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Delayed FYOS, any regrets?


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#26 livelifelovehappy

Posted 10 January 2020 - 07:48 AM

I was sent 4 turning 5, and struggled the WHOLE time. I was a shy, nervous child. I went through the whole of school struggling to fit in, and that feeling lasted many years. Academically I did well. I’m still very close friends with some people from school. They’re a full year older than me, some more. It wasn’t until we were in our 20s that I stopped noticing this. This is probably an extreme case, and temperament based, but my baby has almost the same birthday as me and there’s no way in hell I’d send her unless she’s exceptionally socially AND academically advanced. My preschool teacher told Mum to send me and I could already read and write, they were sure I’d be bored. I can honestly say that was bad advice in my case, and would have preferred one year of boredom over 13 of feeling uncomfortable. I’m also physically small, so stood out even more. Hindsight is 20/20. It’s so hard to decide these things. They’re definitely important, though.
My own daughter was August, so turned 6 later in the year. She cried every day for the first 2 terms and really struggled. My son has the same birthday, no problem at all! It’s so hard to know.

Edited by livelifelovehappy, 10 January 2020 - 07:54 AM.


#27 Babetty

Posted 10 January 2020 - 07:56 AM

I'm in Qld too and there doesn't seem to be quite as much holding back here as in other years. Both my kids started prep at 4 turning 5, so if your child starts after turning 6 he risks being way older than a large part of his class. The only kids I know in my kids classes who were "held back" still started at 5, they just turned 6 in Apr / May / June.

It also depends on the reasons kindy suggested repeating - in another year of kindy going to help address that?

The timing of it seems a bit strange given its January. If your DS was expecting to start this year, I think it's a bit late for them to spring such a bit thing on you, especially if your DS has already done orientation, transaction etc.

#28 Backtoschoolchef

Posted 10 January 2020 - 08:11 AM

View Postlivelifelovehappy, on 10 January 2020 - 07:48 AM, said:

I was sent 4 turning 5, and struggled the WHOLE time. I was . My preschool teacher told Mum to send me and I could already read and write, they were sure I’d be bored. I can honestly say that was bad advice in my case, and would have preferred one year of boredom over 13 of feeling uncomfortable.

I had the flip side of this, It was discussed putting me forward a year and I wish it had happened as I was bored out of my skull the whole time in Primary school which resulted in other issues for me like overeating and self destructive behavior.  Although there were other factors at play like lack of money and therefore lack of other opportunities like sports or hobbies.

I think it depends on the child.  DD1 may have done better holding her back but DD2 is already way ahead in class and I know she would have hated being held back.

Edited by MincePieMasterchef, 10 January 2020 - 08:17 AM.


#29 livelifelovehappy

Posted 10 January 2020 - 08:18 AM

View PostMincePieMasterchef, on 10 January 2020 - 08:11 AM, said:



I had the flip side of this, It was discussed putting me forward a year and I wish it had happened as I was bored out of my skull the whole time in Primary school which resulted in other issues for me like overeating.

I think it depends on the child.

It definitely does. Being the biggest and oldest isn’t great either. It’s so hard to know what people will be like at aged 10, 15, etc. I found the whole school thing, when to start, which school, etc so so agonising. And i worried my son was too immature and he’s thrived, thought my daughter was beyond ready and she wasn’t!

Edited by livelifelovehappy, 10 January 2020 - 08:19 AM.


#30 laridae

Posted 10 January 2020 - 08:43 AM

But the OP isn't asking about sending at 4 turning 5 vs 5 turning 6. She's asking about 6 turning 7 vs 5 turning 6.
It's an actual delayed start rather than just a little bit later.
I thought Qld usually sent at 4 turning 5 if their birthday was in the first half of the year, so being 6 turning 7 would be significantly older.

Edited by laridae, 10 January 2020 - 08:44 AM.


#31 PrincessPeach

Posted 10 January 2020 - 08:44 AM

View PostBabetty, on 10 January 2020 - 07:56 AM, said:

I'm in Qld too and there doesn't seem to be quite as much holding back here as in other years. Both my kids started prep at 4 turning 5, so if your child starts after turning 6 he risks being way older than a large part of his class. The only kids I know in my kids classes who were "held back" still started at 5, they just turned 6 in Apr / May / June.

It also depends on the reasons kindy suggested repeating - in another year of kindy going to help address that?

The timing of it seems a bit strange given its January. If your DS was expecting to start this year, I think it's a bit late for them to spring such a bit thing on you, especially if your DS has already done orientation, transaction etc.

That has been our experience here as well. Only kids held back have been turning 6 in april/may/june & by the end of the kindy year before school it was very obvious why. The difference in maturity between the kids going to school & those repeating were obvious.

#32 PrincessPeach

Posted 10 January 2020 - 08:46 AM

View Postlaridae, on 10 January 2020 - 08:43 AM, said:

But the OP isn't asking about sending at 4 turning 5 vs 5 turning 6. She's asking about 6 turning 7 vs 5 turning 6.
It's an actual delayed start rather than just a little bit later.
I thought Qld usually sent at 4 turning 5 if their birthday was in the first half of the year, so being 6 turning 7 would be significantly older.

We do, so if he is already 6 in january he has to be in school that year (so prep), thats already delayed entry.

#33 Riotproof

Posted 10 January 2020 - 08:46 AM

Is the op really talking about sending a 6 turning 7 year old in that year?
I’m not reading that at all.

Edited by Riotproof, 10 January 2020 - 08:47 AM.


#34 laridae

Posted 10 January 2020 - 08:49 AM

View PostRiotproof, on 10 January 2020 - 08:46 AM, said:

Is the op really talking about sending a 6 turning 7 year old in that year?
I’m not reading that at all.

It says...
Starting school at 6 or 5 turning 6 in the first half of the year.

I'd read that as being 6 already turning 7 that year vs 5 turning 6.

It may not be what she meant but that's how it reads.

Edited by laridae, 10 January 2020 - 08:52 AM.


#35 just roses

Posted 10 January 2020 - 08:50 AM

Both of mine went on time at 4 turning 5 (Queensland). DD is 18 months younger than one of her best friends but towers over her in height. DS struggled a bit at the start academically, but that had nothing to do with his age. We put interventions in place and he was thriving by year 4. Socially, he’s the same kid he always was. DD is the youngest kid in her class. She’s been fine. She is academically sound and an extra year wouldn’t have changed anything. She loves school.

Whatever you decide, it’s important to remember that delaying won’t change a kid’s personality (a shy kid probably won’t be any less shy the following year) or resolve any learning difficulties. And don’t make the decision just based on the kindy teacher’s opinion. Talk to the school, talk to other professionals, trust your gut as you know your child best.

#36 just roses

Posted 10 January 2020 - 08:54 AM

View PostIamtheMumma, on 09 January 2020 - 09:33 PM, said:



Yes. After previously planning to send him, childcare thinks he'd benefit from another year of Kindy (QLD).
Based on what, OP?

I’d be very wary of making such a decision based on childcare’s opinion. Is it an evidence based recommendation on their part?

#37 EsmeLennox

Posted 10 January 2020 - 09:01 AM

So you mean in FYOS he’ll be 6 turning 7 in the first half of the year? I don’t think there’s a decision to make, I don’t think you’ll be allowed to do it.

I really do think that for most kids* we over think this. By the end of school no one will think twice about it. The ‘more mature’ argument for Year 12 is highly subjective...I’ve taught more Year 12s than I can remember and maturity varies widely and often does not correlate to where in the year their birthday falls.

* of course there are some kids who benefit from an extra year, usually because they have additional needs.

#38 aluminium

Posted 10 January 2020 - 09:27 AM

View PostEsmeLennox, on 10 January 2020 - 09:01 AM, said:

I really do think that for most kids* we over think this. By the end of school no one will think twice about it. The ‘more mature’ argument for Year 12 is highly subjective...I’ve taught more Year 12s than I can remember and maturity varies widely and often does not correlate to where in the year their birthday falls.
I agree with this - having taught Year 12 for 20-years - it really is individual.

#39 José

Posted 10 January 2020 - 09:42 AM

View Postlaridae, on 10 January 2020 - 08:49 AM, said:



It says...
Starting school at 6 or 5 turning 6 in the first half of the year.

I'd read that as being 6 already turning 7 that year vs 5 turning 6.

It may not be what she meant but that's how it reads.
Thats how it reads to me.
Starting school aged 5 (turning six during FYOS)
Or
Starting school aged 6. Therefore turning 7 during FYOS.


#40 José

Posted 10 January 2020 - 09:44 AM

View PostPrincessPeach, on 10 January 2020 - 08:46 AM, said:



We do, so if he is already 6 in january he has to be in school that year (so prep), thats already delayed entry.

A quick Google says Qld education department calls delayed entry when starting school aged 6 already  which seems to be what the OP is talking about.

It seems as though in Qld there may be an education term 'delayed entry' that may differ from how others might use and view that phrase.

#41 Expelliarmus

Posted 10 January 2020 - 09:50 AM

View PostIamtheMumma, on 09 January 2020 - 09:08 PM, said:

For those who chose to delay their child's first year of schooling, do you regret it?

Starting school at 6 or 5 turning 6 in the first half of the year.

Edited for clarity.
Starting school at 6, turning 7 in the first half of the year is too late. The other children will be vastly younger, the curriculum not age appropriate and they will be out of whack as they mature. A child with delays may benefit from a year’s delay of FYOS entry. More than a year as you are suggesting is inappropriate. It is appropriate to start at 5 turning 6 - with intervention.

Edited by Expelliarmus, 10 January 2020 - 09:51 AM.


#42 Ozquoll

Posted 10 January 2020 - 10:05 AM

View Postlivelifelovehappy, on 10 January 2020 - 07:48 AM, said:

I was sent 4 turning 5, and struggled the WHOLE time. I was a shy, nervous child. I went through the whole of school struggling to fit in, and that feeling lasted many years. Academically I did well. I’m still very close friends with some people from school. They’re a full year older than me, some more. It wasn’t until we were in our 20s that I stopped noticing this. This is probably an extreme case, and temperament based, but my baby has almost the same birthday as me and there’s no way in hell I’d send her unless she’s exceptionally socially AND academically advanced. My preschool teacher told Mum to send me and I could already read and write, they were sure I’d be bored. I can honestly say that was bad advice in my case, and would have preferred one year of boredom over 13 of feeling uncomfortable. I’m also physically small, so stood out even more. Hindsight is 20/20. It’s so hard to decide these things. They’re definitely important, though.
My own daughter was August, so turned 6 later in the year. She cried every day for the first 2 terms and really struggled. My son has the same birthday, no problem at all! It’s so hard to know.
Quoting because I was very similar - 4yrs 7mths when I started school, could read fluently, but shy and anxious (turns out I have Aspergers, although we didn't know about that back then). Pre-school teachers told mum I wasn't socially ready for school (I never would have been though 🤷) but mum sent me anyway because of my reading ability. Well, I was good academically but I hated school. I didn't have many friends and got teased and bullied a fair bit. But...I'm glad mum sent me early, for the quite unpredictable reason that my school year were a much nicer bunch than the year below that I might have ended up in! But who knows, it might have been the reverse at a different school 🤔? Lot of random luck involved...

#43 my3cubs

Posted 10 January 2020 - 10:09 AM

I wouldn’t do 6 turning 7 (could be up to two years older than other students) but yes to 5 turning 6. I didn’t trust my judgment with DS & sent him at 4...I ended up holding him back at the end of grade 3  when we moved states & it was the best decision. It really depends on the child though...youngest DD was also 4 when she started & has been fine both academically & socially.

#44 Little Bean

Posted 10 January 2020 - 10:24 AM

I think the OP means starting the year the child turns 6. So if they had a January birthday they would already be 6 when school started, Feb birthday onward they would be 5 turning 6.

My son is a March baby and turns 5 this year, so is eligible for Prep, but we have opted to give him an extra year of kindy. Most of his friends are off to Prep so I hope I am making the right call!

I actually have no concerns about his development for his age - I think his behaviour is perfectly appropriate for a nearly five-year-old - I am just in favour of kids having an extra year to play and be kids and we are in a position to keep him doing three days of kindy for another year before he's in school full-time so we are doing it. That's not a judgement on anyone else's child, reasons or circumstances. I do know other kids who've gone young and thrived.
DS gets tired after his three days of kindy. I don't want him to be so exhausted that school becomes a drag early on.

FWIW, academically he's much more ready than his sister who started at age five and a half. But for me that's not a defining factor. If he wants to read, write etc kindy will (and does already) accommodate that.

#45 RichardParker

Posted 10 January 2020 - 10:57 AM

I think starting the year when the child turns 6 is fine, depending on the child.  School can be pretty intense.

#46 José

Posted 10 January 2020 - 11:24 AM

View PostExpelliarmus, on 10 January 2020 - 09:50 AM, said:


Starting school at 6, turning 7 in the first half of the year is too late. The other children will be vastly younger, the curriculum not age appropriate and they will be out of whack as they mature. A child with delays may benefit from a year’s delay of FYOS entry. More than a year as you are suggesting is inappropriate. It is appropriate to start at 5 turning 6 - with intervention.

Its allowed though.
In NSW you are supposed to be at school from age 6 at the latest.  However, you can apply for an exemption.  When granted that means the child turns 7 in FYOS.
It seems like QLD also allows this.

#47 just roses

Posted 10 January 2020 - 11:34 AM

View PostJosé, on 10 January 2020 - 11:24 AM, said:



Its allowed though.
In NSW you are supposed to be at school from age 6 at the latest.  However, you can apply for an exemption.  When granted that means the child turns 7 in FYOS.
It seems like QLD also allows this.
It would be a pretty radical decision to take on the basis that ‘childcare thinks he might enjoy another year’.

It’s also worth checking with the school and finding out how they run Prep.

Ours obviously follows the curriculum but, within that, was quite play based and it was fun. There’s plenty of opportunity to burn energy and learn in creative ways.

The way some people talk about holding kids back ‘to give them another year to be a kid’ you’d think they were being send down the salt mines ;-)

#48 José

Posted 10 January 2020 - 11:40 AM

View Postjust roses, on 10 January 2020 - 11:34 AM, said:


It would be a pretty radical decision to take on the basis that ‘childcare thinks he might enjoy another year’.



Agreed.
I was responding to the blanket statement that its inappropriate.


#49 Bearynice

Posted 10 January 2020 - 12:02 PM

I just popped back in to say, I think that there are additional factors in OP’s decision.

OP I’d be asking childcare about specifics of their concerns. If you are linked in with paed or see speech therapist they might be able to assist with your decision making

#50 Little Bean

Posted 10 January 2020 - 12:19 PM

View Postjust roses, on 10 January 2020 - 11:34 AM, said:

The way some people talk about holding kids back ‘to give them another year to be a kid’ you’d think they were being send down the salt mines ;-)

If that's in response to me, I'm sure they do have lots of fun but having an older child who's already been there and done that, I'm well aware there are a lot of expectations, too. If we'd like to have another year in which no one gives a fig whether he's on his blue sight words yet or meeting the reading-level targets surely that's our prerogative.
There is a big jump in expectations of behaviour between kindy and prep too. My son spends a large portion of his days at kindy being a cat. I somehow don't think that will fly in Prep.
Once school starts the assessments and expectations are there one way or another for the rest of your schooling and working life.

If I sound defensive, I guess I am a little bit.




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