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baby not next to bed?
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Posted 18 March 2008 - 05:42 PM
I totally agree each person has to work out what works for them, but actually most of the midwives were extremely pro using the nursery so you got some sleep at night. Personally I think I would be more likely to get pnd with no sleep at all, but thats just me. As I was in a private hospital as far as I'm concerned thats what I've paying my private health insurance for. My little darling was in with me during the day and evening at all times except if I was taking a shower and that was only a safety issue where I preferred not to have her in my room without me being able to see if someone was walking it (or more importantly walking off with her).
Posted 18 March 2008 - 06:07 PM
Aren't there exceptions to the rule?
Of course there are! Which is why I have stated in both of my previous posts that well baby nurseries have their place. For instance, one of my patients the other night was exhausted from having her baby unsettled and over stimulated from being passed around from a group of very inconsiderate relatives that day. She quite literally was falling asleep while talking to me. The only way her baby would settle was on her chest. I couldn't risk anything happening to that baby in this scenario and the mother was in no condition to persevere. So, I took her baby to the well baby nursery and allowed her some sleep. She needed it.
The mother who is bombed out from Phernergan and whatever was in her spinal from her C-section that day. She needs it.
The mother who has a history of depression and is about to throw her baby against the wall in a combination of sleep deprivation and frustration. She needs it.
However, with any other mothers, especially those with partners staying I wouldn't offer the nursery and would encourage rooming in. It's not because I am trying to be mean. It's just because it is what I feel is best for that person's situation.
Posted 18 March 2008 - 06:09 PM
i had DD in a smallish country hospital which is still lucky to have a maternity ward. I had her late in the arvo that first night they took her up to the nurses station and brought her down when she woke for a feed. The next night DD was flown to a bigger hospital and put into NICU so i didnt get her to room in with me until 6days and each night i took her to NICU for her medication and we came home after the 3 night
Posted 19 March 2008 - 07:53 AM
My two cents.
I think if there is a nursery available and you feel you need it then you should not be made to feel guilty for using it. SLEEP IS KEY to mother recovery and hence the mother/baby relationship and that relationship can only benefit from a sane/healthy mother.
With my first birth (Cabrini, Melb) I was left alone by the midwives and never offered a break when I desperately needed it . I won't be having my next baby there. I intend to make full use of the nursery and will be more confident in dealing with midwives this time round (due in July).
The key point (as with all aspects of mothering) is to let mother's have an informed choice on their options and not to bully them into other options/methods.
Posted 19 March 2008 - 11:08 AM
not to bully them into other options/methods.
Who's being a bully though? I am certainly no bully. I believe I have a great bedside manner with my patients. I know how sleep deprivation feels, I have been there. I have empathy for them. I still have an opinion and I do allow the mother to make an informed choice but if it is just not possible for the baby to go to the well baby nursery eg. it is 5.30am so after the time we stop accepting babies, the nursery is full to the brim or they have their partner staying with them, I am going to very politely say no. There is always two sides to a story.
Edited by BrisVegasMama, 19 March 2008 - 11:09 AM.
Posted 19 March 2008 - 12:54 PM
Parenting starts as soon after your baby is born not when you get home
I totally agree.
I think another important thing to remember is that when you have a newborn around - sleep doesn't need to happen at night! Try and find time to sleep when you can - regardless of what time of day it is.
I also agree with this. I found that most times the most sleep I got was during the day while my baby was napping as well.
Posted 19 March 2008 - 01:11 PM
You can't nap in the day when you have toddlers around
You can be a fab parent without having your baby in the same room/in a cot next to you all night. Another contentious point of view but one I'm sticking with
Let's not be so narrow-minded and judgemental of other's views ladies. There is no one-size-fits-all with parenting.
Posted 20 March 2008 - 03:59 PM
not to bully them into other options/methods.
I was firmly asked and questioned by EVERY MIDWIFE that came on duty to take my baby to the nursery (post c/s, accredited baby friendly hospital) They seemed to have a huge problem with me rooming in (even though by this stage I was mobile and having no problems with recovery)
Posted 20 March 2008 - 04:43 PM
If only every hospital, offered all different options to all different mothers and babies, on a case by case method this thread would not exist...
seems most midvives, nurses, doctors, hospitals have all varing opinions on how to deal with mums and bubs.. unfortunately all these differing opinions can come on one day, in the one ward, in the one hospital...
just a thought..
Posted 20 March 2008 - 05:02 PM
I sent DS to the nursery, I think it was the 2nd night, because he kept wanting to feed, waking up again when I put him down & I was falling asleep feeding him (before I knew cosleeping was ok). Ended up getting him after less than 2hrs because I couldn't sleep , I would hear a baby crying & be worried it was him & he was missing me! Your feelings may change once you have your baby .
Posted 21 March 2008 - 07:22 PM
I couldn't NOT reply to this thread! I had a really bad rooming in experience at Royal North Shore Public in Sydney. After a long labour and then an emergency c/s, I roomed in with my baby, after my DH was sent home - it was a night from hell. I was still hooked to a drip, I had an allergic reaction to the pain killing drugs (the "morphine itch") so consequently one midwife wouldn't let me sleep with the baby. I couldn't get out of bed when she cried (was still affected by the epi and painkiller drugs) and I buzzed for help. Twenty minutes later another midwife arrives and plonks baby into bed with me. Remembering that the last midwife had suggested I might roll on my baby, I asked if they could take DD after I fed her. I was told by this cranky old bag that there was no nursery and they were short-staffed and couldn't take her. In my drug haze I felt like she was telling me I was lazy mother!
That's why comments like this annoy me:
Expecting to have your baby in the nursery overnight everyday you're in hospital sets you up for a shock for when you get home when there's no nursery to send baby to.
One night of post-operative HELP was all I needed.
When I look back I can't believe that they treated a post-operative patient in that way! SOmeone getting a gall-bladder or other abdominal surgery would have gotten treated better! But it seemed like the attitude was "because you've had a baby you just have to get on with it". I would have done that if I was PHYSICALLY able to FGS!
Consequently the next day I was a total mess. I didn't want any thing to do with the nurses and I felt really upset - like I was a failure to my DD by not being able to look after her and falling to pieces.
I did develop PND that was thankfully treated quickly and I know now that a lot of the problems I had stemmed back to that night and the fact that no-one seemed to care about me or the baby - it was like I was abandoned in that room. Sounds melodramatic even to me now but that's how it felt at 3 in the morning with no support.
I just dont see the point of having baby next to you the first night after a csection when you physically cannot respond to their cries. except to ring the bell and hope that a midwife comes.
I agree with that 100%. Rooming in IS a good thing, but not if it is the ONLY option provided.
IMO if there is no other support it is a recipe for disaster.
Posted 22 March 2008 - 06:24 AM
FWIW, I would have taken the baby for you. That is the exact scenario I am talking about when I think nurseries have their place. In saying that though, I work at a private hospital and unfortunately a lot of public hospitals have no facilities like well baby nurseries, so I am not that surprised that they refused to care for your baby, if they were short staffed. That was very unfortunate for you.
Edited by BrisVegasMama, 22 March 2008 - 06:27 AM.
Posted 23 March 2008 - 05:07 PM
About midway through my pregnancy they started to give me warning that my bub may need to go to SCN. Being a type 1 diabetic they wanted to let me know that this was a possibility. As the pregnancy went on I then got to thinking well how am I going to get to SCN if I've just had a c-s???
I've never felt so grateful & thankful that I got to have my bub in with me straight away. Having had the scenario that maybe I wouldn't get the choice made me realise that I am truly lucky to have had my bub right by my side.
I didn't have DH stay with me overnight instead I chose to get some sleep while he & other relatives came up to visit during the day. That way I was pumped for the "night shift" so to speak.
I was offered it at one stage but also told that they were understaffed. I was happy to go on as I could & ask for help when I needed it.
Posted 25 March 2008 - 07:52 PM
I think that it is great to have the option of a nursery.
About 5 hours after my DD was born, I went for a shower before climbing in bed for the night. When I got back she was choking and going a bit blue in colour. I ran straight out with her to the midwife station and they had to suction her - she was vomiting up mucuous. Anyway they insisted that they have her with them so that I would go to bed - or I would have sat up watching her all night - I could not have slept as I was so worried.
I had intended to have her in with me, but because of the mucous thing they took her both nights and came and got me to breastfeed her. After the 2nd night she had cleared it all and was fine.
I feel there is a place for the nursery and nurses station - in instances like that. Also some people have the unfortunate luck of c-sections or 30 hour plus labours - where they lose 2 nights of sleep. Motherhood should not be a competition but a supportive thing - people who have a hard time should not be made to feel bad for accepting some well deserved help.
Posted 25 March 2008 - 08:10 PM
I had Darcy in a private hosp. He was an emergency C/S and the 1st night the nurses came and got him & took him ( I planned to FF so had formula/bottles etc ready to go so that was fine).
I was in hosp for 5 nights and they took him every 2nd night. I got no sleep when he was in my room due to him being snuffly and startlig himself and I just sat there and couldn't sleep. I had 1 bad night when I just could not settle him and I phoned my hubby at 6am saying I coudn't wait for him to come and see me and watch DS while I slept a while. That next night hubby spoke with the nurses and they happily took him for me. I was feeling very overwhelmed and while 1 nurse got a bit huffy the others said that's what they were there for. I felt better for it and can see how lack of help in those situations could lead to women feeling as though they're not coping.
If I have another child down the track it will be another C/S and so I have no doubt that they would take my child the 1st night and any others again, should I require it. It's not that the mother doesn't want to care for her child in hosp, but I think that with some women they should use that time for rest, if they feel that they need it. I know that in my case, I would not have asked for help if I didn't feel I needed it.
for what it's worth, I don't feel that I bonded with my child any less for not having him with me for those few nights. It was more a case of not feeling alone, and when I came home, the care was shared between the 2 of us.
Posted 27 March 2008 - 09:53 AM
Gosh mother guilt starts early doesn't it? Actually from the moment you are pregnant I believe.
I think having the option of a nursery is comforting and a great option if it is required - CS, very difficult labour etc. Some do use it as a babysitting service which I think is the wrong approach, if you could otherwise cope with the baby in the room with you, unless you have this option once you get home as well. After being a 24hr nanny when I was younger I experienced first hand how some people have no reason at all for handing over the care of their newborn at night other than not liking the thought of their sleep being disturbed.
With my DD I did not sleep a wink for the 1st 24 hrs, she was in the room but I was so full of amazement at the little baby I had just brought into the world. I used the nursery for a daytime rest once fatigue finally hit me. Although she was not there for long as I could here her crying.
I could not agree more with the person who said you can face different opinions on the same ward within the same hour, my experience 100% in a very good hosiptal. Thank god for my nannying experience otherwise I would have been a total mess due to all the conflicting advice. As it was the breastfeeding advice really had a negative impact with how conflicting it was, something I had not done as a nanny.
Posted 06 April 2008 - 11:00 AM
With my first I had a C/sect at 5.15pm and had a huge postpartum bleed. I was so excited to have her I was on a high all night. She was also a bugger of a feeder and wanted the breast at least 2 hrly and when feeding takes an hour that = not much sleep. I had my husband stay with me which was wonderful but by the second night I was exhausted. The midwives wanted to take her to the nursery but I didn't want her to go.
The second morning I had rung my Mum at 7am crying and asking her to come and help me. Funny how even though I had all the support I just needed my Mum!
Anyway, the third night I had two midwives standing there insisting that my DD come to the nursery so I could sleep. I agreed and got a few hours which helped.
I could hear her crying from my room and I went and got her. She stayed with me from then on.
With my DS it was different. I didn't have the bleed after a c/sect(which made a huge difference to my recovery) and I didn't need the nursery until he required fluorescent light for jaundice.
This is definitely a case by case thing. Sometimes you need help and sometimes you don't
Posted 07 April 2008 - 06:02 PM
I think that it's ideal to have a baby rooming in with the mother (ask me again in 5 weeks time though). But that doesn't mean that the mother doesn't need support.
In a historical context, or a more primative (sorry, not the right word I know) context, then the birthing woman would be surrounded by other women who would surely have helped out in these situations. Birthing and raising babies never used to be one woman's responsibility, it was a family/society responsibility.
I wondered if maybe a possible key to PND was not so much rooming in or not, but lack of support, if a woman was allowed to have her partner/support people stay at the hospital over night for the first few nights, would that not enable better bonding, quicker response to both mother and baby's needs, and a general feeling of being loved and supported which would surely enable women to cope better even in a difficult (i.e. post operative) situation.
Obviously it's a cost issue, but personally I don't see any sense in shoving a recently delivered woman in a room on her own, or with other strangers and their babies and leaving her to survive the night. It doesn't seem to be a natural thing for human beings to do. Having just gone through one of the potentially most emotional/physically difficult/even traumatic thing that women go through in their lives, to suddenly send their support away seems inhumane.
Posted 10 April 2008 - 12:34 PM
I agree with rooming-in - I think it is good thing for the mother and the baby.
I also agree with having a nursery available.
The first night after a c-section, that should ALWAYS be made available, and OFFERED, not needing to ask. It's pretty hard to get up that first night ... my c/s were early evening and middle of the night, and after a couple of hours with a feed etc, both times the baby went out with the nurses for a few hours.
Rest of the time ... I think effort should be made first to room in. If the baby feeds well, and goes to sleep, there is no reason to be in the nursery.
For a baby that won't settle, I would expect the midwives to try and help settle the baby.
With my 3rd, she had her days and nights mixed up. She would just sleep and feed during the day. I managed to get some naps in. Night time, she would just cry. And cry.
Around night 4, the midwives had checked in on me several times, but hadn't really had any advice or help, had offered to take her to the nursery, and I had said no. I finally gave in at about 3am, and asked the midwives to take her for a couple of hours. They actually made me SIGN PAPERWORK!!!! Giving them permission to take a few steps down the hallway to the nursery. It made it all feel like such a hassle (she had to find it etc), and that I was causing so many problems.
Ended up only having her away from me for about an hour, when they brought her back at 4am to be fed again, leaving baby with me and walking out. I fed her, and again she wouldn't settle.
Finally at about 6am, a different midwife came in after hearing the crying. Took her from me, changed her nappy (not really needed), rewrapped her, stood and rocked her while talking to me, just nice and quietly and calmly. This midwife just gave off such a lovely calm vibe. Baby settled a little (still crying a bit), and the midwife helped get me settled for another go at feeding. With her help, we got a better angle going, and she had a good feed, and then went to sleep. This was the sort of help that should be offered at 2am.
Expecting to have your baby in the nursery overnight everyday you're in hospital sets you up for a shock for when you get home when there's no nursery to send baby to
Ok, yes, I think automatically using the nursery every night isn't the best thing. Point is though, it's not like the baby is gone all night - they still bring back the baby for feeds. It just means that you can get some sleep during those unsettled times, where the baby isn't needing a feed, just attention.
Of course you have to deal with that when you get home. But the difference I see, is that if I was at home, I wouldn't be doing it all alone - I would have my husband right there who would take the baby after a feed, and resettle her. Having the baby in the nursery for a couple of hours between feeds is no different to having my husband walking the house at night trying to settle her.
Making me do it all on my own while rooming in at hospital - that was NOT setting me up for home, because once I was home, I always had that support from my husband.
Posted 10 April 2008 - 04:08 PM
I have had two "poxy" babes - they both has mysterious fluid filled pustules on their genitals - which resulted in them being in SCN until swab results came back.
I'm not sure how I would have coped if I didn't have two nights of rest after each birth!! I was still woken to feed them, but I wasn't woken if they were unsettled and just wanted a cuddle.
I was with them both throughout the day, so plenty of quality time (besides, SCN had a REALLY comfy recliner that was great for feeding/sleeping/ignoring well-meaning but overbearing visitors!!) but my body needed the rest it got.
Posted 11 April 2008 - 12:01 AM
They actually made me SIGN PAPERWORK!!!! Giving them permission to take a few steps down the hallway to the nursery. It made it all feel like such a hassle (she had to find it etc), and that I was causing so many problems.
Was this an ID check? Because my work signs babies in and out from thier mothers' room routinely. It's not because the mother is causing problems, it's because the midwives want verification that the baby belongs to that mother and the whereabouts of the baby when it is not with its' mother. I know it sounds like a hassle but it covers our butts should something go wrong.
Posted 11 April 2008 - 09:55 AM
Hayley - yep for me it was an ID check. I was at North Shore Private and they made you check the ID bands on baby when signing in and out.
Seems perfectly reasonable to me given the odd story that pops up about parents raising the wrong children.
Posted 11 April 2008 - 10:14 AM
I have not read the entire thread.
I had Ray at Bowral Hospital. They do not have a full-time nursery.
The first night was quiet in the delivery rooms, so the nurses/MW's took Ray & I think I slept LOL. He was quiet mucousy (sp?) & they had him up half the night spitting up gunk. They woke me for a feed or 2 I think
Then he roomed in with me until he needed 24hrs photo therapy for jaundice. Then there had to be a staff member or myself with him all of the time, as the crib was in the nursery section, but not normally staffed full time as I have said.
I think even with a c/section the baby is still roomed in with Mum & you just have to buzz for a nurse to help you. There is not the staff to sit & stay with the babies if there are deliveries or anything out of the ordinary happening.
Babies must not be left unattended in rooms at anytime, so to have a shower you have to try & line it up when there is staff available at the nurses station or when there is a visitor that you trust enough to leave bubs with.
Posted 11 April 2008 - 12:09 PM
There was an ID check, in and out of the room - comparing arm band thingys. I have no problem with that.
But the paperwork was actually a consent form, that I requested the baby be taken to the nursery.
I probably wouldn't even had a problem with that except for the attitude of the midwife. She came in when I buzzed and I explained how she had been crying for hours, I'd fed her, burped her etc etc etc, and I really just needed an hour or two sleep. She was very reluctant about taking her to the nursery (earlier midwife had suggested it!), so much so that I started to back down and said "oh don't worry". At which point she said "no, no, I just need to find paperwork" with a sigh. Let the room and took ages to come back.
She just made me feel I was really putting her out by it all.
The midwife later in the morning, who was actually helpful, said that the forms were new .. they'd had a case of a complaint from a mother who's baby was in the nursery and later complained that she wasn't "allowed" to have her baby. Don't know the details, but it created this additional paperwork apparently.
So I guess it wasn't the paperwork that I had issue with, but the fact that the midwife made me feel like it was a hassle, made me feel bad about it all. And the fact that she took so long supposedly "finding" the paperwork.
Posted 11 April 2008 - 03:53 PM
I know Redlands Hospital in Qld make you have the baby with you unless the baby is sick. Not good when you have been really sick before delivery and were induced because of complications and not getting any sleep for 2 days which is what happened with me. I was really exhausted and would have loved the opportunity to have some rest.
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