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how do I talk to 12 yr old about leggings as pants


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#1 Quick hedgehog

Posted 24 January 2020 - 05:54 PM

DD is 12. She has already hit puberty, wears a B-cup bra and has a curvy shape though she is fit and slim.

She also favours wearing leggings as pants. I am fine with this at home but I would prefer that she stops doing this when going out in public. I am concerned that she will start attracting unwanted attention in these figure hugging pants, particularly as she has quite a rounded bottom, the shape of which is really emphasied in leggings.  

At the same time however I don't want to restrict her clothing choices just because she is a girl, or insinuate in any way that she is reponsible for how males (in particular) might perceive her.

She is also a swimmer and I have trouble reconciling that I am fine with her wandering around the pool deck 5 nights a week in a complete figure hugging outfit. If she was to question this how do I explain the difference.

Is there a way I can approach this topic with her without giving out the wrong message?  At 12 I don't really want to be pointing out to her that the way her body looks in certain outfits will make men look at her in a certain way.

Any suggestions? Thanks

#2 Hands Up

Posted 24 January 2020 - 05:59 PM

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Honestly? I wouldn’t go there. Leggings as pants seems to be acceptable attire these days and she won’t stand out!

#3 **Xena**

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:01 PM

I wear leggings as pants all the time. If people are being inappropriate about it then they are the ones that need a talking to, not your daughter.

#4 Not Escapin Xmas

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:01 PM

Everyone wears leggings! It’s just normal. you need to ‘let it go, let it goooooo’... nothing you do it going to stop gross men staring. That’s their issue, not your daughters.

#5 zenkitty

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:02 PM

I wouldn’t say anything. I would make sure she has other options but I feel like the ‘leggings are not pants’ battle has been lost. It’s no different to a short skirt or shorts, or a figure hugging top.

#6 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:03 PM

I wouldn’t go there either.

I think no matter how you have the conversation it puts the onus on your daughter and how she dresses - instead of on men to not be pervy and I am not ok with that message for my daughters.

I really don’t see the issue with leggings as pants. Plus what else is she meant to wear? Unless you go baggy or only skirts and dresses, most pants will show her figure in some form.

#7 Dianalynch

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:12 PM

Ath leisure is pretty acceptable now - I spent all day today in Nike dryfit- no different to leggings as pants.

#8 Quick hedgehog

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:12 PM

Ok, I had a feeling this would be the answer.  Guess I had better buy her some better quality leggings then so they at least look respectable!

#9 *Spikey*

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:15 PM

Pervs are going to look at your daughter the wrong way, whether she's wearing leggings or a potato sack down to her ankles.

Leggings are the current fashion trend amongst young teens. Let it go.

Nothing you do, or the clothing she wears, is going to 'fix' this.

If you are concerned about the perverted male gaze, then make sure she doesn't have to walk places alone or catch public transport alone. It's really all you can do - limit perv opportunities.

#10 BadCat

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:15 PM

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Men will stare even if she wears a hessian sack.   Leggings are not the problem.  Men are.

#11 aluminium

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:19 PM

Do you mean like exercise pants/tights? My DD almost 12 wears these with her Matildas jersey and runners all the time. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

If you are worried her booty might look too sexy, maybe just suggest she wear a longer top?

#12 seayork2002

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:20 PM

I wore leggings when was a kid/teenager in the 1980s all my friends did, it was normal for us

Can't wear them now but only cause i can't handle anything other than skirts

#13 too tired to care

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:21 PM

 Quick hedgehog, on 24 January 2020 - 06:12 PM, said:

Ok, I had a feeling this would be the answer.  Guess I had better buy her some better quality leggings then so they at least look respectable!
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in worrying. I have a naive and very innocent 11 year old who is taller than me already and I worry that people (especially guys) will think she is older that she is.
But I figure it is trendy to wear leggings/ fitness gear around so if I buy her good quality ones she will not stick out and hopefully not have to put up with guys being rude to her just yet.

#14 #notallcats

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:22 PM

Yep it's sh*t.  It's men, not the clothes.

I would have a conversation about men and leering though.  My mum never did or if she did, it was to suggest it was just something you had to put up with.  So there were things that went beyond leering (like flashing or touching) that I never reported because I just thought it was part of being a girl/woman.

#15 jayskette

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:26 PM

at least she's 11. plenty of older people with camel toes and sagging bottoms. Disgusting.

#16 lizzzard

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:28 PM

Yep another ‘let it go’...

Isn’t society desensitised to the female shape by now?

#17 Freddie'sMum

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:36 PM

I hear you OP.  Both our girls wear leggings - they never really got into wearing jeans because leggings are so much more comfy.  I have always teamed the leggings with long tops / long t-shirts but this summer a lot of the girls' t-shirts were quite short (mid-rift I think it's called).

Anyway, OP I understand - and agree - that you don't want unwelcome stares / comments towards your DD.  Does she like longer type tops / t-shirts that she can wear with her leggings?

#18 Freddie'sMum

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:38 PM

Oh - and society isn't de-sensitised to the female shape - society is obsessed beyond human belief about the female shape !

And it's so, so wrong that it impacts on girls at such a young age :(

#19 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:38 PM

I'm another  - not much can be done.  As long as they are thick enough to not show undies or stretch see-through at the top.

I have told DD my personal 'fashion rule' - either tight bottoms (leggings, fitness pants) and loose top, or tight tops and loose bottoms.  Both tight looks terrible on me, and both loose makes me look short, fat and stumpy.  

She tends to do the same now - but she's 15, tall and lithe.

#20 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:43 PM

 Freddie, on 24 January 2020 - 06:36 PM, said:

I hear you OP.  Both our girls wear leggings - they never really got into wearing jeans because leggings are so much more comfy.  I have always teamed the leggings with long tops / long t-shirts but this summer a lot of the girls' t-shirts were quite short (mid-rift I think it's called).

Anyway, OP I understand - and agree - that you don't want unwelcome stares / comments towards your DD.  Does she like longer type tops / t-shirts that she can wear with her leggings?

We all understand it. Most of us are women and many of us have daughters but it doesn’t matter what our daughters dress in they will get stares and comments because men. What women wear is not the problem, men are the problem.

#21 Freddie'sMum

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:46 PM

I agree Jolly F.

It feels like we have gone so far backwards.  I have memories of women protesting at beauty pagents in the 70s and 80s and now young women / girls are bombarded with almost naked Instagram *stars*.

It depresses the hell out of me.

#22 BadCat

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:46 PM

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 jayskette, on 24 January 2020 - 06:26 PM, said:

at least she's 11. plenty of older people with camel toes and sagging bottoms. Disgusting.

'Scuse me?

There are many things that disgust me about people - almost all of them attitude related rather than appearance related.

#23 Sandra

Posted 24 January 2020 - 06:59 PM

Mine wears leggings a lot, she is a dancer and she goes to the gym a lot too. She wears way less on the beach...

She looks "respectable", the only disrespecting that goes on is by men, and anyone else who judges her by what she wears rather than who she is.

#24 too tired to care

Posted 24 January 2020 - 07:00 PM

 #notallcats, on 24 January 2020 - 06:22 PM, said:

Yep it's sh*t.  It's men, not the clothes.

I would have a conversation about men and leering though.  My mum never did or if she did, it was to suggest it was just something you had to put up with.  So there were things that went beyond leering (like flashing or touching) that I never reported because I just thought it was part of being a girl/woman.

Thank you for saying this. I was not sure if i should broach this with her yet but i think you are right. I had not thought about it quite like that before,  that flashing and touching is likely to happen and i should prepare her and arm her so she can deal with it when it happens.

.

#25 born.a.girl

Posted 24 January 2020 - 07:03 PM

The whole idea of the burqa is so that men are not tempted by women's bodies.

You could try that.


ETA: That's not directed at you, OP, with a daughter I do get the anxiety, it's directed at some men, and the concept that we can actually do anything to curtail the behaviour.

Edited by born.a.girl, 24 January 2020 - 07:10 PM.





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