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how do I talk to 12 yr old about leggings as pants


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#51 liveworkplay

Posted 25 January 2020 - 08:02 AM

My girls all wear good quality (usually sports) leggings all the time. Yes they are sporty, but they will wear them out as well. The 13 year old has transitioned to big baggy clothes lately but still will go out in leggings.

#52 BadCat

Posted 25 January 2020 - 08:15 AM

View PostCallMeFeral, on 24 January 2020 - 08:19 PM, said:

No. Whether we look attractive in our clothes should not be the measure of whether it's ok to wear them.

Exactly.

Besides, if I held out for something I look good in I'd have to go naked, and that would look worse.


View PostWaitForMe, on 24 January 2020 - 09:32 PM, said:

I don't think you should talk to your DD about the leggings but...

I am curious about whether others have a conversation with their DD's around what they might experience from men as they begin puberty.

Yep.

Did exactly that.

Explained to DC1 that men will stare at boobs no matter what size or how covered up they are.  That men will perv on pubescent girls and young women way more than on older women.  Explained that men will say things, try to touch things, and be generally disgusting.

And then I explained that none of that is our fault and we do not have to change the way we look or what we wear, and that men would do it even then.

And then, when I'd made it clear that harrassment is never our fault, we talked about ways to deal with it and stay as safe as possible.

#53 Ivy Ivy

Posted 25 January 2020 - 08:22 AM

View PostMurderino, on 24 January 2020 - 11:13 PM, said:

I read this and wondered it you called them out? I have reached the stage where I just say something to people like that. I’d have asked them why they were leering at a child - serves two purposes in that it lets my DD know she can call it out if she chooses to and let’s them know it’s not okay and they will be called on it.

I thought the same thing.  In the moment I suspect that I'd like to yell at them, but that wouldn't scare them enough, so I think I'd take a photo of them leering, then calmly tell them I thought leering at an underage child was paedophilic and I was considering reporting them to the police if they didn't stop.

I understand biological drives to procreate but people do have control over primitive behavioural urges and around teenage girls they need to use sense.

#54 Hollycoddle

Posted 25 January 2020 - 08:36 AM

View PostBeAwesome, on 24 January 2020 - 08:03 PM, said:


Most tend to favour the short high-waisted denim or black shorts, with a boxy cut crop top, or stripy fitted ribbed 90s style tee.  

Yes, high-waisted and boxy styles really get to me, so many unflattering items being worn by young women in a time when their figures are in peak shape to be showing off. Of course people should be able to wear what they like but why some choose to wear what they do is beyond me.

#55 SkeptiHandsOnMum

Posted 25 January 2020 - 09:20 AM

View PostHollycoddle, on 25 January 2020 - 08:36 AM, said:



Yes, high-waisted and boxy styles really get to me, so many unflattering items being worn by young women in a time when their figures are in peak shape to be showing off. Of course people should be able to wear what they like but why some choose to wear what they do is beyond me.
Because they don't actually think that they need to meet YOUR standards? Because they don't think that their clothing needs to be "flattering"?

I take my hat off to those who gave the belief in their inner beauty not to have to care about what others consider appropriate or flattering.

Edited by SkeptiHandsOnMum, 25 January 2020 - 09:23 AM.


#56 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 25 January 2020 - 09:42 AM

Invest in some good quality leisure wear and you won't have to worry about them being see through or ill fitting. Then she can be comfortable and still ' presentable' for every day wear

#57 Coffeegirl

Posted 25 January 2020 - 10:04 AM

View PostWaitForMe, on 24 January 2020 - 09:32 PM, said:

I don't think you should talk to your DD about the leggings but...

I am curious about whether others have a conversation with their DD's around what they might experience from men as they begin puberty.

yep I had this conversation with DD when she hit puberty and I started to notice how attractive she was becoming - and I’m not saying that with ‘mum’ glasses on.   She is stunning!

While she still wears whatever she wants and we have never forced her to change an outfit, I have suggested more appropriate attire when she was younger.  IE tights instead of a shorter skirt for an active birthday party

now she’s almost 20 and leggings pale in comparison to the clothes she wears now.    Beach attire is a tiny bikini with the butt hanging out.   Her festival clothes leave very little to the imagination.      

But she looks amazing, she is confident in herself and her body, and I applaud her for that confidence.

#58 RPM

Posted 25 January 2020 - 10:07 AM

I agree with the previous posts.

Nothing wrong with good quality leggings that aren't sheer when stretched.  From what I can recall, they have been standard wear for at least the last 30 years.

I would say to invest in some quality heavier weight leggings and then go for it!

#59 AllyK81

Posted 25 January 2020 - 10:26 AM

This won’t be popular but aside from active wear leggings aren’t pants. I can’t think of any adult I have ever seen look good in them.

Teenage girls wear them around the dance studio where my daughter dances and they look fine in them but they look amazing in anything. Plus they are there to dance in them.

I haven’t ever put my kids in leggings but I am sure the time will come when DD will want to wear them. I won’t stop DD because of potential leering but I might have a fashion opinion about it!

#60 zenkitty

Posted 25 January 2020 - 10:29 AM

View PostHollycoddle, on 25 January 2020 - 08:36 AM, said:



Yes, high-waisted and boxy styles really get to me, so many unflattering items being worn by young women in a time when their figures are in peak shape to be showing off. Of course people should be able to wear what they like but why some choose to wear what they do is beyond me.

Good lord, what are the poor girls supposed to wear? They can’t wear leggings because it shows their bottoms. They can’t wear loose clothing because they should be showing off their figures.

#61 BadCat

Posted 25 January 2020 - 10:31 AM

View PostAllyK81, on 25 January 2020 - 10:26 AM, said:

I can’t think of any adult I have ever seen look good in them.

But why do you care?  Why does it matter?

This is the bit I don't understand about the whole clothing choice argument.  Why does it matter to anyone else on the entire planet what I look like in the clothes I choose to wear.

I'm not on this planet to look good. I'm here to be awesome.

#62 Mmmcheese

Posted 25 January 2020 - 10:45 AM

View PostHollycoddle, on 25 January 2020 - 08:36 AM, said:



Yes, high-waisted and boxy styles really get to me, so many unflattering items being worn by young women in a time when their figures are in peak shape to be showing off. Of course people should be able to wear what they like but why some choose to wear what they do is beyond me.

My mum use to say this kind of thing to me and I hated it. I don't want to show off my figure, I don't want people looking at and appraising my body. I never have and I never will. I wear clothes to to fly under the radar.

#63 Chchgirl

Posted 25 January 2020 - 10:57 AM

I taught my girls to wear what the hell they want and stuff everyone elae and what they think. Except work, wear whatever uniform you have to.

#64 BadCat

Posted 25 January 2020 - 11:04 AM

I might teach my son to wear form fitting clothes.  Gotta look pervable, amirite?

#65 kimasa

Posted 25 January 2020 - 11:09 AM

View PostSugarplum Poobah, on 24 January 2020 - 09:21 PM, said:

I always thought leggings (of a reasonable weight, not semi- sheer footless tights) were pants. I've been a bewildered by the whole leggings-are-not-pants thing that seems to have sprung up in the last decade.


Yes! Leggings were pants in the 80s and 90s, why not now?

#66 #notallcats

Posted 25 January 2020 - 11:14 AM

View PostHollycoddle, on 25 January 2020 - 08:36 AM, said:

Yes, high-waisted and boxy styles really get to me, so many unflattering items being worn by young women in a time when their figures are in peak shape to be showing off. Of course people should be able to wear what they like but why some choose to wear what they do is beyond me.

Men already have the attitude they are entitled to look, comment and even own a girl/woman's body.   Comments like this don't help.

#67 seayork2002

Posted 25 January 2020 - 11:34 AM

I meet what i beleive is an acceptable minimum society standard ie i wear clothes.

I wear comfortable clothes for me which is a stretchy skirts and longish sleeve tops that are getting looser and looser as i age.

IRL i genuinley do not care what people think of how i look like, and i find it odd that people do care.

why are people so concerned someone does not match their body shape? And why do they have to be. flaterring?


#68 born.a.girl

Posted 25 January 2020 - 12:32 PM

View PostIvy Ivy, on 25 January 2020 - 08:22 AM, said:

I thought the same thing.  In the moment I suspect that I'd like to yell at them, but that wouldn't scare them enough, so I think I'd take a photo of them leering, then calmly tell them I thought leering at an underage child was paedophilic and I was considering reporting them to the police if they didn't stop.

I understand biological drives to procreate but people do have control over primitive behavioural urges and around teenage girls they need to use sense.


Whenever I see a man talking about how men are 'hard wired' to behave in certain ways, I warn them of the risks of an MRI with that hard wiring.  I also wonder why any of the zoos let men in, given it should be impossible for them to restrain their impulse to bring dinner home over their shoulder.

Interesting how selective some can be when it suits them.

#69 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 25 January 2020 - 12:35 PM

T

Quote

his won’t be popular but aside from active wear leggings aren’t pants. I can’t think of any adult I have ever seen look good in them.

I'm wearing active wear now.  I will probably pass people in the shops later who think I don't look good too.  Care factor a huge ZERO.  I have terrible shoulder and back pain, it is the most comfortable clothing I can wear at the moment, and I have to do grocery shopping and buy school stuff.  

I'm not dressing to look good.  I'm going for covered and comfortable.  

When I look back on photos of myself in my teens and early 20's, I feel so sad that I didn't appreciate what I had then.  I spent so many wasted emotions on anorexia and bulimia.  I struggled with going out in public in my tiny size 6-8 body.  I spent so much time worrying about how other people saw me.  When what I really had was a body that was young, fit, pain free, and healthy.  (before I started on that roller coaster).

Yes, men will leer and be revolting - we need to keep working on that. But it is somewhat worse when women are so critical of each other - especially when we are just out getting through the mundane day-to-day.

Edited by Ruf~Feral~es, 25 January 2020 - 12:36 PM.


#70 gruidae

Posted 25 January 2020 - 01:17 PM

So much of this - from both men and women-  is based on the idea that women owe society a duty to be aesthetic, to be gazed upon..Clothing choice as a moral duty to the broader society to show deference and respect, to understand our place is not the content of our minds and character but our ability to understand that others' comfort is our job. ****.....that....noise

#71 Babetty

Posted 25 January 2020 - 01:28 PM

All we owe society is to be decently covered. Anything else is up to the individual. Clothing choices can be for comfort, for identifying with "your tribe", for attracting attention, for blending in, for communicating values, for playing "dress up" and having fun.

All of these are individual choices. I hope my DD or DS for that matter never feels obliged to dress to look "good" aka sexually attractive.

(Besides, I actually have a soft spot for the boxy look as a child of the 80s! I lived in boxy crop tops and shirts and we thought we looked so cool)

#72 steppy

Posted 25 January 2020 - 01:51 PM

Leggings as pants is nothing. Pretty sure I've seen people wearing pantyhose as leggings lately. Now, people can wear whatever they want, but sorry, nobody else has to think it looks good. Or bad. They can think what they want too.

#73 steppy

Posted 25 January 2020 - 01:52 PM

View Postgruidae, on 25 January 2020 - 01:17 PM, said:

So much of this - from both men and women-  is based on the idea that women owe society a duty to be aesthetic, to be gazed upon..Clothing choice as a moral duty to the broader society to show deference and respect, to understand our place is not the content of our minds and character but our ability to understand that others' comfort is our job. ****.....that....noise

I think this isn't entirely true. The worst reactions I see to fashion are usually to male fashion, where they do things like wear leggings as pants. Apparently men have to do anything they can to avoid outlining their genitals.

#74 AllyK81

Posted 25 January 2020 - 01:58 PM

View PostBadCat, on 25 January 2020 - 10:31 AM, said:

But why do you care?  Why does it matter?

This is the bit I don't understand about the whole clothing choice argument.  Why does it matter to anyone else on the entire planet what I look like in the clothes I choose to wear.

I'm not on this planet to look good. I'm here to be awesome.

I personally care about looking good. I like fashion. I enjoy it. That is just as valid as not being bothered by it.

I don’t much care about other people’s choices. My observation is that leggings don’t look great so personally I wouldn’t wear them. It doesn’t actually really matter beyond my own choices so I agree with you there.

#75 Bethlehem Babe

Posted 25 January 2020 - 02:07 PM

We can’t win as women.

Wear leggings and active wear and we are being too revealing.
Wear a fully burqa and we are not acceptable either.

Sometimes the burqa is appealing. Some days I wear leggings and tank tops and athletic gear and I’m a size 16!


We were in a major westfields the other day. I was so impressed by what the kids were wearing. Wide diversity, short shorts, leggings, variety of crop or baggy tops, floating skirts and mini skirts. I would have loved to have the confidence to wear that stuff in stead of being told I had huge thighs and should hide them away.

I think pick what you like and wear what you like. Mine varies each day- today I’ve got my hair swept to the side by a bright scarf and big dangly earrings, shorts and a tank top.




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