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Funny pregnancy/birthing stories??

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Posted 17 June 2008 - 03:16 PM

OHMIGOD !!! That is TOOOO funny ... can't even find an emoticon to do it justice  laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif

"But Bert and Ernie aren't gay, they're brothers!"

That is brilliant !!!

Heard a funny from my friend the other day when she came to tell me she was PG (8 weeks) ... She said she called her GP and got the receptionist... Her conversation:

Friend:  "Is Herron OK to take when pregnant?"
Receptionist:  .... silence .... silence....
Friend:  "HELLO???"
Receptionist: .... Silence... "Cough"... "Well Um dear, Heroin is not good to take at ANY time dear, but I'd thing (judgementally) ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN PREGNANT!!!"
Friend:  "SNORT", "LAUGH", "SNORT"... On going laughter, had to hang up....

#27 upup

Posted 17 June 2008 - 03:30 PM

Having the Epidural my sister did a #2 on the table, then went off her nut at her DH for farting, he wasnt game to tell her what it REALLY was lol.
laughing2.gif  laugh.gif
OMG I cant stop laughing. Too funny!

#28 rorysmum

Posted 17 June 2008 - 03:33 PM

This is one that many males have passed around for years but my comical hubby thought he would actually ask...

After 3rd degree tear with my first born i was being stitched back together while mum and hubby were cooing over our baby when hubby thought he would be funny and asked midwife to throw an extra stitch in for good measure..

Well he was shot down quick by the midwife who asked him "why do you have a small d*ck?" (her exact words).

Wasnt funny for me at the time but it cracks me up now!!! Hubby had apsolutely no comeback!!! and thats a first!!

#29 lindyloo03

Posted 18 June 2008 - 10:52 AM

With DS2 OB was doing an internal to see where I was at before inducing me. He had his fingers or whatever in there and was mumbling away to himself, takes his hand out and counts his fingers and sticks it back in, does this 2 more times before taking his glove off and shaking my husbands hand and telling him "You have very beautiful wife" - we both just cracked up laughing on the spot.

Same bubby. Went from nothing to birth in an instant. There was a male student DR wanting to do one of his 4 required "catches" for his degree. As he was introducing himself to me (my back mind you) my waters promptly broke all over his legs and the baby fell out into the hands of the experienced MW. So he did not get his 1st catch and got saturated for his efforts.

#30 It'sbeenawhile

Posted 18 June 2008 - 08:52 PM

I love these, i keep coming back every few days just to get a laugh, keep adding to it girls!

#31 lucinda79

Posted 19 June 2008 - 11:53 AM

When I was labouring with my little man, my partner and I could hear another lady screaming a few doors down (obviously closer to delievery than I was) and my lovely partner looks at me and said that will be you soon.  Let me tell you he copped a mouthful about how I didn't want to know about anyone else or their pain.

I didn't think it was funny at the time but now think it was so funny, especially my partner's face when I gave it to him.  Let me say he did stay quiet for a bit though.  lol

#32 Isis

Posted 19 June 2008 - 11:59 AM

QUOTE (lindyloo03)
With DS2 OB was doing an internal to see where I was at before inducing me. He had his fingers or whatever in there and was mumbling away to himself, takes his hand out and counts his fingers and sticks it back in, does this 2 more times before taking his glove off and shaking my husbands hand and telling him "You have very beautiful wife" - we both just cracked up laughing on the spot.

Funny? May I ask what is funny about this? To me it is a situation where a professional had two too many 'goes' at checking your cervix and made a VERY inappropriate comment straight after blink.gif Did this not feel weird, or out of line to you lindyloo03?

#33 lindyloo03

Posted 19 June 2008 - 12:02 PM

Not at all!

He was not good at English and figured he just did not know how to word things.

Thought it funny at the time and still think it is funny.

#34 Mamabug

Posted 19 June 2008 - 02:47 PM

Another "not amused" at the time, but now find it quite funny:

Dr was stitching me up after #1 and I asked "how many stitches are you putting in there?" as he seemed to be taking a while.

A: "Only one.... but it keeps going back and forth..."!# ohmy.gif

Also amused the midwife when #1 was plopped on my chest and all I could say was "eeeeewwww, it's slimy".

#35 Jarn77

Posted 19 June 2008 - 03:23 PM

Dr was stitching me up after #1 and I asked "how many stitches are you putting in there?" as he seemed to be taking a while.

A: "Only one.... but it keeps going back and forth..."!#

roll2.gif me too!

During labour with DS1 my mum & dad came in to see me (very long labour) and they saw a little more than planned - was wearing a hospital gown as I just got out of bath and it wasn't wide enough to go around me so my bare butt was hanging out the back!   ph34r.gif

On bed during extremely painful contraction with DS2 (who I gave birth to all 4.39kg of without pain relief I'm proud to say  blush.gif ), suddenly saw midwife jump sideways as my waters broke - spray hit the wall 2 metres away! DH was impressed  happy.gif

DH also likes to tell everyone what big balls our boys had when born (don't like to remind him it was my hormones that made them that way!)


#36 stylzies

Posted 19 June 2008 - 03:54 PM

Well he was shot down quick by the midwife who asked him "why do you have a small d*ck?" (her exact words).

OMG!! Could not stop laughing at this!!!!

#37 blossomdeary

Posted 19 June 2008 - 05:12 PM

What an awesome topic!

i kept saying to DH, thats Kate Cebrano, he just kept saying 'i know honey, but we really need to focus on getting to the hosptial.'

laughing2.gif laughing2.gif laughing2.gif

This made be belly laugh!

I'm sure I'll have stories of my own to report come December!

#38 Guest_roomformore_*

Posted 21 June 2008 - 01:48 PM

okay my 3rd birth just last week, and my DH had a bet with a friend of his.  He had to say out loud in front of the midwives "come on woman you are made for it".  Well...

he did just before the pushing phase and he couldn't keep the smirk of his face and the midwives looked at me with total mortification.  I laughed so much after though and the midwives came into my room once i was settled and i mentioned this comment to them.  

They couldn't stop laughing as they thought it was the rudest thing they had ever heard a husband say.  Needless to say my husband won the bet.  laughing2.gif

I also told DH at one point when the contractions were on top of each other "stop looking at me, i don't want you near me"!!! poor DH  unsure.gif he later asked me why i said that and i told him "oh i love you honey, it's just that you were the reason i was in so much pain"

these stories are great, i love reading them... couldn't stop laughing at the one about the extra stitch  laughing2.gif

#39 Poochie

Posted 21 June 2008 - 02:38 PM

I'm sure this has happened to many of you out there, but my DH keeps on reminding me of it all the time!

As I was getting stitched up after the birth of DD, with the OB working rather closely to my bits blush.gif , I let out an enormous fart.  She just raised her eyebrows, looked at me then went back to work....

Funniest thing is, it happened twice  laughing2.gif !

DH dared me to ask her at my 6wk checkup if she remembered me farting in her face - I couldn't bring myself to ask!!

We are still in fits of laughter when we think about it!

#40 lillilou

Posted 21 June 2008 - 03:21 PM

I opened my eyes at one stage towards the end and saw 7 people standing at the end of the bed watching the action.

I just closed my eyes again until a very slimy warm thing was placed on my chest my first words: "How bizarre" It brought the whole room down.

The joys of giving birth in the middle of the day, should have had a cover charge.

The midwife then proceeded to tell me that she wanted to see me back next year as I was "born to give birth". My response - "We might see if we can raise this one first"
The whole day was full of one liners

#41 skyebaby4

Posted 22 June 2008 - 09:29 AM

during the birth of my 3rd child, mathew, it was time for me to push, so i had one leg in the midwifes side, and the other in my husbands side.  as he was crowning, and she's telling me to don't push, just breath, i'm cyring cause the burning hurts.  the midwife says to me, as my son is crowning "that hurts, doesn't it?".  i swear, i could have kicked her in the head right then!!  of course it bloody well hurts lol!!

when i was in labour with our first child, i was leaning over the bed with the contractions, wearing one of the beautiful hospital gowns that open at the back, so my bare bum is poking out for the world to see.  i'm in the middle of a huge contraction, and my husband gives my bum a little spank and says "you've still got the sexiest ass around".  the midwife almost died!!

Edited by skyebaby4, 22 June 2008 - 09:31 AM.

#42 mumma2seven

Posted 22 June 2008 - 10:01 AM

laughing2.gif   laughing2.gif    laughing2.gif  these stories are just so funny!!!

When having our first born I was happily sucking away on the gas, I was so high on it that apparantly began banging the back of my head on the wall telling everyone how I "cant feel this cant feel this" over and over then I was munching on one of my snacks (milkybar chocolate!) and I informed everyone that I would not gain any weight from this chocolate as I couldnt feel myself eating it  laughing2.gif

having baby number 2 I had already birthed bubs and placenta and had just been informed that I needed stitches - I was terrified and kept clamping my legs closed trying to convince the MW it wasnt necassary , DH ended up holding one of my legs whilst a MW held the other - when the MW who was going to preferm the stitches came at me i shut my legs so hard and fast MW and DH flew past each other quite suprised at my strength  laughing2.gif

When having baby #6 my DH had me in absoloute fits of laughter - I was so high on the gas and everything he said would send me off laughing, my DH proudly told the MWs how he was keeping me in high spirits but when they would walk in I would be very serious and moaning, as soon as they left it was back to laughing - happened EVERY time the MWs thought my DH was insane , I clearly wasnt laughing  laughing2.gif  fast forward to the birth and the MWs were nowhere to be seen when I began to push, poor DH started screaming "EMMA" (our MW) and couldnt decide wether to run out the door to find her or put on a pair of gloves and get set to deliver  laughing2.gif

#43 bbyjj

Posted 02 July 2008 - 02:46 AM

laughing2.gif i loved reading these stories my first daughter was born at 27 weeks i didnt know i was in labour untill my waters had broke i rushed straight to er when got to hospital i was 10 cm and 10 minates later she was born 2lb 1 oz shes 11 years now and my second daughter well the m/w wasnt happy everytime she come near me ide kick her away lol  laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif and then my son well i dont even want to go into that one.

#44 Guest_Chadvikise_*

Posted 02 July 2008 - 07:33 AM

After 5 and a half hours of pretty intense labour, everything just stopped. No pain, no contractions absolutely nothing. So I got off the bed for the first time in about 2 or so hours and went to the toilet. As I had a drip, Royrie had to be at the door pushing the drip along.

Once I finished, I was standing at the sink  washing my hands and Royrie yells out (pointing at the same time) "whats that." I have a look in the mirror and there is Chloe's head and I'm none the wiser.

What happened after that is a bit of a blurr, I just remember saying I was happy to deliver in the ensuite because I didn't want to walk thinking I'd hurt her, and them quickly chucking a bean bag on the bed and a mat on the floor just in time for me to waddle across for her birth.    

When Adrian was born, I looked up at my OB and said "are you serious, he's out." I didn't feel a thing. He was 3lbs smaller than Chloe was and I barely felt her birth either.

#45 Electro

Posted 02 July 2008 - 08:42 AM

Mine was while finally having an epidural (thanks to a 5 week early induction) and they got me to sit over the edge of the bed, hunch over and hang onto my DH around his waist to steady myself in case I had a contraction and felt the need to move during the 'more dangerous' needle phase.

Sure enough I felt a contraction creeping up and due to the enormity of the whole early induction thing, almost started sobbing.  I squeezed my DH so hard so as to not move...and next thing I know, his maroon tshirt dissapears from an inch in front of my face and is quickly replaced by someone in white (who I then just assumed my clinging pose with!!).  

Once all was done and I was allowed to lie back down, I notice I was actually clutching around the waist of a midwife...and hubby was being helped off the floor and into an armchair....looking very faint and grey and they were giving him sips of drink.

Apparently he watched the whole epi process over my back and he said blood squirted from my spine onto the anaethetist sick.gif making DH instantly giddy.  We laugh now how there was left on the table while 3 or 4 midwives attended to him.  Hmph!   wink.gif

Having the Epidural my sister did a #2 on the table, then went off her nut at her DH for farting, he wasnt game to tell her what it REALLY was lol.

laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif That's absolutely hysterical.  My 3y.o just wondered what in the hell I just blurted out laughing at the laptop about.... laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif

Edited by Electro, 02 July 2008 - 08:44 AM.

#46 buzz123

Posted 02 July 2008 - 09:28 AM

I remember having the gas with my first labour and I was trying to describe to my DH what it was like.

"It's like I'm here but I'm not really here..."


#47 hayleysangels

Posted 02 July 2008 - 12:08 PM

with my second daughters labour i demanded an epidural the minute i arrived at the birth suite, once it was administered i was also sucking away at some gas and in all seriousness i was hysterically yelling "MY LEGS!! MY LEGS!! I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!!!"

apparently that was the cue for the midwife to take the gas off me lol

it kept my husband and the midwife entertained though

#48 glutton4punishment

Posted 06 July 2008 - 09:59 PM

laughing2.gif Priceless....

I couldn't just read and not type mine in...
I was in labour for 12 hours with our first dd, about half way though labour i look over to my hubby and find him chugging on the gas (which up to 70%gas and 30%h2o) saying "one for you, two for me"   I couldn't believe it..he was getting happy on My gas!!  Didn't help much that we both had the giggles and my mum walked in just as he was taking a big breath.     So he does the noble thing and says "hey pam, wanna go, it's great stuff!!"   Well that undos mum and she cacks herself laughing....

He is now banned from the gas...lol

#49 ~ Binda ~

Posted 11 July 2008 - 04:21 PM

laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif  laughing2.gif
These are fantastic!  Keep them coming.

I played air guitar to a light switch while making drum noises!   blush.gif

#50 3spunkrats

Posted 11 July 2008 - 04:39 PM

After a horrid vaginal breech birth, which involved lots of blood, gore, panic and a blue baby, the GP, who is generally very lay-backed, said to my DH "you should do something about that", gesturing to my DH face. DH thought he must have had blood on his face, so he went to wipe it off, but the GP was referring to a mole on his cheek. Seriously it was about 2 minutes after DS had come out!

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