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how do I talk to 12 yr old about leggings as pants


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#26 born.a.girl

Posted 24 January 2020 - 07:12 PM

View Posttoo tired to care, on 24 January 2020 - 07:00 PM, said:

Thank you for saying this. I was not sure if i should broach this with her yet but i think you are right. I had not thought about it quite like that before,  that flashing and touching is likely to happen and i should prepare her and arm her so she can deal with it when it happens.

.


That's what I did with my daughter - tried to prepare her for the unfair ways in which she had to live her life as a women.

There was a great thread on The Guardian one day, about the best responses to men cat calling.  One of the best was:

"Show us your tits ..."  Called from a car.

"Show us your brain ..."  as a response.

#27 Hellbent

Posted 24 January 2020 - 07:12 PM

My DD 16 had disgusting sexual comments hurled at her by a car load of "men" in a ute - actually pulled over to do so - whilst she was out walking her dog, with her father.  She was wearing mum jeans, a jumper, a coat and running shoes.

Today we went to office works for school supplies and three middle aged men in the printer aisle were leering at her like she was a piece of meat.  She was wearing coulotts and a singlet top with runners.

What your DD wears will make absolutely no difference to how much unwanted attention she will get.  Its not her responsibility to make others behave like decent humans. Males are conditioned by society to think its appropriate for them to behave this way, and unfortunately a lot of females condone it.

It's not her job to change how society views her. I'd let her dress how she wants.  Screw what people think.

#28 born.a.girl

Posted 24 January 2020 - 07:15 PM

I think 'respectful' clothing comes into play when you're going to someone's wedding, or a funeral, or to the beach.


Wearing your own wedding dress to someone's 'beach party 30th' is clearly attention seeking.

Wearing your bathers to someone's funeral (depending on the person!) may reflect a lack of respect for the mourning relatives.

Wearing yesterday's gardening clothes to someone's wedding is presumably expected of you given you've been given an invite, but for most of us would indicate we're not really there FOR the happy couple, but to 'celebrate' our own
younique-ness.

#29 Chchgirl

Posted 24 January 2020 - 07:16 PM

View PostBadCat, on 24 January 2020 - 06:46 PM, said:



'Scuse me?

There are many things that disgust me about people - almost all of them attitude related rather than appearance related.

This.

#30 SummerStar

Posted 24 January 2020 - 07:38 PM

My girls live in leggings most of the time. One is mid teens the other not quite 10. Wouldn't have occurred to me to tell them they shouldn't wear them out. They're not my cup of tea, I don't own any and wouldn't wear them myself. But I can't see what's wrong with others doing so if they're comfortable in them.

#31 AsperHacker

Posted 24 January 2020 - 07:52 PM

Have you looked into what most rape and sexual assualt victims are wearing when they're attacked so you can recommend you daughter not wear those clothes too? No trackies, no ankle length dresses, no dressing gowns... wouldn't want any unwanted attention because of what she's wearing.

#32 JRA

Posted 24 January 2020 - 07:52 PM

as far as I can tell 90% of the population wear leggings as normal wear - whether 5 or 55.

#33 BeAwesome

Posted 24 January 2020 - 08:03 PM

I rarely see tights as pants on teens around here?

Most tend to favour the short high-waisted denim or black shorts, with a boxy cut crop top, or stripy fitted ribbed 90s style tee.  My 11 year old has started wearing this 'uniform' this summer after being befriended by a group of teens whilst on holidays. She calls it her 'aesthetic' and has spent countless hours searching for the perfect white Nike sneakers and shell necklaces that need to accompany it, as well as the Tik Tok dances that seem to be part of the same package.

#34 littlepickle

Posted 24 January 2020 - 08:06 PM

Today I went out in sport leggings , today my DD (17) went out in full length leggings, today my mother (65) went out in 3/4 leggings. We were all at seperate events but met for an afternoon coffee ... maybe people thought we were a sports club of some kind. My DD wears leggings 90% of the time.. no need to have a discussion

#35 CallMeFeral

Posted 24 January 2020 - 08:15 PM

View Posttoo tired to care, on 24 January 2020 - 06:21 PM, said:

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in worrying. I have a naive and very innocent 11 year old who is taller than me already and I worry that people (especially guys) will think she is older that she is.
But I figure it is trendy to wear leggings/ fitness gear around so if I buy her good quality ones she will not stick out and hopefully not have to put up with guys being rude to her just yet.

This. I think leggings as pants is currently acceptable fashion, so I wouldn't worry about it looks indecent.



View PostBeAwesome, on 24 January 2020 - 08:03 PM, said:

Most tend to favour the short high-waisted denim or black shorts, with a boxy cut crop top, or stripy fitted ribbed 90s style tee.  
You've just described my 11yo's daily uniform. How funny.

#36 CallMeFeral

Posted 24 January 2020 - 08:19 PM

View Postjayskette, on 24 January 2020 - 06:26 PM, said:

at least she's 11. plenty of older people with camel toes and sagging bottoms. Disgusting.

No. Whether we look attractive in our clothes should not be the measure of whether it's ok to wear them.

#37 g_uzica

Posted 24 January 2020 - 08:37 PM

View Post*Spikey*, on 24 January 2020 - 06:15 PM, said:

Pervs are going to look at your daughter the wrong way, whether she's wearing leggings or a potato sack down to her ankles.

Leggings are the current fashion trend amongst young teens. Let it go.

Nothing you do, or the clothing she wears, is going to 'fix' this.

If you are concerned about the perverted male gaze, then make sure she doesn't have to walk places alone or catch public transport alone. It's really all you can do - limit perv opportunities.

It didn't matter if I was alone or with an older adult/parent, you'll still get the gazes, comments or whistles. It also didn't matter what you wore, leggings, shorts, jeans, body covering tops.

This was during the early 90's and I assume it hasn't changed much now.

#38 Chaotic Pogo

Posted 24 January 2020 - 08:48 PM

I wore leggings to the office today because nothing else fit or was dry.

Meh. I didn't have to see any clients and the staff aren't fussed by my fat bottom.

If mum was here on the other hand...

#39 hills mum bec

Posted 24 January 2020 - 08:58 PM

Nothing wrong with leggings as pants if they are the right type of leggings.  DD15 lives in activewear type leggings and she looks great.  She also has a few pairs of thin cotton ones that go a bit see through when the fabric stretches tight.  Those ones she doesn’t wear out of the house.

#40 Sugarplum Poobah

Posted 24 January 2020 - 09:21 PM

I always thought leggings (of a reasonable weight, not semi- sheer footless tights) were pants. I've been a bewildered by the whole leggings-are-not-pants thing that seems to have sprung up in the last decade.

I'm 55, I wear a lot of active wear (to lounge around in -- I'm not trying to kid anyone here). Some of it is what I call leggings.  Care factor zero.

Let your daughter be comfortable.

#41 MadMarchMasterchef

Posted 24 January 2020 - 09:26 PM

View Postjayskette, on 24 January 2020 - 06:26 PM, said:

at least she's 11. plenty of older people with camel toes and sagging bottoms. Disgusting.

Im 43 and I just came back from the gym.  Im wearing leggings, a sports bra and a long sleeveless t-shirt.   Im going to assume your post was a joke ???  

I don't sag so much as wobble but that's part of the reason for going to the gym ;)

#42 ytt

Posted 24 January 2020 - 09:28 PM

I wore sport leggins to a school athletics day with school staff top... I'm sad to say I had so many parents comment on my weight loss. I was so embarrassed that day and wished I never wore sports attire for a sports day where I did a lot of running/sporting activities :(  my weight loss was due to stress with family issues so felt doubly worse :(  I wish people just shut the **** up.

Oh and I've had some recent comments.... like WTF, the pharmacist - you've known me for years and filled out sh*t load of medication for my DD - yes I've lost weight.... due to walking my dog...not.

#43 WaitForMe

Posted 24 January 2020 - 09:32 PM

I don't think you should talk to your DD about the leggings but...

I am curious about whether others have a conversation with their DD's around what they might experience from men as they begin puberty.

#44 MadMarchMasterchef

Posted 24 January 2020 - 09:34 PM

In answer to OP - I guess the question is what are you really trying to say to your DD?  Is it - 'don't wear leggings because men will leer at you'?

I agree its a fairly standard outfit among teenagers I know regardless of body shape.

#45 Wolf87

Posted 24 January 2020 - 09:53 PM

View Postjayskette, on 24 January 2020 - 06:26 PM, said:

at least she's 11. plenty of older people with camel toes and sagging bottoms. Disgusting.

This makes me really sad. One of the most mean things I’ve read on here.



#46 zogee

Posted 24 January 2020 - 10:02 PM

I do understand wanting to be protective of your daughter. I’ve had the same internal debate myself and came to the conclusion that other people’s judgement/reactions are not my daughters problem. What if she dresses ‘right’ and still gets harassed?

Edited by zogee, 24 January 2020 - 10:03 PM.


#47 Meemaw

Posted 24 January 2020 - 10:16 PM

I faced a similar problem when my youngest son began wearing lycra for competitive cycling at about 15 and the teenage girls on the team began making inappropriate comments/jokes about his genital area. Most of these comments would have shocked their parents if they had been made aware of them I am sure. I told him what the majority of previous posters have said - don't allow others opinions/comments to change how you live your life. To be honest I'm not sure it really helped him as after a few more weeks he started wearing shorts over the top of his lycra suits, at least in the training rides!

Edited by Meemaw, 24 January 2020 - 10:16 PM.


#48 Kreme

Posted 24 January 2020 - 10:19 PM

My 13yo favours leggings over jeans when it’s cooler. She has the thicker athletic style ones and they look great. She  wears them with short cropped t shirts as well. A few years ago I would have thought I’d have guidelines for what she should wear but as she’s matured I’ve realised that policing her clothing sends the message that there is something wrong with her body, and that’s not true. She has so much more body confidence than I had at her age and I love that!

#49 AsperHacker

Posted 24 January 2020 - 10:55 PM

View PostWaitForMe, on 24 January 2020 - 09:32 PM, said:

I don't think you should talk to your DD about the leggings but...

I am curious about whether others have a conversation with their DD's around what they might experience from men as they begin puberty.

I haven't. We've had an ongoing dialogue since she was much younger about how we are perceived. Discussions in our house are mostly organic. There's a long running theme that being ourselves is acceptable. I've worked from people are a**holes - the ones worth keeping aren't. It doesn't only apply to men, but it's been good base without instilling in my kid that all men will check out her ass when she wears tights. She just assumed that the ones who do are a**holes.

#50 Murderino

Posted 24 January 2020 - 11:13 PM

View PostHellbent, on 24 January 2020 - 07:12 PM, said:

Today we went to office works for school supplies and three middle aged men in the printer aisle were leering at her like she was a piece of meat.  She was wearing coulotts and a singlet top with runners.

I read this and wondered it you called them out? I have reached the stage where I just say something to people like that. I’d have asked them why they were leering at a child - serves two purposes in that it lets my DD know she can call it out if she chooses to and let’s them know it’s not okay and they will be called on it.




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