Jump to content

Family situation please help.


  • Please log in to reply
41 replies to this topic

#1 kadoodle

Posted 29 March 2020 - 09:41 PM

My dad’s youngest sister is in her early 50s, has a mild/borderline intellectual impairment and is being taken advantage of (paying way to much and sexually harassed) in her current group home. She’s moved out (in a tent, by herself) and asked me to help.

My parents live in a 4bm house, so taking her in wouldn’t be an issue. I live on a farm, and the shearer’s quarters are basic, but clean and free. But she says she doesn’t want to put people out. I’m going to insist, but should I?

How do I weigh up protecting someone and stepping on their toes?

#2 melanieb530

Posted 29 March 2020 - 09:49 PM

Can you support her to transfer to a more suitable group home if that’s something she would consider.

#3 CallMeFeral

Posted 29 March 2020 - 09:51 PM

Insist. Someone saying they don't want to put people out is more like "please reassure me that it's not putting you out". If they say "leave me alone because I'm happy as I am because of xyz" - then you weigh stuff up.

#4 GreenEgg

Posted 29 March 2020 - 09:52 PM

Are you able to word it so it seems like she's the one doing you a favour? Ie 'given current situation I'd love  some to have another set of eyes on mum and dad' or 'my house is crazy and I'd love another adult around when  I have to do the groceries/work  so i don't have to take the kids/keep an eye on gargoyle etc'

#5 kadoodle

Posted 29 March 2020 - 09:55 PM

View PostCallMeFeral, on 29 March 2020 - 09:51 PM, said:

Insist. Someone saying they don't want to put people out is more like "please reassure me that it's not putting you out". If they say "leave me alone because I'm happy as I am because of xyz" - then you weigh stuff up.

With that in mind, I’ll go and collect her tomorrow. Lure her with the promise of kittens to play with. VicPol will see it as essential, shouldn’t they?

#6 Bethlehem Babe

Posted 29 March 2020 - 09:57 PM

View Postkadoodle, on 29 March 2020 - 09:55 PM, said:



With that in mind, I’ll go and collect her tomorrow. Lure her with the promise of kittens to play with. VicPol will see it as essential, shouldn’t they?
I should think so. The last thing they would want is her being vulnerable when she could be with safe family.

#7 lizzzard

Posted 29 March 2020 - 09:59 PM

I would ‘insist’ but frame it as an interim measure until some other solution is found that she prefers.

#8 YumChaTheSecond

Posted 29 March 2020 - 09:59 PM

You're doing a good thing Kadoodle!

#9 kadoodle

Posted 29 March 2020 - 10:04 PM

It feels like interfering and overreaching, but I’m worried.

#10 BECZ

Posted 29 March 2020 - 10:04 PM

View Postkadoodle, on 29 March 2020 - 09:55 PM, said:



With that in mind, I’ll go and collect her tomorrow. Lure her with the promise of kittens to play with. VicPol will see it as essential, shouldn’t they?

I’m sure it will be fine, but could you even call your local station in advance and let them know what you are doing in case they question you?

#11 Prancer is coming

Posted 29 March 2020 - 10:05 PM

Do you know what happened in the last accommodation?  Does she have support (eg NDIS or some sort of support worker?)  if she has some sort of support already, maybe check with her if you can make contact with her support to offer your services and they may be able to assist you with the arrangement.  If she does not have support, highly recommend getting her some.  IQ 70 or under should qualify for NDIS from what I have heard?

Are you clear on care needs?  It is not just offering her a house, but depending on her needs and your location (with farm I am assuming rural?) you may need to help with transport, organising appointments, assisting with living skills and money matters and she may require more than just a room.  She may know this, may not want to put you out or may just not want to live with you, so hard to know what to do.  But by offering, letting her know she can change her mind and keeping in contact, it might help her to know she is welcome.

Edited by Prancer is coming, 29 March 2020 - 10:07 PM.


#12 kadoodle

Posted 29 March 2020 - 10:16 PM

She refuses to deal with a support worker or NDIS after a support worker sexually assaulted her last year. She refuses to deal with her sisters, because they apparently pick on her and call her a dumb blonde. She’s ok with my dad, but not her other brothers (family of 11, she’s the youngest). My mum’s really not keen on having her, but will suck it up because family.

According to the “senior” at her facility, there was an incident, but it’s being dealt with in-house. According to my aunt, they can all **** themselves because she’s not going back there.

#13 Tinselonthefloor

Posted 29 March 2020 - 10:16 PM

Oh Kadoodle, you're an incredible human being with the most expansive heart. Whatever help you provide will be great, I have no doubt ❤️

#14 Paddlepop

Posted 29 March 2020 - 10:28 PM

View PostGreenEgg, on 29 March 2020 - 09:52 PM, said:

Are you able to word it so it seems like she's the one doing you a favour? Ie 'given current situation I'd love  some to have another set of eyes on mum and dad' or 'my house is crazy and I'd love another adult around when  I have to do the groceries/work  so i don't have to take the kids/keep an eye on gargoyle etc'

View Postlizzzard, on 29 March 2020 - 09:59 PM, said:

I would ‘insist’ but frame it as an interim measure until some other solution is found that she prefers.

I like these suggestions. She is far better off with you, and with being in proper accommodation rather than a tent with cold weather approaching. Tent and cold weather is a recipe impaired response to infection.

I like your aunt's attitude.

You are doing a wonderful thing by taking her in. :heart:

#15 CallMeFeral

Posted 29 March 2020 - 10:35 PM

View Postkadoodle, on 29 March 2020 - 10:04 PM, said:

It feels like interfering and overreaching, but I’m worried.

She's asked you for help though. Was she specific in what that meant?
It doesn't sound like you're overreaching. You're helping, as requested.

#16 Bono25

Posted 30 March 2020 - 05:23 AM

It's essential travel on compassionate grounds. It sounds like trip to the police station may be needed anyway, if the home is trying to cover 'incidents' up and not report them. I hope she's OK

#17 ekbaby

Posted 30 March 2020 - 05:52 AM

Just for your aunts info, living in a tent is becoming extra difficult ATM. My brother & his family are “young nomads” living in a camper trailer & moving around, currently 3 states away from us. The state govt has shut down all campgrounds and caravan parks. They had the police visiting them every day telling them they need to move on, until they found a rental (the police were sympathetic but firm that they’ve been told ppl either need to go home if they have a home or find a “bricks & mortar” home if they don’t)
So even if she would like to stay in her tent she may be told by the authorities it’s not an option.

#18 IamzFeralz

Posted 30 March 2020 - 05:53 AM

I don’t think it’s overreaching at all.  She is very vulnerable alone in a tent in a pandemic.  The police are busy and distracted which means predators will be making good use of their time in group homes and outside.

Is it possible to speak to the family members who are nasty to her so that she does not feel so unwanted?

What a tricky situation.

Edited by IamzFeralz, 30 March 2020 - 05:54 AM.


#19 kadoodle

Posted 30 March 2020 - 06:43 AM

A visit from the police would have her going bonkers at them, and likely arrested. She also doesn’t want them involved in the group home, because they’ve been called there before and she’s been assaulted for being uncooperative. She’s very fearful of police, and has had a few very uncomfortable dealings with them.

#20 Not Escapin Xmas

Posted 30 March 2020 - 06:52 AM

Just go and get her. You’ll feel much better for it afterwards.

#21 kadoodle

Posted 30 March 2020 - 08:01 AM

View PostCallMeFeral, on 29 March 2020 - 10:35 PM, said:



She's asked you for help though. Was she specific in what that meant?
It doesn't sound like you're overreaching. You're helping, as requested.

By help, she means moving her stuff into her tent, helping her stop it falling down, and buying her some goon and smokes.

#22 MadMarchMasterchef

Posted 30 March 2020 - 08:17 AM

View PostGreenEgg, on 29 March 2020 - 09:52 PM, said:

Are you able to word it so it seems like she's the one doing you a favour? Ie 'given current situation I'd love  some to have another set of eyes on mum and dad' or 'my house is crazy and I'd love another adult around when  I have to do the groceries/work  so i don't have to take the kids/keep an eye on gargoyle etc'

Great idea!

#23 Yippee-Ki-Yay

Posted 30 March 2020 - 09:37 AM

If you feel ok with having her in your shearer's quarters, I would insist. I would also have set ground rules before anything happened such as limiting guests (easily led people are often unwilling hosts) and hygiene and noise.

Unfortunately, the issue of harassment should be reported to external authorities ASAP whether your aunt wants them to or not. Not reporting will put other vulnerable people at risk. I'd contact the local sexual assault centre (not police) and ask for advice about how to report it so that your aunt's wishes to not be dealing with the police can be accommodated. Happy to do some online research to find a phone number/email address if that will help? Just PM me the region your aunt lives in.

#24 Romeo Void

Posted 30 March 2020 - 11:19 AM

View Postkadoodle, on 29 March 2020 - 09:55 PM, said:

With that in mind, I’ll go and collect her tomorrow. Lure her with the promise of kittens to play with. VicPol will see it as essential, shouldn’t they?
DH knows someone who was denied access to visit a dying parent, I'd check to make sure.

#25 born.a.girl

Posted 30 March 2020 - 11:38 AM

View PostRomeo Void, on 30 March 2020 - 11:19 AM, said:

DH knows someone who was denied access to visit a dying parent, I'd check to make sure.


I guess it depends on whether the person was deemed to be 'in palliative care' or just deteriorating, but palliative care was differentiated from aged care visits.

I wouldn't have thought the home had the right to decline entry, unless there's more to it than we know.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 
 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Viewed Articles

 
Advertisement
 
 
 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.