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Funny pregnancy/birthing stories??
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Posted 11 July 2008 - 09:26 PM
Got to love the gas stories!
The only funny thing I can remember from DD’s birth was telling DH that I had space invaders in my head. A little too much gas and too many monitors beeping in my ears………
Posted 12 July 2008 - 12:05 PM
As I was getting stitched up after the birth of DD, with the OB working rather closely to my bits , I let out an enormous fart. She just raised her eyebrows, looked at me then went back to work....
I am literally sitting hear with tears in my eyes after reading this one!!! But I do find farts funny....
I was in labour for 12 hours with our first dd, about half way though labour i look over to my hubby and find him chugging on the gas (which up to 70%gas and 30%h2o) saying "one for you, two for me" I couldn't believe it..he was getting happy on My gas
This was my DH!! With DD1 everytime i was finished with a contraction he'd stick it in his mouth and have a suck. After a while we started fighting over it like 2 kids fighting over a toy..midwife thought DH was very strange..and that was after she'd already gotten up him for trying to sit down and read the newspaper while i was labouring on the bed. She said to him "what do you think you're doing?" He replied "Reading the paper" MW "Oh no you're not. You're going to come over here and help me hold up her legs up" DH "Isn't that what we're paying you for?"
By the time i was in with DD2 he'd gotten much better at the whole labour thing, but was upset when i decided I didn't want any gas this time. He kept trying to talk me into it and when I said no, He got the midwife to try and talk me into it.
DD3 was too quick for DH to even think about the gas. We got up to the birthing suite and the MW said I wasn't anywhere near ready yet and to go for a walk. I said no as I was too tired and leant over the bed on my knees for a nap. 5 mins later the MW came back to find me pushing in the middle of a contraction still fully dressed. Her and Dh got one leg of my pants each to pull off me and the second they got them off, my waters broke all over them! Then I pushed twice and DD came sliding out. The first thing I said was "What? Is that it? When did the head came out?" DH told me the head came out on the first push and I proceeded to tell him off for not telling me!!!
Posted 12 July 2008 - 03:39 PM
Mine is tame in comparison...
My hobby is showing dogs and I was in labour with my twins while my mum was at a dog show showing my dogs. I was getting ready to push and the phone went off. I was told it was my mum and I managed to say, "someone answer that and find out how my dogs went!"
Midwife thought I was joking until OH told her otherwise (and he answered the phone).
btw... my dog won.
Posted 14 July 2008 - 08:13 PM
with DD i told ex DP that i would chop of his man bits with a meat clever lol
with DS i couldnt stop telling DF how much i loved him and how i couldnt push the baby out
Posted 14 July 2008 - 08:27 PM
hese are too funny .
After i had my first DS i got the gas while being stitched up and was high as a kite when they were finished i wouldnt give the gas back and the midwife tried to take it i ripped it back off her and tried to roll to the other side of the bed while sucking out as much as i could and very seriously told her she couldnt fight with me cause i just had a baby .
When i was pushing my second DS out it was a short labour but very intense and when i his head came out i thought it was over and i was all done and the midewife said great job his head is out ( cause it kept going back up after i pushed ) anyway i said " ARE YOU Fing KIDDING ME that was only his head " and i staryted to cry i think it was only another 2-3 pushes and he was all out but i was devistated at the time lol .
Posted 14 July 2008 - 08:54 PM
Oh man... I think Im dying! These are too funny!!
Mine isnt that funny, but during my most painful contractions I was yelling and kinda holding the note until the pain went... at one stage I sounded like an opera singer holding a very high note... well eveyone in the room cracked up...
I wasnt impressed thus proceeded to slap my husband (the closest person to me)across the face... poor guy...
Posted 14 July 2008 - 09:19 PM
Oh my these stories are so funny. Thank you all so much for sharing.
During the middle stages of labour with DS1 we were in the labour ward to relax in the bath. We spent about ten minutes in the bath listening to another lady in labour screaming quite loudly when my husband turns to me and says can we go home and do this another day...
When having my DS2 by c-section i had low blood pressure and was quite sick. After they finally got my drip right so i wasn't sick anymore i said okay you can start now.. The drs all looked at each other and held my DS up.
Posted 14 July 2008 - 09:49 PM
These are great!
With DD1 my pain control went out the window and I started hallucinating. I thought the anaesthetist was directing a play that my brother had written, and was getting the script wrong.
He was trying to explain the necessities of an epidural to me, and I kept yelling at him that I had heard this play a hundred times before and knew it better than him, and he was trying to pull one over on me!
Then they made me walk over to the hospital bed when I could barely move, some big contractions hit me and I couldn't NOT push and ended up peeing all over the floor and watching all the white coats scatter as they tried to avoid the massive splashback! Modesty went out the window that day!
Posted 14 July 2008 - 09:54 PM
My OB handed DH the scissors to cut the cord and he then he put on a pompous voice and said "I now declare this baby open", like he was opening a new department store or something. I think he thought he was hilarious, but my OB just looked at me and raised his eyebrows as if to ask "did you really marry this guy"? I was mortified, but seconds later DD filled my hands with meconium so his moment of glory was short lived!
Great stories girls! Nice to hear the light side of birth.
Edited by Tracey_Lee-Pullen, 14 July 2008 - 09:54 PM.
Posted 14 July 2008 - 11:08 PM
"I now declare this baby open "
that actually made me laugh out loud not just type lol .
Posted 14 July 2008 - 11:39 PM
OM*G, they are HILARIOUS Its too late to be laughing this loud.
I didn't have any particularly funny moments. I too had a love affair with the gas mask and would suck the mouth piece off everytime I had a contraction. When my OB told me quite seriously that I needed to be taken immediately for a c/section and did I have any questions, I asked if I could take the gas mask with me
But, the funniest story I have ever heard was a lady was in the bathroom of the hospital taking a bath in the throes of labour. She had also taken her gas in with her. Her DH was out in the room, and heard some gurgling noises so went running into the bathroom. He saw his wife underwater with her gas mask on and pulled her up and out of the water and screamed "Are you ok" She replied 'Yes honey, I am just scuba diving'
Edited by YosemiteSam, 14 July 2008 - 11:40 PM.
Posted 15 July 2008 - 12:05 AM
We had a homebirth for DD.
Our landlords live next door, and at 8am while I was singing the song of the cervix our 70yr old Landlady climbed on a ladder to peer over the fence into our spare (birthing) room.
Landlady: "Everythink alright?"
My doula: "Yes."
LL: "What's happening?"
MD: "She's having a baby."
LL: "You go to hospital?!?!"
MD: "Soon." (Trying not to laugh)
Our other elderly Italian neighbour popped over with flowers 2 hours after Aurelia was born:
"I knew the baby was born because the noise stopped."
I asked her if it bothered her-
"I woke in the middle of the night. I think, ah, the cats, they are in love.... I wake up in the morning and I think hmm that cats are still in love? No. Something else..."
When DS was born in the birth centre, the midwife commented that I looked like I was ready to go to the Opera (turned up wearing a lovely outfit and beautiful earrings etc). I stared at her for a few seconds before I replied "I'm having a baby. I'm not going to the Opera. Didn't they teach you anything at uni?!"
Posted 15 July 2008 - 01:27 PM
I had a homebirth and i was in the birhitng pool and i could feel DD desending and then going back up... and it was frustrating.. my well meaning DH decided to tell me that "It will all be ok, its 1 step forward, 2 steps backwards"... then my doula quickly chimed in with " no no its the other way, the other way"... LOL
All i was thinking was isnt that backwards.
Posted 17 July 2008 - 11:34 PM
hahahah this is the best thread ive been laughin out loud my tummy hurts!!!
I was in my room and Ob came in to put the gel on cervix she was in her theatre scrubs complete with gumboots and as she pulled on some long gloves DP asked
"Omg how far in are u going?!?"
I was in the bath, sucking the gas like a mad woman and getting DP to pour water on my belly from up high... i then snatched the cup from him and told him what terrible job he was doing.... apparently i only got bout 2 cups water on my belly the other 20 odd cups didnt even make it in the bath
Posted 31 July 2008 - 02:19 PM
Bump because I love these stories.
Not my story to tell, but I was in the delivery room with my sister shortly after she had given birth (very quickly). She had a PPH and the MV wanted to put in a canula so she could put a drip in. The MV said to my sister 'You are right handed aren't you?', to which my sister answered 'I'm fine thank you very much, how are you?'!! Even funnier was a couple of hours later sister was reading her hospital bracelet to try find out if it said she was right handed - how else would the MV know?
Posted 06 August 2008 - 01:10 PM
These stories are truly great!!!
I too was a gas lover with my DD. After another contraction was just subsiding and I'd start coming down, I turned to my fiancee and my mum and said, "if this is what smoking marijuanas like, I should have taken it up years ago!" All they could do was laugh! Also, my labour was fairly quick and my contractions really only 40 seconds apart at the most, and so teh gas gave the chance to relax and have a 'microsleep' in between. Everytime I laid down for a microsleep I would still be conscious enough to hear my mum, fiancee and midwives talking. I would very abruptly say, "I know you're talking about me!"
When I started to push for DD, being my first I had no idea what it was going to feel like, and so when the head was crowning I wasn't sure if it was out yet or not. I would push, get to a stage where I could push no more, and would let out a bit of a frustrated scream as the baby wasn't out yet. But then everytime I screamed I apologised to the midwife, and told her that I didn't want to be known as the screamer!
My other half also had a go of my gas, but he wasn't getting anywhere near my tube until after I had finished with it!
Posted 16 November 2008 - 07:00 AM
aside from laughing so hard at the previous pages that i cried!
i've never crashed my car ever in 11yrs of driving, and now i hve run into my carport wall 3 times in a month!
yeah, brick walls don't move!
Posted 18 November 2008 - 01:50 PM
I'm enjoying reading these!!
I'm in the birthing pool. I'm seated in the water, hubby holding me under the armpits so I don't float away.... I'm holding my knees, crunching my tummy and pushing this bub out.... 2 MW's and student MW lined up at the end of the pool watching me..... contraction finishes.
Me: "I must be making some terrible faces"
MW: "It's OK - We aren't watching your face"
Me: "Oh....nice..... "
a few contraction later.... head crowning..
MW: "Oh we have a head of hair"
Me: "Grab the hair and pull it out!"
WM: "I'll compromise - I'll grab the ears when they come out"
days that followed....
Hubby thought it was hillarious that I never swore through the labour/birth, But when I'd go to the loo afterwards (had 2 grazes) I curse a blue streak as I weed.... he'd just hear "FUUUUUUUUUUUU********UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"
Posted 20 November 2008 - 12:14 AM
With DD#1 I was young and had no idea how much pain I was going to be in so I asked for epi they never checked me and went to put it and I had to push so I lay down and start next thing you know I see a middy pull up a stool to the bed she was so short she couldn't get to me then lookup and heres 2 student docs standing at the end of my bed I was not happy so she was born and doc held her up only for her to poo all over him downt he front I turn around and said now thats karma.
DD#2 Was funny with DD#1 they broke my waters DD#2 i was int he shower handling the pain I had enough so got out as I was walking back to the bed I started to lose fluid in shock I looked up to the student doc and said opps I think I just peed and DP laughed and next thing you know the docs getting towels and pop gos my waters I was so worried I had wet myself.
DS#1 being baby number 4 they didn't think i would take long to induce started at 8am still nothing by 2pm with waters broken and drip. Im laying there thinking god this is never going to happen 1/2 hour later bang full on labour I had never use the gas before so throught why not being my last I had to give it a try well.The middies left me to labour so Im standing leaning over the bed high as laughing and doing a gig to the music and Dp says let me try so I did so here we are Im on one side of the bed him on the other laughing our heads off and I get hungry so dp gos off to get food comes back with heeps so now were sucking on gas with lots of food on the bed and laughing our heads off and the middy walks in and takes one look at us and laughes herself and says "well you 2 are right just give me a call when your ready to push"
My mother she was in labour with my sister and was on the table with her legs in the stirps and she looks up and heres a middy sitting down at the end of the bed eating her breakfast mum asks her what the hell is she doing and she says Having breaky and you ****ing having a baby
Edited by hanem101, 20 November 2008 - 12:19 AM.
Posted 29 November 2008 - 01:56 PM
This isn't mine but I was my then BF's birth partner. I was terrified, she was great. I remember thinking how on earth can the human body cope with so much pain and not die, I was sweating and sitting with my legs closed very tightly.lol.
She was normally really foul mouthed, as am I, swears like a trooper. She was totally silent which shocked the crap out of me, I thought she would be swearing at the top of her voice. At one stage, after she had had the gas, she asked me to ring her ex partner and tell him that he was a (every rude name under the sun), which I did, she wouldn't let up. So here I am telling him he was all these names, all to voice mail.
She gave birth, I got to cut the cord and she hopped up, gave me the new little man and when asked my the MW if she was going to the toilet, she says, F*ck no, I'm going to have a cigarette (she hadn't smoked for years). She had to be coaxed back into bed as she was walking out the door, in a gown which was open at the back, bleeding on the floor as she walked. I PMSL, it was so her. I then had to ring her ex back and leave a message saying 'you have a son, you ********'.
I was pretty embarrased when they reconciled. I made sure she told him that SHE had told me to do it, I was just trying to do whatever I could to keep her happy.
Posted 29 November 2008 - 03:47 PM
I was lying on the bed well into my 3rd birth, moaning and groaning, I heard the doc say to DH does she normally have gas, I furiously nodded in agreement. In rolled the gas I had one deep, meaningful suck and proudly announced "well I'm pretty F*cked now".
The doc giggled, Dh was shocked and the Student nearly choked on her water.
Posted 29 November 2008 - 04:53 PM
'It's seen better days' had me in tears.
My sister told my mum she was never going to have sex again.
Two days before my DD was born I went into false labour. My sister decided to keep me laughing by blowing up rubber gloves and doing the whole rooster thing etc. We were all laughing until I had a particularly strong contraction and I started crying telling her to stop. She straightened her face, put the glove behind her back and said sorry.
She then let it go, causing it to fly across the room with a farting sound (like a balloon does). We all cracked again.
The midwife told me I could start pushing two days later when I got to 10cm. I turned to my mum and said in a shocked voice 'I'm going to have a baby' She said 'I know'
Posted 04 January 2009 - 05:20 PM
I love these stories!
Mine's not so funny, but DH assures me he thought it was.
While I was pushing I could also feel poo coming out (I think) and between pushes I would say in a really whining voice to our midwife, "Please move the poo... oh dear... please move the poo"... My mum and husband still laugh about it now.
Posted 05 January 2009 - 11:01 PM
That gas is good stuff!!
I remember thinking how delayed everything sounded and hoping I wasn't making a fool of myself by answering too late.
There was a point when the Dr walked in cause my boys head was turned wrong. He started to say something to me when I turned around, said 'One sec' and pushed. He looked shocked and left to come back later. Then he made a bet with the MW about getting him out without help when I piped up with 'only if I get one too'. 1.5hrs later DS was born, I got a Mars Bar from the bet. Being stitched up afterwards I turned to my partner and family and told them I sounded like Darth Vader.
Posted 08 January 2009 - 02:29 PM
nothing extremely funny to add but during my long labour my DH was asleep in the recliner just after midnight while I was on the bed labouring away (charming hey) anyway the bed was a little squeaky and by then I was moaning a little through contractions ... DH said in a gruff sleepy voice ... "can't you keep it down, I'm trying to sleep here". If I had the energy would of kicked him for that one.
Around 4am was on the gas and peth and just worked out how to use it and was watching TV and turned to DH and said "can you hear those voices echoing" ... he looked at me like I'd gone mad and I proceeded to p*ss myself laughing just as the widwife walked in the room. I turned to DH and tried to whisper "sshhh don't tell her" ... I know now that I'm sure she heard me as I was then "reminded" not to take the gas inbetween contractions.
A good friend of mine got so high on the gas she was telling her DH & MW that she was shopping at highpoint during labour.
Edited by NYE, 08 January 2009 - 02:55 PM.
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