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12 1/2 DS not wanting to do anything


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#1 Lovesherboy

Posted 16 March 2020 - 07:48 PM

Hi!
We have a son that is 12 1/2 and he won’t do anything other than sit in his room and watch tv he isn’t gaming because he lost the privilege

He doesn’t live any where near child’s his age, he plays hockey once a week but one week left

Any ideas to het him out of his room to do something?  

I’ve looked into clubs and stuff to do but I’m 30 minutes from the local towns and he is on the bus until 430 in the arvo?

Edited by Lovesherboy, 16 March 2020 - 08:38 PM.


#2 seayork2002

Posted 16 March 2020 - 08:15 PM

We have got Lego teknikic (sp?) for ds12.5  hopefully next term he will be back at scouts.

He had never been into doing an activity/team sports other than that

#3 magic_marker

Posted 16 March 2020 - 08:27 PM

Take the TV out of his room.

#4 Lovesherboy

Posted 16 March 2020 - 08:38 PM

Tv was his birthday present but if we limit it what else could he do? If he isn’t watching it in his room he taking over another tv elsewhere

#5 got my tinsel on

Posted 16 March 2020 - 08:52 PM

Do you have any work/projects in the garden that you could make him responsible for?

Watering a couple of times per week

Digging a new garden bed - a small area each day

Walk the dog


Don't know where you live, but with the weather cooling down, it will probably start getting dark not all that long after he arrives home from school.

When does he do his homework if he's arriving home at 4:30?

Homework first, then help making dinner is a possibility.

Board games

Really difficult jigsaw puzzles.

#6 Etta

Posted 16 March 2020 - 08:54 PM

Just because it was his birthday present doesn't mean he gets unlimited use of it. You could put a time restriction on it.

What else could he do? Maybe that is for him to figure out, not you. Give him a list of activities such as dishes, cooking, gardening, go for a walk or a bike ride, reading, drawing, and then it is up to him do work it out.

#7 qak

Posted 16 March 2020 - 09:00 PM

Can he do anything closer to school, earlier, then get the bus home?

Are you home with him? Can you do things 'together'?

Cooking, gardening, cleaning.

#8 seemingly

Posted 16 March 2020 - 09:04 PM

Take an interest in his school work - get him to explain concepts to you.

#9 Ozquoll

Posted 16 March 2020 - 09:06 PM

Are you on acreage OP? Could he muck around with mechanical things, get a pet (sheep, goat, chooks, etc), start a business that requires a bit of space? Could he become responsible for weeknight cooking - planning, preparation and clean -up included? Is he creative - perhaps he could make a YouTube documentary about where you live and what makes it special.

Edited by Ozquoll, 16 March 2020 - 09:07 PM.


#10 Lovesherboy

Posted 17 March 2020 - 12:15 AM

We are on 4 acres dh and I aren’t into any pets

He wont ride his bike or even go outside

He does homework when he gets home but tells me he does all his work in class so doesn’t need to do it after school

We are home after school pick up

We don’t have any gardens as such being on acreage

If he doesn’t get the bus home he doesn’t have access to getting to any other things and then I drive hour round trip to go get him. We are a small community and everything starts while he is still on the bus coming home from school

He does go to study group Friday after school but I drive a hour from work to collect then half hour home we get home by 7

#11 born.a.girl

Posted 17 March 2020 - 04:49 AM

I see you have a second child.

Backyard cricket for a time every afternoon after school for the whole family.

#12 Lovesherboy

Posted 17 March 2020 - 10:01 AM

Hubby gets home 530 me 430 my second son is 4 years apart my ds12 wants nothing to do with my ds8

#13 born.a.girl

Posted 17 March 2020 - 10:05 AM

View PostLovesherboy, on 17 March 2020 - 10:01 AM, said:

Hubby gets home 530 me 430 my second son is 4 years apart my ds12 wants nothing to do with my ds8


Six pm each night is half an hour of backyard cricket, or whatever.

Surely he doesn't get to dictate all the rules?

Make it bribery if you must - time in his room with the TV is dependent on him joining in.

#14 Lovesherboy

Posted 17 March 2020 - 10:32 AM

No he doesn’t dictate what we do. With dinners showers homework sometimes its a push to get it all done before bed time

Edited by Lovesherboy, 17 March 2020 - 03:40 PM.


#15 BadCat

Posted 17 March 2020 - 10:50 AM

Take him to a psychologist.

You can't make him do things if he doesn't want to.  And even if you can, it doesn't fix the underlying problem.  Get him to a psych to find out why he's so isolated and how he can change it.

#16 2bundles

Posted 17 March 2020 - 11:09 AM

We struggle to get DS17 to do things too.  We have started walking with him.  
I like the idea of a family outdoor game.
I also like the idea of a veggie patch.

I feel your pain.  DS rarely leaves his room and we live in the inner city!

#17 Jingleflea

Posted 17 March 2020 - 11:27 AM

I'm with Badcat, I'd want to see if there's an underlying issue such as depression or being bullied at school or the like.

#18 2bundles

Posted 17 March 2020 - 02:47 PM

View PostJingleflea, on 17 March 2020 - 11:27 AM, said:

I'm with Badcat, I'd want to see if there's an underlying issue such as depression or being bullied at school or the like.

Do you guys have teenage boys?  They are not all social animals.  Mine is certainly not depressed.

#19 Lovesherboy

Posted 17 March 2020 - 03:40 PM

He is pretty open with us isnt getting bullied and he is only depressed because he cant game like his friends

#20 got my tinsel on

Posted 17 March 2020 - 03:50 PM

I think a part of the problem is that he has no opportunity to 'socialise' with his friends outside of school because of where you live and the only way he had has been taken away.

Does he have an opportunity on weekends to see his friends, do you facilitate that for him by driving him?

School - bus - home doesn't sound like much fun five days of the week.  And if he's not seeing his friends on weekends, that makes for a long dreary week.

#21 Lovesherboy

Posted 17 March 2020 - 03:59 PM

He is on the bus with friends after school, has been doing hockey Thursday nights and goes to Social club/study group Friday after school

I am at a loss to what else I can get him involved in without taking up every night of my week

#22 MsLaurie

Posted 17 March 2020 - 04:17 PM

Is he bothered by the situation (apart from the lack of gaming)?

#23 born.a.girl

Posted 17 March 2020 - 04:25 PM

View Postgot my tinsel on, on 17 March 2020 - 03:50 PM, said:

I think a part of the problem is that he has no opportunity to 'socialise' with his friends outside of school because of where you live and the only way he had has been taken away.

Does he have an opportunity on weekends to see his friends, do you facilitate that for him by driving him?

School - bus - home doesn't sound like much fun five days of the week.  And if he's not seeing his friends on weekends, that makes for a long dreary week.


I was a bit older, but come to think of it I spent an awful lot of time in my room when we lived somewhere that once you were home, that was it, although my chance to meet friends on the weekend was only zero because my alcoholic father refused to drive me anywhere even when he was sober.

A thought, OP, how about inviting a friend home after either thursday hockey or friday night social club,and the other parent to collect on Sat, if it's the friday night?

I know you'd say they'd just sit and watch TV, or game but at least that's interacting with another human, not just his own company.

Perhaps do a double up with the younger one (if you can face it :)  ). They wouldn't be the first older kids to suddenly find something being done with younger ones was something they wanted to join!

#24 Lovesherboy

Posted 17 March 2020 - 04:26 PM

Not really he rather sit in his room watch tv and game but we are wanting him to do something more than that

All his friends are over a hour away from me so parents arent keen to collect from my place so late at night on a school night his games sometimes finish at 8 and we dont get home until 8.30 then its bed time for him to wake for 6 to get on the bus

Edited by Lovesherboy, 17 March 2020 - 04:27 PM.


#25 Tokra

Posted 17 March 2020 - 04:54 PM

If you are on 4 acres then surely you can give him some space to build a garden? Get a trampoline? Some digging tools or something.




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