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Favourite worst jokes!

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#51 Ducky*Fuzz

Posted 21 February 2010 - 11:57 AM

I feel like a good laugh. Add some more jokes.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

#52 voldemort

Posted 23 February 2010 - 10:06 AM

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who swims the English Channel?

Clever D!ck.

#53 goldimouse

Posted 23 February 2010 - 10:15 AM

Whats big, red and eats rocks?
A big red rock eater

What's big, red and eats sand?
A big red rock eater on a diet.

How many balls of strong would it take to reach the moon?
One. But it would have to be a very big one.

#54 Baroness Bubbles

Posted 23 February 2010 - 10:19 AM

This is my fave, it carries on, as if its one joke original.gif

How do you get an elephant in the fridge?
Open the door and put him in.

How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
Open the door, take out the elephant, and put the giraffe in.

King of the jungle calls a meeting, who is not there?
The giraffe, he is still in the fridge.

Yo need to cross a crocodile infested river... how do you do it?
Swim, the crocs are at the meeting


#55 bree82

Posted 23 February 2010 - 10:21 AM

Q.  Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkly?
A.  Because if it was small, white and round it would be an aspirin.

Q. What did the farmer say to the cow on the roof?
A. (To be said with  slow drawl)  Get oof my roof...... cow

Q. What do you get if you cross a brown chicken and  brown cow?
A.  Brown Chicken, Brown Cow (Said like the Lynx(?) Ad - Bom Chicka Wah Wah)

Q. How can you tell if an elephant hs been in your fridge?
A. There are footprints in the custard

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. Because they'd look pretty funny with a hand bag

And my favourite of all time....

Q. Two Elephants fell off a cliff
A. Thump, Thump

#56 iheartmy4

Posted 23 February 2010 - 10:25 AM

These are great - need to come back later and read them all!

Right - here's a lame one:

Why is 6 afraid of 7?  Because 7 8 9.  biggrin.gif

Oh!  A science one:

Atom 1:  Oh no!  I've lost an electron!
Atom 2:  Are you sure?
Atom 1:  Yes, I'm positive!

#57 *teapot*

Posted 23 February 2010 - 10:43 AM

René Descartes walks into a bar and the bartender says, "would you like the usual, René?"
René says "I think not."


He disappears.

#58 Mel1609

Posted 27 April 2010 - 09:19 PM

So many jokes I've completely forgotten about ! Here's my contribution ....

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head ?

How do you make a hormone ?
Kick her in the tw*t

A man walk into a doctors. "Doctor doctor, I keep thinking I'm Tom Jones"
The doctor said, "it's not unusual"

A man walks into a bar, and puts his hat on the counter. A dog sitting in the corners runs over, grabs the hat and chews it up. The man says to the bartender "your dog just ate my hat". The bartender says " so what?"
The man says "well if that's your attitude .." the bartender says "it's not my attitude..." ( hat he chewed )

and finally ... (Do this one standing in front of another woman)

A woman went into a doctors office. The doctor says "can I weigh your breasts ?" The woman says ok. So the doctor goes "weigh-hey!"  - grab other womans breasts at same time.

#59 Ybnvs1988

Posted 27 April 2010 - 09:36 PM

my version of the 3 koalas joke previously mentioned.
1. why did the koala fall out of the tree?
it was dead
2. why did the 2nd koala fall out of the tree?
it died
3. why did the 3rd koala fall out of the tree?
peer group pressure
4. why did the wombat die?
the koalas fell on it. biggrin.gif

#60 Baggy

Posted 27 April 2010 - 09:49 PM

Lame jokes are the funniest. laughing2.gif

Thank you everyone!

#61 cansei de ser sexy

Posted 27 April 2010 - 09:52 PM

Apologies in advance to people who take nuns seriously...

Two nuns are driving through the woods when a vampire lands on the bottom.

"What should we do?" asks nun one.

"Show him your cross!" says nun two.

Nun one hits the horn and shouts "Get off the effing bonnet!"

#62 CherrySunday

Posted 27 April 2010 - 10:01 PM

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Idontthinkesaurus !. (I-don't-think-he-saw-us)

edited with one from DP:

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

Edited by tigerfan88, 27 April 2010 - 10:25 PM.

#63 10yeargap

Posted 27 April 2010 - 10:08 PM

Why is the ocean green?

Because the seaweed.

#64 twinboys

Posted 27 April 2010 - 10:18 PM

Q  What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?
A  Wipe it off and say sorry

Q  How does an octopuss go to war??
A  Well armed

Q  Why did the tomato blush?
A  He saw the salad dressing

Q Why did the tree blush
A  He saw the nature strip

Q  How do mice kiss?
A  Mouse to mouse ( mouth to mouth)

Ummm I use to know heaps of these types of jokes. But many have been said in previous posts.

#65 Crewdy

Posted 27 April 2010 - 10:24 PM

A sausage and an egg are lying next to each other in the sun. The sausage says to the egg, "Gee, it's hot out here!"
The egg screams, "Oh my God, it's a talking sausage!"

#66 robbie07

Posted 30 April 2010 - 09:22 PM

Sorry I know this is an old topic but just stumbled across it and couldn't resist:

Q - What are hundreds and thousands?

A - Smartie poo

#67 jessiep83

Posted 30 April 2010 - 09:44 PM

An inflatable boy went to an inflatable school with inflatable teachers and inflatable classrooms.  One day he brought a pin to school and run amok, causing chaos.  The principal dragged him into his office and said, "Boy, you've let yourself down, you've let me down and you've let the whole school down".

#68 Mamatootie

Posted 01 May 2010 - 05:09 PM

Two faves that I have now taught DD to annoy people with:

Q Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A Because they taste funny.

Q What's brown and sticky?
A A stick

#69 ChickenNuggets

Posted 01 May 2010 - 08:07 PM

A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, doctor - I have a strawberry up my bum!!"

Doctor replies: "I have some cream for that!"

#70 wallofdodo

Posted 01 May 2010 - 08:37 PM

What is black and white and eats like a horse
A zebra!

#71 la rou

Posted 02 June 2010 - 10:03 PM

How does a dog with no nose smell??



#72 Bella86

Posted 04 June 2010 - 10:49 PM

What's the difference between and egg an a beetroot...??

You can beet an egg but you can't beet a root...:-)

#73 plummum

Posted 05 June 2010 - 01:13 AM

omg, I can't believe I'm laughing at these bad jokes

my daughter's favourite:

Who wears shoes to bed?

A horse!

#74 Born Three

Posted 05 June 2010 - 01:26 AM

no offence intended:

Far away in the depths of the sea, two prawns, Justin and Christian, are swimming in the water. They are constantly being threatened by sharks.

One day Justin says: "I'm bored and frustrated with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."

Suddenly a mysterious cod appears and says: "Your wish is granted," and Justin turns into a Shark.

Horrified, Christian swims off immediately, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time goes by and Justin is bored and lonely as a shark. All his friends dash for cover whenever he is near. So when he chances upon the mysterious cod again he can't believe his luck. He begs the cod to change him from a shark, and lo and behold, he's turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swims to his friends and buys them all cocktails. Looking around at the gathering reef, he searches in vain for his old pal.

"Where's Christian?" he asks.

"At home, distraught because his best friend turned into a shark and became his enemy." came the reply.

Eager to put things right, Justin sets off for Christian's house. He bangs on the door and shouts: "It's me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and have a drink with me."

"No way!" Christian shouts back. "You'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy. I'll not be tricked by you."

Justin cries out in despair: "I've seen Cod. I'm a prawn again, Christian!"

#75 caramel creme cake

Posted 16 June 2010 - 09:27 PM

QUOTE (Mel1609 @ 27/04/2010, 09:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How do you make a hormone ?
Kick her in the tw*t

QUOTE (twinboys @ 27/04/2010, 10:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Q What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?
A Wipe it off and say sorry

roll2.gif Bah ha ha ha. These are priceless!!!

Q. How do you make an apple puff?

A. Chase it around the garden.

Two muffins are baking in the oven. One muffin says ‘It sure is hot in here’. The other muffin says “Oh my god, a talking muffin!!”

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