b/f - does your dh get up for night feeds too?
, Jan 15 2007 05:58 AM
37 replies to this topic
Posted 15 January 2007 - 05:58 AM
If you are b/f, does your DH get up with you when you feed the baby? If he does, does he get up when he has to go to work the next morning?
When I was b/f, I didn't bother to wake DF because I didn't see the point, especially since he had work in the morning. He got a lot of grief from his family for not getting up with me, and I never understood that. They said he should get up for moral support, but what kind of moral support would I need when I am half asleep, and probrably wouldn't even notice that he was awake too.
When I stopped b/f (at 3.5 months due to medical reasons), df worked 4 days on, 4 off. When he worked, I did the night feeds, and when he was off, he did them.
Edited by *Babylove*, 15 January 2007 - 05:59 AM.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 06:02 AM
Of course not. He had his own job to go to in the morning. How selfish would it be of me to wake him up to watch me b/f?!
What would be the point?
Posted 15 January 2007 - 06:10 AM
Nope, what's the point. I also suggested he sleeps in the other room so he doesnt get woken. Tyler only just started sleeping through for now in the past week so hopefully he can come back to bed soon
Posted 15 January 2007 - 06:13 AM
No - I never saw the point in DH getting up too when there wasn't much he could do to help out
. Besides which DH is a very deep sleeper, so's lucky enough that he can sleep through it all
. DS still has a couple of b/f's through the night (at 14 months) .. I am so used to it I hardly even have to wake up to do it
Posted 15 January 2007 - 06:37 AM
My df is a deep sleeper too and didn't wake up when it was time to feed, especially since I heard ds as soon as he stirred and had him latched almost immediately when he started to cry.
Poor thing though, we had an angelcare monitor and there were some nights I was so tired that I forgot to turn it off before picking up ds...he definately woke those times!
Posted 15 January 2007 - 06:59 AM
When Liv was really little and I was breastfeeding, my DH would bring Liv into me for her feed. She was a quick feeder, so would be 5-10 mins. And I was often half asleep while feeding. Once she'd finished, he'd put her back to bed for me and we'd both get back to sleep fine.
I was lucky. He had the first two months off work
But once he got back to work, we continued it. We found that this was easier as if I got up on my own I woke up too much, I just couldn't get back to sleep; which in turn would effect the next day.
We found with both coped better this way. If I didn't get enough sleep at night, I struggled cope emotionally in the day. Its very full on in the day with a newborn.
It reversed now though, DH doesn't cope the next day physically/emotionally when Liv wakes at night now. So I do it.
DD - Olivia (23/11/04)
Edited by *~emma~*, 15 January 2007 - 07:02 AM.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:01 AM
These days most nights I pick DD up, sit down and feed her, I do that by myself - unless I am busting to go to the loo and she is already crying, he gets up to hold her or she will wake the older DD up while I go, he then goes straight back to bed. When she was little and it was much more of a production he got up for the first ten minutes to help change her nappy while I went to the loo, had a drink and made a snack etc. We had a little 10 minute routine together. He would also often get up to settle her after the feed. DH was home more than not the first 6 weeks after DD was bornso we both got random daytime naps then. But even after he was back at work - my job is to look after our kids and keep them safe, including up to 2 hrs driving the car most days, I need at least enough sleep to drive safely, how is that less important than his work?
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:15 AM
Never! He's a very deep sleeper, so he wouldn't even be disturbed when I'd switch on the lamp (on low) to change a nappy!
None of my friends can understand why I don't express more and then make DH do a feed. My POV is that he gets up at 5am to go to work and gets home at 8pm, so he has enough of a job just doing his paid job, to deal with me making him do a feed that I'm perfectly capable of doing myself!
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:17 AM
No I don't see the point either, they would just be sitting there half asleep watching you and DP has to get up early for work. My friends DP always got her to express a bottle for him at least once or twice a week so he could get up and give her a break, she didn't want him to as he has to get up early but he insisted so I always thought that was great.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:17 AM
When I was breastfeeding Willow at night, I didn't see the point in waking A up. As it was, I barely woke up myself!
He is very supportive in many other ways and it was a good way to get a nap during the day, lol!
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:24 AM
Nope not me but if I needed him he would be happy to get up and help. I didn't see much point in him waking as he still had to get up to go to work in the morning.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:25 AM
No. When the kids were born dh woke at 4 am every morning 7 days a week for work and worked a 70 hour week. He needed as much sleep as he could get as far as I was concerned. He did do the feeds when he got home in the afternoon though but boy, was the poor guy tired.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:29 AM
No he didn't. At least I could nap during the day if needed, he can't exactly take a nap during the day at work
Sometimes after putting the baby back to bed, if he (the baby) stirred DH would get up and attempt to settle the baby.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:33 AM
Of course not. He had his own job to go to in the morning. How selfish would it be of me to wake him up to watch me b/f?! What would be the point?
Totally agree. Even when I switched to bottles, I still got up during the night. I could have a sleep during the day but that's impossible for DH.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:37 AM
Wow I am alone then!
My Dh gets up everytime either of our boys wake up and has done since our first child's birth. When they are newborns he dozes while I feed and then changes them, wraps them and puts them back to bed.
And he goes to work the next day.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:43 AM
No he never really has. He's a deep sleeper. I understand the point about BF, he can't really do much but it would have been nice for him to bring the baby to me in bed or change his nappy.
I FF now but still do all the babycare. <_<
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:52 AM
no need to, we co-sleep.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:55 AM
So what we do isn't 'work' in the day?
I know I find it bloody hard. That said I don't have family near by so I don't have much chance of a break.
We share all responsibilities of raising Liv. He sees what I do in the home and for Liv in the day as hard work.
We use cloth nappies and he knows how to use and wash them as well as I do. Not because I've made him, but he enjoys all parts of looking after our daughter
DD - Olivia (23/11/04)
Edited by *~emma~*, 15 January 2007 - 08:04 AM.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 07:57 AM
Yes. Kind of.
When my babes would wake (Angus still does once a night), DH would get them from their cot and bring them to our bed for me to feed. He then falls fast asleep while I feed the baby, and then I return him to the cot.
He would also sometimes get up and give Iain a bottle of expressed milk.
He also gets the boys up in the morning and tends to the kids while preparing for work, and wakes me before leaving the house. Kids are always fed, and sometimes dressed.
Love that man.
As far as WE are concerned, I work just as hard (and a lot of the time HARDER) than him each day, and therfore no one deserves to sleep through the night more than the other.
To those that say they could "sleep during the day"....I'm gathering you only have one child? I certainly haven't had the opportunity to nap during the day since Angus was born.
Edited by two_angel_boys, 15 January 2007 - 08:02 AM.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 08:01 AM
I could never sleep in the day. Some do it, but it always made me feel worse.
DD - Olivia (23/11/04)
Edited by *~emma~*, 15 January 2007 - 08:02 AM.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 08:12 AM
When my sons were newborn DH often would get them and bring them to me and i did the rest, this was his choice and if he didnt get up i did not care..
There was no need for him to be up but i did enjoy not having to get straight out of bed
Posted 15 January 2007 - 08:20 AM
The only time he has ever got up was when he wasn't working. He works 12 hour days and it wouldn't be safe for him to be at work tired.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 08:38 AM
For a newborn?? Nope. I wouldn't want him to and don't need him to. I just whip out the boob in the dark, feed and change the babe and back to bed ASAP!
For a toddler, now that is different, I would love if he got up and sorted out DD when she makes us a nocturnal visit!!
Posted 15 January 2007 - 09:45 AM
The only time DH gets up is if DS won't settle after the feed. Daddy's little boy goes back to sleep much better with DH than me.
Normally though I don't need DH to wake up, he can't do the feed so there is no point.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 09:57 AM
When she was tiny, and we had a lot of breastfeeding issues, DH would get up with me. Dependingn on what was needed, I'd have to express, DH would give EBM or he would just keep me company and get me a drink and snack, he'd also settle her if needed.
Now that we are pretty good at beastfeeding (yay!) he doesn't get up. Some nights he will wander in and see how we're going but I try and get him to go back to sleep. He has his own job to do during the day and he can't really do much to help at night anymore. I do appreciate it when he gets up to check on us though.
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