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How do I stop him self-weaning? Tips appreciated.
62 replies to this topic
Posted 07 August 2008 - 08:41 PM
DS, 9.5 months old, is refusing his evening boob, and sometimes the arvo one. This is the second time in about two months he has done this (for a few days now). Last time, it went on for more than a week and despite hiring a pump to try and keep it up - supply dropped, and I am still taking maxolon every couple of days. I'm pretty convinced it is related to teeth - it was last time, and seems to be this time.
Problem is, some of the time he won't settle in evening, and despite repeated BF attempts, in the end we often give him a bottle of formula (I can't get anything expressing), after which he usually will go to sleep. Previously, occasionally during the last couple of weeks, he has been having a proper BF, and then a supplementary bottle, of about 60mls (call it a growth spurt, we call him Fatboy - lmao!) - and I don't mind this, but am very aware of the possibility of it becoming habit - which I think it has been a bit lately.
I am determined to try and stick it out - he has lung issues, and extended BF is very important to us - and if it's just the teeth, then hopefully I can see out the difficult patch (made 5 dozen lactation cookies today ) - but if he's intent on self weaning - is there anyway I can stop this??
Posted 08 August 2008 - 07:02 PM
Anyone? It's getting worse. He point blank refused this evening. When I tried again - he bit me. I'm not ready for him to wean.
Posted 08 August 2008 - 07:13 PM
I'm sorry I can;t help, DS is still very much a boob man at 14months.
I suggest you give ABA helpline a call, or try their website. Maybe try expressing in the morning when you are full, to keep your supply up and a stash in the freezer.
Posted 08 August 2008 - 07:18 PM
I am no help but I would have thought this topic would have had heaps of replies
It might be worthwhile posting it in the general area where more traffic goes (WDYT, Misc)
Posted 08 August 2008 - 07:19 PM
I would definately try the ABA hotline or a local counsellor. I had lots of troubles and found them to be very helpful.
Best of luck.
Posted 08 August 2008 - 07:41 PM
Sorry I have no advice either but if he is choosing to do this why force it?
Because it seems he is/will be asthmatic - and extended breast-feeding is by far, far best for babies with lung issues (regardless of it being best for all babies anyway). Because I love breast feeding. Because he is my last baby. Because my goal was at least 12 months, but hopefully 18... Because, I want to continue.
Thanks, yes I rang ABA and lactation consultant last time this happened - hired electric pump (didn't help much) - went on maxalon etc... Just hoping someone may have had a similar experience with a happy outcome or some advice I haven't yet encountered or thought of. Thanks I am Woman - yes I'll do that....
Posted 08 August 2008 - 08:00 PM
The only time my DS has flat out refused the Breast (he is 10 months nearly) is when he has been sick or teething.
He is starting to self wean during the day as the world is too exciting and can't concentrate long enought....he just wants to attach and let go and on and on.. Now I give him 120ml of formula in the afternoon when he doesn't want boob. If he is not wanting the boob earlier I wait to give him his snacks or solid meal until he has had a BF. He usually only goes 30min and wants something to eat if his breakfast is late so he will have his BF.
I also want to go until 12 months, but then I want to get him weaned.
I guess my only advice is don't push him to have it, wait 30 min and try again. If he is hungry he will feed!
Hope that helps
I know how upset I felt when it first started happening as well!
Posted 08 August 2008 - 08:06 PM
I have just been through this with DS.
I tried and tried and he just didnt want it. I did find that he would feed sometimes at the park or even feeding rooms. So I was taking more trips to the park to get him to feed. Also I was feeding him while he was asleep. Just so I could keep my supply up too!!!!
I also got one of DD's dolls and pretended that I was feeding it which he thought was fun so I kind of turned into fun instead of trying to make him feed. Maybe let him reconnect with the breast by doing this.
Today after nearly a week of refusing it he was alot better!!!
I hope it gets better!!!
Edited by Free-Range-Kids, 08 August 2008 - 08:06 PM.
Posted 08 August 2008 - 08:13 PM
I had a few incidences of breast refusal when DS was 8-9 months. He would bite too - ouch! This generally happened when he was fighting sleep and I tried to feed him to sleep - seems he was far too cluey for me!
How many feeds is he having per day? Perhaps try spacing his feeds out a bit further so it's been longer between his bed-time boob and the previous feed? As a comparison (although all babies are different of course!) my DS was having a feed upon waking in the morning, one around 2pm, and one at bedtime, at that age.
Also, how soon after solids are you trying to feed him? Perhaps heis having his dinner a bit to close to his breastfeed? Although if he is happy to drink formula, then it does sound like he is reasonably hungry.
I'd avoid the bottles as much as possible. I found that once I started giving DS cows milk occassionally at night that he soon started requesting it more and more, and then started refusing breastfeeds (which did result in weaning, but he was 19.5 months by then). Perhaps he finds the bottle easier to get milk from - especially when he is tired, and your supply is typically lower in the evenings?
If he does refuse to feed in the evenings, then try and persist with other ways of settling him to sleep. You might find he wakes hungry after a few hours and will accept a feed then.
ABA website might have some other tips, as might Kellymom.
Breast refusal can quite often be temporary - and I would think this is particularly so if he isn't refusing all feeds - so hang in there for a bit longer. I can completely understand your desire to keep feeding him.
Posted 08 August 2008 - 08:26 PM
He's only having the three feeds (sometimes an additional tiny one). He's a big boy, and loves his solids - but I d feed him early for the reason you mentioned. He has dinner at 4.30 (or sometimes before if he's chomping at the bit lol), and evening BF around 6.20
I think we've let him have the bottle a few too many time s- just because he was getting hysterical - ill, teething, etc. He had neither BF, not bottle tonight, and went straight to sleep regardless. Last night I did as you suggested when he woke about an hour after going to sleep and he had a little feed. I'll try and hang in and will read Kellymom now. Thanks.
Posted 08 August 2008 - 08:41 PM
Another thought - have you tried dreamfeeding him before you go to bed? If he doesn't wake (or doesn't fully wake) he just might take a feed.
Does he usually sleep through the night?
Posted 08 August 2008 - 08:54 PM
Great minds Michelle - I was thinking about dream feeding tonight.. Yes, he more often sleeps through - but has had a couple of bad nights recently. I'm a bit hesitant - as I feel he will probably wake up and then may be harder to settle... also, he's obviously not hungry (huh, maybe that's the problem, lol).
Avoiding bottle, but wondering if I should be concerned about his milk intake (given his solids intake, and his size, probably not)...
Posted 08 August 2008 - 08:59 PM
A warm bath with your son , lots of skin on skin contact is great for your hormones and also his . If hes screaming hes not going to feed and you wont get a good let down because your getting upset about it too. My sons a chronic asthmatic so i applaud you for getting that liquid gold into him , thankfully my son was a boobie monster till he was over two. I could never express either but some people just cant. I hope you can find a solution to your breast feeding problems that suits both of you. I really love going to my local aba meeting , maybe seeing other children feeding will make him want to too.
Posted 08 August 2008 - 09:08 PM
Thanks Merrymen - I'll have a bath with him in morning, and I'll look into aba meetings around her e- don't think there is a local one though.
Posted 08 August 2008 - 09:11 PM
hey i just wanted to say good on you for trying.
and if you think it is his teeth then try Bonjela just before a feed and see if that works.
Posted 08 August 2008 - 09:12 PM
Skin-to-skin is a good idea my merry men. Perhaps try taking your top right off when you feed him - wrap a banket around you both if it is cold.
It might be worth thinking about co-sleeping for a bit, if that is something you are comfortable with. It will give him easy access to the breast if he does feel like a feed. Not everyone's cup of tea, I know.
I was always hesitant to dreamfeed for the same reason - I never wanted to risk waking him and not being able to settle him again. But it might be worth a try, as I think getting him to feed is probably more important at this stage. If he is not generally feeding overnight, and he is now skipping the evening feed, then I would be thinking that he is not getting enough milk.
What about cutting his solids back a bit? Breastmilk should still be his main food source at this age, and he is getting all the nutrients he needs from that, so a reduction in solids certainly won't hurt him.
Posted 08 August 2008 - 09:19 PM
What about cutting his solids back a bit? Breastmilk should still be his main food source at this age
Mmm, yes I might try doing that a bit, have been thinking about it. He eats like a piggy - he LOVES his food, and eats nearly as much as his near 3 year old brother (he is a big baby) - there's no way breastmilk has been anything like his main food source for some time now. I will try that, I suspect he's not gonna like it though.
Thank you so much you lovely ladies - I feel that at least I have some other ideas to be going on with for now. Thanks
Posted 09 August 2008 - 12:54 AM
Titania - hope you've been having some luck with DS. I just wanted to second a PP with regards to reducing the amount of solids you are giving to get him back on the breast.
I had the same dilemma as you when DD was 9 months, and I was desperate to keep her feeding because she is allergic to cows milk and I want to feed her for as long as possible.
I tried everything under the sun, but the only thing that worked was cutting back the solids. She would eat all day if I let her, and I was just following her lead and letting her eat as much as she wanted, but it turned out to be the wrong thing for us.
I found Kellymom great for info about just how much solids they really need at this age.
FWIW in utter desperation I stopped solids for 24 hours with DD Worked a treat. And gradually built back up, keeping BM as priority.
Now at 12 months she still has 4 B'Feeds a day and 3 meals plus anything else she can get her hands on
Good luck, I can fully appreciate why you are upset
Posted 09 August 2008 - 08:07 AM
Thanks Kristie. Yes, am starting to think that is part of the problem. He was hungry this morn - and had a really good feed . Have started with a smaller breakfast (no toast) - not game to stop solids altogether lol - especially when he's still not 100% well.
Tried the dream feed last night - that was a disaster and won't be doing it again! He just got hysterical (my kids don't sleep through anything) and took an hour to settle again. Needless to say, no BF.
Posted 09 August 2008 - 11:37 AM
Oh no! That's no good about the dream feed. Don't blame you for not wanting to try it again - I wouldn't either!
Fingers crossed that cutting back his solids works.... let us know how you go over the next few days.
Posted 09 August 2008 - 01:19 PM
Smaller lunch - and a comparatively good BF.
Posted 09 August 2008 - 06:41 PM
A decent, though smallish feed tonight too. Hopefully on the road to recovery. Either a nursing strike - or too much solids I think.
Posted 13 August 2008 - 09:37 AM
Meh. Gone backwards again. Definitely teething. Now a LOT of biting going on too, and, ever since trying the dream feed - he wakes around that time of night and screams for an hour or more about the time we're going to bed (and usually won't take the boob). I so regret trying the dream feed - it's just made things worse. It may be a co-incidence I suppose, but it is the same time of night. Very annoying as he more often slept through prior. Grrr. I must say, I'm nearly at the end of my tether. If I can just make it two more months (to a year), I'll be almost satisfied, but it's become such a struggle the last few weeks.
Posted 13 August 2008 - 02:48 PM
Awww, noooo! It's so frustrating isn't it? I dont know if this is going to help, but every time DD gets a tooth (molars ATM) she is an absolute PITA, biting, pulling off as soon as the milk lets down and refusing to go back on etc..
When she was about 11 months she gave me the worst cracked nipple ever, worse than the newborn days Man it hurt.
It seems to last for a couple of weeks per tooth unfortunately. And then one day she will just stop and everything goes back to normal, till the next tooth comes along.
Can you see if theres a tooth about to cut? Once the tooth starts to cut DD is a lot better in that she will actually feed for a decent lenghth of time.
No one told me about all these little challenges that came along once bub got older, geez its hard, but I keep thinking I'll be so proud if we get through it and make to two years.
But, you also have to consider yourself and the rest of your family.
BTW the dreamfeed did not fool DD either, and it made her wake at 10pm for the next few nights too.
Anyway I hope I've given you a tiny glimmer of hope
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