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The arbitrary “thank you” time limit


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#1 Lunafreya

Posted 06 February 2020 - 11:55 AM

Ran into a bus the other day, didn’t have to stop but it did. As I was catching my breath, the driver shouted out.

“What about a ‘Thank you driver for stopping when you didn’t need to.’”

I told her I was catching my breath and didn’t need backchat, but she continued to complain. So I made an official complaint sboot her

But what is it with the arbitrary thank you time limit that gets people to loudly and rudely say “thank you” when you to t say it in enough time? I find it extremely rude, ruder than me not saying thank you which I had every intention of doing before they butted in.

I also try to show thanks if I’m given something, showing interest in what I’ve been given, showing excitement even as well as aging thank you.

I also resent being corrected like a child, especially by strangers who don’t know me but it’s really heating coming from my younger sister.

I do say thank you most of the time and I remind DS to as well. Got him I yo the habit of saying “No thank you” rather than shouting “No!”

What do you think? Is this a common thing that people feel the need to prompt a thank you?

#2 Riotproof

Posted 06 February 2020 - 11:58 AM

I think she was rude.

I can imagine either forgetting to thank or breathing a heavy thanks  as I got on in a cluster.

#3 seayork2002

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:00 PM

I would put it down to them having bad day, I cannot say I have said thank you/please 100% of the time.

I try my best but no cannot guarantee it.

#4 born.a.girl

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:02 PM

This sounds like a repeat of the thread you had previously on this topic.

I think generally most people would give a 'thanks' as they are getting on, given the other person has gone out of their way.

#5 Lunafreya

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:03 PM

I don’t excuse rudeness on such a level when I’m loudly and publicly berated. Particularly from a person who has a lot of contact with the public.

I’ve actually caught the bus sometimes on the way to the doctor because I’ve lost my voice and I’m unable to speak. There might be reasons why I’m not talking.

I did a thread on this? I can’t remember. Anxiety dies stuff to your memory

Edited by Lunafreya, 06 February 2020 - 12:04 PM.


#6 Riotproof

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:05 PM

View Postborn.a.girl, on 06 February 2020 - 12:02 PM, said:

This sounds like a repeat of the thread you had previously on this topic.

I think generally most people would give a 'thanks' as they are getting on, given the other person has gone out of their way.

I don’t remember that. Did it get deleted?

#7 seayork2002

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:12 PM

View PostLunafreya, on 06 February 2020 - 12:03 PM, said:

I don’t excuse rudeness on such a level when I’m loudly and publicly berated. Particularly from a person who has a lot of contact with the public.

I’ve actually caught the bus sometimes on the way to the doctor because I’ve lost my voice and I’m unable to speak. There might be reasons why I’m not talking.

I did a thread on this? I can’t remember. Anxiety dies stuff to your memory

If the OP happened to me I would have thought bit rude then moved on really

They may have had terrible news, there could have a been just as many reasons I could come up with why they said what they said just as much as I could have has as many reasons why I forgot/did not say thanks

#8 Paddlepop

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:16 PM

You could have non-verbally indicated your thanks. A smile, a nod of your head, a hand gesture, something to acknowledge them. You can indicate thank you without saying the actual words if you are unable to speak due to catching your breath.

#9 wallofdodo

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:23 PM

Yeah If I was out of breath I would have waved, nodded, or smiled. An obvious look of appreciation and acknowledgement.

But yeah she was a bit over the top I think. But so was complaining, I bet she wont stop for anyone else now.

Edited by wallofdodo, 06 February 2020 - 12:25 PM.


#10 katpaws

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:24 PM

People on my regular bus say thanks to the driver all the time - i think that is because none of us have been killed during the trip due to driver looking at mobile phone while driving or talking to someoen, driver almost running people over on crossings or when lights are on for pedestrians to cross, driver stopping suddenly and causing people to fall off their seats, driver driving too fast...

I certainly do a Hail Mary every bus trip and I'm not Catholic or even a Christian!

#11 lozoodle

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:30 PM

I'd say the driver had had a run of incidents leading up to this that led to the outburst. Much like me when I'm driving and I yell out "where's my thank you wave, d***head!" when i've let someone in (not TO them, just yelling to myself in the car haha).

probably just a nod of appreciation next time and you'll be right :)

#12 #notallcats

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:33 PM

I think both of you were probably a bit rude.  I personally save official complaints for really serious stuff, especially involving a job that would attract a lot of abuse with little thanks, which I think bus drivers would get.   It's really easy to let this stuff go by explaining it away as a bad day than get yourself in knots about it, or wasting time thinking and making official complaints.   I have a relative like this and honestly she's a ball of stress telling everyone off, making official complaints, firing off emails... it's exhausting.

#13 rileys-mum

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:34 PM

OP you should not have put in a complaint. At the end of the day she stopped for you

#14 Ozquoll

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:37 PM

Mate...have you ever heard this saying?

"If you meet one a*s*hole, they're an a*s*hole.
If everyone you meet is an a*s*hole, you're the a*s*hole."


You're not an a*s*hole, and you are probably not rude, or at least not deliberately rude. But given how many threads you have started over the years about miscommunications and awkward run-ins with rude, difficult people, perhaps you are bringing something to your interactions with other people that is creating at least some of these situations?


Also - mea culpa. I have generally pretty poor social interactions out IRL. Not because people in general are mean or rude, although some might be, but because I have Aspergers and I unintentionally do things that show social incompetence. I have improved a bit over the years, but really my main social strategy is awareness of my limitations and minimisation of socialising.

#15 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 06 February 2020 - 12:58 PM

You could have acknowledged what she did in another way, which have already been listed. Even a breathless thanks, is better than nothing.

She probably shouldnt have said anything but I would assume you were the straw that broke the camels back. You shouldnt have put in a complaint either, thats just plain petty.

I agree with ozquoll, you are the common denominator in all of these incidents, so it might pay to look at your own behaviour before complaining that you are always being done wrong by others.

#16 got my tinsel on

Posted 06 February 2020 - 01:07 PM

LF, you've just kissed goodbye any hope of that driver stopping/waiting for you ever again.

Best make sure you're on time from now on.

#17 kimasa

Posted 06 February 2020 - 01:26 PM

You know that they're now going to have a whole thing about the OHS issues involved in stopping at non-designated stops, right?

That was kind of a cutting off your nose to spite your face move.

#18 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 06 February 2020 - 01:50 PM

meh, whatever.

Some people have a bad day. Some people like to complain. Can't expect to please everyone all the time.

Breathe, release and move on.

There is no way I would have gone to the effort of putting in a complaint about it! Too much wasted energy in that kind of activity.

(FWIW, I prompt children at school canteen to use please/thank you when they are buying food. Otherwise, that's it, it's not up to me to be the manners police. However, I am not in a predominant face-to-face direct customer service role on a daily basis. Maybe my approach would be different if I was.)

#19 born.a.girl

Posted 06 February 2020 - 01:51 PM

You mentioned previously that you were too out of breath to thank them.  The thing is, that no one's too out of breath to utter one word. As the breath comes out of your lungs you move your mouth to say 'thanks!' with a smile.  If your voice is gone (which would be rare, I'd have though) as per pps a smile, nod, wave of thanks in their direction.

Then, when you get off: 'thanks again for stopping for me'.


I've done a number of fun runs - everyone is out of breath, but if you actually knock someone, everyone has the ability to say 'sorry' as they breathe out.

I appreciate these 'rules' can be confusing, but it's not the driver's fault you don't realise what most people do.

#20 -Emissary-

Posted 06 February 2020 - 01:55 PM

You could have acknowledged what she did in another form.  I’m sure a breathless thank you or a wave would have been appreciated.

You didn’t need to also put in an official complaint. She stopped for you. That’s really ungrateful.

In your shoes, I would have said “sorry, was catching my breath, thanks for stopping” and move on. Being a bit more polite doesn’t hurt.

#21 MarciaB

Posted 06 February 2020 - 02:02 PM

An official complaint is likely to land that bus driver in serious trouble for stopping where they shouldn't have.

Sorry - but I think that step was uncalled for.

As for not saying thank you - I can't imagine not - and if I didn't and was called out on it - I would probably mutter a "so sorry I really should have " and moved on.

#22 DaLittleEd

Posted 06 February 2020 - 02:03 PM

 Lunafreya, on 06 February 2020 - 11:55 AM, said:

“What about a ‘Thank you driver for stopping when you didn’t need to.’”

I told her I was catching my breath and didn’t need backchat, but she continued to complain. So I made an official complaint sboot her

1. Bus driver might have been having a bad day. Or maybe they're just grumpy. What they said was a bit rude, but I would have said "sorry, was catching my breath, thanks". Well actually, I wouldn't as I probably would have managed a breathless "thanks so much" as I got on the bus.

2. To me, you calling what the driver said "backchat" etc was far ruder in comparison. It sounds like you were treating driver like a child needing correction. No wonder they kept complaining.

Edited by DaLittleEd, 06 February 2020 - 02:03 PM.


#23 Sandra

Posted 06 February 2020 - 02:39 PM

Hi ladies

I have removed two posts from this topic.  If you have concerns about a member or post, please use the report feature.

Thanks

#24 Not Escapin Xmas

Posted 06 February 2020 - 02:45 PM

I’m sorry, I think you were the rude one in this case. She went out of her way and you didn’t acknowledge it. Whether you were going to at some point in the future is neither here nor there.

#25 Sentient Puddle

Posted 06 February 2020 - 02:47 PM

Wow, what a complete overreaction on your part!




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