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#1 JoanHolloway

Posted 10 March 2020 - 12:49 PM

Hi,

I am feeling guilty because I yelled at my 16 month old today. People describe me as quiet and have some have even said they can't picture me getting angry. My DS was kicking this shelf as I was changing his nappy just before. He was tired as I was a bit late putting him down for his big nap and it was driving me crazy as I thought he was going to kick the shelf off the wall with his feet (it's above the change table with nappies in it, I should probably just take it off it's in a stupid spot). So I pulled his feet off, he wouldn't stop just kept laughing so I had to take him off the change table mid change and move to bedroom. He hit me repeatedly really hard in the face on the way whilst giggling, so I put him on the floor and screamed 'don't' and then I wrangled a new nappy on then put him in his cot for nap. He's asleep now but I feel terrible like he really didn't deserve that/it didn't help.

I would say my main problem is I get really impatient sometimes. I am usually very gentle and attentive with him and he is a happy boy. Is this normal? Any advice? It's hard to walk away mid nappy change as you have to get it done but this kicking or hitting (me or stuff) and laughing when he does it drives me crazy. He is normally quite content he was just tired. It's not his fault. I suppose I just need to avoid trigger situations better like him being tired/me being tired.

Any advice/perspective welcome.
Thanks

Edited by wwmac, 10 March 2020 - 12:52 PM.


#2 Lunafreya

Posted 10 March 2020 - 01:08 PM

It’s ok to say sorry to your child, even if they don’t understand. I do this to my DS. I say “Mummy was angry but it was wrong to yell.”

My DS was about two I think and he licked his legs on a wall, pushed me into the bath tub and my spine hit the soapdish. I was very hurt and upset, I sent DS away to play while I had a few minutes. Later he came to say sorry and I said sorry for yelling and we hugged.

And yeah, it’s a trying age. Sometimes you just have to put your head down and go through.

#3 Chic'N'Stu

Posted 10 March 2020 - 01:11 PM

Eh, the little guy probably won't need lifelong therapy from being yelled at for being a butt.

I'm generally amazed at how patient and calm I'm capable of being, but there's always that combination of low resilience on your part and aggravating behaviour on theirs that can have you fall short of your ideals and feeling awful about it. I had a shouty moment just the other night which I'm not proud of, but to be fair I'd been very clear on not licking that raw chicken and what did we go ahead and immediately do?

Obviously shaking, hitting, cursing or other responses are a whole different kettle of fish, but this? Try not to beat up on yourself here, you're only human and the little darlings are quite talented at getting on your very last nerve.

#4 Sweet.Pea

Posted 10 March 2020 - 01:17 PM

Don't all parents yell at some point?

Lately I feel like I have been spending half my day yelling, but talking has no effect, nor does distracting or moving things. I mainly yell when something is dangerous or going to get broken.

My son laughs at me, which is frustrating or if I yell and then try and distract, he will take the distraction.

I'm not sure what else to do?

#5 JoanHolloway

Posted 10 March 2020 - 02:07 PM

Thanks all, I do feel better.

You are right Lunafreya, sometimes you just have to put your head down and go through and Chin'N'Stu exactly! it's the combination of aggravating behaviour and low resilience... I had a late night working from home last night so I'm sure that has something to do with it.

#6 CallMeFeral

Posted 10 March 2020 - 04:37 PM

Yelling at your kids is a rite of passage. Don't beat yourself up over it.

#7 Treasure Island

Posted 10 March 2020 - 04:58 PM

I remember when my oldest was a toddler picking him up and just screaming "what do you want??" Well obviously he wanted me lol but I was tired and just wanted to be left alone for a few minutes while he played and all he wanted was to sit on my lap :rolleyes: . Even now I feel awful about it but he is 16 and doesn't hate me and likely doesn't remember. I made so many mistakes with him and he definitely copped the brunt of it like I suspect many first children do. Parenting is a massive learning curve and there is so much no one tells you about.

#8 Hands Up

Posted 10 March 2020 - 05:03 PM

Yeah DS was about 16 months the first time I lost my temper with h him. He was screaming at me as I was feeding his little brother and he just wanted to be picked up. I felt bad for him but I couldn’t do anything and then I just lost it and yelled back. He was just as shocked as I was but seconds later curled up at my feet and fell asleep while stroking my leg with me whispering sorry baby over and over. Ahhh parenthood. He’s five and seems unscathed despite me having more of those moments.

#9 EsmeLennox

Posted 10 March 2020 - 05:25 PM

Of course it’s normal. We’re parents, not robots.

#10 Anon wife

Posted 10 March 2020 - 05:30 PM

I’ll help you feel better...I smacked my 1 yr old for doing this. I was absolutely at the end of my rope & needed 3 people to hold him down every nappy change! Turns out he has ASD, this was 9 years ago and I still feel awful.

#11 Kallie88

Posted 10 March 2020 - 05:31 PM

Jeez, if I had a dollar for every time i've yelled at the kids...i don't even wanna know. We're only human and the tiny people seem to have an innate knack for pushing our buttons. I'm not usually an angry person, so I was not prepared for how much sleep deprivation and constant neediness and noise would impact that. Don't beat yourself up, keep an eye on your triggers, try to look after yourself as much as possible, remember we all make mistakes xx

#12 JoanHolloway

Posted 10 March 2020 - 06:01 PM

Thanks everyone for your support! It means a lot. Good to have such a place to vent and know I am not alone/crazy!!




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