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Posted 30 June 2006 - 04:53 PM
One of my friends wants a baby desperately (probably because im now pregnant - after many years trying..) she claims she is just going to get a donor sperm and do it that way..
im finding it really hard to accept that, probably because we have done everything to get pregnant ourselves and was seeking donor eggs when i got pregnant on my own eggs (yes, very happy with result.. am now 13weeks pregnant)
I can accept couples seeking donor sperm because partner has low sperm count or no sperm or other complications, or gay/lesbian couple seeking donor sperm or if a couple in serious relationship gets pregnant etc.. But find it hard for someone to just have a one night stand to get pregnant or use donor sperm to get pregnant..
am i being unreasonable?
what are the rules/regulations about donor sperm theses days? is anyone going through a donor sperm cycle now? please explain the complications etc to me...
are donor sperm linked to a register where the child down the track can find their dad, or find out herditory concerns etc.
thanks for helping.
Posted 30 June 2006 - 05:10 PM
I can't help much with rules and regs, I've only accessed anon DS through a clinic. I now have a 'known' donor (the very kind hubby an ED has offered). I've just posted the hiccups with that in the single woman thread in here so won't repeat it.
Are you being unreasonable? No, no way, not at all if your concerns are coming from the health of your friend and the right of any child born to know who their biological father is. Laws have changed/or are about to which means all donors have to make themselves accessible to any future offspring.
Personally, I would never access sperm that has not been cleared by an IVF clinic - it's just plain not worth the risk of catching something nasty.
I wish your friend luck and know exactly how she feels. Keep us posted.
Posted 10 July 2006 - 04:34 PM
I'm not really clear what you question is here? Has your friend said she will just go out for a one night stand to try to get pregnant or has she said she wants to find a known donor and do self-insemination? Do you have a problem with her being single and accessing donor sperm (as you seem to be OK with straight or gay couples doing it)?
Basically your friend has four viable options (discarding the one night stand as dangerous and irresponsible):
- try to find a man who is willing to donate his sperm and do DIY inseminations, making sure he has all the STD blood tests, fertility tests and that they draw up a contract detailing custody rights, access options, legal and financial responsibilities etc.
- try to find a man who is willing to donate his sperm and get him to donate at a clinic so she can do IUI with his frozen sperm under a doctor's care. This way he will legally sign away rights to the child (though they can still arrange for access/contact if mutually desired).
- go to a clinic that has an identity release sperm bank program and do IUI/IVF using a registered donor (these donors are legally obliged to have their identity released to the resulting children when the child turns 18).
- go to a clinic that has an anonymous sperm bank program and do IUI/IVF using an anonymous donor (these donors are not legally obliged to have their identity released and they are probably not listed on any register anywhere - this options is being phased out of Australian clinics due to new ethical guidelines).
The first two options mean your friend will know who the donor is and so can allow the child to know him too (either from the very beginning or when the child desires it).
The third option means that the child won't know their father as they are growing up but will be able to find out who he is once they turn 18.
The fourth option means that the child won't be able to find out who their father is.
Plenty of people pursue all four options and there are advantages and disadvantages in all. It really is a personal choice thing and as long as your friend isn't planning to do something stupid I think you should perhaps be open to talking about her options with her and helping her make the best choice for herself and the potential child.
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