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Anxiety flare up with return to school

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#1 crocodilessnap

Posted 23 May 2020 - 07:31 AM

So my 9yr old DD (ADHD/Anxiety) hit another kid in the face yesterday because he was playing with a stick near her and the noise was annoying when she was already worked up after a disagreement with a friend...

She has mostly been ok at home (though extremelly argumentative) with a few stomach complaints at school but the phone call from the assistant principal yesterday indicated her anxiety levels have been quite high this week and wants a meeting to discuss next week.

She is distraught at losing her temper like she did and hurting this other kid and will accept the consequences both at school and at home but I'm  at a loss as to how I can help her.

She is already medicated for the anxiety and her adhd but due to weight issues the pead won't consider increasing anything but lashing out physically is bad enough at home but has never happened at school before and just shows how bad it must have gotten as the meer thought of loosing her temper in front of her friends usually sends her into a tailspin.

Her anxiety levels were so good while we were all at home, the house was so calm and pleasant and despite being stuck at home with only each other to play with, her and DS barely had a disagreement but 1 week back and we are all at logger heads again.

Not sure what I'm hoping the achieve with this post other than to just get it out somewhere with people who may get it. Who may understand my devastation at this poor kid for being hurt when he was simply playing near her while at the same time feeling powerless in how I can help DD

#2 Sancti-claws

Posted 23 May 2020 - 08:17 AM

Oh I am really feeling for you - we start back next week, and although my 10yo's anxiety is generally less when actually AT school and she is not medicated (nor diagnosed with anything else but suspected) I know the knots that being a parent to someone whose anxiety can twist them.

All I can suggest is role playing (and praying, but to whom and for what is up to you!)

Does she have any strategies for dealing with such?  (and I say that knowing that the voice going off in my head about "but I bet her dd doesn't remember to use them when heightened" is going off in yours too)

Good luck.

Signed - the mother who is going to sleep with her dd in dd's single bed 2 nights out of 3 because her dd is too worried to go to sleep.

#3 crocodilessnap

Posted 23 May 2020 - 06:59 PM

She does have strategies but in the moment doesn't remember them. Lots of reminders but it's so hard when it all becomes overwhelming:(

#4 Dianalynch

Posted 23 May 2020 - 07:07 PM

I really feel for you, your dd and the kid who got hurt. It must be so difficult for your dd to hold it all together.

With ds I’ve worked with the school to continue him at home 2 days a week, school for 3 days, see how that goes, and build him back up to full time school slowly.

By the end of term 1, ds was a wreck, but with homeschool he became a calm and settled happy boy again. I just knew if he went straight back to school full time ds would suffer, the school agreed and we’re giving this a try.

#5 AsperHacker

Posted 24 May 2020 - 12:14 AM

View Postcrocodilessnap, on 23 May 2020 - 06:59 PM, said:

She does have strategies but in the moment doesn't remember them. Lots of reminders but it's so hard when it all becomes overwhelming:(

There's no remembering strategies. They have to practiced over and over and over so they become the default. It's just too hard to use *strategies* in the moment. They need to be practiced at home when there's no anxiety, when there's a little anxiety, and encouraged when anxiety ramps up. There's next to no chance of getting anybody to use healthy strategies when anxiety is heightened unless they are a default response.

#6 LambChop

Posted 24 May 2020 - 12:19 AM

That's advice that I really needed to hear right now without even knowing, thank you AH.

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