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IVF Multiple Cycles and The Longhaul Buddy Group #5


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#26 meggie2

Posted 29 September 2010 - 12:27 PM

Hi CC. Hang in there. Still early days as you know.

Re the post, she posted the same in WDYT - got pretty nice replies considering.

She said she was the type of person who liked straight answers - well I nearly wrote her a very straight reply - ie:

Sometimes IVF doesn't work - do you really think you 'grilling' and 'scrutinising' the FS is going to convince him to give you the 'good' treatment he has secretly been keeping out the back - the 100% guaranteed treatment he is hiding from the rest of us desperate blubbering ladies who he has been treating for years ....

But I decided I didn't need any more bad karma wink.gif .

hugs to Spocky and anyone else who needs one.

M

Edited by meggie2, 29 September 2010 - 12:27 PM.


#27 Rangeman

Posted 29 September 2010 - 03:48 PM

Hey Girls,

Yeah, I've been reading that too and WTF was she thinking and only 2 cycles gosh way back when I was there I still had lots of hope wait till she gets to our stage.......Meggie, love your comment you so should have posted it. And good news about your Mum.

CC- Hang in there.

Hi to all.

Cheers

#28 Spock

Posted 29 September 2010 - 04:07 PM

Thanks for the info. chesire cat. I'd forgotten you had asked about that earlier. I'm maing notes this time and we are going to see another fs at the same clinic who specialises in recurrent m/c in addition to my usual fs. Even if you're not feeling optimistic I'm still sending you lots of bbighug.gif s that you get a good result. Everyone is different and some people don't feel any symptoms till way into their pregnancies (luck people!).

meggie, hope your mum's treatment goes well. That's good news it is a lumpectomy and not a complete mastectomy which would be really hard on your poor mum. A doctor wouldn't be upbeat for nothing so that's a good sign.

afm, had my bt test this morning and while my hcg has increased it hasn't increased by as much as it should have sad.gif . Going for a scan tomorrow morning and I'm expecting the worst. I've already started spotting and getting those AF feelings. I keep telling the nurses I know this one isn't progressing and they keep telling me there is some tiny hope...I'm just too emotionally exhausted...I haven't even had a good cry yet.

#29 Spock

Posted 29 September 2010 - 04:10 PM

sorry, forgot to add, I saw that post in the general section too. They obviously have very little understanding of how uncertain ivf is. No need for them to be so rude though when others are trying to post helpful comments. meggie, I agree with kimbar, you should have posted your comment, you have a way with words.

#30 meggie2

Posted 29 September 2010 - 04:25 PM

QUOTE
I'm tempted to say "Just relax". But I won't. wink.gif
Senecio to OP in the other thread.  wub.gif

Aww Spock, so stressful for you.   Hope you can look after yourself this weekend.

M

#31 stillinhope

Posted 29 September 2010 - 04:51 PM

Hi Spock,
this is the post i wrote about my meds in the last thread...
hope you are coping in there. I know it doesnt help but still do have some hope for you..

Megs - good to hear ur mum is getting some help now. I was thinking that because shes having radiation therapy you wouldnt be able to be near her if you were pregnant, (dont get me wrong here) my sisters having chemo for hodgkins lymphoma at the moment and i was worried about that too. All i thought was at least you can be there for her. i truly hope that comes across right...eeek.

Hi to all..

Cant stay long got to go cook up a storm for a group of people coming tonight!
Take care

***PG mentioned***

My Drugs :

I was diagnosed with a fairly rare but not too bad immune disorder - igg4 deficiency.
I   was seeing an immunologist because i have always gotten sick very   easily and frequently. I went to him to 1. find out what was wrong with   me and 2. if its was causing or contributing to my 'unexplained   infertility'. i suspected that my body was fighting the embryos as we   had no other reason for implantation failure. He thought i should have   been preg by then already - esp being on ivf.
He found the deficiency  and said that i  should be on prednisolone to supress my immune system  so that i would  not attack the embryo and low dose asprin as a blood  thinner to promote  good blood flow in the uterus. He referred me to a  new FS that was a bit  more gutsy with the meds and told her i needed  these. She put me on  clexane the day before transfer and i had the  prednisolone the whole  time until about 8 pgweeks or so..

Ist Cycle with new drugs :

Down reg with pred, asprin until 3 days before epu, clex, crinone, pregnyl
*i had a low hcg reading and they called it a chemical pregnancy sad.gif

2nd cycle with new meds :

Antag   with clomid (for better egg quality and no syneral as it was suppressing me too much) pred, progynova (which is estrogen  for good  womb conditions) clex, progesterone (crinone then pessaries  which were  much better!)

This  was my best cycle with 9 eggs and 4 blasts...and the one i got a + test with. We only got 1 to freeze tho but not complaining.

I   think it must have made a difference, my first fs said there was   nothing else i could try and that i had to just keep doing ivf. i didnt   want to keep going blindly.

We still dont officially know why it did or didnt work...frustrating.  

I   found the extra drugs gave me new hope and didnt mind taking them   although clexane is hard as its injections which i had to 12 weeks, but a   good reason to keep going. The prednisolone made me really hungry and i   was really bloated.
over all i think it was definitely worth it and  would recommend trying it if ur fs will let you, anythings worth a go  hey?! Most of my drugs were precautionary as they couldnt say for sure  if these were actual problems but i wanted to ry anything and my FS knew  that i didnt want to muck around. I had gone to all the trouble of  changing fs' & clinics, i wasnt going to live through another traumatic set of  'learning cycles'.

i hope this helps a bit....

Still.

#32 stillinhope

Posted 29 September 2010 - 05:05 PM

OMGosh i just read the crazy post about IVF and 2 cycles...im glad some people told them whats what. Makes you just shudder, to think the FS's have to put up with that kind of person, no wonder they sometimes get mad and frustrated with us all...some people just seriously dont get it...grrr

#33 Guest_shiba_*

Posted 29 September 2010 - 09:21 PM

Just popping in to see how everyone's doing and say "hi".

I'm so sorry to hear what's been happening with you, Spock.  It must be a terrible feeling but at least these ladies here truly understand what you're going through.  Being put in the unexplained category sucks big time...let's hope your FS will be able to find some answers to your recurrent m/c soon.

CC - good luck to your BT on Monday!

#34 Spock

Posted 30 September 2010 - 11:12 AM

hi ladies,

Shiba, how are you? nice to hear from you and thank you for your kind words.

cc, hope you're staying sane.

still, thanks for posting your ivf journey. This will come in handy.

afm, just back at work after the scan this morning. It is a blighted ovum sad.gif . It's amazing how well you know your body after going through so much with ivf. I'm feeling very angry at the unfairness of it all. I'm at work because I know I'll just get really upset at home so at least my mind is otherwise occupied. I need some time to digest and understand why, how etc. DH is going to try and book an appointment asap with the fs at our clinic who specialises in recurrent m/c now that we know for sure what is happening with this non-pregnancy. The clinic wouldn't let us book anything till we had certain results.

It was terrible to see the scan of the sac with nothing inside. I have seen too many sad scans by now.

I'm going to drink some good wine tomorrow night - unfortunately I'm also going to a funeral tomorrow for a close family friend who suddenly passed away at the young age of 58. Tonight is the viewing. What a s*** week.

dh and I are talking about telling our friends (the close ones know already what we're going through roughly) and colleagues that we are doing ivf as it looks like this is going to be a long, slow and painfully sad journey. Have any of you told your friends, colleagues, that you're not close to? Has this openess helped you or made things harder?

#35 meggie2

Posted 30 September 2010 - 12:29 PM

Hi Spocky

Sorry to hear your sad news is definite.  I hope you can get into see the m/c specialist soon and get some answers/ideas.  

Sorry about your friend too.   Life really isn't fair sometimes.

M

#36 cheshire_cat

Posted 30 September 2010 - 06:31 PM

Hey Spock-

I told people at work because I didn't want to be making up fake excuses anymore for time off etc. At my small, community-based, not-for-profit workplace it was appropriate, and I have no regrets about telling them, in fact it made everything easier and people have been great about it (I work with mostly older women & only 1 guy). I've seen others on EB who don't feel comfortable telling people at work- maybe it's more risky in the more formal/corporate type places? I guess it really depends on the environment.

And with telling friends, I haven't made any big announcements about it but I think most people know by now. In one way it's made things easier because people are more understanding of my avoidance of social events etc, but in some ways I think it's alienated people a bit and we have lost touch with some of them. Most of the time people just don't know what to say.

I think if telling people will take the pressure off you to act like 'everything's fine', then I'd say give it a try.

Sorry about the loss of your family friend sad.gif



#37 ~Panda~

Posted 01 October 2010 - 02:12 AM

Hi all original.gif

I hope you do not mind me popping in, but I just wanted to say to Spock that I am so so sorry to hear your awful news sad.gif Enjoy your wine original.gif I know simple pleasures are nothing when you want a baby so badly, but it is good to have things that you look forward to original.gif I think of you often and I really hope your situation improves. Just wondering, have you have an endometrium biopsy?

To everyone else, I was wondering if you mind if I join in the near future? I have only done one IVF cycle and one medicated frozen cycle (and a clomid cycle) but my ttc journey is just reaching the 'long' stage (3 years). I am in the process of changing clinics (just for money reasons), but thought I might join if my next cycle is unsuccessful. I feel like I do not have the right to join yet as I have only had 2 attempts. Other factors have made my ttc a long (sad) haul. Would that be OK, or is my IVF journey still too short to join after the next cycle? I just do not feel like I belong anywhere else! My chances of carrying a baby full term are slim because I have issues and have been told by my FS that IVF is my best chance but it will probably be a long road (or even a never ending road).

Oh, and I agree re: the post about 2 IVF cycles and 'grilling' the FS. I really think just reading a brochure will give her 'straight' answers about IVF and the statistics! I am surprised by her arrogance!

Time for me to sleep!

Edited by ~Panda~, 01 October 2010 - 02:18 AM.


#38 carita

Posted 01 October 2010 - 08:24 AM

Spock-So very sorry to hear your news. It is so unfair and I can understand how angry you're feeling. A blighted ovum is just such a cruel outcome. Hope the fs can give you some answers. Thinking of you...xoxo

#39 meggie2

Posted 01 October 2010 - 10:04 AM

Hi Panda

Yes please join NOW.  I have been following your story and think you fit with us.   It's sad that we are all here, but wonderful we are all here together IYKWIM.

So I started my antagonist cycle today, such a strange feeling knowing they will just be put in the freezer.  EPU should be around 13/14 October.

hugs to everyone

M

#40 halby

Posted 02 October 2010 - 12:13 AM

pg mentioned

Hello, I hope you dont mind me putting my typing skills in here. I am a bit of a veteran with the whole ivf, and I wanted to say to spock that I am so sorry for what you are going through. All our friends new that we go throgh ivf, but I never tell anyone when, I dont htink that it is anyones business. I mean I dont go around asking other women when they are ovulating.... But I just found for me that it was less pressure otherwise you see people itching to ask you how its all going and you want to slap them.
I hope you are kind to yourself and that the wine was good.

Stillinhope, the drugs you were on I think definately helped me. Like you I needed to try other options after 13 trfs. I have not been diagnosed with any disorder, but it has been a feeling that I had for a long time that my body was rejecting my embryos because of them being something foreign, back on the clexane, dexmethesone, and asprin and vitamins myself and hoping they work again.

The best of luck to everyone, I certainly do now how you all feel.

#41 cheshire_cat

Posted 02 October 2010 - 09:28 AM

Hi all,

Panda, yes please do join - welcome original.gif

Megs, hope your freeze-all cycle goes really well, I can imagine it would be a bit strange knowing you won't be doing a transfer.

Spock- hope you're hanging in there bbighug.gif

Sorry ladies not a lot of personals today & sorry for a bit of a whingey 'me' post..

*********** child mentioned****************

So, first I catch a nasty cold off our friend's two-year-old who came round for dinner the other night and coughed all through (and all over) dinner. Grrrr. I catch viruses so easily at the moment, it's like I just have to be in the same room as someone & I'll pick up their germs. And then, yesterday, of course, AF arrived sad.gif And it's one of those (TMI) painful, gushing, leaking, with-a-vengeance AFs. It's really like my body is just laughing at me: 'Ha ha, you wanted a pg, well take THIS!'.

Damned body sad.gif

And ouch, damned cramps sad.gif



#42 laffi

Posted 02 October 2010 - 09:35 AM

cheshire cat I am SO SO sorry bbighug.gif

Edited by laffi, 02 October 2010 - 09:36 AM.


#43 carita

Posted 03 October 2010 - 08:35 AM

cc-So very sorry to hear your news. Take care of yourself. xoxo

#44 ~Panda~

Posted 03 October 2010 - 01:28 PM

CC - I am so sorry sad.gif I have only had 2 attempts, and getting AF is just heartbreaking. So I can't imagine how you are feeling. I am like you and catch everything. I am a school teacher and children cough over me all the time. The last thing you need is to feel awful with AF sad.gif Was it is fresh cycle? (I hope you do not mind me asking).

Meggie - Good luck with the freeze all cycle. Can I ask what an Antagonist cycle is?  blush.gif Is it where they stim without lucrin/synarel and just give you that drug that starts with O (the long name... I call it Orangutan... hehehe) to stop you from ovulating?

Spock - I told my 2 bosses about IVF as it makes it so easy when getting time off. I don't have to worry that they are rolling their eyes at me needing yet another day off (I have already had a fair bit of time off with my hospital stays). I have to travel 6 hours just to get to my clinic so I need more than a day off. How are you feeling now? I'm sorry there is not much that I can say. I know that from my own experiences. I am here if you need to chat though.

*Child and pregnancy mentioned*

Thank you for welcoming me ladies original.gif It feels nice to 'belong'. I had a mini melt down in the car the other day as my friend had her baby (yes I was happy but jealous I'm so behind and left out) then my friend, who fell pregnant with her first child 18 months AFTER I was first pregnant (and m/c'ed) texted me to say she is pregnant with her second child. I am so happy for her, but so sad as I am reminded of how much time has passed. I also feel so angry that this whole process has made me so emotional and occassionally bitter about pregnancies, etc. I feel like I have been robbed of my happy attitude. I am sure you can all relate to what I am saying. Can you believe in the last 2 weeks, about 9 people have told me they are pregnant?

I am travelling down to my new clinic on Tuesday (in Sydney). They are still affiliated with my old clinic but public. I feel so vague as I have not organised any past medical info to take. Just my referral. That is not like me as I am usually very organised and think of these things. I am hoping that because they are affiliated with my last clinic, my new FS might be able to access my medical info. Anyway, enough from me! I am going to watch a movie to take my mind off things.

ETA

Name : Panda
Age : 27
Location: Tamworth
Diagnosis: Recurrent m/c & Thin endo lining (4mm at ovulation)
IVF: 2 Transfers. 1 Fresh and 1 stimulated frozen.
Meds: Clexane
Alternative: Acupunture (occassionally)

Edited by ~Panda~, 03 October 2010 - 06:40 PM.


#45 carita

Posted 03 October 2010 - 05:31 PM

Panda-Hi there, sorry I didn't say welcome earlier! Best wishes with the appointment on Tuesday. Hope the new FS is able to access your records and has a good plan for you.

megs-Hope you're doing ok with the new cycle. Here's hoping you get a great batch to freeze!!

Spock & cc -Thinking of you both. xoxo

Hi to everyone else-still, kimbar, spring, rose, shiba! Hope you're all well.

#46 Spock

Posted 04 October 2010 - 11:29 AM

cc, I'm so sorry sad.gif . Hope the pain is reducing physically at least.

meggie, hope you get some good numbers. Yes, must be a strange feeling to freeze all.

panda, I'm happy to have you join our group. All lovely supportive ladies here. I know you've been through quite a lot. I hope you like your new clinic. I hide from my pregnant friends often now as just too difficult sometimes to hide true feelings. I definately avoid kiddie birthday parties when they are under 3. I know what you mean about time passing by. I get that feeling too when I see my friends moving on to child number 2, 3 or when their kids start school.

halby, thank you for your supportive words. It definately helps.

laffi, sweet of you to pop in and post.

hi carita, still, rose, spring, kimbar and anyone else still out there.

afm, I'm just waiting, waiting, waiting for this non-pregnancy to pass naturally. I really don't want to go through another d&c. Nothing seems to be happening down there though. Can't believe I'm actually praying for af! Well last week was the bleak what with the funeral and the definate bad news. I'm trying to convince dh we need to start just letting people know about the ivf, no details I think but just to stop the questions. I have this belly now from all the ivf stuff so it looks like I am pregnant and I'm getting so sick of telling people no, I'm not, and thinking in my head (it's a bligted ovum sad.gif ). So far from the start just the immediate family, my boss and a few very close friends know.

I'm worried that my now completely negative expectations of ivf working are going to cause even more problems. Going to see my counsellor tomorrow before work.

The wine was very good btw.





#47 Rangeman

Posted 04 October 2010 - 02:53 PM

Panda - welcome aboard and as Meggie said feel free to join now there's no waiting periods for this group!!!

CC - How you holding up, thinking of you.  

Spock - good luck with your councellor tomorrow, hope he/she manages to clear your head a little for you.  It's hard, you do get to the point where you think nothing will work but as I know you're aware it does pass...eventually.....and you do feel like giving yet another go.  Don't give up.

Megs - Yay for starting a new cycle, even though you're freezing them all at least you're doing something and just imagine whan it's time to pop them back in you won't have to through the whole cycle so it will be nice & short for you, just 2 weeks of torture while you wait.....

HI to Still, Spring, Carita and those I missed.

AFM - it's my turn to have a whinge - I came home from work in tears the other day (poor DH) and I know it's ridiculous but I couldn't help it.  A young girl at work told me she was pregnant the other day so I now have to watch another person go through a pregnancy (one just left work 2 weeks ago to have her baby) and I am just crushed.  This one sits near me so I can't even avoid her and to make matters worse she did this on purpose to keep a guy WTF??? From what she has told me the poor fellow is quite well off so she decided that after being together for all of 5 mins she'd get preg so she could hold on to him.  I asked her waht the bloke thought about the baby and she just said, Well he hasn't got much choice has he.  What a b**ch!! It just seems so unfair, you know, people like us just want to have a baby with our partners because we love them and little sh*ts like this can fall in 5 secs and for all the wrong reasons.  Anyway end of whinge, i feel much better it's off my chest.

For all the Sydneysiders out there - how's this weather????



#48 laffi

Posted 04 October 2010 - 05:39 PM

QUOTE (Spock @ 04/10/2010, 12:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
laffi, sweet of you to pop in and post.


Thanks! I hope you don't mind me checking on you guys.  blush.gif
I just can't want to see my Ready Steady Go Girlfriends graduate original.gif

#49 Spock

Posted 05 October 2010 - 12:45 PM

hi ladies,
kimbar, that sounds really upsetting, what a b****! I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be having all these pregnant ladies around you at work and no way to escape. My team is mainly men and the other 2 females are just graduates so no where near the 'wanting a baby yet' stage. I find it hard enough that 2 of my male colleagues, their wives are both pregnant with their 2nd and 3rd children. The one with the 3rd on the way wasn't even sure they wanted it, they are just having the baby our of guilt because it happened one night. People take these things so casually. At least I don't have to see my colleagues' wives. Btw, Sydney weather is no where near as nice as it should be for this time of year.

cc, you've been very quiet, hope you're doing okay.

meggie, hope you are also going okay. when is your epu?

hi to everyone else.

afm, I saw my counsellor today. She thinks I am reacting 'normally' by being defensive and shutting down. I think there is too much pain and I can't face it...not yet anyway...

#50 cheshire_cat

Posted 05 October 2010 - 07:19 PM

Hi ladies, thankyou all so much for your support & kind words. Just a quick one as am still feeling pretty unwell and on top of everything have got an inexplicable case of conjunctivitis. What's with that?

Am thinking of taking the rest of the year off treatment, I really need to get healthy again, re-join the gym & lose some kilos. My immune system is obviously pretty battered and my iron levels are super low. Got to stop hating my body & take a bit of care again I think.

kimbar- that is so repulsive of your workmate- God I didn't know there really were such skanky people in real life!

Ok gotta go as pizza has arrived, hugs to all xx




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