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In-laws untrained dog


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#51 **Xena**

Posted 02 January 2020 - 12:18 PM

View PostSallyJay, on 02 January 2020 - 11:45 AM, said:

Yeah dog sounds annoying but its the dog's home not yours so I guess its up to you to leave if you don't like it.

No it's not the dogs home. The dog belongs to her BIL who bought it with him to visit his parents/her inlaws.
I do agree that unfortunately she's the one that will have to leave which is sad.

Edited by **Xena**, 02 January 2020 - 12:23 PM.


#52 Moo point

Posted 02 January 2020 - 12:41 PM

For those that compare it to a noisy child - what parent lets their baby or child cry constantly, bang noisy toys, scream, or physically annoy people without doing something to try and mitigate it? We all try feeding/cuddling/putting down for a nap/telling a toddler no/removing a noisy toy or redirecting. Sure it's not perfect, but I know that if a child is screaming I am far more tolerant if the parent or other adult is attempting to deal with it than ignoring it. The comparison isn't warranted because these people are doing NOTHING to mitigate the effect of the dog's behaviour. And a dog can be put into another room or outside on it's own, a child cannot.

Unfortunately OP I think you will be the one that makes the decision not to attend, and your DH needs to back you up. I understand why you thought about using a future child as an excuse - because it might get them to think about training the dog so as not to scare/hurt a baby. Far easier to get some inlaws onside when it comes to their grandchildren (future or existing).

But I agree with the others, leave a future baby out of this conversation. I would be just as annoyed/uncomfortable about being in a house with a dog like this, and would refuse to attend any more events if the dog will be there and still untrained. They are choosing to put up with this behaviour, but you don't have to.

#53 Prancer is coming

Posted 02 January 2020 - 01:47 PM

I am not a dog person at all, and can’t stand it when people let their dog jump on myself or my child, usually followed by some sort of comment not to worry as it won’t hurt me.  It is scary and intimidating.

i do get the comparison between dogs and children.  How you look after a dog is similar as to how you choose to parent - in terms of it being the parent’s/owner’s decision and often people feel pretty strongly about it, won’t easily change and don’t like being told by others what they should be doing.

The dog sounds over indulged and everyone is fine with it except you.  That makes things hard and easier for them to think it is you thst is unreasonable rather than the dog that is the problem.

Sounds like you feel you can’t leave, so I would make the best if it.  Tell them the dog is giving you a headache so you are off for some peace and quiet.  Go for long walks, check out the local shops, read in the park, have a long trip to the coffee shop.  And if you are invited again for another holiday, politely decline and advise it was too much for them with the dog there.  They may offer another solution, they may not.  Better than issuing an ultimatum which will just cause more conflict.

sounds like DH is not on the same page as you?  I imagine he would be ok with returning early if he was.  Could be a good opportunity to have a discussion how to handle this in the future.

#54 steppy

Posted 02 January 2020 - 01:57 PM

I would just not go for so long if the dog continues to be a problem. I wouldn't mention any future children, I just wouldn't bring any future children and if they wanted to whine about it I'd explain I was worried about the dog putting them off other animals.

People like that shouldn't own dogs, honestly. Poor thing.

#55 Hollycoddle

Posted 02 January 2020 - 02:01 PM

View PostMooGuru, on 01 January 2020 - 01:03 AM, said:

Could you say that you are scared of the dog? That when it barks / jumps up it seems aggressive and you are fearful that you will be attacked.
Makes it about you but also maybe highlights concerns that the dogs behaviour isn't acceptable.

They are probably one of those type of people who would pooh pooh the idea.  'Oh he's just friendly, he'd never hurt you!'.  THAT type of selfish and irresponsible dog owner.

#56 #notallcats

Posted 02 January 2020 - 02:45 PM

View PostMoo point, on 02 January 2020 - 12:41 PM, said:

For those that compare it to a noisy child - what parent lets their baby or child cry constantly, bang noisy toys, scream, or physically annoy people without doing something to try and mitigate it? We all try feeding/cuddling/putting down for a nap/telling a toddler no/removing a noisy toy or redirecting. Sure it's not perfect, but I know that if a child is screaming I am far more tolerant if the parent or other adult is attempting to deal with it than ignoring it. The comparison isn't warranted because these people are doing NOTHING to mitigate the effect of the dog's behaviour. And a dog can be put into another room or outside on it's own, a child cannot.


Ok, well even the OP said they were trying stuff, she just didn't agree with what they were attempting.  And how many threads are there of parents really trying to do something about their child's behaviour only to get a glare, dirty look or even comment from family or even strangers that it's not good enough.  

Like I said, I'm not a dog person and agree dog should be put in another room.  But I know hell would freeze over before some people would consider that, I have close family like that.  

The dog is not a danger, it's just noisy.  Think of it like any other annoying relative at Christmas, just something you have to put up with.  It's ridiculous to not ever visit otherwise nice family just because of one annoying dog.




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