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Stranger danger

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#1 Bigbaubles

Posted 15 January 2020 - 04:45 PM

My 3 year old is very social and very confident in general and will talk to any kid or adult. It doesn't matter if she knows them or not, she will randomly go up to a person and start talking to them.

I'm thinking that I really need to start talking to her about stranger danger... however I really don't know how to do this without making it seem like all people are bad or scaring her..
I've tried telling her that we shouldn't talk to adults that we don't know as they are strangers and we don't know them and she tells me that they came up and talked to her (not true) and that they are her friends (but can't tell me their names!).

I know that if someone told her to go with them she definitely would without hesitation. I haven't been so concerned with it up until now because I watch her like a hawk, however my baby is going to start walking soon and it will be more difficult to watch both of them!

Any suggestions on books or resources?
Preschool has also said that they will talk to all the kids about it which is nice.

#2 Living Type

Posted 15 January 2020 - 04:50 PM

I love the book “Everybody’s got a Bottom”. No specifically stranger danger but more deals with private parts, keeping secrets. Unfortunately, more likely that it’s not a stranger if anything is to happen.

#3 Zippypeaks

Posted 15 January 2020 - 04:51 PM

We teach "tricky people" in our house. It encourages intuition and helps children navigate that there are some strangers you can talk to (guy at the coffee shop, police people) etc.

#4 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 15 January 2020 - 04:53 PM

We don’t do stranger danger as such. I am not a fan of teaching kids not to talk to people. So we focus more on protective behaviours and how it’s ok if they don’t feel comfortable around someone and that they should tell one of their trusted people.

We also have a code word. If someone my kids don’t know tries to take them, they ask for the code word and they know not to go anywhere with them if they don’t know the code word


#5 Mmmcheese

Posted 15 January 2020 - 04:58 PM

We had a lollipop lady come and talk to our kinder children, and she told the children not to talk to people they didn't know. She then introduced her self and said 'you can talk to me, now we're not strangers anymore' which really highlighted for me why 'stranger danger' isn't an effective message! There are a few good websites about tricky people. Children are at more risk from people they know sadly, so we've talked about tricky people and we've read 'everyones got a bottom.'

#6 Bigbaubles

Posted 15 January 2020 - 05:24 PM

Sorry, I couldn't think of a better word than 'stranger danger'...

I don't want her to bother random strangers and I want her to understand the difference between people that she can be more affectionate towards and ones that she shouldn't. Like she was playing with another kids and their dad at the playground and she ended up running and giving him a hug around the legs.

It was perfectly innocent on his part and he looked very shocked/nervous by it.

I'm glad she feels comfortable talking to adults, but I think she just gets too familiar with random people..

#7 Mmmcheese

Posted 15 January 2020 - 05:50 PM

It might be a bit of a 'personal boundaries' guidance she needs in that case. Talking about who we can and can't hug, checking with people first and helping her to notice when people don't want a hug (looking at facial expressions and etc. Stopping when People say stop or no.) Everyone's got a bottom talks about that kind of thing. Hopefully someone else will come along with some good resources too.

#8 jayskette

Posted 15 January 2020 - 06:21 PM

DO NOT use the phrase Stranger Danger. That will help immensely.

#9 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 15 January 2020 - 06:31 PM

My dd used to chat to people at that age, and then ask them if she could come to their house for a sleepover!  Total randoms in the supermarket queue etc.  They thought she was cute, I was terrified.

We also had 'everybody's got a bottom'.  Great book.  

We also talked about 'friendship circles'.  I can't remember the exact name but it was a program I used working with people with a disability too.  It looks at the different circles, and who's in an acquaintance circle, a friend circle, parent/family circle, and what sort of information you can share with people in each group.  Also looked at personal space, touching, hugs etc.  (She may still be a bit young for it though).

Definitely focus on protective behaviours and not strangers.  Because unfortunately our kids are much more in danger from the people we bring into our homes than a random snatching them at the park.

#10 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 15 January 2020 - 06:33 PM

The other thing I did say to them (when they were a little older) was 'if you are in the park and feel unsafe, go to another parent.  Find someone who has kids with them and ask them for help".

Still not foolproof, and it never happened.

#11 marple

Posted 15 January 2020 - 06:43 PM

Yes, I also had the if you are at all worried when you are out go to a mum with kids or run into a shop and ask to call me.

#12 annodam

Posted 15 January 2020 - 06:55 PM

I never really talked in depth to my kids about stranger danger.  Mine never/don't randomly chat to strangers anyway but when a friends son was approached by some random guy at School during recess (a couple of years ago now) it has become a major focus of who we can & cannot talk to/interact with, especially when they find themselves on their own.
My youngest is 11 now & this is the first year he will be at School with no older sibling, so we have made an arrangement of where he will meet me after School.
Another thing, I have drummed into my sons head is that an adult will never ask a child for help with anything, whether it be helping to find a lost puppy, a lost child, a wallet, phone nothing.  
Adults should ask another adult for help, not a kid!


Edited by annodam, 15 January 2020 - 06:56 PM.

#13 Bigbaubles

Posted 15 January 2020 - 08:00 PM

View Postjayskette, on 15 January 2020 - 06:21 PM, said:

DO NOT use the phrase Stranger Danger. That will help immensely.

I just used the title 'stranger danger' because I didn't know else what to put. I wouldn't actually say that to her.

View Postannodam, on 15 January 2020 - 06:55 PM, said:

Another thing, I have drummed into my sons head is that an adult will never ask a child for help with anything, whether it be helping to find a lost puppy, a lost child, a wallet, phone nothing.  
Adults should ask another adult for help, not a kid!

Thanks, that is actually a good point.

#14 Hands Up

Posted 15 January 2020 - 09:11 PM

We use tricky people. Tricky people are adults or even big kids who ask you for help instead of asking someone their own size, who ask you to keep a secret or who ask you to go somewhere else. We’ve also talked a lot about what is in their underpants is private etc.

#15 Grrrumbles

Posted 15 January 2020 - 10:45 PM

Your police website might have some information. We watch Constable Kenny on YouTube and he covers some of these issues like an adult should ask another adult for help not a child.

It can be hard as all children are different. DS is not chatty at all so would not for example help an older person get something from a shelf in the supermarket as he does not interact with strangers and wouldn’t see an opportunity to help.

#16 PoolsideMasterchef

Posted 16 January 2020 - 08:35 AM

I tried and failed with my kids at age 3  ( short attention span) but here they learn about it at 4yo kinder and that was very effective.

I guess rather than strangers talk about people you can trust with a problem - like grandparents, teachers, police officers etc.

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