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How often do you regret not listening to your child? *Trigger Warning - mentions death of a child**


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#1 SunMoonStars

Posted 31 December 2019 - 11:56 AM

Years ago the daughter of my teachers next door neighbour passed away. She was complaining of a 'tummy ache' but since she was meant to start grade Prep the next morning, her parents figured she was just nervous and told her to go to bed. She never woke up, it turned out to be fatal appendicitis.


Recently my DS begged me not to invite a family friends child to his birthday, but I refused to exclude any child, because I knew from experience what it was like to be left out.
That child ended up destroying the stair handles, ruined the carpet and broke a couple of candles. He also threw the tv remote in the fish tank.

I wish I had listened.


How often do you regret not listening to your child?

Edited by SunMoonStars, 31 December 2019 - 12:39 PM.


#2 seayork2002

Posted 31 December 2019 - 12:09 PM

I try and listen always, does not mean i follow or believe every thing but i try my best.

Can't think of a major example of not listening but i am sure there have been loads of small ones, he has good instinct and a sensible head when he wants too so usually a good reason behind what he says

Has lots of silly moments though also

#3 Mishu

Posted 31 December 2019 - 12:11 PM

I listen to DS. Well, on certain things. My mum recently had heart problems and they thought they had addressed the problem -DS said no, it’s more serious. He was right, she needs a heart by-pass in the new year. We are also near the bush and had a very high risk day recently -DH and I were talking about our evacuation plan. DS sauntered into the room and said we won’t need it, we’ll be fine. We were.

DS is 13 and has always had a very strong intuition. The best example of that was when we were travelling in the US a few years ago and stayed in an old hotel at Yosemite (Cedar Lodge if anyone is interested in googling the story). We walked to our room and DS blurts out that he feels like we’re are going to be murdered in our room. DH and I laugh it off and said he felt like that because the hotel was very old and quite run down. DS was adamant the place felt bad. A few months ago, I stumbled across a story about Cedar Lodge in Yosemite. Turns out, an employee murdered a woman, her daughter and one of her daughter’s friends in a room in the hotel. He also killed a park ranger. Hid all the bodies in the park. He was eventually  discovered, went to trial and found guilty and is now on death row.  

I’ve since told DS to always trust his gut instinct.


#4 Ivy Ivy

Posted 31 December 2019 - 12:13 PM

A few times and always over medical things I missed (ticks, willy infections, concussion, other injuries).  My kids are so injury and accident prone I get a bit inured to their symptoms.

#5 Ivy Ivy

Posted 31 December 2019 - 12:18 PM

OP w.r.t. your example, with my first child's FYOS (5th) birthday party, she didn't want to invite one particular girl.  I said no, we have to include her because it's a whole class party.  I later found out she was physically assaulting my daughter e.g. with scissors, and I really regretted over-riding my daughter.

When my second child at the same age (though in pre-school) said he didn't want to invite a particular boy, whole class party again, I let him not invite that boy.  (Hid invitations so boy and boy's mum didn't realise party was on, etc.)
I think I'd realised by then, my child's feelings, on their birthday and at their party, should trump my worry about another child feeling left out.
(But I was very distressed at excluding the boy.  My son had a reasonable reason for it.)

#6 oh.one.eight

Posted 31 December 2019 - 12:19 PM

Are you writing an article about this OP?
Interesting first post is all...

#7 SunMoonStars

Posted 31 December 2019 - 12:33 PM

 oh.one.eight, on 31 December 2019 - 12:19 PM, said:

Are you writing an article about this OP?
Interesting first post is all...

No not interested in writing an article.

The topic was something thats been on my mind for a while.

Edited by SunMoonStars, 31 December 2019 - 12:48 PM.


#8 Warey2

Posted 31 December 2019 - 12:55 PM

I’ve had near fatal appendicitis. A tummy ache it ain’t.

#9 lizzzard

Posted 31 December 2019 - 01:31 PM

Yeah, I think that first example is a bit off.

#10 FiveAus

Posted 31 December 2019 - 01:39 PM

 Warey2, on 31 December 2019 - 12:55 PM, said:

I’ve had near fatal appendicitis. A tummy ache it ain’t.

Same. Near fatal appendicitis is a pain you can't ignore and you certainly wouldn't just "go to bed".

#11 Freddie'sMum

Posted 31 December 2019 - 03:29 PM

OP - you may want to put a trigger warning in your post.  The death of a child is most parents' worst fear and your opening line is remarkably flippant.

#12 Tinkle Splashes

Posted 31 December 2019 - 03:58 PM

The story in the OP sounds rather far fetched. A burst appendix can cause infection but as far as I know wouldn’t cause a child to die in their sleep within hours of it occurring.

#13 Ivy Ivy

Posted 31 December 2019 - 04:25 PM

Appendicitis pain is amazingly variable.  Some people experience severe crippling pain that causes them to rush to hospital.  These are the lucky ones.

Some people only experience a tummy ache, maybe quite grumbling and low grade, not site specific for ages, can be intermittent and reduce for a while, and before they've presented to hospital their appendix has burst and they are at risk of death quickly.

Kids and young adults die from appendicitis not infrequently.  I've known of 2 just in the last year alone.

#14 Tinkle Splashes

Posted 31 December 2019 - 06:06 PM

 Ivy Ivy, on 31 December 2019 - 04:25 PM, said:

Appendicitis pain is amazingly variable.  Some people experience severe crippling pain that causes them to rush to hospital.  These are the lucky ones.

Some people only experience a tummy ache, maybe quite grumbling and low grade, not site specific for ages, can be intermittent and reduce for a while, and before they've presented to hospital their appendix has burst and they are at risk of death quickly.

Kids and young adults die from appendicitis not infrequently.  I've known of 2 just in the last year alone.

Oh I agree it can cause death, but sudden death of a child who went to sleep with a tummy ache is not likely. An infection from a burst appendix would usually set in over a number of days, not be fatal within a few short hours.

#15 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 31 December 2019 - 06:09 PM

Christ on a bike a trigger warning might be good.... considering EB has parents who have lost a child and this may be distressing to them.

#16 laridae

Posted 31 December 2019 - 09:03 PM

 Warey2, on 31 December 2019 - 12:55 PM, said:

I’ve had near fatal appendicitis. A tummy ache it ain’t.
So did my DH. He has some tummy pain, but it stopped. He asked me to take him into the hospital. So I did.
Up until they did some explorative surgery, he was walking around and the only symptoms he had was slightly elevated white blood cells.
They had to open him up totally, flush it all out and put his guts back in. It had already ruptured, he was in hospital for a few weeks.

#17 Hollycoddle

Posted 31 December 2019 - 09:11 PM

 Tinkle Splashes, on 31 December 2019 - 03:58 PM, said:

The story in the OP sounds rather far fetched. A burst appendix can cause infection but as far as I know wouldn’t cause a child to die in their sleep within hours of it occurring.

It definitely could. If you ever present to a doctor with suspected appendix pain they will send you to hospital immediately and you're likely to be rushed in for emergency surgery. People can and do die from it in a very short period of time.

#18 StoneFoxArrow

Posted 31 December 2019 - 09:14 PM

 Warey2, on 31 December 2019 - 12:55 PM, said:

I’ve had near fatal appendicitis. A tummy ache it ain’t.

 Tinkle Splashes, on 31 December 2019 - 06:06 PM, said:



Oh I agree it can cause death, but sudden death of a child who went to sleep with a tummy ache is not likely. An infection from a burst appendix would usually set in over a number of days, not be fatal within a few short hours.

We got out of hospital on Sunday after DD experiencing exactly this. Although the initial pain didn't seem bad enough to be appendicitis (or a ruptured appendix as it ended up being) she was obviously unwell. However once we took her to hospital, the pain was impossible to ignore. She couldn't walk on her own and had a fever if 39.5. It had ruptured 2 days prior and the infection had set in at that point.

This thread just reminded me that one of the reasons the surgeon wasn't sure it was her appendix, was that her white blood cells were normal. He said to me "only once in 30 years have I seen appendicitis without raised white blood cell levels". That makes 2 now I guess!

#19 Jingleflea

Posted 31 December 2019 - 09:27 PM

Dh had stomach pains off and on for 14 YEARS before a spiral CT scan showed it was his appendix.
Some times it was so bad he couldn't walk for a few days, all the GPs put it down to stress or IBS.

When the surgeon finally opened him up he said it was the worst one he'd ever seen.

#20 Kallie88

Posted 31 December 2019 - 09:42 PM

Jeez guys, now I'm gonna be freaking out all the time. Dd 4yo complains of stomach pain regularly, how am I ever going to know if it's important???!!

#21 Jingleflea

Posted 31 December 2019 - 09:59 PM

Yeah, a friend's 9 yr old does a swell, I'm thinking of mentioning appendix to her as something to keep in the back of her mind.
But I don't want her freaking out!

#22 eponee

Posted 31 December 2019 - 10:46 PM

DD had always hated school and used every excuse under the sun to get out of going.  One morning she complained of not feeling well.  I thought she was telling porkies and tried to make her go to school.  DH let her stay home.  Long story short - appendicitis and an ovarian cyst that burst while she was in hospital recovering.

#23 Riotproof

Posted 31 December 2019 - 11:06 PM

 Kallie88, on 31 December 2019 - 09:42 PM, said:

Jeez guys, now I'm gonna be freaking out all the time. Dd 4yo complains of stomach pain regularly, how am I ever going to know if it's important???!!

Because you will watch her. Because you will try and get her to fart to check if it’s wind. Because you will teach her how to explain how she’s feeling better.

#24 Prancer is coming

Posted 01 January 2020 - 04:44 PM

It took 6 months of semi regular doctor’s appointments and tests to have my DD diagnoses with coeliacs disease.  So many tests came back negative and then doctors would start talking about anxiety, with one telling me as could walk it could not be that bad.  I knew she was sick and crying in pain every night was not normal.

Leading on from this, it taught me to listen to my children about their food preferences.  From 3-4 onwards, DD started dropping gluten from her diet.  First of all more boring things, but then pizza and garlic bread, which I thought everyone liked!  I remember being at a friend’s house and explaining she did not eat bread and her giving me a look like my kid was the fussiest ever and I was indulging her.  There were times when I encouraged eating what she did not like, like sending her to school with sandwiches with the crust cut off thinking the crust was the problem, but I am glad for most part,I let her be.




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