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11yo not wanting to grow up

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#1 3rd time lucky

Posted 12 January 2020 - 05:58 PM

Hi All,

Has anyone experienced their child/ tween saying they don’t want to grow up??

My 11yo was crying today as she says growing up is so hard and she wants to stay a child for longer ... 😔

I think it was triggered by us doing a big spring clean of the playroom today and talking about converting it to more of a games room (ie xbox, beanbags, etc).
I thought she’d be so excited, but no!!
(We won’t be changing to fit a while yet as youngest is 9, but he was more enthusiastic than the 11yo.)

She’s otherwise a very normal 11yo.. a total homebody but loves reading, gaming, hanging with friends, and starting to show a minor interest in her clothes and hair etc. she’s starting to develop physically, but no period yet.

I remember as a kid that I couldn’t wait to grow up!! So I just wondered if anyone has any insights??

#2 3rd time lucky

Posted 12 January 2020 - 06:01 PM

I should add that the main ‘toy’ she still enjoys is LEGO, and I have told her I’ll never make her get rid of that!!! 😅😅

#3 seayork2002

Posted 12 January 2020 - 06:05 PM

For me it was not so much growing up but i didn't like change so if i had a toy room (i didint) i would not have wanted a mass change, overtime more grown up things but not a mass transformation

We offered to do up ds's room but he was happy as it is so we have added a desk and storage and the rest will happen when he wants it

#4 3rd time lucky

Posted 12 January 2020 - 06:28 PM

Yeah - I think change is a big factor.

The change of losing her grade 6 friends to high school, and then at the end of this year her year level splitting to different high schools, plus hormones thrown in!!

We have agreed to keep the play area with LEGO as is until she’s ready - but will have to be stricter about tidiness.

I’m ashamed to admit how long it had been since that room had a vacuum and dust, as it just seemed so overwhelming to tidy it in order to clean!!! I’m talking over a year! 😎

Onto their rooms next!

#5 littlepickle

Posted 12 January 2020 - 06:40 PM

I vividly remember crying at 11 and telling my mum I didn’t want to grow up. I think it was because I was really enjoying school, family life and friends but I was worried about the changes I knew were coming - puberty, end of primary school and a move to either boarding school or to the city.

#6 #notallcats

Posted 12 January 2020 - 06:41 PM

My 12 year old is the same and has talked about it for at least a year.  I think it's the changes too.. high school looming, puberty... it's a tough time.

#7 Dianalynch

Posted 12 January 2020 - 07:08 PM

A big change at once can be overwhelming- with dd’s room we change one thing at a time, rather than going for the ‘makeover’.

#8 .Jerry.

Posted 12 January 2020 - 07:16 PM

My daughter is 14 and still has a playroom.  She still "plays" (collects and dresses) dolls.  She has no interest in fashion or make up.
I wouldn't rush your daughter.  Let her decide to do it all.

Growing up isn't fun really.

#9 Freddie'sMum

Posted 12 January 2020 - 07:48 PM

Yes, both our DDs have told me they don't want to grow up.  In both cases it was around the time of finishing primary school and starting high school.

For DD#1 - it was overwhelming and it took a fair bit of talking to calm her down and explain that growing up is (a) a good experience - she will get to make her own choices and decisions, not just being told what to do by mum and dad - and (b) it takes years to grow up so lots of time still living at home.

For DD#2 - it's happening right now and it is a terrifying prospect for her.  Ending primary school and beginning high school has been one of the factors for her anxiety to spark and for her eating disorder to come back.  

Our first priority is getting her to eat.  Our second priority is to calm down her fears about growing up.  We are giving her lots of choices about making her bedroom less "babyish", making it more cool by giving away things she has outgrown- but she gets to choose what stays and what goes e.g. Lego and super cool Barbie stays, other stuff goes.

I am keeping the lines of communication open about periods and changes to her body - which are all normal and happen to all girls as they go through puberty.  So if I am not stressing or worrying about her growing up, hopefully she will think the same too.

I hope this helps, OP.

#10 Julie3Girls

Posted 12 January 2020 - 08:02 PM

My oldest was like that. She was 12, first year of high school,  when she was diagnosed with severe anxiety and dyslexia.
Big issue is change. Growing up is scary. Especially when you think too much about it, and forget that there are a lot of steps in between.
We’ve worked really hard with her, still are, convincing her that change isn’t bad, that things will happen gradually, and it will be ok at the time. That what seems really scary now, will be less scary when it actually happens.

#11 Jingleflea

Posted 12 January 2020 - 08:12 PM

I'm 45 and some days I'm really not ready to be a grown up either.

#12 OrangeSprout

Posted 13 January 2020 - 12:09 AM

I wouldn't want to grow up in today's world either!!

Hopefully it is just realisation of what life is all about and what it is really like out there in the big wide world...

Mind you at 46 I am still not sure of this big wide world we live in..


#13 Manicmum

Posted 13 January 2020 - 12:22 AM

My 11yo doesn’t want to either. Refuses to wear a crop top, doesn’t want to talk about it.

#14 Ellie bean

Posted 13 January 2020 - 12:28 AM

I vividly remember feeling like that. I was bloody right too, childhood was much better!

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