Edited by chelle073, 20 May 2006 - 09:38 PM.
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EB's Lost Babies.
192 replies to this topic
Posted 20 May 2006 - 09:37 PM
I just wanted to drop in and give all you girls a great big hug. Thinking of you all today and everyday. What a great family EB really is!
Edited by chelle073, 20 May 2006 - 09:38 PM.
Posted 20 May 2006 - 10:00 PM
I feel so sad reading through this thread...but so grateful as remembering and acknowledging each other's losses makes us stronger and more loving people.
Monty - Born and died at 41 weeks gestation in 2002. I still wish he was here and get so scared of losing Frances sometimes, my body just freezes up with fear. I don't know if I'll ever met Monty again, I find myself telling him how sorry I am that he's not here to experience life...with all it's hard bits and good bits.
I feel too for the twins that died recently in Adelaide, I felt so sick when I heard the news. If only we had more control in life...
Special hug to Jess – Ava’s mum, and Merzeesmum
Thank you Rachel for mentioning Monty
Toucan (Sam) I had a moment recently..I was sitting on the couch thinking of Monty and a butterfly flew into the window and landed on the picture frame with Frannie’s photo in it...it was as if Monty was saying “I acknowledge my little sister” I felt so close to him in that moment.
Love to all on EB, thanks for this opportunity Melissa
Edited by JessieW, 20 May 2006 - 10:01 PM.
Posted 21 May 2006 - 07:23 AM
I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry.
Sharon and Jessie, I'm so glad that you two have come in and added Ethan and Monty. They are two of the babies I was thinking specifically of when I started this thread.
Ladies, I'm so glad we are doing this. Where links are provided, I have read your stories, and reflected on those precious babies. Your children have had such an impact on me. Thank You for sharing their stories.
Posted 21 May 2006 - 08:59 AM
Thank you Melissa for starting this thread and so very many hugs for all the ladies who have an angel baby to remember.
The sadness of lossing a child never goes away you just learn to live for those left behind.
My darling son I too have to add to this ever growing thread. June 2002 he grew wings just 91/2 hours after he was born. He was 31 weeks gestation born healthy but attacked by Group B Strep. If we had known I was a carrier, simple penicillian would have saved him.
I long to have him here in my arms and not a day goes by without thinking of him.
With love to all at this terrible time.
Posted 21 May 2006 - 12:07 PM
Thank you Melissa for starting this thread.
I would like all my babies remembered.
M/c @ 9.4wks - 8/11/97
M/c @ 12.6wks - 6/10/04
Amelia Rose 13.5wks - 31/3/05
M/c @ 9.5wks - 24/8/05
Amelia had Downs Syndrome with excessive fluid in her little body that prevented her heart and lungs developing properly. I miss her every day.
Posted 21 May 2006 - 02:06 PM
I can't really express how sad I am for all your little angels in heaven. I have read all their stories and my son and I will make a little wish tonight to all the angel babes.
JessieW I don't know you, but I was especially touched by Monty. Love to you Monty little man.
Posted 21 May 2006 - 03:00 PM
Melissa, Thank you for this lovely gesture.
Angeliqua, That was beautiful
Mason, 25th February, 1995. At 15weeks, miscarriage.
Still to this day, I blame myself for going out, and being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was attacked by a women, who thought I was someone else.
Edited by Amadahy, 21 May 2006 - 05:23 PM.
Posted 21 May 2006 - 07:37 PM
Of course not, Tammy. Not at all! I really hope that you can put Samuel in here also. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Tina has already mentioned him.
Posted 21 May 2006 - 07:46 PM
Thank you for this thread Melissa, it is a beautiful sentiment and it is lovely to see people talking about their lost ones.
I'd like to add:
"Rosebud" lost at 13 weeks - Partial Molar Pregnancy.
A very much loved and wanted baby taken too soon.
Posted 21 May 2006 - 10:34 PM
This is such a lovely idea Melissa. I have been lucky enough to have not yet suffered such loss, but have been in tears reading all the stories. It is a privilege to share them, and a wonderful idea to honour all the angels in our hearts.
Posted 22 May 2006 - 01:06 PM
July 14 2003
January 22 2004
Both of our little girls "took the high road" early due to massive heart attacks related to their Turner's Syndrome. We remember them daily and are trying to learn from the lessons they taught us.
My heart aches for all of you.
Posted 22 May 2006 - 01:46 PM
I would like my beautiful angels to be part of this very special day.
My first little man Jayden was born at 36+5 days, sleeping. My waters broke and labour progressed and everything was A-OK. 4 hours later it was discovered that the cord was around Jayden's neck and 2 kinks in it. There was no chance for him after it was discovered, no matter what was done. He was amazingly beautiful and I think about him constantly. I miss him so much. I was pregnant within 3 months with our second son Mitchell, who was born at 30 weeks in December 2004. Our little miracle man. I still don't think I have delt with the loss of Jayden but I need to br strong for my family.
Since then I have experienced 2 early miscarriages at 9 weeks.
We have been TTC since the last m/c with no luck. Fingers crossed.
Bless all the angel babies. We will never forget them. We are really ther luckiest mummies in the world to have been choosen by these Angels.
Thank you for reading the short version of our story.
Posted 22 May 2006 - 03:46 PM
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou Melissa. What a wonderful idea, to have them all together here, remembered by us with as many or as little words as we want.
I've never posted much of 'my story' for various reasons. We lost our first baby, our daughter in October 2004. It was at our routine 19 week ultrasound that the beginning of all Kristens problems were discovered, a group congenital heart defects known as Tetralogy of Fallot. We were worried then, but later the news got worse. An amnio revealed trisomy 18; Edwards syndrome and our world as we knew it fell apart.
Kristen was stillborn 5 days later after induction at 19 weeks 5 days gestation. I think of her so many times a day and miss her achingly and lovingly. The blessing of her little sisters arrival has filled the void in my arms but not completely the hole in my heart. This is a short poem I wrote for her funeral service and that my DH read out for her.
If we were chosen to love you
Then we do
If we were chosen to cherish you
Then we will
If we were chosen to honour you
Then we can
If we were chosen to ache for you
Then we are
If we were chosen to let you go
Then we must.
I love you with all my heart my darling girl, as long as I have breath in my body, you will be remembered and loved xx
Posted 22 May 2006 - 04:06 PM
In tears after reading about all the lost babies.
To my little one lost to missed m/c 11 weeks.
And DH's brother who died of SIDS at 3 months.
Also to all my buddies in ttc after m/c and pg after loss, thinking of you all.
Posted 22 May 2006 - 05:44 PM
I too would like my angel remembered - Emily Rachel, born sleeping at 21 weeks.
Posted 22 May 2006 - 07:13 PM
I really feel for everyones loss of their little angels.
I think an EB 'Angel day' would be a great idea, so I could show my support for those wonderful women who carry these burdens(and thier families, of course)
I think the blowing bubbles is a great idea, I had a couple of other ideas as well, like if you live in a coastal area, you could throw flowers in the sea, or a river, or lights some candles at sunset (grouped together a lot of candles can look great)or some of those real big bubble maker...
I guess it would be up to the EB group in your area.
gotta go..just some thoughts...
Posted 22 May 2006 - 07:41 PM
Caelum Jason Chase 26/02/1999 Fullterm Died 33 minutes old.
Massive Haemorrage called Fetal Maternal Haemorrage.
During birth he was pumping blood to be oxygenated (as all babies do) but it wasnt returning to his body.It got stuck in the placenta. So he bleed to death and we didnt even know it was happening...then he was born all grey and noone was expecting it.
Caelum was everything. A little boy who grew inside me during one of the hottest summers I remember. My biggest baby born with also the least amount of hair. The child that gave me no end to heart burn! He WAS real. He WAS and IS my son. He was just beautiful.....I never wanted to let him go. He was just so precious, so perfect, so still. Laying him in his crib for the last time and watching the nurses wheel him away from me then leaving the hospital and driving home that hot February day is a pain I cannot describe. No words even come close to explaining what I felt/feel. The searing burn in my heart, the ache....oh the aching in my arms. The crying/howling.The feeling of just wanting to die. To seriously just go to sleep and never wake up. It is indescribable.Sometimes it is all just too much to remember.
I remember waking the next morning on the first floor of the hospital.I could hear some nurses at my door talking about me and the 'one who lost her baby' Then it hit me.
I hadnt LOST my baby, my baby was dead! OMG.....he was DEAD!
Then the nurse came in and asked me would I like to see my baby. I nodded. She left to get him and I just sat in bed trying to get my head around things. I was numb. My boy arrived all wrapped in blankets and dressed in some nighties that a lady had made for the hospital, he also had a knitted beanie on. The nurse left the room and I just looked at him from a distance. I could swear he was going to start crying, I mean thats what newborns did right? They didnt die....because BABIES DONT DIE! They just dont.
I went over to him and got him out of the crib and held him close to my chest, he was cold. I can still feel it. I sat there and I rocked him and I rocked him trying to absorb him.....but wishing I could breathe life into him.Then this overwhelming sense of grief? loss? pain? some sort of animalistic cry came over me. I cried and I screamed and I moaned like I have never ever done. The sound even frightened me.
My son was dead.......he really was dead. What was I going to do now?
Posted 22 May 2006 - 07:47 PM
Thank You so much for sharing Caelum's story. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine that kind of pain.
Posted 22 May 2006 - 08:46 PM
So many sad, sad stories.
Thank you so much for sharing them with us.
I will think of all of your beautiful angel babies on our EB rememberance day.
Posted 22 May 2006 - 09:27 PM
I would like to include my girls also as heartbreaking as it is that this list is forever growing with such treasured angel babies.
My ~Amie-Lee & Emily~ were born sleeping February 25th 2002. My beautiful girls had been diagnosed with twin to twin transfusion syndrome at 19weeks and seemed to be doing so very well and were considered safe. Suddenly at 27.3weeks both of their little hearts just stopped beating.
Holding all of us Mums close in my thoughts
Posted 22 May 2006 - 09:39 PM
Thankyou Melissa! What a lovely & warm idea
Thanks to all our EB mums who have put their angel babies stories here.
I truly hope they are playing in the EB garden together above
Posted 22 May 2006 - 09:40 PM
Thank you for sharing your story, I'm so sorry that Caelum is not in your arms.
You express it so well, I remember it all. Esp that shock, when it hits you.
I've never felt more pain, never felt more alive and in this world, every sense was on overdrive.
I dreaded that leaving her in her crib and walking away, my mind couldn't comprehend that. How do you do that?? Somehow you do. hugs to you and everyone posting here.
Edited by Toucan, 22 May 2006 - 09:43 PM.
Posted 22 May 2006 - 10:34 PM
I admire all you Mums who have posted about your little Angels. The love that comes through your words is so strong.
I have two Angels through miscarriage. My first sweet little Angel would have been 12 this year. I m/c early at approx 8 weeks. I didn't know I was preg until it was too late, as my cycles were so screwed up.
My second was the day you think you're "safe". How wrong was I. I kept my spotting to myself as I thought all was okay. No pain, no bright red blood. I think I was convinced nothing could go wrong. Sadly my precious much wanted Smiley Angels little heart had stopped. The next 24 hours are up there with being the worst of my life. I think of him every day, and I shed a tear for him every day.
They are both in my heart right along side their brothers & sisters.
*Edited* To add... Thankyou to everyone for posting your stories. It helps to know I am not alone.
Edited by ~Cinderella~, 07 August 2006 - 04:57 PM.
Posted 23 May 2006 - 07:11 AM
I havent experienced the pain that the mummies in this thread have but I want to give each and every single one of you a huge hug! Ive followed many of the stories here on EB...
Magenta Baby's Ella
And Ive wept for every single one of those babies. I admire your strength and courage and am thinking of you all the time.
Fly free little Angel Babies
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