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Do you ever feel greedy?

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#1 Chill-Pill

Posted 18 August 2009 - 11:28 PM

Do you ever feel like maybe its asking too much to have #2 or #3 or more? Sometimes I feel like I should really focus on being satisfied with my kiddies and stop planning and hoping for more  unsure.gif  .  Sometimes I just feel so darn greedy for wanting more than life has given me if that makes sense or like I have used all my goodluck up. I'm not really sure how to explain it and I have written and deleted this a few times already so I am just going to post it and hope someone understands me...

#2 Mumtini

Posted 19 August 2009 - 07:45 AM

My first thought was NO, but then I thought about the post I just found in the PI section and a YES crept in.  So I guess I am a sometimes, I don't feel greedy around my RL friends all covered in babies but in here when I hear the longing in some hearts  I feel blessed to have what I have.  Mostly I just feel like I am causing my DD to go without the joy and frustration of a sibling.

#3 knielly

Posted 19 August 2009 - 09:25 AM

I like to think I can give bubba a sibling i a few years.

To help bubba come into the world costed $10,000 in out of pocket expenses from 2 IVF cycles and testing. We went through financial strain and didn't have a car for 5 years to pay the IVF bills.. I is unlikely we could afford IVF for a sibling even if the IVF hikes didn't go ahead because we have new expenses to pay for now.

Edited by knielly, 19 August 2009 - 09:26 AM.

#4 jules095

Posted 19 August 2009 - 11:24 AM

I have 2 frosties left & after that, that will be it for us.

I have been extremely lucky/blessed to get 2 for the price of one (approx $20,000+ from 6x stims & 4 FETs[2 canc.]) & that is more than some of my friends will ever have.

If our boys are it, then we will still be happy because all we wanted was a child & we have got what we wanted.

TTC#1 since 1/2003
IVF since 7/2005
MFI & Endo
Nat FETx2
ICSI#6 - Clomid/Antag - BFP
DS#1 & DS#2 - 17.04.2009

#5 honeyjoys

Posted 19 August 2009 - 12:54 PM

My I.V.F Journey is over however I think I have a right to have a say in this..

I have 1 child which after 9 years TTC was conceieved naturally - I dont believe it is "asking too much"or greedy for that matter  to want another child. It was for my DD to have a sibling. You know- as other families that do not have concieving problems do carte blanche. Why are you or I percieved as being any different because of our dodgy fertility?

We did try doing AC for another child - 3 I.V.F's and a frozen cycle. This was after another 3 years TTC naturally. It didn't work but to me that's life.
I guess I can have that attitude as my mindset as it wasn't for me or my DH per se  the "want" of another child as we  already  had our much wanted child.

I have seen on these forums where you should just suck it up -"you already have a child why are you complaining" type arguements.To me can be a very selfish way at looking at someone else. "What about the needs and wants within the family unit of a as  one child though wanting more type family? Shouldn't a family look for the needs within their own unit ? E.G It is more then common for a child to actually  want more then one sibling, what about them?
Some people look at it as "their" needs and not for "others" IYKWIM.

So whilst I am satisfied- and to be really truthful I am VERY lucky  that my nearly 8 y.old DD is a happy well adjusted singleton if you wanted and were sucessfull in having more then go right ahead and congratulations!

Edited by honeyjoys, 19 August 2009 - 01:07 PM.

#6 Mariamsmum

Posted 19 August 2009 - 01:32 PM

That is such a difficult question to answer.

I completely understand where you are coming from and in TTC our second living child I certainly don't think I am being greedy at all, as although I know how special DS is and how lucky I am to have him, I also know that having an only child feels somewhat incomplete for me. I don't want DS growing up only having a "dead" sister sad.gif

I grew up in a large family with very small age gaps between myself and my brothers and sister. I have always wanted a large family and it has taken me a long time to accept that this may never be the case, and I have since re-evaluated my priorities to trying to have just one more. So for me, trying for one more is certainly not greedy. But I am also very mindful of how lucky we are that we actually have the joy of being a parent, and to relish in that joy.

I think I have rambled on quite a bit blush.gif

#7 sweetiepop

Posted 19 August 2009 - 01:56 PM

My first thought is no, of course not. My second thought is no...of course not. How does it make any difference to anyone else? Personally though i do remember TTC no.2 and acting like a loon with all the failure. That was selfish!!! And pregnant with number 2 my mind is already leaping fwd to the future. rolleyes.gif Which is stupid. It took 15 years to concieve number 2. I would have to be insane to contemplate ever trying again, and I'd have to put my children first and say "No!" to any future attempts. It isn't a logical thing though-how we feel. There is nothing wrong with being grateful for what you have AND wanting more!!! biggrin.gif

Mariamsmum: I wish you every luck in the future.

btw personally I've never gotten really really large families...narcissism? (no I didn't say it!)

Edited by Daniv, 19 August 2009 - 02:45 PM.

#8 babyg1

Posted 19 August 2009 - 09:55 PM

mynamesmel what you are feeling is totally normal.

It took me being posed the question "is your doing AC for #2,3,etc going to stop someone from doing their AC for #1?" for me to actually believe that the guilt i was feeling was totally unfounded and to feel like i had a weight lifted off my shoulders.

I struggled hard with the decision to ttc more and really did and do empathise with those that don't have any (i was 1 of them for 4.5yrs) but i've also come to realise that what matters to me is that my family life is how we want it to be and that our children/ potential children will be welcomed and loved as much as any natural/AC child we could ever have.

My only thing is that now that i've finally lost my guilt of wanting and trying for more. My ability to have more has been taken away from me. sad.gif I now have to decide what to do with my remaining embryo's not a decision i can make mentally atm. But i do know that what i will now always advocate for, is for parents ttc'ing more children to go ahead without the guilt. That we all know how much we love our precious miracles with us that we are NOT greedy but that we ARE full of love to share with more FAMILY!!!!!!!!!! How or why that should be associatated with bad feelings i now see to myself as being totally unreasonable on me or others in this hurtful situation.

Good luck ladies. I hope you all get the BFP's i so desperately wanted. original.gif

Edited by babyg1, 19 August 2009 - 09:56 PM.

#9 ~bertie~

Posted 19 August 2009 - 10:50 PM

Quite simply - No I don't think you are greedy for wanting that  original.gif I think most people if given the opourtunity would want the same.  

I certainly don't think I am greedy for wanting no #2, but I also realise how ever so lucky I am if I only end up with my DS #1  original.gif

#10 lolasmum

Posted 20 August 2009 - 02:52 PM

Guilty that I was one of the lucky ones it worked for, but not greedy for wanting to give DD a sibling. I think we owe it to her to try. Having said that, we aimed for one child and were always prepared to only have one if that's the way it worked out, and to still feel very blessed.

When I think of all my friends who pop out 2/3/4/and 5! kids left right and centre whenever they decide to, without any problems, I don't think I should feel greedy for wanting a couple of my own, just because mine don't get here by conventional methods!

Edited by lolasmum, 20 August 2009 - 02:53 PM.

#11 bananasmoothie

Posted 21 August 2009 - 04:28 PM

QUOTE (lolasmum @ 20/08/2009, 02:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Guilty that I was one of the lucky ones it worked for, but not greedy for wanting to give DD a sibling. I think we owe it to her to try. Having said that, we aimed for one child and were always prepared to only have one if that's the way it worked out, and to still feel very blessed.

When I think of all my friends who pop out 2/3/4/and 5! kids left right and centre whenever they decide to, without any problems, I don't think I should feel greedy for wanting a couple of my own, just because mine don't get here by conventional methods!

Yep - Exactly what I was going to say.  I'm very grateful to have my little miracle.

#12 karmapolice

Posted 26 August 2009 - 12:01 PM

Hmmm, I don't know if greedy is the right word.

I would love to give our DS a sibling, but at the same time recognise that it may not be easy to do so, and I feel it would be unfair to the family I am lucky enough to have to become obsessed with TTC again.

Sometimes I think we need to focus on what we have rather than what we don't have, particularly if one comes at the cost of the other. But I may change my views as we start to consider TTC again, probably in the next 1-2 years.

#13 TheAppetiser

Posted 06 September 2009 - 01:21 PM

I don't feel greedy but I certainly never feel sorry for myself either wink.gif

#14 mez70

Posted 10 September 2009 - 07:09 PM

I didn't feel greedy as such but more selfish. By that I kept thinking of what the money involved could be used for the family I had. I was lucky that after 9 stim cycles I was blessed with twins. I still had that urge for another child. When I did allow myself to think about trying again it always came down in my mind that for the money involved I could do things with the children I had rather than the one that may never eventuate.
We did do a stim cycle about 5 years ago and it didn't work so we put it on the back burner. Last year after much sole searching DH and I decided to give it good try as we both wanted it. As part of our stim cycle we had extra drugs that were so expensive but were said to increase egg quality so added another $1000.0 to our costs and we had a BFN. However we were left with 3 frozen Embies for the first time ever. DH and I decided that we would TX the frosties and then stop and think.

Thankfully we were luck and our next FET worked and will be arriving in a few weeks.

I think you have to do what feels right for you. I know that had our frosties failed to take I would have been hestitant to undertake another stim cycle due to finances plus I am 39 in 3 months so I had an age limit in my head as well.  Good luck in your decision

#15 Mummalovin

Posted 19 October 2009 - 07:28 PM

I don't feel guilty.  I do sometimes feel like I may be "pushing my luck" if I go again.  I only ever had 2 BFPs and they gave me my kids (after years of IVF)

I do feel greedy sometimes.  Heck I sometimes consider trying for #5  ohmy.gif  Then I think, "would I be thinking about it if I didn't have frozen embryos"  

I know how lucky I have been to be able to have my family and go from a 22yr old told I'd NEVER have children of my own to a 40 yr old Mum wink.gif

Edited by GeraniumQueen, 25 October 2009 - 10:21 PM.
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