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#1 Maree83

Posted 25 March 2020 - 07:19 AM

Hi Guys,  I am feeling awful today as I will have to cancel my little girls birthday party,  she has been looking forward to it for months.
With all the stuff going on at the moment,  it just doesn't seem possible. We were supposed to go to the park this weekend but I think it is on the cards that will soon be restricted, if it hasn't already. We already made it a small party, but still seems too risky,  plus I wouldn't be surprised if everyone pulled out anyway.
I gave my eldest a party this year, so I feel like I have failed my youngest.
She is turning 4yo, does anyone have any ideas on how to make it extra special for her?
Do you think I could invite a small number of guests to our house? She adores her grandparents (in there 60's), could I invite them, plus a there two aunties, with there two girls (teenagers)? So, 6 other people?
Sorry,  this is uncharted territory, so I am confused about what I can and should do.

#2 cinnamonnutmeg

Posted 25 March 2020 - 07:36 AM

My daughter has been planning her 4th birthday (end of April) since the start of January and we have started preparing her for the reality its going to be cancelled.

We are planning:
- our usual burthday week decorations (a big banner)
- a special birthday dinner and cake the night before her brother leaves (he is in shared care). She can pick dinner and we'll do party poppers and movies.
- on her birthday day we'll do choc chip pancake breakfast and then her choice aaaaaaall day. Within reason. We will try and go to a park (depends on restrictions at that point). I will play barbies. She can pick the telly. And she gets to wear her party dress all day (her entire party was planned around a trip to bibbidi boppidi boutique).

We're lucky DD will just enjoy being queen of the castle for the day lol

#3 born.a.girl

Posted 25 March 2020 - 07:51 AM

No, please don't have the party or invite anyone.


I know it's crushing, I know it's hard at that age to understand. Everyone's under pressure on so many fronts.


My husband turned 70 yesterday.  His sister (who has one of his kidneys, so it's an extremely close relationship) was supposed to be here.  We did it via messenger right through the singing and cutting of the cake.  It was fun.


https://www.abc.net....-chart/12084144


Don't be that person, be this person (on the image).

If only 70% observe the rules, we won't flatten the curve.

#4 NikiOne

Posted 25 March 2020 - 07:57 AM

I'm just listening to Dan Andrews say "no parties, no parties, no parties" and so no, no grandparents, no aunties :(

4 yearolds are robust, mine has had her life turned upside down repeatedly in the last 2 weeks (we are isolating because of me) but as long as she has us and we step up to fill the voids and give a few extra hugs she is ok

#5 seayork2002

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:03 AM

No I would not have any part at all! sure I don't like disappointing my son but that is part of life.

#6 Luci

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:04 AM

Agree with the above posters, please don’t invite people over. In the Sydney Morning Herald this morning it said that ScoMo has advised that family bbq’s, children’s birthday parties & dinner parties must be cancelled.

#7 Crombek

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:06 AM

So I can't have my parents over on Tuesday for cake, but I can have my parents over for childcare on Wednesday while I work? Can someone please give me an internal consistent response about how one is inherently riskier than another, because I'm breaking my brain here trying to figure it out!!!

#8 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:08 AM

Dont invite anyone, no party.

Facetime or skype relatives.

Fill her room or the rom you do presents in with balloons.
Cover her door in streamers.
Make her a special breakfast - shaped pancakes or eggs and bacon.
Let her pick her favourite dinner.
Make a special cake.
Have a movie night with lots of snacks - her pick.

Really just let her run the day.

#9 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:09 AM

View PostCrombek, on 25 March 2020 - 08:06 AM, said:

So I can't have my parents over on Tuesday for cake, but I can have my parents over for childcare on Wednesday while I work? Can someone please give me an internal consistent response about how one is inherently riskier than another, because I'm breaking my brain here trying to figure it out!!!

You shouldnt be doing either - I thought it had been made pretty clear from the beginning that grandparents shouldnt be doing any kind of care for children due to the level of risk.

#10 NikiOne

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:10 AM

View PostCrombek, on 25 March 2020 - 08:06 AM, said:

So I can't have my parents over on Tuesday for cake, but I can have my parents over for childcare on Wednesday while I work? Can someone please give me an internal consistent response about how one is inherently riskier than another, because I'm breaking my brain here trying to figure it out!!!
So I wouldn't be comfortable using parents for childcare unless the children are otherwise isolating....do not kill granny!
Also working is an essential service, cake is not

#11 Crombek

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:12 AM

I actually don't have a choice. I'm an essential worker.

#12 born.a.girl

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:23 AM

View PostCrombek, on 25 March 2020 - 08:12 AM, said:

I actually don't have a choice. I'm an essential worker.


I'm sorry you're having to go through this - the distress for so many is significant.

I think you could compare the two situations to a supermarket checkout person, and a someone behind the counter at Timezone.

One's essential for keeping the country running, the other is optional.

Party = optional

Childcare = not optional.

We're being asked to ditch the non-essential.


It's not about risk, it's about need vs want.

If we ditch ALL of the wants, and only stick with the needs, we can flatten the curve.

#13 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:27 AM

View PostCrombek, on 25 March 2020 - 08:12 AM, said:

I actually don't have a choice. I'm an essential worker.

You don't.  I think people should be less quick to condem others. Alot of people are making tough choices because they're essential workers.

I tend to think of it like Bag.  Essential risked versus needs. Though if your mother's looking after your DD everyweek I'm not sure there's an actual difference in the risk assessment.

Edited by SM3s Fight Song, 25 March 2020 - 08:29 AM.


#14 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:30 AM

View PostSM3s Fight Song, on 25 March 2020 - 08:27 AM, said:

You don't.  I think people should be less quick to condem others. Alot of people are making tough choices because they're essential workers.  There's no one fits all solution. Not everyone has the option to isolate.

No one condemned her.

I answered the question based on the facts she supplied. I didnt know she was an essential worker. I was answering based on what has been said in that post.

If she doesnt have a choice, she doesnt have a choice - it is what it is.

Edited by ~Jolly_F~, 25 March 2020 - 08:31 AM.


#15 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:32 AM

Jollyf I wasn't responding to your post.  I think don't kill granny is way too emotive in a situation where people are going to die and many people are worried about their parents safety.  There will be enough guilt and pain flying around before this ends as it is.

Edited by SM3s Fight Song, 25 March 2020 - 08:37 AM.


#16 Crombek

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:36 AM

It's fine, I'm not feeling piled on. Just very very confused and unsure how to balance everyone's health with my employer directive.

#17 born.a.girl

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:44 AM

View PostSM3s Fight Song, on 25 March 2020 - 08:27 AM, said:

You don't.  I think people should be less quick to condem others. Alot of people are making tough choices because they're essential workers.

I tend to think of it like Bag.  Essential risked versus needs. Though if your mother's looking after your DD everyweek I'm not sure there's an actual difference in the risk assessment.


It's getting off topic now, but I'd see that as different.

If you are in the person presence of someone five days a week, you're at higher risk than four days a week.

It's not just person to person, it's person to surface to person, and if someone has it on their hands or something they bring in to the house, and that happens only on the 'cake' day, then that's an avoidable risk.

(Not specifically talking about Crombek's 'cake', just the generic 'cake'.)

#18 Crombek

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:48 AM

How does all this even work in multigenerational households anyway? I think we'll just have a cake when we see them after work. I don't think the cake is inherently risky.

#19 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:52 AM

I like your cake day analogy BAG.  Though I was more wondering if there's an actual statistically significant difference in the risk levels. I don't think we have the data to confirm one way or the other.  I still class the two as different in my mind and think we should risk minimise.  But it feels strange to think one is OK but the others not.  Cognitive dissonance maybe.


OP I've told my kids there parties are currently delayed, and we'll have them if the situation changes before school ends for the year.  Don't know if that's helpful but maybe an option.

Eta: sorry for taking things off topic.  That comment really hit me.  I am worried for my Dad, who has to still work in retail.  I was worried Crombek was feeling that way too.  Will bow out now.

Edited by SM3s Fight Song, 25 March 2020 - 08:55 AM.


#20 seayork2002

Posted 25 March 2020 - 08:53 AM

View PostCrombek, on 25 March 2020 - 08:48 AM, said:

How does all this even work in multigenerational households anyway? I think we'll just have a cake when we see them after work. I don't think the cake is inherently risky.

As I understand it people who live in one house are no different if they are a couple or 10 different people of lots of generations or a single parent with 8 kids etc.

they are all in one house.

This is different to outside friends/family coming into that house for their own houses

#21 born.a.girl

Posted 25 March 2020 - 09:06 AM

View PostSM3s Fight Song, on 25 March 2020 - 08:52 AM, said:

I like your cake day analogy BAG.  Though I was more wondering if there's an actual statistically significant difference in the risk levels. I don't think we have the data to confirm one way or the other.  I still class the two as different in my mind and think we should risk minimise.  But it feels strange to think one is OK but the others not.  Cognitive dissonance maybe.


OP I've told my kids there parties are currently delayed, and we'll have them if the situation changes before school ends for the year.  Don't know if that's helpful but maybe an option.

Eta: sorry for taking things off topic.  That comment really hit me.  I am worried for my Dad, who has to still work in retail.  I was worried Crombek was feeling that way too.  Will bow out now.


With an unprecedented situation in the world, our thinking is not always going to be logical or methodical because the bliddy virus has turned our normal thinking patterns on its head.

The way I see it you can look at the risk of ten minutes, ten hours, or ten days in the company of someone who's going out into the world each day, and see the clear difference in risk.

Some of it's essential, some not.  The risk on each of those two days is the same but if you add them together you can double the risk.

#22 Maree83

Posted 25 March 2020 - 09:11 AM

Thanks for the replies guys. For anyone who may think that I don't care or I am not being considerate of the situation,  I promise that isn't the case.
I too am an essential worker and currently my parents do mind my children one day a week after school. I have no one else to mind them really.
So, contact has been minimized (I used to see them quite regularly), but not stopped completely.
I am very confused by the situation, I was under the impression that you can have 10 or less people?
If we had anyone over, it was going to be outside,  cupcakes instead of cake (so she can blow out  a candle on her own cake) and keep it short.
I was even going to provide gloves.
I am  not taking it lightly. On a side note,  I just spoke to my daughter's kindy and they told me that we can put on a little party there, so I think they may have solved my problem.

#23 Soontobegran

Posted 25 March 2020 - 09:14 AM

Nobody should partake in non essential visits. It is my grand daughter's birthday on Sunday, instead of a party at a park with all her family and school friends we will be doing a drive by to drop her present and sing Happy Birthday from the car.

The longer we have the mindset of " it won't matter just for a short while" the longer and the worse the isolation will get.

It is tough but we just need to do what is responsible. I had my grandson yesterday because of the need to work.........we exercised social distancing and scrubbed ourselves relentlessly. That is different it is a need and not a want.

#24 Soontobegran

Posted 25 March 2020 - 09:15 AM

View PostMaree83, on 25 March 2020 - 09:11 AM, said:

Thanks for the replies guys. For anyone who may think that I don't care or I am not being considerate of the situation,  I promise that isn't the case.
I too am an essential worker and currently my parents do mind my children one day a week after school. I have no one else to mind them really.
So, contact has been minimized (I used to see them quite regularly), but not stopped completely.
I am very confused by the situation, I was under the impression that you can have 10 or less people?
If we had anyone over, it was going to be outside,  cupcakes instead of cake (so she can blow out  a candle on her own cake) and keep it short.
I was even going to provide gloves.
I am  not taking it lightly. On a side note,  I just spoke to my daughter's kindy and they told me that we can put on a little party there, so I think they may have solved my problem.

If you can have 10 people each with their own 1.5 metres then the risk is lessened but how hard would that be to police........I could not stand the stress.

#25 born.a.girl

Posted 25 March 2020 - 09:19 AM

View PostMaree83, on 25 March 2020 - 09:11 AM, said:

Thanks for the replies guys. For anyone who may think that I don't care or I am not being considerate of the situation,  I promise that isn't the case.
I too am an essential worker and currently my parents do mind my children one day a week after school. I have no one else to mind them really.
So, contact has been minimized (I used to see them quite regularly), but not stopped completely.
I am very confused by the situation, I was under the impression that you can have 10 or less people?
If we had anyone over, it was going to be outside,  cupcakes instead of cake (so she can blow out  a candle on her own cake) and keep it short.
I was even going to provide gloves.
I am  not taking it lightly. On a side note,  I just spoke to my daughter's kindy and they told me that we can put on a little party there, so I think they may have solved my problem.


We've been asked to avoid, avoid, avoid ... but if we do have them to follow the guidelines of social distancing, and I'm not sure that's achievable in that circumstance.

Again, I think it gets back to not so much can we, but should we.




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