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Book reccomendations for little kids with big anger

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#1 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 17 January 2020 - 03:19 PM

Just visiting my family and spending time with my almost 7 year old nephew. My sister has mentioned she is going to seek help with my nephew's  anger. He's always been very full on and quite physical in how he expresses anger, and gets angry easily, but the physicalness is getting more intense and now includes door slamming, locking doors, screaming insults, smashing with bats etc. He's not growing out of it and he's a large kid, being the size of a 10 year old.

I was wondering while she gets organised to get help if anyone can reccommended a parenting book to see if my sister and my mum can get rolling with in the interim. My mum just parented us two girls, so she's at a loss too.

#2 Riotproof

Posted 17 January 2020 - 03:21 PM

For her or him?

There’s the explosive child which gets mentioned a bit.

#3 José

Posted 17 January 2020 - 03:43 PM

You haven't given us much to go on really.
Sometimes anger actually stems from anxiety or ASD or ADHD or another disability.  Given limited info provided I'd be seeing a psychologist and probably paed ASAP.
explosive child i havent actually read but do like the authors approach.
I typically recommend dan siegel also.

#4 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 17 January 2020 - 04:08 PM

He's had a speech delay from age 3.5 due to glue ear. He got grommets and speech therapy until last year and now the therapist says his speech is in range for his age. No other issues, he's  ok at school but he just doesn't handle his anger well. I really just want book recs so my mum and sister can try techniques now while she seeks help, so mainly a book for parents and if it has a companion picture book for kids as well, all the better.

#5 Zippypeaks

Posted 17 January 2020 - 04:13 PM

We have the "When I'm feeling" books by Trace Moroney (you can get them from KMart), I like them because it places anger alongside all our other feelings, and articulates quite well what it feels like to feel anger. Could be at least a conversational starting point.

#6 StartledFlamingo

Posted 17 January 2020 - 04:55 PM

Starving the Anger Gremlin is a workbook for kids of that age. I did it recently with my 7 yo and found it really good. Gives some ways to identify anger, think about behaviours that come from anger and alternative strategies to those behaviour.

#7 SplashingRainbows

Posted 17 January 2020 - 05:30 PM

Is he anxious and it coming out as anger?

And also are there possibly underlying physical issues contributing? Underlying pain and gastrointestinal issues can contribute. As could poor sleep due to sleep apnea.

Quite practically some things I believe will assist based on our experiences:
* reduce screens
* improve sleep if possible - ensure early bed times and solid routines to aid sleep (And consider whether he is sleeping but not actually getting deep sleep due to an underlying ear/nose/throat issue)
* plenty of physical exercise a possibly more than your sister expects is required
* improve diet if possible - good fats, protein, plenty of carbs but good quality ones if possible
* ensure he is getting time to connect with friends on the weekend - even if it’s a couple of hours
* have adults talk to him throughout their day about their feelings. I noticed we were not modeling our thought patterns to allow our kids to learn so now I try hard to say things like - I’m looking forward to x because ..., or I’m feeling tired and a bit cross. I’m going to have a sit and a snack for 5 minutes and then I’ll feel recharged. Or today I had to do something I hadn’t done before and it made me feel a bit anxious because I didn’t know how it was going to turn out. Etc. if they see we have to work at it they’re more likely to talk to me about where their little minds are at
* routinely check in with his feelings when he is not in the midst of being angry. Maybe at breakfast and lunch if they spend those times together. Rating his feelings out of 10 or drawing a face of his feelings or pointing to a chart of how he feels are all useful communication strategies. If they’re practices at non angry times I think you’ll find they’re more effective when he is angry.
* just before sleep, when we are cuddled up in bed is when I find out everything my 8yo has going on in his mind. It’s become a safe place of connection for him. It’s taken work, Patience, a lot of empathy from me to acknowledge and name his feelings but we are building a safe place I hope will take us through the next stages of life.

7 and 8 are hard times for little boys I think. Expectations increase. Hormones go a bit haywire. Friendships develop and change. That doesn’t mean we let them be angry or damage things or be violent. But recognizing they are communicating with their behavior that they are overwhelmed is helpful to responding with empathy instead of with anger or despair

#8 Bereckii

Posted 17 January 2020 - 05:37 PM

That's a lovely post Splashing Rainbows. My boy has just turned 8 and I can imagine so much of him in everything you said. He is a sweet little thing, but prone to angry outbursts when frustrated. I will follow this thread with interest and will keep a lot of what you have said in mind Splashing Rainbows.

#9 SplashingRainbows

Posted 17 January 2020 - 07:40 PM

Oh that’s kind of you to say Bereckii.

#10 Anonforthistime

Posted 17 January 2020 - 08:00 PM

This book is aimed at kids with Aspergers but is helpful for those without a diagnosis as well.

The Red Beast https://www.bookdepo...i/9781843109433

#11 AJPM

Posted 18 January 2020 - 09:53 AM

Our school uses “the zones of regulation”. My kids respond really well to it and I have put up a poster on our wall that shows the zones and ideas for moving back into the green zone. The “size of the problem” graph and response work particularly well with my big strong 8 year old.
I think there’s books and curriculum you can purchase with it if you want more than the website provides. Good luck 😊
ETA: looks like there are some webinars coming up for it.

Edited by AJPM, 18 January 2020 - 09:55 AM.

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