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No son? You're a FAILURE!

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#51 Kimchi

Posted 02 November 2010 - 05:22 PM

Doesn't this go in all directions? "Why don't you have a daughter?" "Why do you only have 1 child?" "Why do you have so many?" "When are you trying for your next?" Family planning is always something people comment on. I don't let it bother me b/c if it did, I would be angry at someone every week.

#52 LittleWhiteDove

Posted 02 November 2010 - 05:51 PM

We have two boys, and a three-week-old daughter. I got a number of comments about hoping for a girl when I was pregnant, and they've only gotten worse since having DD. Some are innocent "small talk" type comments, others are deeper. My grandmother, in particular, is insistant in her belief that we must be simply thrilled she is a girl, to the point I think I'll go postal if she mentions it once more.

It annoys the crap out of me, because it implies we value our second son less simply for having a penis, and that our daughter's sole reason for conception was to have a girl, rather than adding a much wanted and loved child to our family.

I try to ignore the comments, they are more about the other petson's issues than my family. Doesn't make them any less annoying though!

#53 biene_maja

Posted 03 November 2010 - 08:08 AM

I know FIL wanted a boy.
I couldn't think of anything better than having girls!!!!
I feel incredibly lucky to have 2 beautiful & healthy girls and if the next one is another girl I'd be totally happy about that.
DH feels the same.

#54 Kristina13

Posted 03 November 2010 - 07:52 PM

Do you have a single gender household? Are you constantly asked if you want a son/ daughter? How do you respond?

Yes I have only one son ..... I'm more likely asked where's number two? I respond "One is what my husband and I were happy with."
Believe or not there are people out there who only want one child or none at all....

#55 Seven of Nine

Posted 08 November 2010 - 07:50 AM

I have all boys. I get asked if we're 'going back for a girl' all the time. I always respond with 'we'll definitely go back for another, but I can't decide if I'm hoping for a girl or a boy next time'. Which is the truth.

I agree with the poster who says it's only small talk, I say just answer honestly.

#56 paula125

Posted 10 November 2010 - 12:48 PM

I'm the only woman in a house full of males.....1 husband, 4 sons, even the cat's a boy!

When I was pregnant with my youngest ds, now 2.5 years, all I got was 'you must be desperate for a girl!'  'are you hoping for a girl?' Wouldn't it be lovely if you had a girl this time!'
I didn't find out the gender when I was pregnant so it was a bit of a giveaway when my OB says during a scan 'if you have another boy will you try again for a girl?'
I had a planned c section and was the last one of three ladies on this particular day. So when I went into theatre one of the nurses asked me what kids I already had and gave the usual remarks....'bet you're hoping for a girl this time!', etc, etc.
She then proceeded to tell me that I would have a girl, that the other two women had had boys and that she couldn't recall an ocassion when they'd had all the same sex babies delivered in one day. Needles to say, I had a boy!

It is difficult sometimes because people who know me very well or have known me for a long time know that, 14 years ago, I lost a daughter at 24 weeks pregnant. She was my third child after two boys.
So I've also had the remarks 'it must be harder that the baby you lost was your only daughter.' Yeah, cause it would be so much easier if the baby I lost was another boy! How pathetic!
I even had another doctor make the remark to a chinese collegue of hers that I would be popular in his home country being that I have four boys! Shocked was not the word to describe my reaction, I was so stunned I didn't know what to say!

I'm not going to lie, I would love a daughter to keep but I had a very difficult pregnancy with my youngest, had to have back surgery at 17 weeks pregnant and ended up having to have a tubal ligation so no more babies for me.
But, at the end of the day, my boys are my boys. They may try my patience no end but I love them all just the same.

#57 Gurt

Posted 15 November 2010 - 12:04 PM

QUOTE (cyap007 @ 21/07/2010, 01:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I love the way you ended your blog. Whether you have all boys or all girls in your family, it's hard to imagine any love that can surpass the one you already have for your children.

I agree original.gif We have 3 daughters and have had a lot of comments on it. I have even heard from so called friends how their lives are so "perfect" because they have both genders well, excuse me but my 3 girls are perfect as well. How ridiculous to think that you cannot be happy or fulfilled if you have all the one gender nno2.gif Some people are very small minded.

#58 mks81

Posted 08 June 2012 - 10:56 PM

We are about to have our 2nd girl and OH's third, (from previous marriage).

I think we were all a little relived, including him about it being a girl because it was what we knew and understood...we do a very quiet house and both had images of a noisy boy running chaos through the house.

However I don't know if he thinks about it but the girls we do have are very girly, not exactly adapt on the sports field, where as OH can just do about every sport and top ability at that. I did initially feel slightly guilty for him that he wouldn't have those 'supposedly' father/son sporting moments.....which is ridiculous as a boy could be exactly the same as the girls...and still take after their clutzy mothers. And this girl coming could be a extreme MMA (mixed martial arts)fighter and be the start of the end of the lovely quiet that is our lives.

I think its other people who have been the most disappointed...parents, etc. To us our child is our child...their genital appendages are irrelevant.

Edited by mks81, 08 June 2012 - 11:00 PM.

#59 Guest_Retro_Mumma_*

Posted 08 June 2012 - 11:19 PM

Wow talk about old thread revival! 2010

I think some people just make small take talk badly or are a bit clueless that asking those sort of questions are rude.

I have one boy and I'm pregnant now and lots of people have said to me ooh I hope your having a girl. I don't think they are trying to be nasty they just know I'm such a girly girl that loves 1950"s fashion, dressing up, baking etc

I do want a girl to he honest but I also want another boy. At the end of the day I just feel blessed and grateful to have one healthy child and to be pregnant again.

#60 PooksLikeChristmas

Posted 08 June 2012 - 11:28 PM

Some people DO keep going til they have one of each. Took one side of my family seven goes and another gave up at five... One side all girls, the other boys.

Tbh I have always wanted a daughter. I'm much more familiar with girls (all girl family, girls highschool, female dominated profession, plus, you know, I am one) and the thought of parenting a boy worried me a bit. Now that I have him, pffft. Just... Pffft. He's the baby I was always meant to have. Nads and all.

Do you all find that genders can really really 'run' in families? Through DP's "male line" (well, it is the sperm that determines gender) there has not been a girl born in 5 generations, we don't know about further back. I was the first girl born to any of my Dad's family of 9 boys, and there are 4 girls out of um... Well there's 20 something all up. My parents had quite a shock. I think when there are big runs like that, getting the other gender can be quite a big deal.

When mum had my sister a friend said 'better luck next time' when she found out it was a girl! Mum ditched her as a friend and is still fuming!

#61 EoinCuinn

Posted 13 June 2012 - 07:17 AM

I love my two girls, no regrets there at all, they are awesome. We are starting to think about a third, and it certainly isn't to try for a boy. I think I wouldn't mind a third girl to be honest. Certainly makes them easier to clothe!

#62 mumandboys

Posted 13 June 2012 - 07:49 AM

I constantly get looks of sympathy when people find out I have 4 boys.

I just shrug it off, but I do hate it when people comment in front of them.

#63 CherrySunday

Posted 13 June 2012 - 08:05 AM

It's a bit of a joke that the men of DHs family are 'defective' and seem to be only able to 'make' boys.
FIL had 3 sons, and DHs brother has 3 sons, so when our DD was born, there were lots of jokes about DH being 'clever' and talented lol. No one really believed it though, it was all in jest.

DH is quite pleased were having a boy this time around though, we'd sort of 'decided' that we were going to follow the family trend & just have 3 of the same gender, so had just sort of decided it would be another girl.
It was a nice surprise to find out otherwise, but would have been no biggie either way original.gif

#64 busy_bee

Posted 13 June 2012 - 08:44 AM

I remember at my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary (they're going for 62 this year!!) at the speeches my grandfather even managed to throw in that even though my father "only had girls" they were still proud of what we managed to acheive and we "made up" for not having boys!

#65 Amica

Posted 13 June 2012 - 09:42 AM

3 boys here. I am always asked if we're going to try for a girl. Obviously it doesn't offend or affect me like it does others because the check in counter incident in the original post wouldn't bother me at all. I feel that I got so lucky with my 3 sons. I couldn't ask for more beautifully natured children so I seldom think about what I'm apparently missing out on, even though I'm constantly reminded!!  rolleyes.gif   laugh.gif

#66 Amica

Posted 13 June 2012 - 09:43 AM

QUOTE (~maryanne~ @ 13/06/2012, 08:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I really don't understand why people get so upset about off the cuff remarks.  It is just small talk people!  The commenters are not trying to delve deep into your psyche to see if you are really o.k with it or not.  They are not accusing you of loving your children less for being the gender they are.

Yes, exactly. People are so bloody sensitive these days!!

#67 WinterIsComing

Posted 13 June 2012 - 10:02 AM

I really think it is a non issue. Typically, there is an EB thread with the opposite problem, people with boys complaining that others feel sorry for them for not having a lovely daughter!

Just tells me that there will always be people preferring one gender or another, and they will project their preferences onto your situation. A few people commented on my having a boy, that they hoped I would have a girl next, and you know what, those people have mummy/daughter issues. They just could not fathom 'not having a girl to be close to, to be best friends with!"  sick.gif

#68 7girly-girls

Posted 13 June 2012 - 10:10 AM


Edited by 7girly-girls, 16 June 2014 - 11:24 AM.

#69 Guest_Count_Crapular_*

Posted 13 June 2012 - 10:31 AM

I always wanted a daughter and was quite vocal about it prior to finding out I was having a DS. I particularly wanted a daughter first.

Well I had a delightful little boy. He is the most beautiful, happy thing I have ever encountered in my entire life. If we have more children I would be blessed to have 20 more delightful little boys just like DS. If I had a DD I would love and adore her too but I truly don't GAF what sex any future children are.

#70 PurpleChicken

Posted 13 June 2012 - 11:14 AM

We have one DD, with another on the way and that will be it for us.  Both of us love the fact that we'll have 2 girls despite the fact that DH will be outnumbered!  biggrin.gif

I can't count how many times I've been asked if DH wanted a boy.  Gets tiring.

I always just answer that no, he's happy with his 2 daughters and wouldn't change it for anything.

#71 niclucian

Posted 14 August 2012 - 09:00 PM

I have a boy and frankly when my wife was pregnant all I hoped was to be healthy whether it is a boy or a girl.

#72 kmaharaj

Posted 14 August 2012 - 09:18 PM

I am so saddened to read of all the bad attitude the people have encountered towards them have children of the same sex. I would just give anything to have a child, boy or girl doesn't matter. I would just be happy with a healthy child. I guess some people don't even realise that a healthy child is a blessing, gender doesn't matter.

#73 libbylu

Posted 14 August 2012 - 09:38 PM

QUOTE (soontobegran @ 21/07/2010, 02:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We had 4 DD's in 4 years--WE were thrilled but apparently nobody else seemed to share the joy.
We felt it particularly after our 4th beautiful daughter when DH started calling friends and family from the delivery suite to tell them and was met with " well that was a waste of time" and "never mind" and "better luck next time" to the point he stopped calling anyone. No way was anyone going to  destroy our happiness with their crappy attitudes. One would be excused for thinking that she was sick or something sad.gif
I detest that attitude, I got so defensive for this poor little 4th daughter who didn't ask to be born yet was already a disappointment to people.
I gather that many felt out anger and of course once they met her she was accepted and loved  but when we got pregnant again it was presumed that we were 'going for a boy' huh.gif
We weren't, we weren't trying for a baby but it happened and we were ecstatic and of course presumed we would have a 5th DD.
Our 5th child was a boy and we felt not one bit different because we had a son instead of a DD, but of course we were inundated with flowers, gifts and cards from people who didn't send them for DD3 or DD4 just because he was a boy sad.gif  TBH I felt like packing them up and sending them back. If our girls didn't deserve a card in their eyes then why did our boy?

Apparently "you aren't a man if you don't have a son"-----thank goodness my DH was able to prove his 'manhood' on his 5th attempt  ddoh.gif

I thought we might have got past this attitude as a society.  What you describe is exactly what happened to my grandparents in the 40s and 50s.  Except that numbers 4 and 5 were twins, with the second twin emerging being the first boy in the family.  Many cards were received by my grandfather congratulating him on the birth of his son.....and my poor aunt born at the same time didn't even rate a mention!

I have to admit though, that being the mother of a son, and now quite possibly two sons (my brave sonographer made a boy prediction at 12 weeks) with no plans for any more, I do feel a twinge of sadness about the possibility never mothering a girl.  I have been so close with my mother during the last 5 years - she supported me so much during a difficult first pregnancy and labour, and a difficult post natal period in the way that only a mother could.  She sat by my hospital bed holding him (a refluxy baby) for hours on end so I could sleep.  I guess there is no guarantee that I would have such a relationship with a daughter but it makes me a little sad I might not get the chance.  Either way, I am absolutely over the moon to be pregnant again and if this little one is a boy he will loved and cherished as mightily as the first.

#74 Nofliesonme

Posted 14 August 2012 - 09:49 PM

We had 2 daughters and fell with number 3. The amount of times I heard I bet your hoping for a boy drive me
Nuts. Yes I would like one but it won't make any difference. He was a boy an we fell again. Obviously I wanted 2 pigeon pair if I listened to everyone else. When actually I didn't care. I would have like another girl actually. That really annoys people. original.gif

#75 jodi

Posted 14 August 2012 - 10:01 PM

I am so proud of my same-sex family... I just can't imagine it any other way! We aren't 'missing' anything... our family is perfect!

If anyone asks (and they do!!) I just tell them that we are proof of evolution - we are breeding men out of existence!   roll2.gif

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