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Do you ask for parent contact details? 15yo?


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#26 jayskette

Posted 30 December 2019 - 08:30 AM

hack his phone and you will always know what they are up to ;)

#27 LucyGoose

Posted 30 December 2019 - 08:38 AM

In this situation I’d insist on it.   Are the parents even going to be there?  

Just thinking back to my teenage years...

#28 Lifesgood

Posted 30 December 2019 - 09:13 AM

View PostLucyGoose, on 30 December 2019 - 08:38 AM, said:

In this situation I’d insist on it.   Are the parents even going to be there?  

Just thinking back to my teenage years...
Exactly!

#29 Ivy Ivy

Posted 30 December 2019 - 09:41 AM

Kids will always be embarrassed by their parents. It's standard.  I'd exchange numbers and check with the parent re what the plans are.

#30 Holidayromp

Posted 30 December 2019 - 09:52 AM

Don’t ever assume what a teenager tells you as being gospel. ALWAYS get all and retain all contact details because you will never know when you will need them.

#31 Tokra

Posted 30 December 2019 - 09:55 AM

View PostLucyGoose, on 30 December 2019 - 08:38 AM, said:

In this situation I’d insist on it.   Are the parents even going to be there?  

Just thinking back to my teenage years...

That is what I was thinking too.

I wouldn't wait for the door drop. I would say to mine that he gives me the number a few days before or he doesn't go.

But, given my experiences with teens, I don't have a lot of trust. So my view may be skewed.

#32 SMforshort

Posted 30 December 2019 - 09:58 AM

View Postgracie1978, on 29 December 2019 - 10:45 PM, said:

Yeah, they're not planning a sleepover on NYE

I don't know how you can assume that?  We are hosting a NYE sleepover for my 16 yr old DS and 6 of his friends and my 14 yr old DS and 3 of his friends.  Boys and girls.  No alcohol. Just kids hanging out and enjoying each other's company.

My eldest hates crowds and fireworks but loves spending time with this friends.  I am guessing more than one board / card game will be played.

Not all teens are party animals.

#33 Hollycoddle

Posted 30 December 2019 - 10:13 AM

View PostJRA, on 29 December 2019 - 09:31 PM, said:

DS has been to parties/get togethers where I dont have the parents details, he has a phone, his friends have phones, I dont see an issue.

For sleepovers, possibly  a bit different for a sleep over.

If something were to happen to him and he was incapacitated and not able to provide your number, how would you suggest the other parent get in touch with you?

#34 gracie1978

Posted 30 December 2019 - 10:17 AM

View PostSMforshort, on 30 December 2019 - 09:58 AM, said:



I don't know how you can assume that?  We are hosting a NYE sleepover for my 16 yr old DS and 6 of his friends and my 14 yr old DS and 3 of his friends.  Boys and girls.  No alcohol. Just kids hanging out and enjoying each other's company.

My eldest hates crowds and fireworks but loves spending time with this friends.  I am guessing more than one board / card game will be played.

Not all teens are party animals.

These are my red flags:
Because he's being cagey
It's a new friend

They're saying it will just be boys, yeah right at 15

Your party sounds lovely and I'm sure if the OP's son was going he would have happily sent his Mum your phone number.

I had friends in both groups at that age.  I could have easily been sucking on barley sugars and doing the 40 hour famine  with a group of honour students on a Saturday night as I was hitchhiking to the servo for more Dunhill Reds or driving a mate to her dealers house, while on a restricted license that strictly forbid passengers...

My parents never checked up on anything.

#35 Chchgirl

Posted 30 December 2019 - 10:20 AM

View Postgracie1978, on 30 December 2019 - 10:17 AM, said:



These are my red flags:
Because he's being cagey
It's a new friend

They're saying it will just be boys, yeah right at 15

Your party sounds lovely and I'm sure if the OP's son was going he would have happily sent his Mum your phone number.

I had friends in both groups at that age.  I could have easily been sucking on barley sugars and doing the 40 hour famine  with a group of honour students on a Saturday night as I was hitchhiking to the servo for more Dunhill Reds or driving a mate to her dealers house, while on a restricted license that strictly forbid passengers...

My parents never checked up on anything.

Dunhills, gross..only winnie blues for me..😉

#36 wilding

Posted 30 December 2019 - 10:28 AM

I never met any of my son's friends parents in high school whoops lol

#37 Chchgirl

Posted 30 December 2019 - 10:29 AM

I have adult girls and have been through it all.

I grew up with very strict parents, ridiculously strict,  and I didn't even do anything apart from sneak smokes. I didn't get drunk until nearly 18. So there are still some of us who weren't planning on getting up to no good.  I just wanted to hang out with my friends and have sleepovers and normal stuff.

I was very relaxed and laid back with my girls. My oldest told me too much,  I didn't even want to know half of it. I've had my fair share of picking up the odd teenager who shouldn't have drunk that much, had sex too young (the oldest dd) etc etc etc. Glad they could tell me or ring me or have a friend ring me if needed.

But I'd want a phone number if I didn't know the parent no matter how relaxed I was, and didn't have any objection.

Everyone has come out the other side intact thankfully..

#38 Tokra

Posted 30 December 2019 - 10:33 AM

I think it depends on the child too. Each parent will likely know their child well enough to know what is likely to happen.

#39 Backtoschoolchef

Posted 30 December 2019 - 10:41 AM

View PostTokra, on 30 December 2019 - 10:33 AM, said:

I think it depends on the child too. Each parent will likely know their child well enough to know what is likely to happen.

I agree.  My friend has 2 teen daughters who are very different in personality and interests.

#40 gracie1978

Posted 30 December 2019 - 10:59 AM

IME (admittedly in the 90's) most parents had no clue what their little darlings really got up to.

One in particular springs to mind, her parents had zero knowledge of how extraordinarily promiscuous she was from about 14.  If you're doing well at school it's like they're blind to all the other stuff.



#41 gracie1978

Posted 30 December 2019 - 11:01 AM

View PostBahumChchgirlbug, on 30 December 2019 - 10:20 AM, said:



Dunhills, gross..only winnie blues for me..

They were so strong, don't know how I smoked so many.
Can you believe they used to let 15 year olds drive on their own?

#42 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 30 December 2019 - 11:56 AM

Dunhill reds were too strong for me.  Dunhill blues were my choice at that age.  We thought they were classy!

#43 marple

Posted 30 December 2019 - 12:16 PM

I alternated between B&H Gold and Alpine, depending if my bf at the time smoked. One of my best friends was a Champion Ruby girl as she figured it saved her money. And there were those long brown ones that were menthol Kool?

Edit I remembered - they were ST Moritz!

Edited by marple, 30 December 2019 - 12:21 PM.


#44 Vickery

Posted 30 December 2019 - 12:45 PM

As close as I am to my 15 year old, having been one myself I don’t always trust him. I insist on getting in touch with the parents. If I know them I will just text. If I don’t know them I call.

#45 Phascogale

Posted 30 December 2019 - 12:48 PM

It depends on the the situation and where you live ie small regional town where everyone knows everyone or knows who to contact to get details or larger city when you know no one.

Newish friend and NYE, yes I would ask or they wouldn't go.  And if my child really didn't want to ask for the details (embarrassing) she would end up not going even if they are nice kids.  This can be a catch 22 because it can be socially isolating even when you are talking kids at school that she has known for months/years but would still be embarrassed about asking for parents details if it's not considered the done thing.

The safety net is your child's mobile and it's the one you would ring first if needed but having the details of parents would be good.  It's not necessarily a deal breaker for me not to have it.

Then there is the child that you say no to but manages to sneak out of the house and go anyway when you are asleep because they are very resourceful.  And have no currency and punishments don't really work..... That is hard.

As they get older you let go a bit.  You also need to be a bit wary of the older friend pretending to be the parent when they ring you to confirm.... but most people don't have to worry about that.

What's probably more important is that you have a relationship where they can call you to pick them up if they are worried about something.  That they can trust you won't yell at them and ground them for life if they have a drink when they say they won't when they call(the hang over will be punishment enough).  Otherwise they won't call and things can worsen.

I've got an 18 year old who is away at the moment.  She left about 3 days ago and won't get home for another 3 days.  The urge is there to know what she's up to but I have to let her go.  I texted her to make sure she got there safe - 4 hour drive she was making on her own.  And rang her today to check she was still alive.

#46 seayork2002

Posted 30 December 2019 - 01:54 PM

When i told my mum I was watching burkes backyard with my friends dad on my sleep over i was doing just that.

I has sleep overs at my friends all the time, sure we stayed up late and probably watched unsuitable movies for my age but it was actually what we did!

I don't get this ' oh they must ALL be up to no good

Sure some do but some dont why are all teenagers treated the same?


#47 Chchgirl

Posted 30 December 2019 - 01:56 PM

View Postgracie1978, on 30 December 2019 - 11:01 AM, said:



They were so strong, don't know how I smoked so many.
Can you believe they used to let 15 year olds drive on their own?

😂😂😂 i knicked my dad's camel's once.  Ugh! I gave up smoking 22 years ago though..

I did my teens in Sydney, my late Dh got his licence and also cousin's kids all at 15 in Chch , it's kind of hard to believe now!

Edited by BahumChchgirlbug, 30 December 2019 - 01:57 PM.


#48 perthgal3

Posted 30 December 2019 - 03:20 PM

Yes, we are in the city. These are school friends, but a newish sub-group to his old large group of friends from primary school.

I know I need to give him more space but I think these friends are perhaps a but 'cooler' than his usual friends. Still nice boys though.

So much to think about. But thanks for so much info from those who have teens.

#49 Tinky Winky Woo

Posted 30 December 2019 - 03:24 PM

I am probably too cautious but I would not only want the number but I would want to have met the parents as well.

#50 Dianalynch

Posted 30 December 2019 - 04:04 PM

Peter Stuyvesant, Dunnie red, b&h 16 milligrams (I think that was it, so long ago) also drum dark roll your own for poor weeks. Those were the days. Gave up 21 years ago.




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