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Large family/single parent

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#1 cath4kids

Posted 10 February 2010 - 11:19 AM

Does anyone have any advice or tips to make transition smooth and easy on kids and me.

#2 samialima

Posted 10 February 2010 - 12:57 PM

No advice but wanted to give you a bbighug.gif

I remember Midwitch went through a seperation/divorce and she has 7 or 8 I think. You may be able to member search her.

#3 Manda

Posted 10 February 2010 - 03:15 PM

I"ll be stalking this thread. I'm in the same boat ASAP ill be getting a house and doing it on my own with 4 + one on the way.

I just keep telling myself that the fiort weeks will be tough but we will get thru it and will be happier in the long run without the fighting and conflicting parenting.


#4 Maebeonemore

Posted 10 February 2010 - 03:46 PM

No advice here either but bbighug.gif to both Manda and cath4kids

#5 Feral-Lausii

Posted 10 February 2010 - 03:56 PM

I don't know that I have any advice as such. Just wanted to say it's so much easier then staying with someone that makes you miserable. It's hard for the first few months, but gets oh so easier!

I am enrolling in an online tafe course. Am managing to save money, I am so much calmer. And I really believe it rubs off on the kids, the change of atmosphere in the house. cool.gif

Eta- And Manda, go find out what you are having so I can send you some lovely hardly use newborn girl clothes!

Edited by sonia74, 10 February 2010 - 03:57 PM.

#6 chrissy2003

Posted 14 February 2010 - 08:47 PM

Sorry to hear of your situation.

I actually find it easier on my own. I would get mad as I expected help with bathtimes etc and he wouldn't help.
My house runs alot smoother with just my rules and only me to nag.
The money side of things is a real struggle with rent, car payment etc
The kids father is lucky to pay child support of $35 a month.
But as for now we have a house and each other so we make do.


#7 idle

Posted 15 February 2010 - 06:22 PM

We became a single parent household of 7 children as of a week ago and I just wanted to send you a hug. I know how hard it is and right now, i can't even begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Will be watching closely.

#8 Manda

Posted 20 February 2010 - 05:59 PM

Eta- And Manda, go find out what you are having so I can send you some lovely hardly use newborn girl clothes!

Hehe Re booking U/S on monday. Thnaks sonia original.gif

#9 noone special

Posted 20 February 2010 - 06:56 PM

My ex and I split almost 3 years ago now and have 5 kids (now 11,11,5,7,3) together. We lived together for 18 months for the sake of it being easier on the kids and also because neither of us could afford to move.

We have had a good split so it wasn't too hard but that is a rarity.

He now lives 5 minutes down the road. I explained to the kids for about a week before he moved out that mum and dad weren't living together anymore but that both loved them etc and they would see us both as much as the other.

I have no idea about your circumstances so I don't know what you will do re: care of the kids. We do 50/50, one week on, one week off.

I work full time and it is damn hard in the weeks I have the kids. I am exhausted and pregnant as well so working all day and coming home to the kids makes it very stressful. I live alone so money is very tight. I do not get any centrelink, my ex got in first so got the pension so I have no choice but to work a lot.

It is exhausting and frustrating. Life is much easier with someone else around to help out with the small things - even things like popping down to the shops is a major drama.

It is doable and you will do it. It is much better for kids to grow up in a happy place rather than a place of tension. Staying together only makes you hate each other.

Good luck.

#10 Midwitch

Posted 22 February 2010 - 11:03 AM

((((hugs)))) I am so sorry this is happening to you. I dont have much advice, but here are a few things:

-the single parents forum here can be great for venting. But dont get too tied into always being negative, its sucks your energy out.

-get the legal side of things sorted asap. See a lawyer even if its all very amicable. Ours was and as my lawyer predicted it soon turned to sh*t. Having good legal advice is vital and protects everyone.

-take as much help as anyone offers, from assistance, to babysitting, to money. Dont be proud, you will need all the help you can get and one day you can payback by helping someone else.

-no matter how hard it is, try  not to diss your childrens father even if he is a prize jerk (mine is!)

-maintain your own dignity and stand tall. For every stupid thing your ex says and does, just smile and grit your teeth and be dignified through it. You cant change his stupidity but you can change your reaction.

-everyday before you get out of bed, say a thank you for everything you have, even if its not much: thank you for your health, the kids health, the car still going, the fridge not clapping out this week.....

-It really takes 2 years for things to improve emotionally and financially. Just take it one day at a time and know that in two years it really really really will be okay. In fact you will be happy and the kids will be fine.

-DONT jump into dating or a new relationship until at LEAST 2 years, you will not be ready for it, even though its tempting. Its really just trying to prove you are still worthwhile (men do it all the time), but you ARE worthwhile and you dont need a man on your arm to prove that!

-KISS: keep it simple and succeed. Destress what you can. Dump as much housework etc as you can. Go for easy option meals. Your energy will be drained by the extra work and the emotional pain, so dont try to achieve the same standards as you used to, for a while. I cant believe my kids actually SURVIVED me not vaccumming every day of the week, and THRIVED on cheaper easier meals often from a can or packet.

-find some thing new to do for you: a craft, sport, dancing, anything. It reaffirms you are a great person.

-dont allow yourself to waste energy on "what ifs" Look forward not back and move toward the light. Dwelling  on the past is an energy sucker.

Good luck and feel free to PM me.

#11 4forme

Posted 11 July 2010 - 09:54 AM

Just bumping this up to see how others are going.  Today is my first real day on my own. I have 4 children.

Midwitch- thankyou so much for your words of advice, i certainly think i could do with taking those on board.

#12 ohboy

Posted 11 July 2010 - 10:26 AM

4forme I've been wondering how you are.  (YES I read the other thread)  Hope you are doing ok.  Big hugs to you and your children.   Midwitch did have ome amazing words of wisdom that I hope you will embrace.  Take Care

#13 GrandPlan

Posted 11 July 2010 - 04:53 PM

I'm also newly separated with four kids.

Great words of wisdom Midwitch.

Still riding the waves of emotions here but can also recommend definately accepting all the incredible support from incredible people that offer it, that has been a godsend for me personally.

Anyway, nice to meet you all. tthumbs.gif

#14 littlecuties

Posted 11 July 2010 - 09:52 PM

I'm single with 7 kids. My ex and I are not on good terms and that makes it very stressful. It is hard being on my own as I have no support from family, if you do, I'm sure it will make a big difference. I don't even know any other single parents in real life.

#15 Midwitch

Posted 15 July 2010 - 09:40 AM

hugs to all our wonderful solo mums of big families. Our kids will be all the better for our coping and succeeding through these hard times. original.gif

Hope you are all doing okay.

#16 KristyMum-

Posted 15 July 2010 - 02:33 PM

Echoing Midwitch.

(I think of you now and then MW and wonder how you're going)

Edited by KristyMum-, 15 July 2010 - 02:33 PM.

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