekums The Elf

Posted 18 December 2019 - 05:14 PM

View PostAnonforthistime, on 18 December 2019 - 03:53 PM, said:

I’d probably take my iPad - just to be a smart*ss because I don’t like being patronised.

Exactly
I would just use my phone as normal
I'd let dd use her tablet as usual
I'm a grown adult who can decide if I want to be tech free or not. I parent my child use, not other relatives at an event

I'd only respect no photos of their kid

#50 PrincessPeach

Posted 18 December 2019 - 05:16 PM

I have zero problems with their request to not put photos of their kids on social media. But the fact they want no photos is a bit unrealistic.

Have you got a traditional camera? Id take that & use it just as mich as you would have your phone camera. Because really, the spontaneous photos are some of the cutest, especially with kids on christmas day.




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