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baby not next to bed?
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Posted 14 March 2008 - 05:53 AM
I had my DD1 at North Shore Private in Jan 07. My waters broke at 1:30PM, first contraction at 10:30PM and she finally arrived at 6PM the following day. So in the 40 hours before she was born I had approximately 4 hours sleep.
I was transferred from the birthing suite to my room around 11PM and the midwife suggested that it would be a good idea for DD1 to go to nursery for the night so I could get some rest. She was bought in for feeds and bought back into me at around 6AM, still sound asleep. She stayed with me for the following few nights.
It's a personal choice as to whether you have your baby in with you overnight or send them to the nursery. having them in your room doesn't make you some kind of supermum and sending them to the nursery doesn't make you a monster.
You do what feels right for YOU.
Posted 14 March 2008 - 09:50 AM
chaletgirl - I also have laboured all night with both pregnancies and didn't get one wink of sleep for 48 and 36 hours respectively. The hospital I birthed in didn't have a nursery (apart from SCN) to put babies in if a break was needed. I can't answer for certain, if they did have a nursery, whether or not I would have used it.
When I was at home, I was so sleep deprived that I was sitting up patting my chest, even though bub wasn't in my arms!!!!!! I recovered.
Midwives are there to guide you through the tough times but if mum is putting herself in physical/mental danger by having her baby room-in, well that is a different story.
Posted 14 March 2008 - 10:27 AM
I had both of my chidren in a public hospital.
The first one was a ceaser. She was in with me until my pain got so bad at midnight i asked for some pethadine. Once they gave me that, they took bub into the nursery. I wouldn't have woken to her at all after the shot, so it was best for her. The second night though i had her in with me until about 2:30 after about 5 hours of constant screaming i asked them to take her so i could get some sleep.
Second was a VBAC. The birth was only 6 hours long and i was in my room with bub by 8:30pm. He stayed in with me and he fed and slept fine.
Both situations were different and both situations called for different actions. Both suited me fine though. But i do prefer to have my babies in the room with me now. So long as i keep having natural births and arent totally druged up.
Posted 14 March 2008 - 10:37 AM
I'm with you, Boymumboy, I had DS1 in with me every night from the get-go and after a 23 hour labour I would have been lucky to get maybe 10 hours sleep all up in the four nights I was in hospital. Ended up with PND just from being so exhausted and having no respite.
I asked to have him put in the nursery once or twice so I could catch up on sleep but they told me they had too many bubs in there already.
I'm sure I would have been able to cope better with just one good night's sleep behind me..
Posted 14 March 2008 - 11:30 AM
I was at the Sydney Adventist Hospital. The San's policy is to promote rooming-in, but they have a well-used nursery and the midwives will happily take the babies to give mum a rest.
I went into hospital fully intending to do this and thinking it was essential in order to bond with my daughter.
But I had an evening emergency caesarean and although I felt pretty great afterwards, I wasn't allowed to have her in the first night because I was still hooked up to the drip etc. They brought her back for feeds.
Night #2 I had her in with me - but when she first woke up crying during the night, I didn't wake up properly and in my half-awake state didn't know where I was or who this baby was, and was afraid to touch her. I ended up calling the buzzer, distraught because although I knew I wasn't 'with it', I was unable to get out of my half-asleep state. After I fed her, the midwife took her back to the nursery and just brought her back when she needed feeding, so I could rest properly.
(That said, you don't sleep too well in hospital anyway with all the noise. Everytime a bassinet is wheeled down the hall you wake up thinking it's your baby. Earplugs are a must for the hospital bag!!)
After that she spent the next four nights in the nursery and I didn't feel a shred of guilt. I had a brilliant recovery from the caesarean and I believe it was partly because I was rested.
And my daughter and I had absolutely no problems bonding, and we coped fine when we got home from the hospital.
Don't forget when you get home, usually (and I know not always) your partner will help out to an extent, which you don't have at the hospital. So being a hero and taking care of the baby entirely by yourself, 24 hours a day, is not realistically what you'll be doing when you get home.
I beleive the sooner you learn to have broken sleep the better.
What woman has got through 9 months of pregnancy without broken sleep?! I know my 3mo daughter is a good sleeper, but I get more sleep each night than I did when I was pregnant!
Edited by clumpy, 14 March 2008 - 11:31 AM.
Posted 14 March 2008 - 11:38 AM
I am going to the Mater at Crows Nest, Sydney and the midwives there told me on my hospital visit that they like to insist (mothers can opt out of course) that the babies use the nursery for the first 2 nights at least to get some rest for the mother. The mother can use the nursery every night if they like.
I just wanted to respond to this specifically. I had my first baby (and will be having my second) at the Mater. My experience in using the nursery was not so positive. I guess I expected that having the baby cared for in the nursery overnight would allow me to get some much needed rest after a very long and exhausting labour. This was not the case. They had me breastfeeding him every two hours because he was constantly crying, with each breastfeed taking up to an hour. It was really stressfull. In the end I thought, what is the point of the nursery if they can't settle him without my input? I chose to have him with me the next couple of nights and it was definately better. I could respond to his needs and avoid too much distress.
Posted 14 March 2008 - 11:54 AM
Rooming in is best for breastfeeding and bonding with baby, which is why most hospitals do it as part of their routine. I couldn't imagine anything worse than a baby being stuck in a nursery away from anyone familiar to them- unless medically necessary. Who has a baby and expects to get a decent nights sleep? I had nine hours sleep total in the three days I spent in hospital, and I didn't develop PND.
Posted 14 March 2008 - 02:30 PM
I agree with the use of a well baby nursery if needed.
I had my first at the Mater in Crows Nest. I had a c-section & they took him for the first 2 nights. Did not effect my breast feeding & didnt get PND.
I had my 2nd at Waverley Private in Melb, again I had a c-section & they took him in ALL 6 nights!!! I even said I had better have him in with me the last couple of nights to get use to having him next to me, but, they insisted, they take him & I get the rest as I wasnt going to get it at home. I have to make special comment on this as it has been my best birth to date. I went home feeling well rested & my recovery from surgery was far quicker than the 1st. I also found breast feeding a breeze & I didnt even get the 3 day blues. I am not saying that having him the nursery did this, you are more confident with 2nd & 3rd babies but the fact that I was well rested I know played a huge role for me.
I am due to have my 3rd at the Mater Mothers Private in Brisbane & they dont have a well baby nusery & I will have to have the baby with me from the get go!!! I am terrified of the prospect!!! I will be drugged up, bed ridden & trying to recover from a c-section. I have NO idea how I will cope & when I will get some rest.
I dont think anyone that has a baby & expects a good nights sleep but I am of the opinion that your hospital stay is for recuperation & education. Rest plays a vital role in the former!
Each & every individual person is different. What is good for one mother & child will not be for the other. I would like to have the option & the choice of having the baby in nursery if I felt I wasnt coping.
From my experience having my boys in a nursery has not affected my ability to breast feed nor the bonding experience in any way what so ever.
This is my last child & hopefully wont be my worst experince (although from where I stand its not looking good). If I were to have any more I would definitely go to a hospital that offers the CHOICE!!!
Posted 14 March 2008 - 02:50 PM
Who has a baby and expects to get a decent nights sleep?
This was my 2nd child so i knew i wouldn't get a full nights sleep...
How about recovering for at least one night so you can deal with baby?
Not getting rest at all affected bonding with my child ... they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture.
Posted 14 March 2008 - 03:23 PM
We are all mothers and should be supporting one another and the decisions we make.
No medals are given out for motherhood (though there probably should be!!!). And we really only have each other... we're the only ones that understand.
Posted 14 March 2008 - 04:29 PM
I will respond from a professional aspect. I am a student midwife and have been working on a maternity ward for over a year. There IS a well baby nursery at my work.
I don't understand this. If medical professionals are so worried about pnd, why are they not letting mothers have any sleep in those few days immediately after the birth
I am sorry you don't agree with the extensive research into PND, breastfeeding and the postnatal period but statistics show that mothers are better off rooming in as there has been proof that mothers who room in have a lower incidence of PND and have a much more successful experience with breastfeeding. I am of the belief that a well baby nursery has it's place for women who are medically unfit to look after their baby or who quite literally cannot cope and are about to smother the baby. However, in saying that, I really do not think it is appropriate for mothers to use this sort of facility every night of their stay.
I asked to have him put in the nursery once or twice so I could catch up on sleep but they told me they had too many bubs in there already.
This is a problem. Imagine a 30 bed ward with 5 Day 1 C-Section mums, who are too immobile to look after their babies properly. They *need* to use the nursery. Now, if the rest of the 25 mothers all decided that they needed some sleep, that would mean 30 babies in the well baby nursery, which is usually only staffed by one person, who is often not through their university training yet, so not as experienced as a trained midwife. That is a very unfair expectation to have on the ward staff.
FWIW, I am a mother of two and I gave birth to both of my children in the very early hours of the morning after labouring all night. I did not use a well baby nursery nor did I have any help unless I specifically called the midwife. I am not looking for a pat on the back but I think some consideration and understanding of exactly what a midwife does on a postnatal ward (supporting and educating a mother to look after her baby)and why policies, such as a rooming in policy, are put into place will help others understand why a maternity ward works the way it does and why many places no longer have nurseries.
Edited by BrisVegasMama, 14 March 2008 - 04:33 PM.
Posted 14 March 2008 - 07:48 PM
They had me breastfeeding him every two hours because he was constantly crying, with each breastfeed taking up to an hour. It was really stressfull. In the end I thought, what is the point of the nursery if they can't settle him without my input? I chose to have him with me the next couple of nights and it was definately better. I could respond to his needs and avoid too much distress.
I agree with this. You are able to respond to the needs of your baby effectively if they are near you. My best sleeps happened when I co slept with my baby and breast fed laying down. My little guy just needed some skin to skin loving and I encourage more mums to do that in hospital. However, make sure the midwife on duty is aware that this is the course of action you have decided to take. Once the baby is asleep if you are worried about excessive tiredness or rolling on the baby they can put him back in the cot.
Rooming in is proven to be better on many levels as previously described so unless there is a very good reason not to than it most definitely should be the norm.
Posted 15 March 2008 - 05:16 AM
I just dont see the point of having baby next to you the first night after a csection when you physically cannot respond to their cries. except to ring the bell and hope that a midwife comes.
fwiw, i was talking about my experience of rooming in. everyone is different and some people are not that positive after sleep deprivation.
Posted 17 March 2008 - 06:32 AM
I just wish to disagree with a former point that lack of sleep is not associated with PND. While PND is not fully understood and there are many contributing factors/risk factors and each case is differnet, i understand from a pyschiatrist who specialises in PND that sleep is VERY important to your mental/emotional health.
And if you need a bit of sleep after the hard work of birthing your baby I don't think you should feel bad about it. However I fully understand that some mums feel better having their baby with them.
I just don't think that anyone should be feeling bad about needing some sleep.
Posted 17 March 2008 - 10:47 AM
I think it is funny how most of us are going on about how our bodies need to recover after birth and sleep is needed etc etc. While I agree that we need to recover after birth, I do wonder just how our mothers, grandmothers etc coped after they gave birth as most times it was at home with no midwives and nursery's to take their babies and they also had to still get up and look after the home.
Yes our bodies need to recover, but women have been giving birth for centuries with no help or sleep afterwards.
Just to add that I think it is totally up to the individual and the Hospital but have we become soft in this day and age?
Posted 17 March 2008 - 11:19 AM
Don't know about your mother or grandmother but I know for a fact that they gave birth in hospitals and their children were in nurseries.
my mum loved the fact she got lots of sleep after the birth.
Posted 17 March 2008 - 12:34 PM
In days gone by there was extended family support. So women basically had to look after the newborn, but nothing else. Cleaning/cooking/washing etc was taken care of by mothers, sisters, aunts etc.
My mother is in her 70s and has her own health issues so this wasn't the case for me. Hell, even my husband went to work for half days starting the day I got home!
Posted 17 March 2008 - 01:06 PM
mercy in heidelberg is public but you dont have to room in you can have the baby in the nursery.
This is where I had DS and they have no problem with letting mums have a night or two to themselves, they do encourage you to room in after a couple of nights though.
Posted 17 March 2008 - 02:31 PM
I have just given birth at the san and used the well baby nursery every night. This meant I could use ear plugs and didn't hear everyone else, last time I had no sleep (and I mean this literally for 3 days) because I heard everyone. Bub is in her own room as of tonight and so it isn't any different. My milk came in just fine, she was in with me until a feed at about 9pm ish and then went to the nursery where she was brought to me when she needed feeding. Although I didn't get a lot of sleep I got some!!!!! My beautiful angel plus my 2 year old is going to be a lot better off for me using the nursery, I respect others rights to do differently but I made the right decision for me and my bub.
Posted 17 March 2008 - 08:51 PM
I so desperately wish (even 2.5 years later) that DS could have been next to me from the moment he was born. He was a little tike and ended up in SCN for the first 2 nights. He was born at 6am and so I'd laboured overnight. Then when he went into SCN I didn't sleep for the whole next night (ie. 2 whole nights without 1 min sleep). I pretty much cried the whole time he wasn't with me. I was so sad that they almost classed me as PND (which was bollocks I just wanted my baby next to me). My mood seriously improved when he was happily tucked up next to me.
My biggest hope for any next baby is that we are together from minute 1...
Posted 18 March 2008 - 07:57 AM
With DD I let them take her to the nursery and she screamed the whole night. I felt terrible and the rest of the time had her in my room with me where she was a lot more relaxed. To be honest, being home with a newborn was a lot harder and I was so excited to finally meet her when she arrived that I was a lot happier having her next to me.
Posted 18 March 2008 - 03:33 PM
That is your decision. I am presenting the facts that have been proven through extensive research by medical professionals in the obstetric field into PND, breastfeeding and the postnatal period. I didn't pop all that information out of thin air. I am training with a university that informs me of these very facts and have read the rooming in policy on the ward I work on, that says the same thing. Rooming in, in most cases lead to lower PND rates and higher breastfeeding rates.
As I said, I believe that well baby nurseries have their place. There are mothers that really need the facilities and if you had every baby on the ward in the well baby nursery, you would be placing an unnecessary strain onto staff, when many obstetric wards are so low in staff anyway.
In my opinion and the opinion of most midwives, rooming in is what is best for mums and babies. I am not going to change my opinion or sugar coat it because I might offend someone. It is a professional opinion based on facts. I am sticking with it.
Posted 18 March 2008 - 04:14 PM
Aren't there exceptions to the rule?
I didn't understand why the midwives were questioning why i was so unhappy. Are you supposed to be in a great mood with no sleep?
Obviously something wrong with me then..
my emotions tend to come to the surface if i have no sleep.
isn't that logical?
Posted 18 March 2008 - 04:26 PM
At Randwick Womens you have the baby with you all the time, but of a night if the baby would not settle they would actually take them for a few hours so you could get some sleep. That being said at one stage they took my DD and I wanted to feed her, but the midwife was on a break and DD kept on sleeping- so I was awake for 2 hours waiting to feed DD- by the time she was brought in she was ravenous!
Posted 18 March 2008 - 05:37 PM
Go with what feels best for you.
I think another important thing to remember is that when you have a newborn around - sleep doesn't need to happen at night! Try and find time to sleep when you can - regardless of what time of day it is.
It's great that visitors come to the hospital to celebrate with you, but if you need a sleep, get a sign on the door to tell them to go away, and if it means having a midwife mind your baby for a few hours, so be it.
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