Do b/feeding Dads have it easier...
Do b/feeding Dads have it easier...
, Aug 31 2005 04:48 PM
29 replies to this topic
Posted 31 August 2005 - 04:48 PM
...than Dads with bubs that are bottle fed?
I guess you can only truly answer this if you have done both. Sometimes I tend to think that DH wouldn't know what hit him if he had to make up a bottle in the middle of the night (DD is breastfed). You tend to think of these strange things at 5am with one boob out and one eye shut...
Please, I don't want a debate on which is best I am just curious as to what others think?
Me - 31
DH - 29
ADF Mum to The Princess & the 4 Legged Boxer Kids[/font]
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Posted 31 August 2005 - 05:11 PM
I dunno, depends how the baby likes chest hair in their mouth, I suppose.
Posted 31 August 2005 - 05:38 PM
During the newborn period, my DH usually rocks the baby back to sleep after I've breastfed. (So far we've had 2 unsettled newborns, so he's done lots of rocking!) With our first born, I also used to pump some nights and he'd bottle feed - we both soon realised that was too time consuming though, and I could have had baby fed and back to sleep before he'd even heated the bottle!
As they get older and they feed back to sleep easily, he gets up to them at night, does bath, nappies, does lots really. He doesn't get off lightly
Mama to J&H
Posted 31 August 2005 - 05:58 PM
Not really sure, although when my son was a newborn and it was all a novelty...lol, DP use to stay awake with me when i feed ds then he would change his nappy, burp and put him back in is cot.
He was pretty involved..but he soon grew out of that.
But, i think it was just really conviant for both of us, not to have to get up and make bottles and heat bottles and stuff. But probably when you've been doing it from day you'd be use to it....like just part of your routine.
Posted 31 August 2005 - 06:09 PM
when ds was born dh was more than happy to share the late night/early morning bottle feeds. but as he got older that wore off along with the volentary nappy changing/bathing/dressing etc. by the time dd came he wouldn't feed her let alone change her bum or anything that involved a bit of effort unless i kicked up a major fuss. thankfully i have hardly had to get up to her during the night since she was 6 weeks old.
as for havning it easyer, well since he does absolutly jack sh*t as it is, i don't see how much easyer he could get it.. :confuse:
sorry for the mini vent lol
me-24 DH-24 http://storage.msn.c...9ajWTG57qTSYeug
Posted 31 August 2005 - 06:57 PM
Yes Yes Yes!! When it came to my DH for sure. However, you can involve (voluntary or not) as much as you like by pumping and bottle feeding
bringing baby to you
DS never ever got up with me in the middle of the night, even when DS was waking up to 15 times a night, even when DS would be hysterical and I would be in tears not knowing what to do. He also wouldn't stay up to 10.30 with me to do the rollover feed so I would be up by myself...
Whoops, turned into a mini vent too!!
Mother of a 2 and a half year old
TTC as of May 2005
Posted 31 August 2005 - 07:08 PM
Yes, I reckon b/f Dads have it easier in general. But then, so too do b/f Mums! I mean, I would've HATED to have had to get up in the middle of the night to heat up bottles!
I did the whole night feed thing myself, but it was really not that bad. I quite enjoyed that 10 minutes or so to myself at 2am! I'd take a book or magazine (I became quite the reader while b/f).
But DH has very rarely gotten up to the kids, ever. He just doesn't hear them wake up.
Posted 31 August 2005 - 07:27 PM
Yes they have it easier but mine sure had to put up with a shedload of whingeing so maybe he would have preferred to just participate in making 2am bottles.
As I had to pump for so long with Mac DH was still a doll as he truly saw it as 'his' job to ensure the pumps were all sterilised and that he delivered them to me when I was due to pump (as I would pump at the computer whilst talking to you dodgy lot. LOL) so he did try to ensure that I did as little work as was humanely possible, bless him.
………Emily [5.5yrs] & Mackenzie [act:14mths/corr:11mths]</font color>
Posted 31 August 2005 - 07:59 PM
Probably depends more on the husband than the mode of feeding.
My girls both fully breastfed. My DH has shared in many sleepless nights.
My fantastic man jumps out of bed as quick as anything if I need him. Last night he heard Charlotte's huge struggle to breathe and feed at the same time from her shocking cold she has ATM in the early hours, and he got up, set up the vaporiser, wedged a blanket under her cot mattress and got some Euky rub for her.
Then was up again to DD1 (She is well trained, she ALWAYS calls for Daddy in the middle of the night)
He does more than his share of patting, rocking, singing, settling and nappies.
He took Charlotte into the shower with him this morning so that I could grab an extra bit of sleep.
DH Raff 25
DD Ella Louise (10/7/02)
DD Charlotte Lily (25/12/04)
Posted 31 August 2005 - 08:04 PM
No and certainly not once DS wouldn't have a bottle lol! I would have continued doing the ebm thing otherwise. I think it was pretty hard on him if I went out for a bit and he could do nothing to comfort him cause I had the boobs.
DH Andrew (29)
DS Elijah (1) emerg c/s
DCat Cleo (11)
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Posted 31 August 2005 - 09:20 PM
Lazy, uninvolved dads have it easier. However, they have no idea what they are missing out on.
Willow's dad is about as hands-on as you can get - the only thing he doesn't do is breastfeed (and express!). Oh and he doesn't drop her off at FDC but that's because he doesn't drive. If I needed him to, I know that I could ask the FDC lady to drop her off and he would look after her until I got home.
W is still waking for a feed at night, which is really tiring me out since I work. In return, I get a sleepin on both weekend days. Last night I came home from work and went to bed. A fed her (pureed potato ans sweet potato) and looked after her until 7:30pm when she had a feed from me and went to sleep.
He gets her ready in the mornings too, but I have to get her bag ready.
Right now he is in our bedroom trying to get her to go to sleep!
Despite not being able to physically breastfeed, he makes up for it in so many other ways.
I am fortunate that he had a useless, uninvolved father. He wants to be nothing like him.
The best thing is that he does this voluntarily, 95% of the time. He doesn't need to ask how many icecubes of food she has. He knows it's four.
Don't get me wrong though, he can be grumpy - just ask Keren!
LOL at expat!
Posted 31 August 2005 - 09:37 PM
Depends if you think the only hard bit of parenting is getting up in the night. When DS was very windy early on, DH would rock him to sleep and let him sleep on his shoulder while I caught up on sleep between feeds.
But we agreed that if DS was only needing a feed there was little point in both of us getting up, especially as DH was going to work and I wasn't and could get a nap later.
Now that I work PT, I still get up in the night to feed, but like candigirl, DH gets up to play with our son at weekends and I egt a lie-in. Plus DH is very hands on and plays, changes nappies, feeds, dresses etc our son.
I don't think he gets an easy deal.
Magnus born 3rd March 2005
Posted 31 August 2005 - 09:57 PM
I think it depends on what sort of feeder bub is .
My DD was bottlefed, but was a great feeder was very content after a feed, but was a night owl! she was awake, I was awake, so Dh better be up to help me entertain her and get her back to sleep!. she was a shockingly bad sleeper and she is nearly 2 and still not that great!
What Im getting at is that there are many factors that determin how much a father helps and luckily my DH was great and very hands.Having a baby that sleeps very little realy needs a team effort or it will send mum batty with sleep deprivation if someone cant give her a break!
so I suppose if the baby was breast fed and was a great sleeper and was not colicky or anything then yeah a dad might have it easier if a bub was breastfed, but gee I wish life was that easy!
Posted 31 August 2005 - 11:38 PM
I'll answer as someone who has done both.
DS was fully bf until about 8 weeks when I used to comp feed him a bottle at night and wasn't fully weaned until 5 months. DH used to get up when I got up, change his nappy, bring him to me and bring me a glass of water. We both used to share the rocking, patting if DS was unsettled in the early days.
DD however has been bottlefed since leaving hospital and DH has not done one feed during the night. Having said that though he quite often does the first feed of the day allowing me to sleep in and with my PND I have quite regularly slept until 9am. DD is now going for a 8 hour strecth at night which is making it a bit easier. DD has only had a few unsettled nights so when I did have to get up and feed her, it was just give her a bottle and she would go back to sleep.
As DD was our second child DH is quite often involved in doing things for DS such as bathing, reading him stories or getting him ready for bed. It is not that he doesn't want to help with DD he usually just ends up doing things for DS and I do things for DD if they both want things at the same time - it just works out that way, sometimes we swap it around so DS gets some "mummy time" and DD gets some "daddy time".
FWIW on the days that DH works he does 12 hour shifts, works 2 days then 2 nights - currently on night shift so leaves at 6am and returns at 8pm, vice versa on nightshift, by the time that he gets home I have done everything involving the children apart from DD's last feed of the night and have endured arsenic hour on my own. He then however has 4 to 5 days off before going back to work and always helps on those days off, will always bath one child and will either cook (actually he is a better cook than I am) or clean up.
I think it depends on the Dad really as to how much they help, as many of the others have said they can help out in so many other ways.
DS Joshua 12/04/02
M/C Nov 2003 molar pregnancy
DD Amy 20/05/05
Posted 01 September 2005 - 12:10 AM
In our house yes. It doesn't bother me that he doesn't get up for night feeds (because he works yada yada yada) but it does bother me that he expects the house to be running smoothly even if I've had crap nights. And, he doesn't understand how tiring breastfeeding can be - no, I'm not just sitting there relaxing!!!
m/c 9/10/02 at 20wks
Posted 01 September 2005 - 12:30 AM
When I first read tittle I thought you were comparing B/F Dads with B/F Mums.
I don't think it made a huge difference for us. DH has to get up early for work and does his share of other things during the day. I didn't expect him to deal with night times. On weekends he would sometimes get bubs (which ever one it was) and bring them in for a feed and take them back.
He's also let me have Saturday sleep in, just interupting me for feeds. Having the baby in our bed or in our room made life easier and when DD switched to the bottle it was cold and I finished work at midnight gave her a bottle, DH gave her a morning bottle and then I got up when he left.
Me 24, DH 29, DS 27/3/02 ,
DD 12-5-04, Expecting 4/2/06
Posted 01 September 2005 - 06:01 AM
I'd say they probably do, but then again when I was breastfeeding our son on a night he was sleeping in our bed & every time he wanted a feed I'd turn the light on & this woke up my husband anyway.
Our son is now breastfed during the day & bottlefed on a night & I'm still the one who gets up to him 90% of the time. While quite frankly I'd love to have a whinge about my husband right now because I had to get up twice last night...I am in the same situation as FlutterbyNorth. My husband is very hands on with the children, but he honestly just doesn't wake up all that often. He's not being lazy, he just can't hear them. Of course, this grants me full rights to have a whinge every time I have to get out of the warm bed mumbling "I can't believe you can't hear that"
Posted 01 September 2005 - 06:34 AM
OK, I thought about this going to sleep last night.
I think my DH has it harder because I breastfeed. As it is, he gets up and changes her in the night, and brings her to me. If we fed her from bottles, we'd probablyeach have one feed at night, so he'd have a longer stretch of sleep.
And during the day, when he's at home, I have to drop what I'm doing to feed her and he generally finishes it. So he's doing a lot more housework than baby care, and I'm doing more baby care than housework. And his baby care tends to be calming her and getting her to sleep, which is fairly tiring (especially on the arms and back).
Expat - Forum Whore
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Posted 01 September 2005 - 07:12 AM
Easier in what way ? I don't see what is so hard about me sitting quietly BFing, grabbing myself a quick glass of water or changing a nappy are hardly arduous (if it turned out to be more, say changing the sheets because of nappy blowout, then I'd ask for help and received it).
I'm a SAHM, so the primary carer - during the first 6 months that means a lot of nightshift work, but then I got to have a nap often during the day. Jay's away from the house working for 12 hours a day with no opportunity for a sleep. Jay took care of all of the shopping and cooked the evening meal a lot during that first intensive 6 months. So in our house we try to make it balanced in terms of how much sleep the parents get - he didn't/doesn't get up to help unless I ask, which I don't need to much unless things were hectic (like with an illness or both of them awake).
Now we share, during the week Jay gets up and deals with the dogs and I do the children. On the weekend he helps if it's relevant, I get a sleep in on Saturday mornings. He does the bath & story time a lot (when he's not working late).
I see it more as division of labour rather than each parent having to be involved in every single step together.
I'm sure there are a lot of Dads with bottle fed babies who leave everything to the Mum - what does it matter as long as the family involved is happy with the division of labour ?
Posted 01 September 2005 - 08:00 AM
Thanks for everyone's thoughts. Has been an interesting read. ROFLMAO Expat.
I do need to point out that DH is in no way lazy and is a very hands on Dad.
In the early days he would get DD for me to feed, change nappies etc etc. He will get up to DD if she is unsettled.
AND...he is pretty sympathetic with an often very tired b/feeding mummy....and will cook & clean etc when needed.
I think I was just having one of those "please just one sleep in" moment.
Though now I realise I may probably never get one of these ever again??
Posted 01 September 2005 - 11:25 AM
I'm not sure. I think DH would have had it easier if I'd breastfed, but on the other hand, he really enjoys doing the night feeds when they happen. With our first, I literally would not wake up, so he used to just get up and do it. The second time I was determined to do it and not put him out (as his family suggested that I had), but when I'd go to do it he'd get the sulks.
He said that it all just seemed to go so quicly - he'd get home, they'd pretty much go straight to bed, so night time feeds was when he really got to be close and cuddle them.
So no, I don't think my husband would see it as being easier for him - more like harder.
Posted 01 September 2005 - 11:50 AM
I b/fed my children. I never expected my DH to get up on the weeknight because he worked in the mining industry and if he went to work tired then it could lead to him or somebody else getting injured/killed.
However, I do think he had it easier than if I bottle fed because if I had bottlefed then he would have been expected to do the nighfeeds on the weekend so that I could catch up on some sleep.
Posted 01 September 2005 - 01:21 PM
I agree with SepticNecrosis, if they want to be involved they will be! or as far as baby allows anyway.
DH and I always planned that I would express so he could do the roll over feed. As it turned out DD wouldn't feed so I expressed for the first 3 mths and then she went onto formula. DH always did the roll over feed and then some. He especially enjoyed his own quiet time with DD where he could talk to her, watch her in peace and have his own stories to tell about what she was up to.
I also agree that a house with 2 sleepless parents is no fun, especially when one has to go to the paying kind of work the next day.
Am tempted to go straight to bottles for just this reason with No.2.
Posted 01 September 2005 - 02:04 PM
for the first 8 weeks of breastfeeding hell I did nothing but breastfeed (one hour of every two) and DH did everything else - the nappies, the pacing, the settling, cooking, cleaning, etc. After that he continued to be far better than me at settling (that didn't involve the boob) and did anything that involved getting out of bed at night. Basically he slept well until something had to be done out of bed and then went back to sleep, I slept very lightly with much interuption but got to stay horizontal all night. It was a reasonably fair trade. To this day he gets up and does breakfast so I can get half an hour on my own in bed after being "snuggled" half the night by DD (3.5 yrs).
Posted 01 September 2005 - 02:36 PM
I have bottle fed 2 babies and b/f 1 baby, DH had the same amount of input with all 3 boys, he would rock them to sleep, settle them so I could sleep, he always got up for every night feed when Jacob was breastfeeding, he changed him for me even at 3 in the morning and he had to work the next day.
I agree, it doesnt matter how baby is fed, I know I sure made him suffer by whinging about sore boobs and the rest LOL but he sure helped out a lot more at home when I was breastfeeding then bottle feeding cause when bottle feeding he could feed and I could do stuff, it was amazing how I always need to breastfeed Jacob when it was time to cook dinner and wash up
LOLThe 4 men in my life
This message was edited by becca99 on Thursday, 1 September 2005 @ 2:44 PM
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