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WDYT of my stupid DP? (bit long and sensitive)
149 replies to this topic
Posted 28 May 2007 - 11:56 AM
MJ... Mary Jane... marijuana (though that spelling isn't right, either!!)
Posted 28 May 2007 - 12:25 PM
The pot would be making him think of some stupid stuff.
I am on anti-depressants atm, and when I first came home with them, he said maybe he should get some too.
Maybe suggest that you're on meds atm and they are helping, would he like to go to the GP himself if HE IS feeling atm and get some help - not nescessarily medication. GP will sort something out.
Posted 28 May 2007 - 12:33 PM
I'm sorry I keep banging on about him all the time. I must be starting to sound like a broken record, if I'm not already. I can see that this is just going to keep on happening, over and over again. As it has for the past 13 yrs. But he has never done what he did yesterday before.
If I tell him to get out, he makes excuses and says "soon, soon" and this time he is going to say "So you can be with (his mate)" which of course is a load of baloney. I need a break from this crap Dan, and I need to recover myself.
ETA: Cat, he is so like your Ex but has never hurt the kids. I was insisting he show me a SMS the other week, and he was telling this anonymous mate that he hoped he didn't stop texting him and I knew the rest - he likes making me question him. And that's horrible about bringing on the asthma attacks!
Edited by ♥~Silk Petal~♥, 28 May 2007 - 12:37 PM.
Posted 28 May 2007 - 12:49 PM
Sal from what I have known of you on this forum, you are a very lovely person with a great sense of humour, it still is rather a shock to know of what you are living with.
Please don't do this to yourself, you deserve so much better. If you need a support network to help either get him help or get him out etc, a plan of attack, whatever you need, please let this happen.
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:00 PM
I just told him he needed help and he shook his head and said that it was ME who needed help, not him. I said that I am quite rational, thankyou very much. He certainly doesn't see ME doing anything he does, does he think he is the normal one and I am off-balance?!
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:10 PM
He has a friend you are not allowed to know about?
What's up with that?
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:12 PM
I have no idea. I keep asking who this person is and he says "He doesn't want anyone to know about him".
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:15 PM
Sal that just proves even more so that he needs help!
Oh I had to laugh then, no laughing matter I know but have dealt with mental illness from all corners so too familiar most of this!!!!
I'd love to help, not sure what I can do from all the way over here, but let me know if you need me!!!!
P.S Maybe the person is 'Nigel'
Edited by greyhoundangel, 28 May 2007 - 02:16 PM.
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:16 PM
As an outsider, reading this thread (and I haven't read your past threads, so don't really know any background)...
To me, it sounds like your DH has a drug and mental health problem.
I am not sure how you are putting up with it.
Has this stuff been going on for a long time?
Is there a reason why he won't get help?
Does he think it is normal?
How long do you want to have that sort of stuff going on in your life?
I don't mean in the leave him sort of way, I mean, maybe it really is time that you and he went to see a GP, a counsellor and had a mental health assessment for him.
It may just be the MJ, it might simply be a chemical imbalance.
I hope things get better for you soon.
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:17 PM
I have no advice sorry ... but you and your family are in my thoughts ..
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:19 PM
So he gave you a name or did he just say 'Lets call this other person Jack?'
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:22 PM
I saw it on his phone - "You have a new message from Jack."
You have no idea how paranoid Jack makes me, keep asking if he is a woman? A criminal? Could be bloody anyone.
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:24 PM
It's just not normal, sorry.
I would be asking to sit down and have a heart to heart, and get this all out.
Suicide notes, disappearing, mistery friends, MJ smoking.
There is a point when you have to say "No more"
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:27 PM
Hmmm I would say to him, get some help or p*ss off!
Honestly how do you stay sane - you are a much stronger woman than me.
Maybe he knows that you 'will' always be there, hence why he hasn't been scared into doing something about his issue's. He keeps pushing and pushing trying to find your limits.
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:42 PM
The whole way through this thread the one thing that stood out to me was to ask if he was a drug user or not. Funnily enough that was answered for me.
Are you sure its only marijuana he is using? Could he be using something like ICE?
Sounds to me like all his issues are stemming from some long-term drug abuse? How long has he been using marijuana? His behaviour seems erratic, he is dellusional and paranoia has set in. The taking off and threatening suicide are only the tip of the iceberg. (Correct me if I am wrong about long-term drug abuse, I haven't trawled through you other posts sorry).
I think you are in a very difficult position, and he will continue to abuse you emotionally and mentally for as long as you put up with it. He doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with his behaviour, so I doubt he will do anything to change it.
You may be the one that needs to instigate the change. I am not saying move you and the kids out, but it may need to an option you really consider.
Bottom line is, you shouldn't have to put up with the trauma, and your kids don't need to be subjected to this either.
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:43 PM
I think his psychosis is caused by Mary Jane, iykwim?
Sal, if he is a heavy dope smoker and shows no signs of stopping pack his bags and turf him out. A former friend of ours went down this path and the emotional rollercoaster he put his wife and kids through was disgraceful The kids at a young age both needed therapy to get over all the mental and verbal abuse they copped from their Dad and from watching the horrible crap he put their Mum through...it is so not worth it if he is not willing to get help.
I hope this gets sorted soon, thinking of you and your family.
Posted 28 May 2007 - 02:47 PM
one of you needs to "suck it up" and leave for the sake of the children!
and yes, i have lived with domestic violence.
it got to a point where he would say he is going to kill himself/leave for someone else etc and i would just say "fine, do you need me to pack your stuff?"
Incase you hadnt realised the excuses he gave you were a crock of Sh*t. because not once did he take any responsibility for it, it was all your fault!
YOU dont give him enough sex/intimacy
YOU dont make him feel loved
supposedly his friend is in love with YOU.
blah blah blah . . . .
He needs help, but he's not about to seek any whilst your there sticking by him no matter what he does.
You need to leave for your children because they see this as normal and will look for this in their own relationships
But if you cant do it for them or yourself, do it for him so he can realise something has to change before you go back to him
Posted 28 May 2007 - 04:13 PM
If you are not ready to do what you know you need to and pack his bags, then you really should get counselling so you at least have some inner resources to deal with all this c**p.
See a psychologist ASAP. If you get a referral from your GP it will cost you very little after the rebate.
Thinking of you,
Posted 28 May 2007 - 04:39 PM
Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD)
The main feature of antisocial personality disorder (APD) is a pattern of complete disregard for the rights of others. It also involves deceit and manipulation. This personality disorder begins in childhood or early adulthood and continues into adulthood. APD was previously known as 'psychopathy' and 'sociopathy'.
For a diagnosis of APD to be made, the individual must be at least 18 years in age, and have had a history of some symptoms of 'Conduct Disorder' before age 15. The behaviours characteristic of conduct disorder fall into the following characteristics: aggression to people and animals; destruction of property; deceitfulness or theft; serious violation of rules.
The main characteristics of antisocial personality disorder are:
Unlawful behaviour - A failure to conform to social norms with resect to lawful behaviour. Persons with APD may repeatedly be involved in actions that are grounds for arrest eg. destroying property, harassing others, stealing, or pursuing illegal occupations.
Deceitful - They tend to have disregard for the wishes, rights and feelings of others. They may also frequently be deceitful and manipulative in order to gain personal profit or pleasure (eg to obtain money, sex or power). They may repeatedly lie, con others or malinger.
Impulsive Behaviour - Because of a failure to plan ahead they may have a tendency for impulsive behaviour. Decisions may be made on the spur of the moment, without forethought, and without consideration to consequences to self or others. This may lead to sudden changes of jobs, residences or relationships.
Irritability & Aggressiveness - Individuals with APD tend to be irritable and aggressive, and may repeatedly get involved in physical fights or assault.
Reckless Behaviour - Individuals with APD may display a disregard for safety of themselves or others. This can be displayed by reckless driving behaviour (recurrent speeding, driving while intoxicated, multiple accidents); involvement in high at risk sexual behaviour; neglect or failing to care for a child in a way that puts the child in danger.
Irresponsible Behaviour - These individuals may also tend to be consistently and extremely irresponsible. Behaviour that is indicative of this may include irresponsible work behaviour, for example long periods of unemployment despite several job opportunities, abandonment of jobs without plan for getting another, repeated absences from work that are not explained. Financial irresponsibility may include acts such as defaulting on debts and failing to provide child support.
Lack of Remorse - Individuals with APD show little remorse for the consequences of their acts. They tend to provide superficial excuses for their actions of having hurt, mistreated or stolen from someone (eg. 'they deserved it'). They may blame the victims of their actions for being foolish, helpless or deserving their fate. They generally fail to correct their wrong actions, or to apologise or show remorse for their behaviour.
And the unfortunate part of alot of mental illnesses is characteristics of the illness makes it impossible to see they have a problem and/or accept help or seek treatment.
BTW, how would he react if he happened to see this thread?
And do you think his texting may be a reaction to your time on EB... not saying you are on here alot, or that you don't have a right to be, just maybe he feels jealous of you being on EB (getting support, venting) and feels left out?? ETA and his personality (disorder, or not) makes him react in an irrational, manipulative way about it?
Edited by dixiebelle, 28 May 2007 - 04:58 PM.
Posted 28 May 2007 - 05:01 PM
As a sober woman, I am disgusted by your partner's behaviour. As a previously practising alcoholic I am ashamed and disgusted to admit that I used to put my partner through similar situations in the midst of alcohol-fueled episodes.
I am getting help. I love AA and hope never to return to my previous 'life' and put my partner through that hell again.
I really feel for you Sal.
Posted 28 May 2007 - 06:13 PM
I totally agree with what TheClampetts and chook*and*rats*mama said. Couldn't have said it better myself.
Posted 28 May 2007 - 06:59 PM
Just replyiing quickly to let you know I have read your replies, and thanks.
I have told him I can't and won't take this sh*t anymore.
He said he knows what he did was wrong.
And guess what, the mate who has a crush on me, his sister has just run away from home. So DP is seeing first hand what he put me through yesterday, though the circumstances are different, he is seeing the worry caused by not knowing where someone is and if they're OK.
I will be back tomorrow.
You all rock.
Edited by ♥~Silk Petal~♥, 28 May 2007 - 07:01 PM.
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