Jump to content

Board (part vent, part WDYT, part twin, part single parent question)


  • Please log in to reply
73 replies to this topic

#26 123Tree

Posted 19 December 2019 - 07:18 PM

I believe all full time working kids should pay board. I left home at 17 but my parents charged and I think that is fair. I intend to charge my kids when they are older.

However I would never go there if it was a separated shared custody situation. I think a parent who doesn’t need the money has far too much to loose. Plus you will look like the bad guy. If your ex DP was on board that would be different. Sorry to say.

I will make the disclaimer that I am not separated. So feel free to ignore.

#27 annodam

Posted 19 December 2019 - 07:24 PM

My parents didn't charge me Board so I won't charge my kids any either.

#28 Mooples

Posted 19 December 2019 - 07:36 PM

My sister is 28, she lives with my parents and has never paid board. Last year she decided she wanted to buy her own place so she started giving my parents a chunk of her income for them to put away for her to keep her on track for saving. She’s just bought her own apartment and was able to save over $40k to pay the deposit. I’d much rather be able to do that for my kids than charge them board and use it to pay for bills. I completely understand some people have no other choice. When we decided to have kids that came with financial planning that we would be taking care of them long after they turned 18.

#29 Not Escapin Xmas

Posted 19 December 2019 - 07:37 PM

What are they doing towards managing the household now? I mean like washing clothes, food shopping (regardless of who's paying), cleaning the floors/bathrooms etc. I'd start by making sure there was a reasonable division of labour, everyone contributing.

#30 marple

Posted 19 December 2019 - 07:42 PM

I haven't charged mine board . They have to pay for their own clothes, petrol, cars, entertainment etc.

They haven't turned into entitled brats. My oldest recently stayed with us for 2 months as he was in between rentals. He insisted on paying for bills and also organised and paid for people to come out and fix some necessary repairs.

My 18yo is at uni and works part time, I don't see any point in taking money off him now and then randomly giving it back to him at 21. He is doing a 5 year degree  so wouldn't be working full time then anyway.

I know if I was in need of accommodation for some reason at some stage that I could move in with any of my boys and they wouldn't charge me. We are family.

We actually had a strange cash flow crisis last year and my oldest said immediately  " don't worry mum I'll get a personal loan you can pay me back whenever".
As it turned out we got sorted out ( was a combination of ours and a bank error) but there was no hesitation. I'd do the same for them. My parents would do it for me . My sister has loaned me money and I would loan her money.
I guess my grown up kids are part of the family, at the moment 2 of them need my help as they aren't earning a lot yet, the oldest earns more than us so doesn't need our help!  One day we may need their help. Swings and roundabouts.

Obviously if I was in need of the money to pay the bills I would sit down with them and explain that and we would work out who could afford what. That wouldn't be board that would be paying a share of home expenses as needed.

Every family does what works best for them. There isn't really a right or wrong.

#31 **Tiger*Filly**

Posted 19 December 2019 - 07:51 PM

We're not charging our 20yo uni student daughter board. She is full time uni and part time retail work and although no board does pay everything herself including medical appts, dentist etc. She seems to have plenty of money for going out, buying a motor bike,  getting her hair coloured and tattoo done, paying for uni stuff,  and saving up for going overseas. I'm cool with that. My eldest who dropped out of uni is about to start paying board, based on the fact she'd be finished uni by now if she'd stayed. Probably $100 a week.

#32 JBH

Posted 19 December 2019 - 07:56 PM

View Post**Tiger*Filly**, on 19 December 2019 - 07:51 PM, said:

We're not charging our 20yo uni student daughter board. She is full time uni and part time retail work and although no board does pay everything herself including medical appts, dentist etc. She seems to have plenty of money for going out, buying a motor bike,  getting her hair coloured and tattoo done, paying for uni stuff,  and saving up for going overseas. I'm cool with that. My eldest who dropped out of uni is about to start paying board, based on the fact she'd be finished uni by now if she'd stayed. Probably $100 a week.

You know that’s not a bad way to look at it when you have one student and one worker - you get three years board-free to set yourself up to earn a good income and support yourself, whether you spend that three years studying so you can enter the work force as a graduate or working your way up from the bottom.

#33 Imaginary friend

Posted 19 December 2019 - 08:14 PM

In your situation I would do it as a percentage, even if it is a low percentage so they only pay a token amount.
That makes it fair on both despite different incomes.

But if you do that you can't give it back for  their 21st or whatever and give different amounts.

I don't go along with this giving it back idea really.

#34 ipsee

Posted 19 December 2019 - 09:55 PM

Could you phrase it as making a contribution to the running of the house, rather than paying board, which sounds like they are just paying for themselves to live in the house.

Maybe start smallish, and put the number up each year, depending on how they are going with money/jobs/income.

#35 ExpatInAsia

Posted 19 December 2019 - 11:17 PM

I would not charge board for a child studying at Uni or just starting out at work (when wages are usually low) unless my financial situation was tight and I genuinely needed the money.

I would ask them to save part of their wages, not too much as they still need to pay for things, and leave it at that.

Once they are established in full time employment we would consider charging board. If they live at home they have to help out with household chores regardless.

I might consider waiving board for an adult child in full time employment if they are saving for a house. I would be happy to help them while they get their deposit together.

Edited by ExpatInAsia, 19 December 2019 - 11:22 PM.


#36 TrixieBelden

Posted 20 December 2019 - 06:46 AM

If you need the contribution then just work out how much you need to cover their expenses. If you don’t need the contribution then I wouldn’t charge them.

I didn’t earn much less from my uni job (30-40 hrs a week at night) than I did in my first full time job (twice the hours but overtime not paid).

#37 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 20 December 2019 - 10:23 AM

View PostTrixieBelden, on 20 December 2019 - 06:46 AM, said:

If you need the contribution then just work out how much you need to cover their expenses. If you don’t need the contribution then I wouldn’t charge them.

I didn’t earn much less from my uni job (30-40 hrs a week at night) than I did in my first full time job (twice the hours but overtime not paid).

But isn’t there a big gap between “need” and “don’t need” filled with extras like slightly nicer cheese or a new dress or something the OP might like to do with her disposable money?  Especially as a single parent.   I think it’s ok to ask adults to pull some of the weight even if you don’t strictly “need” the contribution.

#38 seayork2002

Posted 20 December 2019 - 10:27 AM

View PostFeral-as-Meggs, on 20 December 2019 - 10:23 AM, said:

But isn’t there a big gap between “need” and “don’t need” filled with extras like slightly nicer cheese or a new dress or something the OP might like to do with her disposable money?  Especially as a single parent.   I think it’s ok to ask adults to pull some of the weight even if you don’t strictly “need” the contribution.

I can't comment as a single parent but everyone of us views things differently so as I see it there is no one size fits all on this, I don't see it as right or wrong with what to charge or not it is just what we each do or don't.

If I need the money I will ask for it, if I don't I won't

#39 eilca

Posted 20 December 2019 - 11:20 AM

I know my parents charged my siblings board as they needed the money to help cover the costs.  (I moved out of home to study and then worked away from home). It wasn't about teaching them how to manage money.

We are in the position that we don't need board to help cover the costs and we don't charge DD18 who is at uni and part time worker.  DD16 is heading into year 12.  We don't plan to charge them board, even if they were to live here once working full time.

I am not sure that board teaches young people to better manage money, or teaches them that life is not a free ride.  And each family has unique circumstances that would influence the decision to charge board.

I acknowledge that if things were to ever change then we may have to request board.

#40 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 20 December 2019 - 11:25 AM

View PostSweet.Pea, on 19 December 2019 - 06:53 PM, said:

I'd charge $80 a week, with your daughter paying 60% of that, because her earning capacity is reduced. It's not that many hours work a week and covers their expenses.

I’d do something like this, but 50% for the student. Seems very fair considering they aren’t living with the OP full time.

My parents charged board once we were working full time. We all did study after high school though. It was a lot too. More than $80 a week, and this was in the 90s/00s. My mum just said “see if you can pay rent and bills for that” and of course you couldn’t, so it was still a good deal I guess. We all mostly moved out once we worked full time anyway, I moved out while still studying actually.

But, even when studying, I had to pay for my own transport, clothes, car, insurance, going out, and any food and toiletries beyond the basics. I couldn’t work much due to my contact hours at uni, so paying board as well would have left me in serious hardship.

Edited by ~LemonMyrtle~, 20 December 2019 - 11:29 AM.


#41 MsLaurie

Posted 20 December 2019 - 01:08 PM

This thread prompted me to ask DH about his views on this- turns out it’s a major gulf in our life views with me firmly thinking board is appropriate simply in principle that everyone able should contribute, and he doesn’t think parents should ever ask for money from their kids (although he did say “unless they’re still home at 30 or something...”). It’s interesting as generally I would be the one free and easy with money and he’s stingy by nature! Really doesn’t seem to be a logical answer on what is “right” in this space.

#42 TrixieBelden

Posted 20 December 2019 - 01:21 PM

View PostFeral-as-Meggs, on 20 December 2019 - 10:23 AM, said:



But isn’t there a big gap between “need” and “don’t need” filled with extras like slightly nicer cheese or a new dress or something the OP might like to do with her disposable money?  Especially as a single parent.   I think it’s ok to ask adults to pull some of the weight even if you don’t strictly “need” the contribution.

Sure, and I would think some of that comes from not paying for other things for them now that they can pay for things themselves.

It’s also ok to charge board just because you want to, or because you think it’s a good lesson. But as I said, my choice would be not to ask for board unless I needed it.

These kids have already learned good lessons. They’re contributing to the economy and supporting themselves from the get go.

Edited by TrixieBelden, 20 December 2019 - 01:21 PM.


#43 ABabyPlease

Posted 21 December 2019 - 04:27 AM

If it wasn't for the XH, then this would probably be easier to solve. Something like a set amount with a 50% discount for students or when unemployed.

Could you have a discussion with your kids, show them the bills and say something like,  normally I would ask you to start paying board now. Then ask them to come up with a solution which might be paying cash, doing additional chores etc.

Good luck, it can't be easy.

#44 laridae

Posted 21 December 2019 - 06:31 AM

View PostFeral-as-Meggs, on 20 December 2019 - 10:23 AM, said:

But isn’t there a big gap between “need” and “don’t need” filled with extras like slightly nicer cheese or a new dress or something the OP might like to do with her disposable money?  Especially as a single parent.   I think it’s ok to ask adults to pull some of the weight even if you don’t strictly “need” the contribution.
Except the OP has already said she will put it away and return it when they are older. She's not planning on using it.

#45 WaitForMe

Posted 21 December 2019 - 07:14 AM

As a teenager, I never paid board, however some of my friends did. Generally speaking, it was because back then at least once they turned a certain age, government payments went to the child rather than their parents, e.g. Austudy, and single parents were no longer getting child support.

My own dad continued to pay child support while we were at uni, and he paid above what was required of him, plus I was never successful at getting a part time job, youth unemployment was incredibly high and I was a very shy, quiet kid that didn't interview well for the types of jobs teens generally get. It would not have made any sense to charge me board.

My mum did have plans when I was much younger to charge me board, and I remember her talking about it being a percentage. This was back when she was a single mum earning minimum wage, but things changed. She studied and got a much better job, remarried, and as mentioned my dad continued to pay support. Plus I simply couldn't get a job, but then I would've been eligible for Austudy if our household income hadn't improved.

#46 casime

Posted 21 December 2019 - 07:24 AM

Quote

Would you still be okay with your 28 yr old living at home and not contributing?


I did end up moving back in with my dad when I was about 22.  We actually thought it seemed silly that I was paying the majority of my income out in rent when he was rattling around in a 4 bedroom home with no mortgage.  He never charged me board, but I paid for most of the groceries, internet and phone, and he covered gas, water and rates.  It actually made more sense for us financially than running two households.

#47 seayork2002

Posted 21 December 2019 - 07:29 AM

View Postcasime, on 21 December 2019 - 07:24 AM, said:



I did end up moving back in with my dad when I was about 22.  We actually thought it seemed silly that I was paying the majority of my income out in rent when he was rattling around in a 4 bedroom home with no mortgage.  He never charged me board, but I paid for most of the groceries, internet and phone, and he covered gas, water and rates.  It actually made more sense for us financially than running two households.

Yeah my sister moves back in with my mum (on and off) if it works for both I don't see anything wrong with it

#48 g_uzica

Posted 21 December 2019 - 07:48 AM

View PostFeral-as-Meggs, on 19 December 2019 - 04:44 PM, said:

Complicated.  Do they communicate well with each other?  

If so I’d sit them down with all the bills (don’t leave any out), tot it up and give them the daily cost of running the house and filling the fridge.   Say you have no intention of charging them that but you do want them to make a contribution.  

Given them a few days to come back with a proposal.  

See if they come up with anything - they may come up  with an amount or a percentage between them, or offer to take a bill each. If they don’t offer anything then come down hard they need it.

I will do something similar, but most likely show them the bills and cost of running the house and then as the bills come in they will be allocated one every now and then or requested to do the shopping for the week or fill the car with petrol if they use it frequently.

This way they can see a connection to their payment rather than just pay weekly rent where there is no connection to running the house.  

We are not renting, but I'd also include in the bills asking to pay the rent or the weekly/monthly interest on the home loan every now and then.

Are they doing any housework? Rather than paying money they could do more housework or cook dinner so exchanging their time for money.

#49 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 21 December 2019 - 08:21 AM

i paid board to my mum once i was at uni and had a decent part time job - i was a conveyancing clerk at a law firm so was earning OK money - mum didn’t charge it when we were doing the odd shift in retail.

i will probably do similar with my kids, but i don’t have fixed views.


#50 Hands Up

Posted 21 December 2019 - 09:16 AM

I think adult children should be making a contribution to the household. If it’s not board then buying the ingredients and then cooking at least one meal per week (more if they are over 21).
In your scenario, I think a % is fair.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users


    Bing (1)
 
 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Viewed Articles

 
Advertisement
 
 
 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.