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My husband has cancer

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#26 mrsgg

Posted 30 September 2007 - 02:51 PM


I don't know you but my thoughts and prayers are with you and Wayne and your son during this hard hard time.

I hope that you can find resources to help your son through this and remember that we at EB are here for YOU, as you support your husband and son through this.

As Dani said I hope that you hear those magical words, about remission and unlikely to return and will be praying that is the case.
Chemo is a hard hard slog, I know that is took a lot out of me and no doubt your darling husband is going to feeling pretty crappy for a while.

Take Care and look afer yourself as well as your family.



#27 Lizz

Posted 30 September 2007 - 07:32 PM

When they say it's treatable but no curable - do you have any idea yet at how long they can keep it at bay?

Thinking of you Wayne and Charlie hhugs.gif

#28 MBMK

Posted 30 September 2007 - 09:25 PM

I am so sorry to read about what is happening to you and your beautiful family.

You are in my prayers and I hope you find the strength you need in this awful time.

What an amazingly strong woman you sound like, please look after yourself in this time.

Big hugs to you!

#29 ejsmum

Posted 02 October 2007 - 03:52 PM

Dani directed me over from another thread.  I have been absent for a long time!  I had to change my username as I couldn't get my old one to work (bunty).  

Wow Lezah, what a huge and terrible shock for you! So sorry to hear you are going through all this. Healing vibes and strength to your DH as he travels this road. I hope Charlie can come to terms with what is happening, and get back on track with being settled again.  Lastly to you, it sounds like you are the glue in all of this at the moment.  Take time to look after you, and keep your support network around you when you need it most.  You are in my thoughts.

#30 insertemotion

Posted 02 October 2007 - 04:29 PM

What is your husbands actual diagnosis?

You are holding up a lot better than I did  original.gif

#31 jimm2003

Posted 02 October 2007 - 06:27 PM


You don't know me but as soon as I saw Multiple Myeloma I had to reply.

My mum was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma in 1999 so I have some knowledge about it.

How's your DH holding up with the diagnosis and chemo?

Thinking of your whole family.

#32 Turps

Posted 02 October 2007 - 07:54 PM

Another from way back in the early days,wanting to send my love strenght and  hands.gif  to you Wayne and Charlie


#33 lezah

Posted 02 October 2007 - 11:43 PM

Having an up and down day - DH is doing his best in physical therapy and probably pushing himself too hard and subsequently was in pain all day. It's hard to stay upbeat when he's obviously suffering and doesn't feel like talking, so I think I had my shortest hospital visit ever today... and now I feel bad about it.

Anyway - question answering mode:

How's your DH holding up with the diagnosis and chemo?

No nausea, appetite change, noticable hair loss (apparently that begins +14-21 days ~ he's only at +6) so I guess that is a positive. On the diagnosis side, he made a comment that he's ok with the cancer, but the inability to move is really distressing - He's got approx 8 broken bones and massive amounts of pain has him bedridden/total assist for showering etc at the moment.

What is your husbands actual diagnosis?

Ummm, not quite sure if you mean diagnostic stage or prognosis - which are sort of related, anyway. We aren't certain, since I don't believe they've told DH his blood stats, but based on a few other conversations, I think he's stage 1, but not sure if its type A or B of multiple myeloma (assuming A, given the prognosis).

Prognosis is 3-5yrs without stem cell transplant. +18mth - 2 years with transplant with potential for longer remission, given his age, good health history and relative strength. Naturally, the stem cell transplant carries significant risk, but its success has rated high (>70%).

When they say it's treatable but no curable - do you have any idea yet at how long they can keep it at bay?

(hugs to Lizz btw) Well, the main part of the question was answered in the other question, but I thought I'd also add that there are people in 'deep' remission who are still fighting 10 years on - we want to be one of those people original.gif That said, all becomes clearer after the stem cell transplant which is a 3 month process that we will (hopefully) be going through in January - March. (The 'hopefully' being that I'd like us to have Christmas at home before moving to the Leukemia accomodation attached to the hospital, but if he responds really well to chemo, it may be as soon as November)

I am resisting writing in my diary until he's home - which could be Friday if he feels strong enough - but I wanted to give you all an update, since you've been so generous to me


Edited by lezah, 02 October 2007 - 11:45 PM.

#34 gumby

Posted 02 October 2007 - 11:58 PM

bbighug.gif Lezah, I'm not religious but I am hands.gif hands.gif hands.gif for your beautiful little family.

Am hoping that the chemo goes well, and please please keep us updated, even just for a ramble/rant/cry.  I wish I was more eloquent and could give you lots of words of comfort, but, all I can say is that we're thinking of you, and, only a phone call away if there is ANYTHING you need (will PM you my new numbers)...

Thanks too for the congrats, am slowly getting used to being a mum of 4 laughing2.gif

#35 LittleBT

Posted 04 October 2007 - 03:41 PM

Another one from way back  who remembers you from the early days.  I am sending my love and Prayers to you, Charlie and Wayne.

#36 *Lis*

Posted 05 October 2007 - 07:46 AM

Hi Lezah,

I too remember you well from the early days of EB and am really saddened and sorry to hear of Wayne's diagnosis.

I can't offer any words of wisdom at all, but please know that you, Wayne and Charlie are all in my thoughts.

Take care.

#37 ~Kaz~

Posted 05 October 2007 - 09:11 AM

another "oldie" popping her head in to say "i'm here" and i'm oh soooo sorry you are going through this sh*t!

all i can send to you is strength....... and support. as the others have said, lean on us here, it's not much, but it's something.  hands.gif

#38 Lizz

Posted 05 October 2007 - 09:32 PM

Off Topic - Kaz - Congratulations!!!!

#39 lezah

Posted 05 October 2007 - 10:56 PM

* laughs at Lizz
* huggles ~Kaz~ CONGRATS
* remembers this isn't a buddy group... and needs to get back to topic else our gorgeous (but fair) administrator might have to intervene (  wub.gif  to Lisa)

If I may be so bold.... this week was crap. Wayne and I have some up days and some down days ~ unfortunately, they never co-incide.

I went shopping today for things that I never hoped to have to buy - a walker, toilet/shower chairs and a wheelchair. The guys at Liberty Healthcare (Blatant plug because they deserve it) were so overwhelmed by our situation, they're going to "lend" us one of their chairs plus come to our house to work out what adjustments can be made easily to help DH move more independantly.

This week was typified (apologies ~ I even used thesaurus.com to find an easier word...) by Lezah going into a tizzy fit about absolutely nothing. DH got moved wards - lost it. Blackberry broke - would've thought the world was ending by my reaction. Came home tonight and discovered that the wall clock had fallen off its hook and smashed all over the floor - had to go buy a bottle of rum (what can I say? It was a convenient excuse?)

Anyway - I admit it - I am being precious. I will get over it, but right now I'm likely to break into tears at every tissue ad.

Will write more in my diary entry once DH is home (maybe tomorrow!!!)

Long time buddies - *please* add me back onto your MSN (or skype if you have) lists... I went mental and deleted everyone years ago  ohmy.gif  and I'm always up for a chat


#40 jules363

Posted 05 October 2007 - 11:31 PM

You're hardly being precious - not even close.  It doesn't get much harder than this, and you can be as "precious" as you feel like being.  I bet sometimes you think you don't have any right to feel like you feel, or breakdown, because HE is the one dealing with such an awful shock, and it's all about him, but it's not, this impacts on you in so many ways, and just in case you do feel guilty about any emotion you might feel about this, DON'T.  We're all here for you.

Add me to your msn if you want eyeswideshut50@hotmail.com.  I have never experienced what you are experiencing, but I know a lot about the practicalities of shower chairs, and walkers etc (2 hip replacements) and how depressed that can make you feel at a young age (I was 29).  It will make him miserable, but at the same time, it's for coming home, and being with family, and trying to live some semblance of a normal life, and get back some hope, and he can't do that while he is a hospital, he needs a normalized environment. I imagine at the very least his state of mind will improve in leaps and bounds.  It's also amazing what occupational therapists can teach you, about adapting things at home so you can use them, and move around etc.

I bet you will be so glad to have him home, and I am thinking of you.


#41 lezah

Posted 05 October 2007 - 11:52 PM

I bet sometimes you think you don't have any right to feel like you feel

You mean that its normal that I get cranky at him over trival things, then have overwhelming guilt because he's in such pain that I have no right to be cranky?

I'm so there.....

And I really think he will feel so much happier at home which will help him regain strength and confidence. At the same time, I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to care for him by myself.

I'm absolutely adamant that I won't be the overbearing and over-protective type who carries on with the "you can't do that!, you need to rest/eat/exercise, what if...?" etc - but I keep catching myself with the words on the tip of my tongue.

I said to him today that I was angry that he was sick and not me - after all the dramas I went through, I was 'ready' for my doctors to tell me the tumour had gone malignant - Not in my worst nightmare did I imagine my darling DH would be the one to suffer.

Anyway, I've got outstanding support (IRL and online) so I know we can get through all of this


#42 TheAppetiser

Posted 06 October 2007 - 12:05 AM

You sound so strong and brave and at the same time so frightened and vulnerable hhugs.gif  

You will work it all out and DH will be so glad to be home.  Take one day at a time, and give yourself the odd moments we all need to cry in the shower and scream into your pillow - then square your shoulders and get back out there fighting.

You are in my thoughts.  Now kick that Cancer's butt!!!

#43 ~Kaz~

Posted 06 October 2007 - 08:26 AM

everything you are saying lezah sounds very reasonable. he's still your Dh and he will still sh*t you even if he's sick. and if you need to say it anywhere he is the place.

good luck with him coming home. you'll be fine. just remember he's probably feeling just as guilty as you are.

off topic.... Lizz. thanks.  grin.gif

#44 insertemotion

Posted 06 October 2007 - 03:39 PM

You sound like a very strong woman who is dealing with this whole process extremely well.

He may be sick, but you are human, as is he, and unfortunately when people get sick they usually also get frustrating. If not them, the situation.

Getting upset, getting annoyed, getting angry are all normal reactions and I am sure that he knows you love him.

#45 Superman+4sisters

Posted 06 October 2007 - 07:36 PM

Lezah, my sympathy to you all on such a rotten situation.

Just wondering, is your dh in a public or a private hospital? If he's public, ask the nurses to make a referral to the Occupational therapist (I used to work in Oncology). Sounds like you have most bases covered, but they can work out with you if you need any further equipment or bits & pieces around the home.

Glad to hear though that the guys at Liberty were so helpful - there are some truly great people around, and although it's a shame  you had to meet them under these circumstances, it's good they're around when you need them original.gif

All the best, & I'll go back to lurking...

#46 ~Echolalia~

Posted 08 October 2007 - 06:31 PM

Hi Lezah, you may recognise me from over in the Autism threads, just wanted to pop in here and offer my support too, you are doing amazingly juggling everything, and all I can think of to do is send bbighug.gif your way xxx

#47 Kafkaesque

Posted 09 October 2007 - 09:04 PM

Hi Lezah, My SIL had Multiple Myloma so I know the pain such a diagnoses brings.  We where very lucky in that she had many years in remission.  

Hoping you are finding a way to cope through all this and you have a good support network.

#48 Snagglepussed

Posted 09 October 2007 - 09:22 PM

Lezah! I rememeber too! Wow what a blast from the past!

sh*t Love, I can't begin to imagine the weirdness you are going through right now!

I am curious though as Dad had multiple myeloma for years and years (detected through peaks in the his proteins) and then when he was diagnosed with lung caner (totally unrelated) the chemo they gave him lowered these values! So it DOES respond to treatment!

Was the pain in his back caused from the osteo though as I didn't hink myeloma did that to the bone structure! If so, he was lucky (in a sick way) that he had the pain and sought treatment!

Thinking of you!


#49 lezah

Posted 22 October 2007 - 11:42 PM

Just thought I'd give a discreet *bump* to this thread to let you know that I've updated my diary (finally)

There's lots of people very worried about me right now - one of my staff told me today that its 'ok if I don't want to be the strong one all the time', but its not an act - this is really just what I'm like.

I'm mainly concerned that I'm expending so much energy being angry all the time - if I am going to 'break', it'll probably be over something totally inconsequential.

Anyway - the diary entry is mega-huge, but feel free to ask questions, etc and I'll keep you all updated


#50 jules363

Posted 25 October 2007 - 10:33 AM

Lezah, it was indeed hard to read (I read it the other day when you posted it, but was lost for the right words at the time, and still am...), it must be absolutely soul destroying to live it.  Rarely have I wished so hard that there was something I could do or say to make it better, but I know I can't.  The "what would I do without you" bit nearly broke my heart, and I don't even know you.  There are not many of us in loving relationships that couldn't imagine ourselves in your place for just a moment, and it's devastating.

Really sorry, hope things improve soon and Wayne can get onto his next round of chemo and the stem cell transplant, and home with you and Charlie, where he belongs.

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