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How would you feel - told no phone use at family event - early UPDATE


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#51 zenkitty

Posted 18 December 2019 - 05:18 PM

Do you have a camera you can take? I would do that and take photos to ‘print for the photo album’. I realise I’m probably in the minority having a proper camera though.

The phone ban would bother me more in theory (not wanting to be parented) rather than practically.

#52 JBH

Posted 18 December 2019 - 05:22 PM

I have some sympathy for the sentiment that it is rude when people sit glued to their phones during social functions, and I admit I have been frustrated when relatives have allowed children devices (over 10, no particular needs)  at the dinner table while we are eating. That said, I would still find this rude, and if not on a public holiday I need to be available for work. I would perhaps be more sympathetic if they said that they have been trying as a family to reduce screen time, and they’d really appreciate support by minimising device use on the day. All good on the social media request.

Upside would be ungluing my husband from him damn phone.

Edited by JBH, 18 December 2019 - 05:29 PM.


#53 magic_marker

Posted 18 December 2019 - 05:27 PM

View Post.Jerry., on 18 December 2019 - 04:45 PM, said:

The teens will struggle with this though. ;)  Might be good for them.
I just think adults should be treated as adults and have issues with the way the family is trying to reduce photos and phone use.

I think you've hit the nail on the head there.
As an adult l would hate to be dictated to. Though l think it only takes 1 adult to pull their phone out to look at a message or a notification and quickly whip it back in the pocket for the teens to go open slather.
I would respect the no Social Media stuff, but would like my own memories to keep.

EFS

Edited by magicmrkeronashelf, 18 December 2019 - 05:27 PM.


#54 Paddlepop

Posted 18 December 2019 - 05:29 PM

Jerry: They don't approve of school? Guess they don't approve of your career!

Yeah, nah, screw their rules. I'd have my phone, I'd have it on, and I'd use it when I wanted to. Most likely I'd only use it for photos anyway. The only rules I'd obey would be the ones about their children, in terms of not photographing them and not posting them social media.

#55 eponee

Posted 18 December 2019 - 05:37 PM

View PostHolierThanCow, on 18 December 2019 - 03:54 PM, said:

I was thinking a plastic toy phone...

A timber recorder or xylophone would be better.  Educational and not plastic :rofl:

#56 Chaotic Pogo

Posted 18 December 2019 - 05:47 PM

View Post.Jerry., on 18 December 2019 - 03:47 PM, said:


The person is always posting stuff about parents on phones neglecting their kids.


:rofl:

I don’t ‘let’’ people put photos of my kids online and I don’t use FB etc or post photos myself  

I get someone complaining about parental neglect due to social media but find it hilarious someone will use social media to complain!!

#57 Squeekums The Elf

Posted 18 December 2019 - 05:48 PM

View PostRichardParker, on 18 December 2019 - 04:17 PM, said:

- even maintaining eye contact is a challenge sometimes.

Phone or not, I don't really do this. It simply makes me uncomfortable and comes of as dominating when forced upon me

#58 IamtheMumma

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:04 PM

I have no issues of the no photos of my kids online rule.

The 'leave your phone at home' caveat would have me wondering if someone else could host the bbq? Not really in the spirit of the season is it?

Maybe you could be struck by veganism and the sight of meat is just cruel so it must be a meat and meat by product free BBQ.  Same blanket ethics that disregard everyone's autonomy.

#59 born.a.girl

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:04 PM

View PostJBH, on 18 December 2019 - 05:22 PM, said:

I have some sympathy for the sentiment that it is rude when people sit glued to their phones during social functions, and I admit I have been frustrated when relatives have allowed children devices (over 10, no particular needs)  at the dinner table while we are eating. That said, I would still find this rude, and if not on a public holiday I need to be available for work. I would perhaps be more sympathetic if they said that they have been trying as a family to reduce screen time, and they’d really appreciate support by minimising device use on the day. All good on the social media request.

Upside would be ungluing my husband from him damn phone.

Yeah, all of this.

I do get the context of the relationship, though.  We parent differently from someone, and comments and innuendo about that were frequent and moralistic.

I just deleted the next para because it's a bit identifying, but absolutely along the same vein - moralistic and patronising, suggesting other people's methods are inferior.  Not even outright stated, sometimes along the lines of 'we feel it's appropriate ...' and they're about to suggest the opposite of what you'd normally do.  Both ways are acceptable, but one side takes the high moral ground.

When it's unreasonable, I think human nature is to dig our heels in a little.

#60 123Tree

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:09 PM

View PostEllie bean, on 18 December 2019 - 04:34 PM, said:


Whereas my Christmas Day with the in-laws usually consists of fascinating things like being verbally told the recipe for everything that was cooked (I didn’t ask by the way) and being told repeatedly how involved they are with my kids (they’re not) and being told how Marge’s neighbours sisters hip surgery went (I’ve never met Marge).
Being able to browse EB and read other people’s Christmas vents may have prevented several murders.

My family, all cool, no phone required! (DH might disagree however)


I can never drive a Christmas because every time someone annoys me I have a sip of wine.

No phones would be problematic if I couldn’t take calls from my side of the family while with the in laws and the same for DH.

However I think the sentiment is genuine and I can see the appeal as a host.

#61 Silverstreak

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:11 PM

Is Leunig hosting the event, by any chance? :lol:

Yeah, nah, it's my phone and I'd be holding onto it. I might even bring some walkie talkies on principle.

#62 PooksLikeChristmas

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:11 PM

My son will only manage Christmas GATHERINGS with the help of an iPad. I’d be very cranky if someone tried something like that on us.

Edited by PooksLikeChristmas, 18 December 2019 - 07:37 PM.


#63 Backtoschoolchef

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:12 PM

What I would do is accommodate the request up to a point.  I would keep my phone in my bag unless I specifically needed to use it for something. But if I had to read a msg then I would do so.

I actually really hate implied judgement that being on a phone means bad parenting to the point that it turned me against enrolling in a particular sporting club that had heaps of posters stuck on the wall about 'hey mum put the phone away and interact with your kid'. I wouldn't feel comfortable going there in case I did need to read an urgent message.

Is your family member Leunig?  /jk  --  ETA snap silverstreak :D

Edited by MincePieMasterchef, 18 December 2019 - 06:15 PM.


#64 Backtoschoolchef

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:18 PM

View PostChaotic Pogo, on 18 December 2019 - 05:47 PM, said:


I get someone complaining about parental neglect due to social media but find it hilarious someone will use social media to complain!!

On one of my FB groups theres an intensely anti-smartphone / anti 4g / anti 5g person.  Presumably they only use a computer and that's not harmful by their definitions?

#65 JRA

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:20 PM

People, the OP did say it was not xmas day

#66 Kreme

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:25 PM

Just saw that it’s not Xmas day. But even on other family gatherings we like to include the overseas family members with a Group FaceTime. I think the rabid Luddites often overlook the many benefits that screens bring to our lives.

#67 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:25 PM

i don’t like being told what to do.

a phone to me is like a watch - i like to have it, i feel naked without it, i know when to glance at it and when not to. no phones at the table? fine, i don’t have phones at the table anyway. a phone or ipad for my 7 yr old once lunch is done, he’s a bit tired and just wants to chill (no sound)? how does that harm anyone? (except maybe him, but that’s my look out).

no posting of photos to social media - that’s his call. i don’t have that rule with my kids but many people do. that’s fine.


#68 Chocolate Addict

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:31 PM

No photos of their kids on socials - totally understand
No photos of their kids - weird and would be disappointing if the families don't catch up often, but their choice.
No phone - yeah, nah. I would refrain from sitting on it checking the socials or eb etc but I would have it with me for sure.

#69 SplashingRainbows

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:35 PM

I’d take my phone. Honestly what a stupid request.

#70 Mollyksy

Posted 18 December 2019 - 06:50 PM

Lol, Luenig was my first thought too! Oh, to be so perfect to have this parenting/living thing all figured out...

Its rude to say but I find the type of attitude in the OP to be indicative of people who maybe aren't the brightest or with the best level of critical thinking. Like I do with all black and white thinking. Usually the more knowledge you have in an area the more you realise what you dont know and what others see as black and white you can only see the many varied hues of grey.

Sorry to go off topic!

#71 a letter to Elise.

Posted 18 December 2019 - 07:24 PM

I’d find it super annoying being dictated to like that. I’m not a child. I’d be tempted to bring tablets and let my kids watch stupid you tube videos of plastic toy unboxing

#72 lozoodle

Posted 18 December 2019 - 07:30 PM

Honestly... I bloody love this! People spend so much time just staring at their phones and not even realising they're ignoring the people around them

Its so nice to go somewhere device free sometimes.

#73 Chelli

Posted 18 December 2019 - 07:36 PM

I'm another who doesn't do being dictated to. I may not be using my phone there but it would definitely be coming with me because I'm a grown adult who is capable of making my own decisions about mobile phone usage.

#74 blueskies12

Posted 18 December 2019 - 07:38 PM

View PostEllie bean, on 18 December 2019 - 04:34 PM, said:

Whereas my Christmas Day with the in-laws usually consists of fascinating things like being verbally told the recipe for everything that was cooked (I didn’t ask by the way) and being told repeatedly how involved they are with my kids (they’re not) and being told how Marge’s neighbours sisters hip surgery went (I’ve never met Marge).
Being able to browse EB and read other people’s Christmas vents may have prevented several murders.

My family, all cool, no phone required! (DH might disagree however)

Are we related???? These are the exactly the conversations my In-Laws seems to have....

"Oh you know Mary-Beth that you once met when you were 4 and lives several thousands of kilometres away in a very small town, DS; Dear Son are you listening? (DH isn't) Well DIL...let me tell you she is on to her third husband. Can you believe that?"...................

#75 maryanneK

Posted 18 December 2019 - 07:42 PM

I'm sympathetic to the sentiment but the way they are trying to law down the law would put me off.
I hate people using phones at events like that - we had a family bday last weekend and my mid-40s cousin spent the entire night sitting on the couch in the corner of the lounge looking at his phone. Its so rude, put it away and talk to me or the host, we're sitting right here....and all the kids aged 8-18 were in a backroom playing on their phones....I remember the 'good old days' when i was that age being forced to talk to great aunty maud or whoever at parties like that...hated it at the time, but great for social skills

I'd be ok with an invitation that said 'hey, cant wait to see you all and catch up - lets make it a phone-free event so we can really enjoy each others company!'

and the no social media photos request is fine but otherwise, none of your business, I'll be taking photos of my kids thanks.

then again it does get tedious when people spend the whole night trying to set up photos..




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