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July 02 Parents # 71
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Posted 23 December 2008 - 09:20 PM
We're off to spend the next few days in brisbane catching up with close friends and relatives.
Xmas day we wake up at my in-laws & stay till lunch with his parents & brother & their family, then spend the afternoon with my family.
Merry Christmas to you all & hope you enjoy watching your children relish in the magic of christmas.
Posted 02 January 2009 - 07:58 PM
Off on holidays for a week tomorrow morning. Sure do need it after this week. Ray and I are splitting up again in the near future. Feels like 5 years ago
Posted 03 January 2009 - 03:21 PM
Oh Savanna, I am sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself.
Posted 04 January 2009 - 08:12 AM
Savanna, am sorry to hear that too. I hope you are OK. Enjoy your break & try to take some time out for yourself... where possible.
We have 2 weeks till the end of our lease, which is not being extended as the owner is moving into the house (can't blame him, its beautiful & only a street back from the beach). I've packed 2 boxes. We haven't had any luck finding another house as yet & I was awake for 2 hours during the night last night stewing over where the heck we are going to live with only 2 weeks up our sleeves. My gosh I dislike renting! So needless to say i've had my coffee & ready to start packing up wardrobes etc. So stressful.
We had a really great xmas & new year (in bed by 9.30pm mind you!) & the school holidays have been great so far.
Zane is having his first sleep over at a friends house tonight (we've had his friends sleep here but this is his first night away). I only told him this morning & he wasn't as excited about it as i would have thought so i think he may be a little apprehensive about it. Don't know how Nate will go without Z for the night. Their bedrooms are next to each other down one end of the housse & DH & my room is at the other end so we'll see how he copes. We'll be bribing him with a yummy dinner & dessert.
Well I want to get a box or 2 filled thin morning so i'm not cutting it too fine the end of next week.
Savanna, take care love & hope you are OK.
Posted 11 January 2009 - 04:43 PM
Our trip was okay...apart from the nightly tantrums of Aleisha missing her daddy and why didn't he come on holidays with us. What can you tell a 6 year old...that her father is a work-a-holic and hasn't taken any family time for years for holidays.
We stayed in an old house up at Blue Bay near The Entrance. Everything seemed to bang in the wind at night, so we didn't get too much sleep at nights.
Posted 19 January 2009 - 10:24 PM
Happy New Year everyone!
Last day of my holidays today, back to work tomorrow. I had nearly 4 weeks off so it has been a great break.
We had a lovely christmas. for the first time in 6 years there was a little bit of restraint on the gifts and I didnt have to give away half of my kids toys to fit them into the house.
We had a great break at Busselton. We ended up all going for 2 weeks. DH thought that he would have to come back early for work but he managed to stay the whole time. It was so great. T has perfected his casting, even though he didnt catch a fish, and G swam at the beach every day, even if it was cold. It really was the best time we have ever had down there in the 10 years my parents have had the place. I even managed to read 4 books!
This last week we have been laying low. Kids have had swimming lessons. Trying to get all those adminy jobs out of the way before school goes back: dentist, immunisations, uniforms, school stuff etc
I am reading a self help book at the moment and it has a chapter on taking control of your life. It really resonated with me. I find that I am really just spinning my wheels with the domestic load and I dont feel like I am actually moving forward at all with my life. Oprah always talks about finding your "life's purpose". I am so far away from figuring out what that is, but what I really would like is to get beyond the bottom of the pile of files and papers on my desk (stuff on the "to do list" that never gets done) and feel like I am doing something meaningful. Of course, being a mother is an important job, and I am not dismissing that as being meaningless, but I often wonder if I am capable of achieving more?
I have decided that the easiest way to do something in this vein is to work on my professional career, so to that end I am enrolling in a course this semester. But I am not sure if this is really the answer. I have never really truly "loved" my career with passion. I have changed career direction a couple of times trying to find it, but I dont think the answer lies in work.
It is just too easy to stay busy with the washing, shopping, cooking, cleaning in my non work/non kids time that I never really get a chance to work on anything to move me forward to achieving something bigger (ie a "dream").
Do you guys find the domestic load wears you down? (I know I have asked this question before in the context of the "motherload" taking up all of your thinking time)
Do you feel it is stopping you from achieving something else, even if you dont know what that is yet?
Obviously I have had way too much time contemplating my navel over the past 4 weeks.
Edited by Gin and Tonic, 20 January 2009 - 02:23 PM.
Posted 20 January 2009 - 02:34 PM
I do find full-time work and then full-time mothering does take it out of you and I never seem to get around doing what I want. Don't think I've scrapbooked in 2 years or such.
Just a bit cranky today. Ray who had been all for me buying the house off him on Sunday depending on the valuation, now has changed his mind when it came back the same value as it was 4 years ago when we split up last time and they won't lend them the whole amount he wanted to borrow to 'pay me back'.
I'm fuming! I was finally relaxing and feeling positive about it...no disruption to Aleisha and close to my work. He was even looking at real estate closer to his work and talking of even living with his parents for a while.
Now I'm back to miserable and stressed and thinking no way do I want him to end up with the unfair advantage in splitting of property again (which I did last time to keep the peace and have him still on speaking terms with me as Aleisha's father). But I also don't want to lose 10% of any assets to solicitors fees again, and had hoped to avoid all that again.
I would have been happy just buying the house from him and leaving it at that. Now I'm going to have to get mum in to talk to him and explain that this is not a situation where he is to make a profit. I can see life is going to be unbearable again in the house.
Posted 21 January 2009 - 12:01 PM
Sorry, I've no idea where to start... Hopefully you haven't all forgotten me, even though I've not posted in more than 18 months
Thought I'd post a quick note to let you all know that thanks to a thoughtful PM from Len this morning, I am officially back!!! I've got lots of reading to do to catch up with all your lives and then I'll post an update, trying to summarise the last 18 months!
Posted 21 January 2009 - 04:10 PM
yes yes yes, thank me later....
Glad to have my fellow old timer back. It was a bit lonely turning 40 last year alone!
Girls, she on facebook too.
Posted 22 January 2009 - 08:51 PM
We missed you! We are all pretty slack around here still. I hope you are well. Going off to stalk Len's Facebook friends list
Posted 24 January 2009 - 02:24 PM
Thanks Len, Ness and Nicole for adding me on Facebook - it's amazing to look through your photos and see how the kidlets have changed, as well as getting a little window into your non-EB lives I've got to put some more pics of Mitchy up - I've got quite a few as I got a new digital camera (nothing too fancy, but does a great job!) for Christmas '07 and try and leave it handy to use lots. Also need to update my signature...
I've read through all (most?) of the threads I missed - though I foolishly didn't read them in order, so you'll have to forgive me if I get the wrong end of the stick on any ongoing stories
I don't know whether to start with personals, or try and fill in the past 18 months or so - though nothing major has happened in my life - well, apart from turning 40 - I haven't moved house, changed jobs, had another child, I'm still with Grae (unfortunately) - I haven't even changed my car! LOL
Mitchell has obviously been through some changes - as I'm sure you're all aware, kids change and grow up so quickly I remember reading a discussion on teeth (in relation to our 6yo's) - Mitchy lost his front bottom 2 at Kinder, in 07 - and hasn't lost anymore yet, though his top front 4 are semi-loose and have moved around lots in the past few months as you might be able to see in some of the recent pics on Facebook... Have been going through some challenging times with Mitchell, pretty much since I last posted when I think we'd just been referred and started seeing a Paedeatrician (sp?) about his behavioural issues - it's a long and ongoing story, so I'll do a separate post or this will be so long it puts you all to sleep
Mitchy is still growing like a weed - he's 128cms now, but is very lean with long arms and legs - he's lucky to crack 23kgs wringing wet! Makes it very, very hard to find long pants which aren't too short or fall off him - apart from trackie pants, very few Sz 7 jeans, cords or similar, come with an elasticized waistband On the plus side, he's still wearing some size 4 shorts, T-shirts and singlets - I've bought very few new summer clothes the past 2 summers!
Well this is already turning into an epic, so I think this will do for part 1 of my update.
One personal - Savanna, I'm really, really sorry to hear you and Ray have split again and that he's not being overly cooperative about the house I hope you're being kind to yourself...
I promise I'll be back again soon for part 2
I hope everyone is well.
Posted 25 January 2009 - 10:15 AM
WELCOME BACK JUZZ!!!!!!!!!! So good to have you pop in again! I know all about extended absences - I think I disappeared for at least 9 months. So no worries!!!! Can't wait to hook up on facebook - will do that asap.
Glad that you're still alive and with us and that Mitchell is doing more or less okay - you don't have to worry about super long posts with us on what's been going on with him or you... we're all ears (or eyes! :-) ). I hope that the visits to the pediatrician are helping. And hope that you're going okay given your " I'm still with Grae (unfortunately)" comment... doesn't sound good? You can catch up on my news on my FB page, but essentially, I had numero trois 11 months ago - Harry. So life is BUSY!
(p.s. as I write this, I have to observe that Harry at 11 months is a regular little groover - I just put on some music and he's obviously delighted. Bopping away, raising his hands and swaying - it's too cute!)
Savanna - I'm sorry to hear that the separation is not going well. I hope that things work out for you and Ray doesn't persist with making things difficult.
Len - Lots of big questions in your post and I'm probably not going to do it justice tonight as my brain is fried and bed is calling. But just want to say that I COMPLETELY sympathise on the domestic-overload front. I always feel like I am never quite there, and there is always more cleaning, tidying, organising, washing, sweeping, scrubbing, paperwork, purging, putting away etc... to do!
But I think I am gradually coming to terms that getting all that done will happen some day and that there's more important things to concentrate on in the meantime (i.e. making sure the kids are happy and healthy, and DH and I are good). But the mess and chaos still stresses me out.
On the whole "what gives our life meaning" question... that's a biggy. I guess I came to the conclusion a while back that it couldn't be my kids.... one of the main reasons for that was that I felt that if they were IT, that put a LOT of pressure on them and I didn't want to live the rest of my life vicariously through my kids. I felt like my mum did that for many many years and that it was unhealthy for her and for us (although I still love her dearly). It's only something I've thought about and come to have a small understanding of in the past few years - still don't pretend to really know for sure what's the best balance. But I guess I am at the point that I think that whether you're home full-time with them or also working, it's important to have a bit of yourself which is invested in something other than them. For me at the moment, that thing is work. I didn't imagine myself as working when my kids were little... but that's how it's turned out, and to be very honest, I'm enjoying it A LOT. Since moving to Canada, I've moved into a bit of a different field for me - Communications (before it was program management and policy work). I'm still clinging to my "part-time" status which at 30 hours a week isn't part-time enough. But at the moment, the juggling act is (mostly) working, and I guess for me, it's the work outside of the home and the relationships and tangible rewards that come with that that are fueling part of my "raison d'etre." But I have friends for who their life "purpose" or meaning comes from things like their volunteer work, their relationships, their faith etc...
It's such an individual thing though, isn't it? I'd really like to hear what others have to say.... Nicole? Lauren? Wendy? Narelle? Marina? Ness?
Better sign off...... be in touch again soon!
Posted 25 January 2009 - 04:01 PM
Quick catch up -
Lovely to see Juzz back with us. I'm not sure who has me on their Facebook page, as I get so lost with so many old friends on it. Need to categorise it I think if I can.
I've decided to see a solicitor about a fair split of assets after much discussion with my parents and best friend. Not out to be nasty or anything, but this will be final, I will get a divorce when 12 months is up and I need it to be fair for Aleisha and myself. You don't give up on a marriage and make a profit from it.
So things might be a bit icey here for a while as he still thinks he's getting the house, but I'm determined that I'm staying till I'm certain its all fair and that Aleisha and I are getting what is fair in the eyes of the law (not a delusioned husband). Trying to quietly get together everything I need to take along as I think of things, to save me money (mum found an article on keeping costs down in divorce in Readers Digest I scanned through).
Anyway, that's me for now. Aleisha is having some terrible tantrums at the moment, which is understandable having her world fall down around here. I think she's dealing fairly well considering though.
Posted 25 January 2009 - 08:01 PM
Where do I start!?
Well, I had a lot of thinking to do as Lucy turned one, because I knew she was our last child (Raff has had a vasectomy now) and I haven't worked since September 2004 (besides the stuff that I do for Raff's business)
This Tuesday sees Charlotte start kindy 4 half days per week.
So what am I going to do with myself?
too easy to stay busy with the washing, shopping, cooking, cleaning
My days are very full, and this year with more trips up and back to kindy I don't see an improvement happening anytime soon.
I love hanging out with my kids, I feel very glad that we have had these few years of togetherness.
I also have found it really easy to just focus on the here and now, so I don't find myself stressing about the next thing anymore.
I am able to take things as they come and not stress about another year out of work or another pile of mess to conquer.
I feel certain that something will turn up for me at the right time. For now I am happy to sit this year out ( Ifind kindy times really hard to work around when I have another little one that needs to have a decent length sleep in there somewhere too!) and continue on as we have been and then towards the end of the year examine some options for me.
At this stage any big commitment in a career sense is just not going to happen. Raff's involvement in his business is all-encompassing, and I can't rely on him to fill in the gaps on a regular basis, as him at home equals no money earned.
I am working up the courage to put myslef out there for some volunteer work, but I have a few things I need to work through before I can do that. Ditto to studying. I have never ever done any kind of studying before. I never really learnt how to learn things (does that make sense?) I just kind of always 'got' things in high school and acheived well right up to Year 11 and then decided to drop out and bum around.
I feel like I need a real mind shift to take on studying and the thought of doing that with little people at my feet terrifies me! Plus, I have no idea of where to find some passion! I have no clue as to how to find out what I want to do with the next half of my life.
Freaky sh*t. The last 7 years have been so hectic and have redefined me, but yeah, I can feel that time drawing to a close.
You know, I reckon I could fill in a full day by myslef with all the kids at school, with exercise and decluttering and gardening and sewing and baking and sh*t, but do I want to? Or do I need to find something of my own to drive me?
The ONLY negative I can think of about being a SAHM, is that I have let my confidence in speaking up fall. I feel nervous about learning new things as I have had the kids to hide behind for so long.
Housework? Well, I kind of live by this
Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. -Phyllis Diller
Sometimes you've really got to get to the front gate. Sometimes it is far more appropriate to sit back with a cup of tea in hand and watch the snow fall.
I refuse to let it overwhelm me anymore. I saw a counsellor for a few different things at the beginning of 2008 and she really helped me shift my negative thoughts.
Now, instead of thinking 'pfft, all that vacuuming done, how long's it going to last? ' I just think 'Great! Floor's clean ' and that's that. I wont b**ch about the never ending pile of washing, or having to empty the dishwasher again. It is going to be a fact of my life for the rest of the best years of my life. I won't bring myself down about.
Another thing I was shocking for was viewing time in a negative way, like it would be 1:15pm and I would just be starting my lunch and my mind would be racing through thoughts like 'Crap! It's half past one, God, I'm going to have to get Ella soon, I've done nothing and I have to leave in like an hour blah blah blah'
Now I say (both out loud and self-talk) things like 'Cool. 1:15. It's nearly two hours to get everything done that I need to do, so I can enjoy my lunch'
I was so bad for 'rounding away' time, always making it sound so much worse than it was, freaking out about running out of time.
Anyway, that's a lot of rabble from me. I found Buddism for mothers very helpful during that stage of change for me, to really help me live in the moment etc.
Oh, and just quietly, Juzz - Life is the longest thing you will ever do. Make sure you do it happily, with people that make you happy.
Edited by Victory, 25 January 2009 - 08:04 PM.
Posted 25 January 2009 - 10:24 PM
Nioole- I loved buddhism for mothers too. Put lots of things into perspective, but I need to get it out of the library again as I have only put a couple of things into practice and forgot the rest.
Savanna- I am so sorry about everything. I hope you get through it in one peace. I am glad you are just getting on with it now. As I said to you last time, make sure you get everything you are entitled to, and it is worth spending a bit of money on a lawyer to do that. Maybe the lawyer you used last time wont charge as much this time around due to the fact he will just be updating the work he did last time? just a thought.
Narelle, love your new pics on facebook. You do look pretty good in that black swimsuit!
I got a message from MSN that our July EB mums site is being moved to some new website. Do you think we can let it go now that we are all on facebook? It really was just a way for us to see each other's babies (and new boobs in the case of Lauren LOL), so we dont really need it anymore. What do you think?
Took the kids to the beach yesterday and G rode her first wave on a boogie board. DH put her on it and she came in for about 20 meters. She squealed the whole way in and washed up on the shore, much to the amusement of a couple of lifeguards and a few people who stopped to watch her come in. I am so proud of her, she is really fearless. I will have to look at getting her in to nippers next year if she is old enough because she is a beach lover already. T sat on the shore with his mum (water is too cold for us!). We think it is hilarious that G has her dad's personality and T has mine.
So good to have Juzz back. dont disappear again.
Now where is Karen? she came back and then we havent heard from her in months?
Posted 25 January 2009 - 11:55 PM
Len - I can't disappear again, not now I've got you as friends on my Facebook - as you may have noticed, I'm fairly active ie. spend (waste?) too much time on there!
Len & Narelle - love all your holiday pics on Facebook! You both look like you had relaxing, fun-filled family holidays My boss kindly offered me the use of his onsite caravan to give Mitchell a bit of a summer holiday - I'd been whinging that I couldn't afford to go away. So last week, my Mum and Mitchell had 5 days in Rosebud, on the Mornington Peninsula. I went down for 2 days Mon/Tues and then went back down Friday afternoon to help with the pack-up and cleaning. The caravan itself has a solid annexe, with air con, so was very comfortable, even on the day it hit 40! Mitchell had a ball - the park has a kids playground with cubby and sand pit, as well as a pool and we took his bike down with us, so he spent hours riding circuits. We only actually made it to the beach on one day, but Mitchy loved the rock pools
Well I've got to head to bed - am watching the tennis, but can't keep my eyes open any longer.
Take care all,
Posted 26 January 2009 - 12:46 PM
Me again! I hope you are all well As expected, Mitchell finally lost the first of his top front teeth this morning and with the other hanging on by a thread, this could be an expensive week for this tooth fairy He won't have a gap for too long though, as the replacement tooth is already peeking through the gum... I hope they don't do school photos early in Term 1 as I'd like a decent one this year - he had a black eye, courtesy of one of his rock-throwing classmates - in his Prep school pics.
Edited to add the 2nd top front tooth came out during dinner - it is now going to be an expensive night for the tooth fairy! Will have to take pics of my gappy one and put up on Facebook.
Edited by Juzz, 26 January 2009 - 04:37 PM.
Posted 27 January 2009 - 05:41 PM
Back to school again for the year for me today. Got through it without crying too much on any one person But also got told of a local solicitor who does free first visit, that might be better. Not going with the old one as just wasn't comfortable with him.
Posted 27 January 2009 - 08:16 PM
REally really quickly.....
Welcome back Juzz. We've missed you & often wondered where you'd gone.
Today we moved house (part 2) as well as first day of school. Zane started grade 2! OMG can you believe it. where have our July 02 babies gone?
AND Nate (my baby) started prep today. So now they are both in school.
Savanna, sorry to hear that things aren't going as smoothly with Ray.
Loads to do here so i'll BBL in the week.
Posted 29 January 2009 - 07:12 PM
crappy morning today....more details in my diary, but Ray threw the tantrum I knew he would have when I informed him I was going to get legal advice.
Than has spent the day apologising and insulting me again in the same message.
Had to call my mum twice to talk with her, cried on at least 3 people at work and I'm sick of his immaturity. Saying his only regret is that he got back together with me. And he's blaming me for 'things are going to get ugly and he knew they would'.
Oh its a bad day when they're acting just like the Kindy kids I'm interviewing coming in this year. But I am not going to be drawn into his game of shouting arguments at each other.
Posted 30 January 2009 - 10:19 AM
Oh Savanna, be brave love. It will be easy to stoop down to his level but try as hard as you can to retain your composure & act accordingly.
Best wishes & a big cyber (((((HUG)))))
Posted 30 January 2009 - 11:43 AM
Just flying past to wish Savanna a huge Happy Birthday complete with cyber-hugs! I hope things with Ray don't totally ruin your special day... Take care and try for a tears-free day
Thinking of you
Posted 30 January 2009 - 11:48 AM
Juzz, you have always been so great with dates.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Savanna.
Posted 30 January 2009 - 10:00 PM
Savanna: I hope you have a pleasant birthday.
Me: 2 in school now!
Valentino started this week and seems to be going well.
Sasha has a wobbly bottom tooth but that all!
Raf: no TT in sight...
Leo has started on solids and loving it...
Hello Juzz-still remember you.
Negativity is a big problem for me.
"Life is what happens while you are busy making plans" ...
I am looking forward to having some time to do things that interest me but I can't imagine being away from my babies!
Posted 06 February 2009 - 01:31 PM
I have been meaning to come in here and do a proper post for ages. Too much to do, too little time!
Harry started kindergarten this week and just loves it so far. He has settled really well and has been asking every day if it's a kindy day.
Sam turned 2 yesterday! I don't have a baby anymore... He had a good day despite being unwell Wendesday night with a bit of a spew bug, fortunately though he had thrown it off by yesterday afternoon. He has started to sit on the potty (yet to do anything in it) but my days of nappies are numbered!
Jeremy saw the urologist last week and unfortunately he has to have a circumcision. So unhappy about it, but we know he needs to have it done. We were hoping it would correct itself, but it hasn't and he's been having a few problems which mean waiting longer is no good. I am absolutely dreading it. He started year 1 this week and is having a ball.
Savanna, I hope you are OK.
As for all those hard questions, I do find the domestic load wears me down at times, although I handle it better now than I did when Sam was really little. I don't really feel that it is stopping me from achieving more, although I do know I get a bit 'overlooked' at work because I am only there 2 days a week, but I have been making my presence felt a bit more of late . I have had times lately where I wish I was working more, but then I realise that the kids really do need me and the logistics of organising everything is bad enough as it is. I used to think I could 'do it all', but I have had to accept that I personally can't - or at least not for a few years yet, so it's a conscious choice for me ATM to not do more. I will have to make some decisions at the end of the year though, as I either have to return to work full time or have my employment with the department made permanent part time.
I agree with you Peta, that your kids can't be 'it' completely. While their needs kind of have to come first, you have to strike a balance, and also realise that once they are grown, if you don't have something else in your life then you are left with a pretty big hole to fill.
I am very conscious that DH and I need to work on 'us'. Our relationship has been on the back-burner and things haven't been great between us for a while. We are both trying harder lately, and I feel more like we might be OK, much more so than I did 6-12 months ago where I felt like we could be heading for a divorce. Or I felt that way, I donlt think DH did - I think he's put the problems down to a phase.
Striking the balance ATM is what I find most difficult.
Better go - need to have some lunch and put Sam down for a nap.
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