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should i go easy on them?
4 replies to this topic
Posted 15 January 2007 - 08:10 AM
I Have 3 kids almost4yr old DD1, 20mth old DS and 5mth old DD2
I care for my 3 1/2yr old DN and twin 18mthold DN's from 7am to 6pm 7 days a week.
6kids under 4
ive only been doing this for 6mths and it might be for another 6mths.
I find it hard not to favor my kids as i have molded them into the "perfect model" of children. I love spending time alone with only myne. The nephews seem to not like my stile of parenting and just dont seem to listen. I spend my day chasing them arround catching them doing wrong.
I get so frustrated. i cant understand why i need to treat them diffrently to my own. My house, my rules. they are sleeping at grandma's house and she has no control and dosn't seem to care what there getting into. all i hear from the older one is "im allowed at home" or "im telling nonna". Im quite oftern told by my MIL that i need to go easy on them as they've been thru a lot. i think they need a stable home and predictability.
Just some background: There house burned down so mum, dad and boys moved in with MIL. Dad left for someone else soon after the move. mum has never been the care giver as dad was the SAHD. She has lost her job for not turning up anymore. she spends all day sleeping and watching TV. MIL works her ass off with my DH on our family farm.
Do you think there should be diffrent rules for them to myne?
Posted 15 January 2007 - 08:13 AM
Nope, I think your house, your rules. Regardless of wether it's your kids or not, everyone should follow the rules you set in your own household.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 08:14 AM
I believe, your house, your rules. Whenever df and I babysit his neices, if they ever say 'but we're allowed to do/eat that at home' I say 'well you're not home now, are you? While you're here, you follow our rules'
Posted 15 January 2007 - 08:20 AM
Well you are essentially raising these children now, so yes what you say goes and it should anyway if you are in charge, no matter the length of time. I must say you are worthy of sainthood but those poor kids, they have been through alot! Makes me want to go and hug my babies really tight.
Don't go too easy on them but try and remember that their rebellion may be coming from a confused place.
Posted 15 January 2007 - 09:13 AM
I think your MIL is right that they need a stable environment and predicability. But you are giving them predicability by having rules. Its not hard for kids to learn what the rules are and that they are a little different at Grandma's.
I understand its a tough time for them but maybe you can chat to your MIL about her being stricter and I'm sure your rules will be sensible ones i.e no fighting, no drawing on walls etc
And then also discuss withher to have the same punishment for the kids eg time out etc. They will benefit from having predicability this way.
I assume that what you mean by treating your kids differently is that you don't have to rouse on them. Do you chastise your kids and nephews the same if they do the same thing wrong? If so then you have nothing to worry about.
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