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Sacrificing to be a stay at home mum


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#76 smudgiekiss

Posted 05 June 2010 - 10:19 AM

My son and daughter have the luxury of having me, their mother care for them 24/7.  I don't view being a SAHM anymore as a sacrifice, I think of it as providing a luxury to my children.  Unfortunately in todays society many children do not spend enough time with either one of their parents.  I think that is a shame.

By choosing to be a SAHM I am providing a modern day luxury to my children of having their mother around.

To answer the original question about sacrifices - yes I've made some like visits to hairdressers are limited and I watch what I spend.  But like someone else said, do I ever regret seeing their happy faces every day and being there for every milestone - not for a second.

Being a SAHM is the MOST important thing I can give to my children, not the latest PS3.

#77 loulou1976

Posted 06 June 2010 - 07:49 AM

My husband and I gave up the prestigious house with the massive mortgage, car and high income job so I could have kids and raise them from home. This was not a 'sacrifice'it was a pleasure to do so, in order for me to be a SAHM and raise them myself. My children are 20 mth and 3 and recently have being doing 1 day a week in creche, so I can have a break and for social interaction. This is the second creche I have tried in the area and they are still not 100% happy even though it is one day a week. i feel guilty doing it beacuse i hated creche as a child even though I was in occasional care from time to time. I hated having the nanny when my parents went away. However, staying at home and raising kids isn't a bludge it is hard work, physically, mentally and sometimes emotional challenging compared to my job and career. I admire single mothers more than ever now, 'what hard work it must be'.
I'm sorry to say but I don't think CC is any better for children than staying home. Many times I pick my children up and other children are crying with snotty noses and just want there mums. some of them cry and look at me with anxcious eyes 'wheres my mum'or çan u pick me up'. It breaks my heart. A 9 or 10 hour day is way too long for a small child, too over stimulating, not enough solid sleep (in most centres) and too many germs flying around from other kids. (My kids rarely got sick until they started CC) I do think the ratio is too high for one childcare worker to the amount of children they look after. Especially if one has to leave the room or change nappies. The government needs to support more mothers to be at home.

Edited by loulou1976, 06 June 2010 - 07:52 AM.


#78 Gangnam Style

Posted 06 June 2010 - 08:08 AM

Oh get a grip.

#79 kp0507

Posted 06 June 2010 - 06:26 PM

Oh get a grip.
Nice one, Franoir, proving once again that SAHMs' opinions are not to be spoken or heard in our society. I have to listen to my sisters in law and other family members crap on and on about how children really 'need' daycare, because it's so much better for their 'development'. My cousin 'wouldn't do that to her kids' (having them at home) while my MIL has reminded me several times how she was too well educated and too intelligent to stay home with the kids. She was also too bloody proud.
They can say what they like. If I criticed their choices in similar ways I'd be lynched.
I think the biggest sacrifice some SAHMs have to make is giving up their right to an opinion!

#80 Gangnam Style

Posted 08 June 2010 - 10:01 PM

Yeah eyah, and I bet the eggs are organic too.

#81 nickym83

Posted 30 June 2010 - 05:46 PM

its interesting to see that so many people have ¨sacrificed¨ home owner ship to be SAHM.
i am only 27 (as is my partner) we both own a house each (i rent mine out and we live in his), i have been a SAHM since 2008 when i gave up my job as an Early childhood teacher who made $27 and hour to stay at home with my daughter. My husband is our sole income earner on $15 an hour as an apprentice and we get $43 only a fortnight for Family Tax Benifit. Centrelink dont help us as i would be required to sell my house to be eligible.  So we live on a wage of $560 a week and manage quite well on this. All our baby stuff was 2nd hand (our cot cost $25 at a church garage sale), nappy changes are done on a bed/couch/floor. The only things i lashed ot to buy was new mattress for the cot and now a new matress for the single bed that hubby carried up our street when we saw it out the front of a neighbours house with a free sign on it. I have friends who went into debt to buy baby stuff and i saw most of it as useless.(and told them so) As a SAHM i use cloth nappies dont even use disposables to go out. and i am proud of my decision to stay at home. I may have sacrificed my career but working in the nursery and pre school sector i could never put my child through what i saw some babies go through. My choice suits me as do choices of others suit them. Each to there own but dont criticize others for their life choices as it is their life not ours original.gif

#82 pistachionut76

Posted 30 June 2010 - 06:05 PM

Another WOHM v's SAHM thread!!  i'm taking bets here ....20 pages by morning?? tongue.gif

#83 Guest_janeygirl75_*

Posted 01 July 2010 - 11:35 AM

It really saddens me that a great deal of judgement placed on mums is by other mums.  Why can't we be more supportive of each other rather than splitting ourselves into camps and being so unpleasant toward people who think/parent differently.

Being a parent is such a hard job as we all know and it would be lovely it we could treat other mums the way we would like to be treated ourselves.

Edited by janeygirl75, 01 July 2010 - 11:35 AM.


#84 gone gone gone

Posted 01 July 2010 - 11:37 AM

QUOTE (pistachionut76 @ 30/06/2010, 06:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Another WOHM v's SAHM thread!!  i'm taking bets here ....20 pages by morning?? tongue.gif


Damn, I wish I'd taken that bet...

#85 mummamia02

Posted 02 July 2010 - 08:25 AM

I am a working mum, however I live in a fairly affluent area, and I tend to find the working mums are finanically worse off than the sahms.  Most sahms in my area drive mercedes, bmw's, brand new 4wds.  We have two incomes, but drive cars over 12 years old, and really have no extra money to spare.
I have to work.  I say if you can be a SAHM then go for it.  I agree it is better to have your children home with you then to stick them into childcare (I worked in childcare, and am now an EC teacher in a kindy).  

I think that the government is starting to get it right by having paid maternity leave, so that mums can stretch their leave out longer to be at home with their babies (but that is a whole other argument I know ;) )

I do admit I was jealous of sahms, because they are the ones that never miss their child's sports days, concerts at school, they can be part of their child's education, etc.  When your child cries because you can't be there is absolutely heart breaking.

So hold your heads up high SAHM's,  you are very lucky and fortunate to be able to have the "choice" of staying home, and for those making that choice, I applaud!

Just my opinion :D

#86 omi214

Posted 09 July 2010 - 01:36 PM


i think the paid maternity (paternity?) leave issue is very relevant! we are currently pre-TTC and both work and based on our current fianancial situation couldn't afford for one of us not to work even for a few months (without moving back in with my parents!), i am watching this debate very closely as it certainly will play a huge role in whether we can start TTC

plus paid maternity leave puts a value on motherhood (parenthood) (even if it will never be enough!)

#87 -Muse-

Posted 09 July 2010 - 02:27 PM

A bit of a side-track but this reminds me of a comment my ex made about me being "unemployed" as if it makes me a bad parent - I had a great career as a video game producer before I had my daughter and my priorities have changed. She's only 2yo and I think that being a full-time mum is a benefit to her rather than a disadvantage! Yes, I'm pretty broke and can't afford to buy fancy things or get my hair done all the time - but I don't feel poor because we're happy, have food, clothes and a roof over our heads, and my daughter seems to be thriving so.. I know where my priorities would rather be!

I really wish people valued the efforts of women at home more too. A happy home is one of the most important things that society/parents can do for their children (in my humble opinion anyway).

#88 Nut

Posted 11 July 2010 - 04:01 PM

I didn't sacrifice anything to stay at home. I chose to do so, I wanted to do so and it's what I have wanted to do all my life. I feel lucky that I can do so. Sure a bit of extra money would make life easier, but it's no sacrifice to me at all.

Going back to work for me would be a sacrifice, not staying at home.

It does get to me though that being a stay at home mother is not taken seriously. People say "What do you do?" and I say "I have two children and am home with them".. "Yes but what do you do?"... That is what I do and I am not ashamed of that.

I don't think it's any less than any paid job. I am not expecting praise or recognition, but it would be nice to not have people raise their eyebrows in a "oh you're one of those" manner when I tell them.

#89 goddessof1967

Posted 12 July 2010 - 11:13 AM

The reason for this thread was to hear what SAHMs have given up to stay at home and not work for financial benefit.

That's all.

Nothing else.

I've never fitted into a box, much to my angst whilst growing up, but I love it now and have done for many years now so my situation isn't exactly one or the other.

My partner and I had this baby pretty late in life. I travelled and partied alot of my money away until only a year or two before we had a baby when I saved specifically so I could have more time off work if/when we had a baby. He did the responsibe thing and lived like a pauper so he could buy a house etc. and now we have a nice but small house in a great suburb with quite a small mortgage. I pay the majority of the bills and groceries with my saved money. (we met 7mths before we got pregnant)

I earn more than my partner but never thought twice about me being the one to stay at home for the first 2-3yrs though my partner would dearly love to be the SAHP so we'll review in maybe 6mths. Our son is 6.5mths now.

Our lucky break is that I can work weekends and earn pretty good money for my troubles so I have jsut started doing some casual shifts on a weekend. That way DadnDave get great time together without me nagging and we get more dollars so we can breathe a bit more easily and have more money to plan a comfortable retirement. And he doesn't go to CC which is what we don't want right now.
We both require a certain amount of economic security to feel relaxed and happy so me doing some casual weekend work is welcomed and supported by him. We ain't wealthy but happy, for us.

Having said that we have cut corners -
*all baby furniture is Ebay or given to us
*most of his clothes are hand-me-downs though very well kept ones
*cloth nappies bought mostly 2nd hand or given to us. Very rarely do we use 'sposies.
*Hardly buy clothes for ourselves anymore. Lucky I mostly buy good items on sale that can be worn and worn and worn and rarely date though some people might not agree  tongue.gif
*hardly go out for meals like we used to.Coffee and cake is the way here too!
*nearly all shopping is done at Aldi. They do have the best chocolate.
*we have 2 cars but one is a 23yr old lovely bomb.
*our house is tiny and we fantasise about more space
*my partner has done all the renovations himself and they continue...while also working full time. The house was barely livable when he bought it.
*Ebay dishwasher, toilet, back sliding door and lots of Ikea furniture.

One thing I refuse to scrimp on though is food. We eat good food and we eat well. Good food is the cornerstone of so much for a growing body and brain that it's not worth scrimping on. I often by stuff on special but only if its worth eating. It's also often our version of treating oneself. As poor as church mice we often were growing up, our parents always made sure we ate well and ate healthy nutritious and wholesome food even though I preferred McDonalds back then hehe. I'm not a health-nut or anything like that, food is just a very important part of my life.

We also refuse to scrimp on physical comfort so the heating goes on when we want it and the cooling, likewise.

Edited by goddessof1967, 12 July 2010 - 11:57 AM.


#90 Klinkalink

Posted 12 July 2010 - 12:07 PM

From the posts in this thread it seems to be assumed that all mothers would choose to be SAHMs if they could. Many words such as 'privileged', 'lucky', 'blessed', etc have been used by many PPs to describe their ability to stay at home.

Good for you I say. Not for me. I stayed at home for 6 months after DS was born, and it was long eough to convince me that I didn't want to be a SAHM. Nothing to do with money. I need mental stimulation, a fact I recognise. Without it, I get bored, frustrated and short-tempered - which I don't think are great traits for a SAHM, and over the long term would probably have negative effects on DS.

So I was privileged, lucky and blessed enough to be able to go back to work. DS started CC, which he loves. The thing that gets him smiling and giggling most during the day is other kids, which I don't have at home. Filling each day with going to various playgroups etc. didn't seem to make him as happy (perhaps he thrives on being around other kids that he sees a lot, I don't know).

So now, instead of me counting down the hours until DP gets home (as I did often while being a SAHM), and feeling guilty about it, I now get to count down the hours until I can pick DS up. The time that we spend together is cherished and totally focussed on him. I love it, and I am so much a better parent for having both time for my brain and time for my family.

So not everybody wants to be a SAHM, regardless of their financial or social situation. Privileges, blessings and luck are different things to different people. I have a lot of respect for those who sacrifice to do what they think is right and best for their family, whether they are a SAHM or otherwise.

Even though DP and I both work, 99% of our things are still second-hand or 'specials' - and even a fair bit of Freecycle thrown in. I don't see this as sacrifice, I just see it as making better use of money regardless of how much you have.

For those who trot out the old line of "How can you stand to let someone else raise your kids", referring to kids in daycare, for this reason I assume you will all home-school when your kids are school age?

Edited by Klinkalink, 12 July 2010 - 12:09 PM.


#91 nickym83

Posted 13 July 2010 - 01:17 PM

QUOTE (Klinkalink @ 12/07/2010, 12:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For those who trot out the old line of "How can you stand to let someone else raise your kids", referring to kids in daycare, for this reason I assume you will all home-school when your kids are school age?


this made me giggle as i said to hubby the other day that i might home school (i have a Bacheor of Education Early Childhood and Primary teaching). He wasnt keen on the idea as it seems his theory is why teach one kid for nothing when i can go back to work teaching and make $27 - $35 an hour lol fair call Tounge1.gif
but i stand by my opinion to not let the local Day carers look after my daughter as i worked along side them and know that they dont do things to the books, unless they are being watched sad.gif


#92 RichardParker

Posted 13 July 2010 - 01:33 PM

QUOTE (Klinkalink @ 12/07/2010, 12:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
From the posts in this thread it seems to be assumed that all mothers would choose to be SAHMs if they could. Many words such as 'privileged', 'lucky', 'blessed', etc have been used by many PPs to describe their ability to stay at home.


I think that many mothers use these terms because, although they probably do feel 'lucky' etc, if they were to simply say:

"I'm a SAHM and proud of it!",

people would immediately respond with:

'Well, think yourself lucky because not everyone is able to SAH, some of us has to work."  

Damned if you do, damned if you don't! biggrin.gif

#93 SunnyMummy:)

Posted 13 July 2010 - 08:55 PM

I consider myself a SAHM, I love it and am very thankful that we were able to make this choice. My husband and I made a choice for what was best for our family at this point in our lives.

I quit my career I had prior to our baby. Instead I work 4hrs on a Sat and Sun morning (home by 9-10am). This has worked great for our family as I get to be a SAHM for 99.95% of the time, my husband gets one on one time with our DD and I get some some 'me' time while being paid for it.

Some friends disagree with our choice to not have our 19 month old DD in childcare. We went down a long path of infertility to arrive at adoption and our gorgeous DD, and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it in a way that is right for our family.  Our family, our parenting, our choices.  

Each to their own I say.

#94 *SYM*

Posted 28 July 2010 - 01:45 PM

I consider myself a stay at home mum, I work one day a week on the weekends when DH is home and one day during the week, where I was taking the kids to work with me, but now have the two year old in childcare for the day.  For the majority of the time I'm at home with the kids.

We haven't sacrificed anything, but we've stopped wasting so much money.  Staying at home means we can save more money, I cook meals, bake, sew and make a lot of things, have time to shop around for bargains and sales.  I get time with the kids, make home made play dough and paints and I wouldn't change it for the world, unfortunately the kids will grow up and go to school and I'll have to go back to work as we only have enough in savings to cover any mortgage increases for the five years.  
original.gif

#95 jksmileyface

Posted 28 July 2010 - 02:16 PM

While I admire stay-at-home mums, please don't lump all of us that work into the same box of "choosing to pursue a career".

Unfortunately, like the vast majority of working mum's, I work becuase I have to, not because I want to. I would love to be a stay-at-home mum, but for us it is just not financially possible.

I would give anything to be home everyday with my children, be home to get the domestic chores done, be home to cook a decent meal instead of cooking in bulk on the weekends.

Yes, we own our own home, however this decision was made long before we were married, let alone had contemplated having children. Fortunately, this means we pay a bit less than the average rental for our area, but we could still not do this on my husbands wage alone.

My sacrifice is that I only work 3 days a week, meaning, I too, like you:

  • own and operate one car and use public transport
  • brought our nursery furniture on sale
  • Buy clothes only at the sales, we limit our brand purchases. We stock up for next season with classics that won’t date.
  • Sell the toys and equipment as the kids grow out of them and use the money to replenish the toy box
  • forgo the monthly beauticians visit – All primp and preening is in house
  • Annually we shop around for better deals on our utilities
  • We buy and sell on eBay.


As for eating out, this is done for birthdays only, birthday presents are always bought in the sales, we take lunch to work, rug up before finally turning the heating on, don't own a dryer, go camping for our holidays and fill up with petrol on 'cheap Thursday's' using Woolies discount vouchers.

Groceries are bought in bulk - usually when they are on sale, thank goodness we don't drink or smoke (who can afford it!) and the list could go on.

So well done to you for being able to make the sacrifises AND stay at home, a luxury out of reach for many of us!

#96 tashie3

Posted 28 July 2010 - 03:35 PM

I dont think there is a right and wrong thing to do, its all about personal choice and alot of decisions are made for the benefit of your family. While a working mum sacrifice staying home to be with there children, I am sure alot of stay at home mums would they say that they sacrifice there own needs at times while being at home...

You do what is right for your family. I consider myself lucky to be financially able to stay home, but I times I do wish there was Me not just Mum/Wife. With whatever choice you make there is a sacrifice!!!



#97 red door

Posted 09 August 2010 - 03:36 PM

I can only assume SAHM use the words "lucky" and "privileged" to acknowledge they had choice, and that not everyone does. Its called humility, I cant understand why someone would try to find something to criticize about another persons gratitude for the position they are in. crazy ol' EB.

#98 red door

Posted 09 August 2010 - 03:37 PM

QUOTE (jksmileyface @ 28/07/2010, 02:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Unfortunately, like the vast majority of working mum's, I work becuase I have to, not because I want to. I would love to be a stay-at-home mum, but for us it is just not financially possible.

I would give anything to be home everyday with my children, be home to get the domestic chores done, be home to cook a decent meal instead of cooking in bulk on the weekends.


So well done to you for being able to make the sacrifises AND stay at home, a luxury out of reach for many of us!



these are the sort of things people are trying to acknowledge and validate when they say how lucky they feel to have the choice to stay at home.

#99 Lishl

Posted 31 March 2011 - 04:49 PM

I liked your article and do feel that stay at home mum's need more recognition at times. I do love being able to stay at home, but I also miss the opportunity to work and continue to have a career. If I were to return to work right now we'd earn no extra as the cost of childcare outweighs what I'd earn.

I don't have alot to add really but but hooray for recognizing stay at home mum's!

#100 liveworkplay

Posted 31 March 2011 - 04:58 PM

QUOTE
Heres a peak into what we have done so I could stay at home for the past four years.

The big-ticket items
• We rent, we sacrificed buying our first home.
• We own and operate one car and use public transport – (Our bit for the environment).
• Sacrificed a career as a corporate accountant

Baby stuff
• We brought our nursery furniture on sale, as ‘shop floor display’ - with scuffmarks too boot. We received a further discount for these.
• We only brought the bare essentials for raising the kids. No change table, we changed bubs on the floor ... on the bed… on the couch …and our backs are fine! We never purchased a nappy bag we used a cheap backpack and learnt to pack the necessities – we survived.
• We used cloth nappies and disposables when out and about.

Day to day
• Buy clothes only at the sales, we limit our brand purchases. We stock up for next season with classics that won’t date.
• Sell the toys and equipment as the kids grow out of them and use the money to replenish the toy box.
• We buy and sell on eBay.
• We use shopper dockets for dinning out.
• I forgo the monthly beauticians visit – All primp and preening is in house.
• Annually we shop around for better deals on our utilities – phone, electricity, insurance, Internet. This saves a couple of hundred each year.


Well good on you. Some people sacrifice that and more and still need two wages.




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