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Do you ask for parent contact details? 15yo?


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#1 perthgal3

Posted 29 December 2019 - 09:23 PM

My 15yo DS has been invited to a sleepover at a friend's house on NYE. He tells me 5 boys are going.

I have met the boy & like him, but I have asked my DS to ask the boy to send us his mums phone number. I just want to text her to pass my number to her just in case of an emergency/problem etc.

However, my DS is carrying on that this is too embarrassing & nobody does this.

Tell me EB ...is this ok? I know most of his friends parents as he has had the same friends for years, but this is a new friend.

#2 Ozquoll

Posted 29 December 2019 - 09:26 PM

Of course it's ok! You are the parent, you have every right (and responsibility) to have the contact details of the adult who your DS will be in the care of overnight.

#3 anon039

Posted 29 December 2019 - 09:28 PM

Yes. It’s completely reasonable!
I always ask for the parents number and no one says anything.
Even if they did, too bad!

#4 JRA

Posted 29 December 2019 - 09:31 PM

DS has been to parties/get togethers where I dont have the parents details, he has a phone, his friends have phones, I dont see an issue.

For sleepovers, possibly  a bit different for a sleep over.

#5 got my tinsel on

Posted 29 December 2019 - 09:31 PM

Go for it - I always did.

If your DS doesn't like it, tell him he won't be going.

Simples!

#6 EsmeLennox

Posted 29 December 2019 - 09:34 PM

For an overnight stay, yes, I exchange details with parents.

#7 Anonforthistime

Posted 29 December 2019 - 09:35 PM

I have a 15yo as well. He also tells me that NO ONE does this.
I don’t believe him ;)

Especially seeing as the parents all seem to be happy to
Share phone numbers etc. I’ve also saved all the class lists. (Which came in handy at DDs 18th when I called one girls mum to come and pick her up as she had had too much to drink)
One little tip i adopted with my older kids is if they text me from a friends phone, (if theirs is out of battery etc) I save that number in my phone if I haven’t already got it. Handy to have a selection of numbers to try if needs be.

#8 seayork2002

Posted 29 December 2019 - 09:54 PM

I may or may not ask for it depending on how i feel then but if he has a phone that he uses sensibly then no probably not

#9 -Emissary-

Posted 29 December 2019 - 10:00 PM

I’d want to exchange numbers for overnight stay.

#10 *Ker*

Posted 29 December 2019 - 10:03 PM

Yep. DS (3 weeks off 15) is over at a friend's Sunday and I have the parents numbers and have spoken to them already.

#11 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 29 December 2019 - 10:18 PM

I have a 15yo too. He has recently made a new group of friends, so I don't know any of the parents. I have made a point to introduce myself in person when dropping him off. In this scenario, if my son didn't obtain the number for me, I'd walk up to the door and get it myself. :)

Edited by FuzzyChocolateToes, 29 December 2019 - 10:18 PM.


#12 Ellie bean

Posted 29 December 2019 - 10:40 PM

View PostFuzzyChocolateToes, on 29 December 2019 - 10:18 PM, said:

In this scenario, if my son didn't obtain the number for me, I'd walk up to the door and get it myself. :)
That’s genius- I would give your son the choice between those alternatives, I bet the number will be forthcoming!

#13 gracie1978

Posted 29 December 2019 - 10:45 PM

Yeah, they're not planning a sleepover on NYE

#14 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 29 December 2019 - 10:50 PM

I would and do but this thread and the answers are interesting because in a previous thread where I said I still get numbers if my teens are staying places I was shouted down massively.

#15 SeaPrincess

Posted 29 December 2019 - 10:58 PM

I always ask for a message from the parent, and in the one case where a message wasn’t forthcoming, DH spoke to them when he dropped DS1 off.

His friends who have stayed over here have all asked that the invitation come from me as well.

#16 ImperatorFuriosa

Posted 29 December 2019 - 11:23 PM

Personal information would be forwarded. If 15 year old had any issues he would not be going. He is 15 and I'm the parent and that's that.

Edited by ImperatorFuriosa, 29 December 2019 - 11:24 PM.


#17 perthgal3

Posted 29 December 2019 - 11:41 PM

Thanks! I will do a door drop if he isn't happy to ask for the number.  I am a little more worried than normal due to it being NYE & this being a newish group of friends.

I am pretty confident it is an innocent sleepover, but I still want to know that a parent is around & can contact me if they need.

#18 Ellie bean

Posted 29 December 2019 - 11:52 PM

View Post~Jolly_F~, on 29 December 2019 - 10:50 PM, said:

I would and do but this thread and the answers are interesting because in a previous thread where I said I still get numbers if my teens are staying places I was shouted down massively.
Yeah EB can be weird like that...

#19 Ozquoll

Posted 30 December 2019 - 12:04 AM

View Post~Jolly_F~, on 29 December 2019 - 10:50 PM, said:

I would and do but this thread and the answers are interesting because in a previous thread where I said I still get numbers if my teens are staying places I was shouted down massively.
I notice the first couple of responses often set the tone for a whole thread - maybe you got a few especially pro-teen-independence sorts at the start of your thread 🤔?

#20 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 30 December 2019 - 12:23 AM

View PostEllie bean, on 29 December 2019 - 11:52 PM, said:


Yeah EB can be weird like that...

True, very true.

View PostOzquoll, on 30 December 2019 - 12:04 AM, said:


I notice the first couple of responses often set the tone for a whole thread - maybe you got a few especially pro-teen-independence sorts at the start of your thread 🤔?

It wasn’t my thread, just comments I had made but I agree a tone gets set around here... Anyway I just found this thread to be an interesting contrast to that.

#21 littlepickle

Posted 30 December 2019 - 12:38 AM

I have a nearly 15 year old DS and in his group of friends it is normal to get the mother or fathers numbers for sleepovers. Probably because 12 months ago one of them had a serious medical event at a sleepover that required ambulance support and the parents to be contacted.
Usually I just text to ask what snacks, food and drinks I should send with him.
The fact that this is a new group of friends, it’s NYE and he is being cagey about contact it’s possible that they are planning on getting up to mischief (drinking etc).

#22 Lifesgood

Posted 30 December 2019 - 12:52 AM

Short answer is yes I would get details.

Long answer is that while they are still living at home I expect my kids and their friends to seek parental permission to invite each other to their/our homes. To confirm this has been done I always exchange phone messages with parents before allowing any arrangements to proceed. It’s just good manners/protocol and shows respect to the adults.

#23 ceeshell

Posted 30 December 2019 - 05:18 AM

I would. Especially for NYE. I’d actually send a quick text saying thanks for having him in advance.

I remember being 15. I would have HATED my mother for wanting a phone number/checking with the parents. I would also have ABSOLUTELY been planning something a bit dodgy.

I’m not saying your child is like I was at all (I was a good student, nice person, parents loved me and I grew up to be a fully employed, respectable adult, but boooooooy did I like chucking a small bottle of cheap vodka in a slurpee when I was in year 10).  I would definitely get a number and make contact.

Maybe I’m projecting a bit here, but it can’t hurt, right? And in fact, is sensible just in case there is a medical episode or something.

#24 Hands Up

Posted 30 December 2019 - 06:46 AM

Yes I would want to speak to the parents beforehand

#25 SummerStar

Posted 30 December 2019 - 06:50 AM

I have never done it for mid teens onward, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it if it makes you more comfortable.




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