July 02 Parents # 71
, Nov 12 2008 07:32 PM
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Posted 06 February 2009 - 10:44 PM
Just a quickie to let you know Mitchell lost yet another tooth yesterday
He's got top and bottom gaps now - though the bottom one is the next one across, so his gaps don't even line up!
How are Sydney and NSW ladies, oh and Nicole in SA too, coping with the riduculous heat? It's going to be 44 in Melbourne tomorrow
- doesn't make it easy, or comfortable, to get all my weekend stuff done... Am hoping no idiots start any more bushfires as it's tinder dry after last week's heatwave
Edited to add that I'm a real "negative Nancy" - but I'm conscious of it and have learned over the years to step back and laugh at myself for taking the negative view when it would be so much easier to look at something positively!
Thanks for all the adds to Facebook - Marina, Michele, Wendy and Karen - do you have Facebook profiles?
Edited by Juzz, 06 February 2009 - 10:49 PM.
Posted 09 February 2009 - 12:06 PM
I have a bit of catching up to do in here. I haven't read any of the 'in-depth' conversation as yet but will.
Have been caught up with both work & family. My mum, who you'll remember was battling ovarian cancer, has taken a turn for the worse. Back when it was found her ovaries were cancerous, she underwent immediate strong chemo, then had both ovaries removed, & has been on lower dose chemo since as she couldn't kick the cancer cells found in her lymph nodes. From the op the Dr's decided that the cancer hadn't originated as Ovarian cancer, but rather that the ovaries were cancerous as a result of another primary cancer...unknown.
She is a VERY complex case according to the Dr's & it is thought, though not known, that the origin is her lumph system after her inital presentation/symptoms of there being a problem was cellulitus, going back 18 months ago.
2 1/2 weeks ago she went in for her routine fortnightly low dose chemo but had been symptomatic in the few days before that lead her to advise her nursed that she had terrible back pain & other ailments during the past few days. So She was admitted & finally, last Monday, it was determined that she has cancer in her bile ducts (extremely rare) & as a consequence all treatment has stopped, she's in respite at the hospital, basically just being made comfortable by pain managment & her life expectancy is short, but unknown.
There is no treatment option as for 1 thing, little is known about the cancer & there is no cases of survival & 2ndly, the chemo she's be having for the past 15 months would have been the one they'd give her, which they now are saying was prolonging what's happening now & is now ineffective.
So there is nothing that can be done & between my Dad & 4 sisters (living within minutes of each other), & I (about 1 hr 40 drive away) just supporting each other & providing my mum with 'happy times' rather than kicking our heels around & moping.
I'm not emotionally close to my mum (am with my dad) but its a sad & emotional time.
This Thursday is my parents 37th wedding anniversary so Dad is hoping & praying she's here for that & October sees my 2nd youngest sister be married & hopefully pregnant (they've been trying for a bit) leaving her & my youngest sister the only ones not to be married or have children with her to be involved, which is terribly sad. A civil ceremony will be had by my sister if it isn't thought she'll make it to October. But obviously in terribly emotional conditions.
So I think i've shared enough for now & will leave it there.
Hope you are all well & am thinking of those of you in the heat & fire affected areas.
Posted 09 February 2009 - 02:24 PM
Thank you for the birthday wishes. It went okay, although the next day did not (major tantrum by Raymond).
I finally booked in for a solicitor to find out what I'm entitled to, not just what Raymond has decided is the figure to work with. That's next Tuesday...so of course he booked into his this Tuesday, and is trying everything to get me to just take what he's offering and saying he's not giving up the house without a fight, but in the same breath saying that he doesn't want it to go to court.
Aleisha is about to lose her two bottom teeth...extremely wobbly now after an older boy ran into her at school last week. She's also imitating her father in the tantrums she throws and he thinks going ballistic at her is the answer then looking at the cause.
I just so want this all over...whichever way it turns out.
Posted 09 February 2009 - 02:27 PM
Oh Lauren, I am so sorry to hear the news about your Mum. I hope you and your family are able to support each other through this. My thoughts will be with you. Take care xxxx
Posted 09 February 2009 - 03:56 PM
Oh Lauren, I am really sorry to hear about your mum. I was thinking about her before Xmas actually, wondering how she was doing, but didnt want to ask in case things werent good and you didnt want to share. I watched DH go through this with his dad and it is just heartbreaking. My love and thoughts are with all of your family.
Hey Savanna, hope all goes well for you next week. Be strong, you deserve to be treated better.
Just watched Oprah today with the New Earth book club. The power really is in the "now" isnt it? Not where we were or where we are heading. I feel enlightened.
Posted 09 February 2009 - 09:23 PM
Oh, Lauren, I am so sorry to hear that.
Posted 10 February 2009 - 12:21 PM
Thanks Lauren for sharing what you are going through with your Mum. I can't imagine how hard it must be... but I'm glad to hear that you have the support of your sisters and Dad. Even if you don't consider yourself emotionally close to your mum, that in itself must be cause for emotion at this time. My thoughts are with you.
Savanna- I hope that you're able to resolve things with Ray soon and that the lawyers and the courts aren't a big factor. Hang in there!
I can't quite fathom the devastation in rural Victoria at the moment... I weep when I read the stories, and feel completely helpless. It's just horrible.
We've been going through some difficult times (but not really that difficult... the fires put it all in perspective) over the last week and a half. Charlotte suffered from a gastro bug - it took her 5 days and 2 of missed school to get over it. Then Harry got it and has been throwing up intermittently for 4 days. We've been very concerned about dehydration, but when we took him to the drs today, she was quite happy with his condition, said that we had been doing all the right things, and that it was a virus, not much more to do, and we should just keep it up. So we will, despite being completely sleep deprived. And then tonight, Jack has come down with a high fever and a chest/head cold with nasty cough..... sigh..... will it never end? The good news is that I've had the healthiest winter ever since arriving in Canada (that's after two bouts of pneumonia, one of bronchitis and countless other flus/colds in previous winters). So that's good news!
Must run to bed. Take care everyone!
Posted 10 February 2009 - 03:13 PM
Oh god Lauren I cried when I read your post. My prayers are with and your family and for your mum too. Stay strong mate and remember if you need to vent etc... we are always here for you.
Life is so sad at the moment. The bush fires in Vic are just heart breaking. I have cried so much watching the news reports and can't even imagine what these people are going through. It all feels very sureal watching it on Tv to think that it is in this country !
Savanna hope things get better for you. I think Ray is showing what a nice chap he is at the moment and although you might not think so at the moment things will be better without him.
We are all good. I joined Curves and I will be joining Weight Watchers tomorrow. I am sooooooo determined to loose the weight this year. DH's brother is getting married in September in Chicago and my aim is do have slimmed down enough for a nice "non fat" outfit. I'm loving curves and find I have more energy so I'm thinking it's only going to get better !
Peta hope your household is healthy again soon. I hate the kids being sick ! Never sleep properly or relax until they are better.
OK off to make a start on dinner.
Take care everybody xxxxx
Posted 10 February 2009 - 04:32 PM
Lauren- my thoughts are with you and your family at the moment.
I'm also in tears over any news report at the moment. Growing up in a bushfire prone area, and my dad in the rural fire brigade always had me worried about possibilities. Our school is having a fundraiser this Friday to raise money to send to those poor families who have suffered through this.
I'm bracing myself for tonight, seeing Ray saw his solicitor today and will want to talk about it (or talk at me having decided what is best would better describe it). He can wait till next week when I see mine and his solicitor didn't tell him what a jerk he was last time asking for over 50% of assets himself when he didn't have Aleisha most of the time.
Was back at work today, after taking yesterday off with Aleisha not feeling the best. Such a relief to be back at work, even though its so busy and hard work training up new kindy kids...much better than thinking at home.
Posted 11 February 2009 - 09:34 AM
Well, where to start... Personals first I think
Firstly Lauren, I was so very sad to read your post about your Mum's suffering - ironically my BF's Mum is also fighting a losing battle against Ovarian cancer and Monday (the date of your post) was her birthday and I called her to wish her a happy birthday and catch up on her latest health news, which unfortunately was not good news... But this isn't about me and I just wanted you to know I understand from too close a perspective, what the evil 'C' entails
Am thinking of you and you should know we will all be here if/when you need to vent, need support, or just want a bit of normalcy amid what you're dealing with
Savanna - it sounds like your kindy kids are presenting you with some challenges!
Hopefully, being so full-on, they are at least a welcome distraction from your personal troubles... Also hope your migraine has passed
How did things go with Ray last night? Try and hang in there until you get to see your solicitor next week without succumbing to his badgering
Now to the awful bushfire disaster in Victoria
As the only Melbournite in our little group here, I can tell you it is worse living here than it could possibly be interstate or overseas - Saturday was absolutely hellish - it reached 47 degrees, but the real hell had only just started at that point for so many people...
Everyone I've spoken to knows someone who is affected - my boss lives in Diamond Creek, a mere handful of km's from St Andrews, one of the very badly hit communities. My BF's mum (yes the one with Ovarian cancer!) went to her sister's place in Wesburn (Yarra Valley) on Saturday to try to escape the heat - then spent a sleepless night under threat of ember attack, before a wind change took the danger away... Another close friend had both her mother and sister's homes under direct threat from another of the fires at various stages over the weekend, and her husband went to work Saturday morning and couldn't get back home until Monday due to road closures
The fires are still raging in some places, yet so many lives have already been impacted.
Apart from the absolutely tragic loss of homes and lives - and knowing friends of friends who've been directly impacted - the Kinglake Complex was quite close to where I grew up in the outer eastern suburbs of Melbourne, at the gateway to the Yarra Valley, I've driven "the slide" (the Coldstream to Yea road over the ranges past Kinglake) dozens of times, we used to go up that way camping as young adults, Grae took me on the back of his bike through the mountains to Marysville only a couple of years back, my HSC camp was in Marysville - I know these areas and they were just so beautiful and now everything is gone... As someone on the radio said this morning, a lot of Melburnians who haven't been directly impacted are still affected by a certain level of shock... So very, very sad
Sorry if this is long and rambly - some things never change with my posts!
Love & hugs to all,
Posted 11 February 2009 - 11:04 AM
Appreciated your personal insight into the Victorian tragedy Juzz. Every time I read another article or view another news clip online, I dissolve into tears, just weeping for all those people and for the horrific deaths they endured... It's so surreal imagining what it must have been like, and now all those people who have lost their entire communities, as well as loved ones and friends. I feel pretty helpless and it's all very surreal over here where we have 7 ft snowbanks causing traffic accident. Just want you to know that my thoughts are certainly with you and all those who are linked or affected by the aftermath of the fires.
DH and I are very weary at the moment - Harry was very sick from Thursday to yesterday with lots of vomiting and lethargy. When we took him to the drs yesterday, she said we were doing all the right things and it was just a virus and it would just take time. With Charlotte having the same thing last week and it taking 5 days to kick, and now Jack quite sick with a chest cold/fever, we are feeling a little under siege! It's been a long time since we had a full nights sleep and it's been quite the juggle with work commitments. But enough whingeing... we'll get there! We've realised given what has happened in Victoria that we just have to keep it in perspective.
Savanna - hope that you are getting through things okay.
Posted 11 February 2009 - 03:41 PM
Juzz that's so awful. The devastation looks like a bombsite, not the work of fire. I was thinking what must life be life in afganistan or iraq with this kind of devastation being an every day part of their lives? It is almost too awful to think about.
We had a clothing and bedding drive at the kids school yesterday. Someone owns a trucking company that had a truck heading to Vic with a spare container today, so the school mums have filled it with stuff for the salvos. It's only such a small gesture, but at least we feel like we have done something. It is hard watching, wanting to do something and feeling helpless. I cant imagine how it is living so close to it.
Week 2 of my course today. Last week was a bit of a disaster because I developed gastro and had to leave an hour into it. It was so embarrassing, but I have redeemed myself this week. The 7 am start is killing me. I have to get up at 5.30 to get myself there by 7.
We are having a huge restructure at work, the executive are finding out today what their new jobs will be. I have no idea if I will even have a job at the end of the week. Hopefully I will keep the same boss, as I think she will want to keep me on.
I am loving having both kids in fulltime school, but goodness the days go so quickly already. Off to do pickup.
Posted 11 February 2009 - 05:16 PM
Ah thank god he finally got some sense talked into him. Ray's solicitor let him know that the 3 and a half years back together cancels the other separation of assets, that I'm entitled to more due to the MS mostly plus Aleisha, and that paying his car off outright has done him a disservice.
Ray learnt all about the different levels of mediation and costs, and now wants to sit down on the weekend and nut something out ourselves like adults (his words). I'm still going to see my solicitor and get his opinion, but if its reasonable would love to just sign all the paperwork and put it through.
Posted 12 February 2009 - 10:33 AM
Today marks my parents 37th wedding anniversary. My dad is relieved that mum made it to today as for as long as i can remember he's always, always, without fail celebrated their wedding anniversary, valentines day & all other important intimate occassions. Last month my parents home was robbed & the things taken were mainly jewellery & watches, coin collections etc & they were uninsured as they are renting while their new home is built (1st time in their lives they had no insurance...typical!). Knowing that dad would buy mum some replacement jewellery, my sister & I arranged a pressie from Mum to dad (a replacement watch engraved on the back) which he loves. He said it was perfect. He's buying a takeaway meal from a restaurant for their dinner tonight which she probably won't feel like but the gesture is ever so romantic.
So with that going on, i'm having to limit my exposure to the devestation of the bush fires as I'm just on the brink of tears when i even just think of it. The coverage has me in tears every time. The thought of the terror the poor deceased would have gone through & the nightmares of those who survived is just uncomprehensible. And Juzz, i really feel for you & your follow Melbournites who have strong ties, personal, emotional ties to the affected areas.
Its just so hard to fathom a disaster of this magnatude occuring in this day & age. In reality, the widespread devestation can only be likened to the Tsunami. And to think of the horrorible people/person who lit some of these fires. What a sick sad mind they have.
So i guess thats why I'm watching any other crap that is on TV ATM. I even sat through the farmer wants a wife last night. I went searching for days of our lives 2 days age & was dissapointed when the cricket was on as the escape into that show which is so far from reality amuses me.
ANyway, I've no work for the rest of the week so best go clean the bathrooms & kitchen now so i can possibly watch a DVD before heading off to the dentist & the bank before pick-up the arvo.
Take care all
Posted 12 February 2009 - 11:52 AM
Good news Savanna. glad to hear Ray finally has had some sense kicked into him. Stay strong and get everything you are entitled to. You deserve to be treated better.
Hey Lauren, I really feel for you. can you tape some episodes of Bold and the Beautiful? they are great for mindnumbing escapism.
Posted 16 February 2009 - 10:32 AM
I went down to Brissie again this weeken, this time by myself & stayed the night with my dad. OMG, the difference in a week was surprising. Unbelieveable how rapid the cancer is affecting her. I'm not keen to take my boys back to see her as how they know her to how she is now, i think, would be too much for them. I mentioned this to my dad last night & he said that mum would like to see them, but i'm thinking that i need to make a decision based on whats best for them & I don't think exposing them to her at this stage of the disease would be the right thing for them.
My sisters have put a digital photo frame in her room that has over 500 photos in it ATM with more being added so she is seeing her family all the time.
SHe's very drugged on an opium based pain reliever so she's spaced out alot & not interested in being around people which reinstates my thoughts of not exposing my boys to her current state.
And then there's the future funeral. Not the best thing to be thinking of right now, but are they old enough to attend a funeral service? or would i be best having them cared for during the ceremony then brought to us for the gathering after? AArrrggghh! all these things going round in my head.
Enough on that for now.
Boys are great. Nate is loving school & is showing signs of early reading which is great. I have all Zane's sight words from last year so will follow Nate's lead & introduce them to him when he's ready. Zane is also loving school. He's signed up for the Walla Rugby program that starts in a few weeks & is played after school on a Wed so not imposing on our weekends. Its a 5 week comp. THen when thats over, he starts back with soccer. & he can't wait.
Its funny as rugby league is our favored game, & Zane loves watching it & following the teams throughout the season, but he's decided to stay with soccer as he feels there's less chance of getting injured as there's no tackling.
We bought a Wii on the weekend, which is huge for us as DH & I are anti-computer games preferring to get out & about & enjoy an active life....but DH's been chipped away with his personal desire for one having played it over the xmas break & gave in. Much to the boys utter delight. So they had a weekend of Wii while i went to Brissie. They are a crack up to watch. I tried the boxing last night & will probably sneak onto have a go at it again today while the boys are at school.
Anyway, the washing has finished, so time to go hang it all out.
Edited by 123youknowme, 16 February 2009 - 10:35 AM.
Posted 16 February 2009 - 04:37 PM
Lauren- I would base taking the kids on how your family is. With my Nana, I took Aleisha along (much to Ray's family's disbelief), as my nana had always been one who loved children and would have wanted them there. No she had no idea at 2 what it was about, but she was there with family and other children to celebrate her great Nana's life.
On the weekend have worked out a reasonable agreement with Ray on settlement...just have to see how much it will cost with solicitor to get it signed and put through.
Feel run off my feet this week. Back to dancing today for Aleisha, solicitor tomorrow afternoon after a presentation at the morning staff meeting, and parent teacher conversations Wednesday afternoon from 1.30 till 6.30pm. No wonder I wanted to stay in bed this morning!
Posted 16 February 2009 - 05:06 PM
Savanna, glad to hear you & Ray have come to an agreement.
Lauren, hope you are holding up OK. I think if I were in your shoes I would take hte kids to see your Mum, and to the funeral when it occurs. I think it's pretty important for kids to see and take part in the grieving process when someone close to them passes. I think they need that for a whole host of reasons that I won't go into now because I'm sure it's all things you;ve been hashing over anyway, but if it were me, I would definitely take them. I would prepare them as much as possible before going, but I think it's really important that they have a chance to say goodbye.
We got a Wii at Christmas time, and I have to admit it's great! I really like it for when the weather is too inclement to get out and about (whether that be too hot or too cold!), and I've found the kids have actually learned quite a bit about different sports and activities from it, and it gets them off their butts! DH & I enjoy the odd challenge too - ATM I am reigning ski jump queen and holding the record on tightrope walking!
Juzz, how ar you going? Melbourne must be very sombre ATM. DH is heading over there later this week for a fmaily function.
Nothing else going on here. Jeremy has settled into school well, although not all kids have as one child bit the teacher on Thursday last week and literally took a chunk out of her arm!
Harry is enjoying kindy and next week will finally attend 4 half days instead of 2. He is keen to learn to read, so I must get onto doing a few activities with him.
Worek has been very hectic, but it will settle down once I get into a good rhythm.
Take care everyone
Posted 17 February 2009 - 12:45 PM
Hey Lauren, hard going questions. Such a dilemma. I dont know what I would do in your shoes.
Having seen someone close die of cancer (DH's dad) I wouldnt want to expose my kids to it, especially given that as they get older their good memories will fade and be replaced by the last ones they had of her. Dh's dad wanted to spend time with me to get to know me before he died as DH and I hadnt been together that long and he had been living in Kalgoorlie. It was heart wrenching, and I selfishly wish that my last memories of him were different as I dont have years of good memories with him. Lauren, I just wrote a huge post about the process and how I felt, and then decided that it might upset you and come out wrong. If you want to know about my experience and you think it might help you make your decision let me know.
As far as the funeral goes, I am on the fence on this one. I agree with Narelle that it is important for kids to understand death and say goodbye, but then on the other hand I want to protect them from it too, given they are old enough to understand what they are seeing but not mature enough to process it. If they were a little bit older I would consider it, but I am not sure for them now. But I would definitely bring them to the wake.
Edited by Gin and Tonic, 17 February 2009 - 12:46 PM.
Posted 17 February 2009 - 08:23 PM
I am with Narelle on this one. I think it is an important part of life for children to attend funerals. I took Ella along when my FIL died two years ago. She was 4.5 - she remembers it, too.
The hospital thing is trickier. If it were my mum or dad, who our kids see all the time, then yep, without a doubt I would take them in. But if it were someone that they didn't see regularly, then I might just follow their lead. Encouraging them to remember times past etc.
Thinking of you over the coming weeks, Lauren.
Posted 18 February 2009 - 08:18 PM
I'm doing OK
A number of fires are still going and with backburning activities and the weather conditions, we've had smoke over Melbourne for much of the past week - you can smell it most strongly in the early mornings... It only reminds me of what the survivors in the many hard-hit towns have to put up with - just the constant smell of smoke would surely put you on edge and be an ongoing reminder of what happened
It's really wonderful though to see and hear stories of all the kindness and compassion being shown by Victorians, as well as from all around this country, as well as overseas
Grae's parents had their caravan up for sale, but had a change of mind following the fires and have now been linked up with someone who lost their home in the fires, so they were getting it ready to deliver it to it's new owners this week
Len, what was the outcome of your work restructure - you said in your post a week ago that you'd know something by the end of the week, or was that this week? Hope everything worked/s out well for you
Savanna, I was really pleased to read you and Ray have worked out a reasonable settlement - how did your meeting with your solicitor go last night? I hope your parent teacher convos went well
I was up at Mitchell's school last evening for an "information session" on this year's curriculum and objectives for the Grade 1/2's - he's at a reasonably small school and they have a number of combined classes - it was interesting and I also got to have a 20 minute one-on-one with Mitchell's teacher (no other parents hung around) which put my mind at rest about a number of concerns I had had and I came away feeling really quite positive
Lauren - you sound like you're holding up fairly well, given the circumstances... If nothing else, you can't dwell on your troubles when playing with the Wii
I'm embarrassed to admit Mitchell is totally addicted to our PlayStation 2
- he would play it all weekend given the chance (which he doesn't)! Fortunately I've never faced the dilemma you are facing
I've only been to one funeral in my lifetime (yes, I'm very lucky in this respect) and that was my Dad's, which took place 1 week after Mitchell's birth so obviously Mitchell attended too. I think in relation to taking your boys to see your Mum, if they're not really close to her, it may be best for them not to see her in that state and to keep their pleasant memories of her intact. If you do take them, you'll have to prepare them and then answer their questions afterwards - though kids are pretty resilient and may not be as affected as you might expect! With taking them to her funeral, if it's going to be more a "celebration of her life" style of thing and if other young children eg. cousins, are going to be attending, then I'd be taking them along to "say goodbye" - but it's a personal decision and comes down to what is best for your family and only you can decide that!
Sorry, don't think I've really helped here!
As per usual, just a short post from me
Take care all,
Posted 19 February 2009 - 04:43 PM
Parent teacher conversations went well, although I had 4 no-shows, which is annoying when you have 90 minutes between one lot and the next, but don't know they're not coming.
Solicitor appointment was disappointing. Guy was nice enough, but our case is so unique and bizarre that he doesn't know how they'd tackle doing things, wants papers from last time to check on numbers (but kept mixing up numbers himself) and has no idea how much it would cost. But agreed there isn't much at all in money there, and its not worth fighting much over.
So Ray and I are considering since we don't want to spend an undefined amount of money, on just doing our agreement we had worked on ourselves as there is nothing needed in signing over stuff, etc and save the money. We're both still thinking it over, and he's now adamant that he doesn't want to push me into doing anything unless I'm sure, but thinking we might go that way.
Hoping I don't come down sick this week, as I've had 5 kids away each day with stomach bugs and one threw up with no warning this afternoon all over her table, work, clothes and the floor. It was awful trying to get 17 kindy kids to all move away and sit on the floor (was hometime), get her to the sink and then out to her dad to get changed (was dripping wet and luckily he arrived early and was outside the room) and then throw vomit sand on everything to cover the smell...all without throwing up myself.
Posted 20 February 2009 - 06:20 AM
I hate posting such depressing news but want to fill you in as you all have been so great & comforting.
WE found out yesterday that the cancer has spread into mum's liver & the Dr advised that she is in the 'day to weeks' survival category. the deterioration has been extremely rapid.
I had decided i'd take my boys in for a 'quick' visit on Sunday and we have started discussing her longevity. Zane has put 2 & 2 together understanding that she is going to die which its been good to have it out in the open for discussion. It does sadden them, but they believe she'll be meeting up with DH's grandfather who passed away 18 months ago.
Yesterday i got myself some 'beach therepy' (what i call it LOL went down for an early run & swim then another swim before school pick-up) as being down at the beach always brightens my mood. I felt so much better for it. I start probably 4 days a week with a run & swim & its so uplifting & energizing. I love it.
Narelle, i see that your in for a hot one today. Hope you don't have a stretch of hot days.
Savanna, how gross! Hope you can stay well.
I've another day off today, this week has gone forever with not having work & the boys at school. Think i'll do a pre-weekend cleanup, take a swim, ..... we'll see.
take care all,
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