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Board (part vent, part WDYT, part twin, part single parent question)


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#51 Ivy Ivy

Posted 21 December 2019 - 09:38 AM

View PostNo Drama Please, on 19 December 2019 - 05:52 PM, said:

If you want to get them used to the fact that things are expensive maybe get them to be in charge of one of the bills, electricity or something?

Then they’d need to shop around for the cheapest rate, so that’s a good skill to have, and also to learn how to pay it on time and all the rest of it. But I’d put it in their names though, not yours, so they’ve got the whole responsibility for it!

I was living on my own at 18 and paid bond from 14 but I think having the whole responsibility for bills was more valuable than just paying bond (just my perspective).

This is a fantastic idea - not least because it'd take that shop-around horrible task away from an adult to have to do.  A teenager will have much more energy and incentive to spend the time it needs to shop around in order to save their money, than I would.

And knowing you'll have to pay the bill every quarter or whenever forces savings and budget planning.

I like this one much more than just board.

#52 TrixieBelden

Posted 21 December 2019 - 09:49 AM

Board didn’t apply to me as I left home for uni at 17 and supported myself entirely - no Centrelink or parental support.

At different times both my parents - so that we could care for my father until he died - and two of my adult siblings with health problems have lived in my home for an extended period. They were not charged board.

In my family there are lots of circumstances in which adult members do not have to contribute financially.  There are lots of other ways in which people contribute to the family.

#53 EsmeLennox

Posted 21 December 2019 - 09:57 AM

Our position has always been (and this is untested as yet!) that once in full time work, you need to contribute financially to the household. Probably for us that will mean a (generously low) percentage of income, so they can still save etc.

But, it definitely gets complicated with twins!

#54 SkeptiHandsOnMum

Posted 21 December 2019 - 10:14 AM

View Postlaridae, on 21 December 2019 - 06:31 AM, said:


Except the OP has already said she will put it away and return it when they are older. She's not planning on using it.
I said I would CONSIDER doing that. No promises that it would all go toward their 21st gift. All discussion and perspectives are welcome.

#55 SkeptiHandsOnMum

Posted 21 December 2019 - 10:26 AM

Thank you all so much for your contributions. It makes me feel somewhat better to see that there is not really one straight answer, and that every family seems to do (or plan to do) it differently.

At this stage I am thinking of increasing their physical contributions at home (they go okay, but could always do more) and having a discussion with them together on how we do things into the future.

#56 timtam92

Posted 23 December 2019 - 06:23 AM

When we finished school and were at uni with a part time job we paid $50 per week. This was in 20 years ago! When I got a full time job it went up to $75. We also had to cook once per week.

Charge a percentage to be fair and don’t give it back to them. They are living at home, so can afford to save up for holidays etc. if you pay rent, you don’t get it back at the end!

#57 SkeptiHandsOnMum

Posted 23 December 2019 - 09:16 AM

View Posttimtam92, on 23 December 2019 - 06:23 AM, said:

Charge a percentage to be fair and don’t give it back to them. They are living at home, so can afford to save up for holidays etc. if you pay rent, you don’t get it back at the end!
I don't think I explained myself - it would be done as MY savings to pay for a gift for their 21st ... just that the gift would likely be a contribution toward travel, because they both have the travel bug (others might use it to contribute toward a car etc). It would never be a sure thing (my household expenses come first) and they would not know about it at all until the gift.

I have heard of others doing it also as money toward a house deposit - once the young adult has saved some or all of their deposit, you surprise them with this money as an added bonus.

It is no different to parents who do this anyway, just that it would be using the "extra" income of board in order to save it.

Would you see it differently if parents just gave holiday/car/house deposit money as a gift without it specifically having come from the money they put aside from the board?

Given the way that my house seems to be falling apart in recent times, it is a moot point anyway, it will be going toward keeping the house upright.

#58 Jembo

Posted 23 December 2019 - 08:36 PM

Quote

I don't think I explained myself - it would be done as MY savings to pay for a gift for their 21st ... just that the gift would likely be a contribution toward travel, because they both have the travel bug

OP my parents did this for me.  I had no idea, I just paid board from the time I had a part time job at 15.  Between 18-21 I was a bit in and out of home, so it was just adjusted with my circumstances.  For my 21st I went on a 2 week holiday, which mum later told me was paid for by the board they put away.



It worked great in our family.


Edited by Jembo, 23 December 2019 - 08:36 PM.


#59 Prancer is coming

Posted 23 December 2019 - 09:18 PM

I think a family discussion is a great idea.  Now they are 18 it is worth talking about how to go forward, not just in terms on paying board, but how to manage adults in the house and how  your role as a parent might change.

for me, it would depend on how your kids are.  If you feel taken advantage of or have entitled kids, then yes, I would ask for board.  But if they are working hard, sensible with mi ey and in a low income, I would be keen for board.  I do think it is worth talking about the running of the house with 3 adults living there and discuss household chores or contributing to their needs (eg if they stil want Netflix, or use lots of Internet, they contribute towards the bill.  

I would also clear up who pays what in terms of clothes, medicine, take away and other general things that come up.  If they want you to pay for everything, then I would charge board.  If they want to pay most/all then I would be fine with no board.

#60 #YKG

Posted 28 December 2019 - 05:10 PM

Just because they turn 18 doesn’t mean they should be charged for living in the family home. To me it’s all kind of wrong making living in the family home conditional. I honestly do think less of parents charging their kids rent/board.

Everyone in the home should pick up after themselves, that’s just being part of a family. I’ve paid for my own wants and needs since I was 15 including outings with friends etc. but my parents never charged us board. If you want to charge your kids rent, buy an investment property and boot them out to it. Parents should be parents not live in landlords.

#61 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 28 December 2019 - 05:33 PM

View Post#YKG, on 28 December 2019 - 05:10 PM, said:

Just because they turn 18 doesn’t mean they should be charged for living in the family home. To me it’s all kind of wrong making living in the family home conditional. I honestly do think less of parents charging their kids rent/board.

Everyone in the home should pick up after themselves, that’s just being part of a family. I’ve paid for my own wants and needs since I was 15 including outings with friends etc. but my parents never charged us board. If you want to charge your kids rent, buy an investment property and boot them out to it. Parents should be parents not live in landlords.

Maybe not at 18 if they are studying. But Where do you draw a line? Would your kids live with you board free when they are 20? 25? 30? Free forever?
Why should one adult support another like that when they both have full time earning potential? Why should an adult living in a house, working full time, not contribute to bills?
The parents aren’t making a profit. They’re just trying to pay the bills and rent/mortgage. Board is never anywhere near the true cost of living in the home.


And i do know parents who have their kids living in their second property, paying rent. It’s a common solution to two problems, housing affordability and kids who won’t move out of home otherwise.

#62 Babetty

Posted 28 December 2019 - 06:12 PM

View Post#YKG, on 28 December 2019 - 05:10 PM, said:

I honestly do think less of parents charging their kids rent/board.

.... Parents should be parents not live in landlords.

To me, board is to cover the bills, such as grocery, water, electricity, internet etc - the actual costs that are increased by having another adult in the house, rather than paying mortgage - it's helping pay for expenses, not helping pay for the family home.

And if someone is on a tight income, and having a grown child living there is the difference between renting a 3 bedroom house and a 2 bedroom unit (for example) I have no issues with asking them to contribute to the rent either.

#63 No Drama Please

Posted 28 December 2019 - 06:25 PM

I think renting is the kicker for us as well. If by some miracle we have our own place when the kids are older I’d be happy for them to stay and not pay board as long as they want but if we’re still renting and we need to rent a 3 bedroom it’s a big jump in rent. If they could pay a bit towards a bigger place that’ll mean we’re all going to be a lot more comfortable.

#64 magic_marker

Posted 28 December 2019 - 06:28 PM

10% of income for both.

#65 wilding

Posted 28 December 2019 - 06:31 PM

View Post#YKG, on 28 December 2019 - 05:10 PM, said:

Just because they turn 18 doesn’t mean they should be charged for living in the family home. To me it’s all kind of wrong making living in the family home conditional. I honestly do think less of parents charging their kids rent/board.


As a sole parent on a casual wage working across 2 services while also studying full time, my income can only carry us so far. He offered to pay $80 a fortnight once his youth allowance kicked in, when he finds a job, he'll be paying more and has sorted in his head how to do it. Not all of us are handed things on a silver platter, some of us actually have to work for it.

Edited by wilding, 28 December 2019 - 06:39 PM.


#66 IShallWearTinsel

Posted 28 December 2019 - 06:45 PM

I paid 20% of my income and will charge my kids the same. Budgeting is so important, my ex had a free ride and has never learned to pay bills or manage money.

#67 SkeptiHandsOnMum

Posted 28 December 2019 - 06:49 PM

View Post#YKG, on 28 December 2019 - 05:10 PM, said:

I honestly do think less of parents charging their kids rent/board.
I don't think less of people who give their adult kids a free ride. I just think that they do what suits their circumstances and family dynamic best. I do not think it changes their parenting worth one way or the other.

No decisions/conversations here - I have not see the kids except for an hour on Christmas morning as I have been working long hours and they have been away. We will come up with something. I think that some sort of conversation should be had around the change in dynamic of the household, and expectations etc, before we settle too easily into this post-school chaotic celebratory theme becomes the new norm.

#68 SplashingRainbows

Posted 28 December 2019 - 07:01 PM

I’m a professional who as part of their job has to talk to adults about money.

Giving your kids a ‘free ride’ is rarely good for their development. Some of them, with the right personality will be fine. However a great number who have too easy a ride through life really do struggle.

Help them learn by exposing them to the real world. It costs money to exist.

I’m not sure I can explain just how much of a difference there is in young adults who have had to think financially versus those who haven’t.

Disclaimer of course that appropriate modifications be made for disability, study, life circumstances etc.

Edited by SplashingRainbows, 28 December 2019 - 07:02 PM.


#69 Freddie'sMum

Posted 28 December 2019 - 07:04 PM

YKG - when I was a young adult living at home, Dad charged me board to pay the bills, to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.  It was either ask his young adult children to contribute financially or go broke.

When our kids have left high school, and have some kind of permanent employment, then I will be asking them to contribute financially to help pay the bills.  I don't see us being in a position to save that board money and give it back to the kids, we will need that money to keep our heads above water.

#70 MsLaurie

Posted 28 December 2019 - 07:23 PM

I actually think it’s deeply respectful of the new adult to ask them to contribute to the house. It recognises their change in status, and helps signal a shift in the relationship towards something gradually more equal.

#71 Literally Literary

Posted 28 December 2019 - 09:23 PM

Skepti, I think you will find that your children will want to contribute to the running and expenses of the house, given how much they already appreciate what you've done for them.

I think how that works out best for each of them and for you, as they have different earning capability currently, will result from all three of you discussing the pros and cons of each option.

We have always anticipated charging each of our children (who are a year apart) board; when that kicks in, eg at 18 when they finish school or when they graduate from uni, is yet to be decided.

Ideally I would be looking to save their board for them to use as a house deposit or to kickstart their superannuation, given the power of early contributions and compound interest (if the amount is sufficient not to get eaten away by administration fees etc).

#72 -Emissary-

Posted 29 December 2019 - 12:26 AM

View Post#YKG, on 28 December 2019 - 05:10 PM, said:

Just because they turn 18 doesn’t mean they should be charged for living in the family home. To me it’s all kind of wrong making living in the family home conditional. I honestly do think less of parents charging their kids rent/board.

That’s really harsh.

I think parents should do what they feel is appropriate for them and their child.

I’ve always said I’ll support my children through university if I’m financially able to. How much and what type of help would depend on what type of degree they are studying in.

However, once they reach a certain age, remaining in the family home would depend greatly on what type of person they are. If they’re anything like my brother then I’d be either charging them full rent or kicking them out.

My brother is 27 and lives with my mum in my other house that I pay for. He pays me “rent” but then waste his money on other useless crap. I don’t care what he spends his money on as he’s an adult but it does worry me a bit about what his retirement plan will be. I’m trying to encourage him to be more financially independent to save for his own place but it’s falling on deaf ears. When he lost his job due to being casual and sick (twisted ankle couldn’t work), he didn’t  pay me anything as he had little savings and couldn’t afford to until he found another job.

I love my little brother and would never leave him homeless but I don’t know how I can encourage him to think about his future more when he’s so used to having no financial obligations. My hands are tied as my mum won’t do anything to force him to move out or contribute more (typical in our culture). I don’t need the rent from him but I don’t want to give him a complete free ride either as it’s not beneficial for him to keep relying on me.

So yeah, I can completely understand why some parents would want to charge board. Maybe not immediately at 18 but eventually you have to draw the line somewhere to encourage some independency.

Edited by -Emissary-, 29 December 2019 - 12:28 AM.


#73 BornToLove

Posted 29 December 2019 - 07:05 AM

I like the idea of having them manage a household bill. They are directly helping contribute to the running of the home they live in.

Paying bills is a life skill, your kids will be all the more better off learning how to shop around and paying bills on time than paying you ‘board’ that you will treat more like hidden savings.

#74 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 29 December 2019 - 08:10 AM

View PostBornToLove, on 29 December 2019 - 07:05 AM, said:

I like the idea of having them manage a household bill. They are directly helping contribute to the running of the home they live in.

Paying bills is a life skill, your kids will be all the more better off learning how to shop around and paying bills on time than paying you ‘board’ that you will treat more like hidden savings.

I like this idea.

Although, at 18, I was already managing my phone bill, and car insurance and rego. As well as petrol and my weekly train ticket. So bill-paying is a skill most kids will experience, surely.

Actually...
If your my in-laws you won’t, cause their mum and dad paid for their phone, car and health insurance and train tickets with pocket money too. Lol. And funnily enough they are all terrible with money, and I mean really terrible. Including DH.





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