Jump to content

An IVF Forgetter
Why I can't enjoy being pregnant


  • Please log in to reply
215 replies to this topic

#51 Guest_ladybaba_*

Posted 29 November 2010 - 09:10 AM

QUOTE (~Sally @ 29/11/2010, 10:01 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Shooting Star, she doesn't just have a bit of morning sickness and a bit uncomfortable like most pregnancies.  She is seriously ill.  She's been hospitalised.  I think that far from needing help, she is most definitely on the right track in acknowledging her feelings honestly.  This is her reality.  She's not just some whinger who expected to sail through and have the perfect pregnancy and baby.

Why is it so hard for some of you to support Prue through this instead of sinking the claws in?

I think their point is that they have gone through the same and not got a baby out of it. People who go through infertility, IVF and its complications end up severely sick in hospital too (time after time, year after year), but don't get a baby at the end of it. Their point is that they would be happy to do it and end up with a baby, than to do it and not end up with a baby like they have been thus far. I'm sure they understand what Prue is going through is not just morning sickness. They are just discussing and voicing valid points.

#52 Guest_ladybaba_*

Posted 29 November 2010 - 09:16 AM

QUOTE (kpingitquiet @ 29/11/2010, 10:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I just wanted to chime in and strongly disagree with a PP who said you will definitely head toward Post Natal Depression due to disliking pregnancy. I HATED...yes, H.A.T.E.D. being pregnant--the pain, exhaustion, needles, doctors, etc. Had a traumatic birth experience as well, followed by all sorts of crap involving baby's weight loss/gain. I managed to escape both PND and even so called "Baby Blues". Baby and I bonded within the first hour of her life and are tackling our hurdles together with her father.

It's parenthood, not a carnival! Not all women who have a rough time of it experience the awul thing that is PND. But, certainly, it is crucial to be gentle with yourself and accept help if/when you need it. I wish the best for the rest of your pregnancy and for when you reach that golden day that begins your life as a mom!

She meant because Prue is coming out of an infertility journey that went on for years, not because she hates pregnancy. You conceived first try if I remember your old signature correctly, so your journey is entirely different to Prues. Many people who go through years of treatment think of pregnancy as the happy ending and have unrealistic views about it, and the PP was making a point that pregnancy is not that.

#53 Guest_~Sally_*

Posted 29 November 2010 - 09:21 AM

QUOTE
My suggestion louise? Don't begin to even slightly judge what you really have NO idea about.


I think that you need to take your own advice.  Until you've had hyperemesis, you're in no position to judge.

#54 andyk

Posted 29 November 2010 - 09:24 AM

Thanks ladybaba you said it perfectly.

Sally FWIW, I don't think anyone here underestimates the sickness Prue is experiencing and from what I have read there is no sinking of claws. As per my previous post, there is a level of sympathy but there is also a level of "I would do anything to have what you have, hospitalisation, terrible sickness and all."

thegalwho, I understand completely.  



#55 BeYOUtiful

Posted 29 November 2010 - 09:33 AM

*********child mentioned***********


To be honest, the guilt, for lack of a better word does not cease, in my experience.
The guilt of complaining about sickness.
Then the guilt that you finally are pregnant, and then have a baby when others are still struggling.

I feel guilty at times talking about how wonderful he has made my life.  Many say I have been through a rough trot, prior, during, and after having him and I shouldn't feel guilty.  But they don't 'get it' like I get it.
I know how it feels to face the possibility of being childless for the rest of your life.
I now will never have to live it, something I had never come to terms with, like others are forced to.

That pain may last them a lifetime, whereas other pains are at times short lived albeit awful and life controlling at the time.

Edited by ~Jane05~, 29 November 2010 - 09:35 AM.


#56 Guest_senecio_*

Posted 29 November 2010 - 10:13 AM

Prue, congratulations and I'm sorry to hear the experience sucks! It must be hard to admit what you just have given your AC background. I'm sure it will be all worth it in the end.

QUOTE (louise3now4 @ 28/11/2010, 07:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What a lot of crap this is. I am sorry you are having to hear this nasty jealousy Prue.


Didn't you you say somewhere that you're not judging people? oomg2.gif

QUOTE (louise3now4 @ 28/11/2010, 07:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Death (your own) is often an attractive proposition when you are this sick.


It's also a very attractive proposition when you've been through years of primary infertility, multiple IVF cycles and have nothing to show for it but a 10 week scan of your dead baby.

QUOTE (louise3now4 @ 28/11/2010, 07:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
As someone who won't even pretend to know what infertility is, but who can talk the talk and walk the walk when it comes to HG, I think it is cruel and pathetic of any woman to consider another who is suffering from HG as unappreciative enough *of just being pregnant*.
Hyperemesis has killed women since the beginning of time in our part of the world and still does in developing nations. Show me one woman whose health was placed at risk or who died from not being able to conceive.


I find it odd that you chose to have more than one child given how horrific the whole process has clearly been for you. And I can show you MANY, MANY women who's health has been placed at risk, more than one that HAS died and many more that have wanted to die from not being able to conceive. What an utterly absurd and ignorant statement.

You don't need to "pretend to know what infertility is" but if you are going to make such blatantly wrong statements about an issue that destroys the lives of so many people it may be a good idea to check your facts. Just a suggestion. original.gif










#57 WittyKitty

Posted 29 November 2010 - 10:21 AM


Lousie,

'I realise that infertile women suffer from depression, but that is in all honesty very different to finding yourself trapped with a baby inside of you, unable to keep down a sip of water, not even able to swallow your own saliva without projectile vomiting it back up again 5 seconds later. '


Yes, depression is also very different to finding yourself trapped with an ovary full of cysts, making you vomit constantly, in severe abdominal pain, causing fluid build up and breathing difficulty, without being able to move because of the danger your ovaries will twist over themselves and require surgery to stop them becoming necrotic... or you dying.

That OHSS scenario happened to my good friend, her ovary was removed, but she still signed up for more IVF.

I myself am risking brain tumors to have IVF just for the hope of a baby. No medication after the embryo transfer. Depression is the least of my worries.

'there is also a level of "I would do anything to have what you have, hospitalisation, terrible sickness and all."

Yes, I agree, Andyk.









#58 Riverchick20

Posted 29 November 2010 - 11:05 AM

I really hope things get better for you Prue, and that you are able to enjoy your pregnancy eventually! I don't think you should feel guilty for hating being sick because that is just ridiculous.

I find it sad that people here on EB can be quite nasty. It seems that they often only think about themselves and love taking digs at others. To me, their mean posts just show their true side!

#59 jorgo

Posted 29 November 2010 - 11:29 AM

congrats on your pg prue

Many people whether they conceive by ivf or not suffer during pregnancy.
Quite often it is just part of pg
I'm under no illusion that i wont feel like doggy doo if i manage to get pg
but i seriously have no intention of b**ching about it, I chose the path that got me there.
It sucks- its shiite- but its part of pg.
And you have to be conscious of that, especially so when you work so hard to get there in the first place.
Delusional to think everything is gonna be hunky dory

My MIL spent almost 6 months in hospital for HG every time
she doesnt DO pg well at all
yet she still did it 7 times

she always says - its sucks but its what pg is for me and for a lot of ladies and complaining doesnt stop it, so there isnt any point. Doesnt mean that the wonders of being pregnant arent still wonders to me its just means i throw up for atleast 6 months sometimes 9mths while i sit there marvelling at the wonders.
And none of it matters anyhow when you have the baby in your arms.

So its not just the unsuccessful  IVFers who have that view


But i do agree the ttc forum is not the right place for blog entries like this.
pg forum would make more sense and would get more support for complaining that unsuccessful IVFers are just "jealous, mean, nasty, non sympathetic, bitter shews as a bunch of women" ( and yes i'm generalising not directly quoting) but thats the general PG populations view as they often like to tell us

#60 missgeorgina

Posted 29 November 2010 - 11:39 AM

Another non fan of the pregnancy process.  You shouldn't feel guilty for expressing how you feel just because there's this very public pressure to believe that every woman will experience a wonderful, smooth pregnancy.    

Yes having a baby is a great and wonderful thing but the process can be both mentally and phsyically debilitating and very hard.  And you know what, women should be able to describe it how it is and not be forced to sugar coat it.

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and can't wait to give birth and get this whole pregnancy thing over and done with.  Focus on the bub!! and anything that can help alleviate that bad symptoms.

#61 Drop Dead Fred

Posted 29 November 2010 - 11:39 AM

I'm going to dot point my reply so it's easier to read

1.  The title of this blog is obvious, if don't like it, don't open it
2.  After going through a traumatic time during IVF and being hospitalised for 4 nights with OHSS with a colapsed lung and fluid on my stomach I had nothing but fear.  Fear i would have to do it all again if i got a BFN, fear for OHSS reoccuring, fear, full stop.
3.  Once i got that magic BFP the fear came back.  Thoughts in my head would be "once i hit 12 weeks i'll start enjoying it more".  Still vomiting at 16w i didn't enjoy it at all.
4.  Thoughts in my head swirled around all day that i wasn't going to take home a baby, something was going to happen to him, i talked myself into not bringing home a baby for 9 straight months
5.  A traumatic birth experience lead to emergency CS, it was horrible and i don't even like to re-live that day sometimes that's how down i get about it
6.  I never bonded with DS
7.  I hated BF
8.  I was, surprise surprise, diagnosed with PND as well

I thought pregnancy was going to be all roses and i would look funky with my "little" bump in cute maternity clothes.  I thought i would rub my belly and feel nothing but joy.  

When in reality i hated every minute of being pregnant.  It's only now, that DS is alive and healthy, that i regret not enjoying it.

18 months on and I bond and love DS with all my heart, wouldn't change it for the world and i'm excited about doing it again, vomiting and all wink.gif

Good Luck Prue

#62 meteor

Posted 29 November 2010 - 12:30 PM

QUOTE
Many people who go through years of treatment think of pregnancy as the happy ending and have unrealistic views about it, and the PP was making a point that pregnancy is not that.
Exactly what I meant. I certainly wasn't trying to stick in claws. I also didn't want to sugar-coat my words, as that is where the unreality comes from! It is common knowledge (or at least I have read numerous reports) that PND is higher in women who have had a long hard IVF road, because the reality of parenthood is not what we imagine. It certainly wasn't what I imagined, and I had not had such a difficult road to get there. I just think that going through an even worse ordeal with the pregnancy (I can't even begin to imagine how awful it must be) and just hanging in there for the prize at the end of the 9 long hard months - will the prize feel like a prize, because looking after a baby (especially twins, maybe even prem) is no fairy-tale.

I do think it is great that Prue is telling it like it is for her as that will help others see what the reality can be like for some people, and that those who have similiar experiences will feel relieved that they are not the only ones, and hopefully not feel guilty for "complaining".

I do wish Prue all the best and I am so sorry to hear that someone has such a miserable time of pregnancy, and I do pray that your babies are born healthy and that you love being a mum.

#63 meggie2

Posted 29 November 2010 - 12:33 PM

QUOTE
1. The title of this blog is obvious, if don't like it, don't open it


It was the previous thread that started this whole thing. It was called "Miracle of Science" - not much hint that it was going to be complaints about being pregnant there.

Then the poor PP made a heartfelt comment that the OP should at least try to find the positives about what so many of her readers would love to experience, and got made into journalistic fodder for the start of this thread. I think that wasn't particularly supportive of the OP, given the context in which this blog was originally started.

Edited by meggie2, 29 November 2010 - 12:34 PM.


#64 F.E.B.E

Posted 29 November 2010 - 12:41 PM

QUOTE
But i do agree the ttc forum is not the right place for blog entries like this.
pg forum would make more sense and would get more support for complaining that unsuccessful IVFers are just "jealous, mean, nasty, non sympathetic, bitter shews as a bunch of women" ( and yes i'm generalising not directly quoting) but thats the general PG populations view as they often like to tell us


Just jumping in to say that on the forums this blog sits in 'Hot Spot' not TTC and on the EB site it is in Conception. We see that Prue is clearly writing a blog from the perspective of someone who has had trouble conceiving - the journey to parenthood does not end with conception.

Obviously as her pregnancy continues we will have to work out the long term direction of of this blog and where it sits on the site, I am sure that everyone will want to continue to read the updates though!

In the meantime if people would like to share their own experiences with TTC and infertility we welcome member submissions.

#65 Seanj

Posted 29 November 2010 - 12:49 PM

Edited; After what Thegalwho is going through, I'm not going to have any part of this or risk being quoted in a new thread out of context.

Edited by Seanj, 02 December 2010 - 12:03 AM.


#66 sigh

Posted 29 November 2010 - 02:18 PM

After the IVF I had a great pregnancy, never felt better (apart from the nagging dread that it would all go wrong). Had a good birth too. Afterwards was a different story. I did not expect having a little baby to be as hard as it was.

I was ill, recurrent mastitis almost from the start and another condition (both now resolved but still recovering), which really didn't help. It took me a good two weeks to feel like she was mine and probably another 6 to "get over" the shock of a normal (if a bit quick) birth. Coupled with me having real issues sleeping even when DD did, it was much harder than I expected. There's been none of the showing baby off to relatives or walks with the pram; it's only been the last month or so (DD is 6mo) where I've felt well enough to think about seeing friends and family again, and even then I get them to come over most of the time. Much of the last six months have been spent in the house. Remarkably I seem to have escaped PND but I've been much more anxious. I long to be able to go out with DD but my health is still not up enough to go out on my own very often.

Still not worse than not having her. Though I do feel I can't complain too much about it being hard. The tough part is where people tell me to get out in the sunshine...I'd love to, just too sick to do it.

For me having her is the meaning of life and the best and hardest thing I've ever done. IVF seems like such a little blip now when at the time it was such a big thing.

#67 marleyandme

Posted 29 November 2010 - 02:26 PM

It's such a shame that we IVF women who have fallen pregnant (and gone on to have babies) have what I've referred to with friends as "success guilt".  Whilst I was over the moon about being pregnant, I also felt incredibly guilty about my journey being a short one - especially when I had to tell a friend (actually my DH did) who tried for over ten years with no success. And even though she was almost in her 50's by this time, she still got teary and had to leave the restaurant (DH had run into them whilst interstate and when they asked after me, he had to tell them I was pregnant).

I was lucky that for the most part, I did love my pregnancy - it was after the birth that things fell apart (health wise) - but I actually felt that I shouldn't complain about anything since I was one of the lucky ones who did manage to conceive.  And then when this improved, but those first 8 weeks were fairly full on - again, I didn't feel like I even had the right to have a little weep about being tired, stressed, etc.  I'd preface everything with "whilst I'm so happy to be pregnant"/have my baby" - I never wanted anyone to think I didn't appreciate my circumstances.

But as a friend pointed out - just because she didn't need assistance with falling pregnant, didn't make her any less thrilled and pleased than me - and that no woman should feel the need to preface her situation with always using the "I'm so grateful" bit when having to talk about discomfort, sickness, medical situations, etc.  My DD is now over 3 and I find myself saying things to her like "whilst I'm so thrilled to have you, you really are driving mummy up the wall tonight"!  Maybe I'll still be prefacing things like this for the next 50 years!  biggrin.gif

I hope you get some smooth sailing in your pregnancy Prue!

#68 Nobodyelse

Posted 29 November 2010 - 02:35 PM

It took me 18 months to fall pg. Fortunately, I didn't need to undergo any IVF but I came close. The DR was scheduling in tests when I pee'd on a stick and finally got a positive.

And I hate being pg. I hate that my boobs are almost back to pre-reduction size. I hate the constant burning in my throat of heart burn. I hate not being able to find a comfortable position to sleep in. I hate it being the ONLY topic of conversation people feel I am capable of.  I hated the 16 weeks of morning sickness. I hate having to get up to pee at 3am every night and how long it takes me to get back to sleep.

But none of that changes the fact that I love my son. He's not even here yet and I love him dearly. I love how excited my DH is. I love looking down into the bassinet and visualising his swaddled in there. I love when he kicks me every time I eat or drink cold things. I love that he keeps me company even now. I love everything this terrible 'condition' is leading me to.



#69 auntyuz

Posted 29 November 2010 - 02:35 PM

Perfectly said Seanj and Meggie.  

It's all about the title which lures in the unsuspecting.  This blog should announce through its title what the subject matter is, rather than upsetting more than a few very long TTC.  Time to revise it's placement.

Being a midwife and child health nurse, I have seen a lot.  I have cared for women who have had HG so bad that they have had multiple TOPs.  I've also looked after girls who pop babies out without too much thought about any part of the process.  I do know, sometimes, the higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment and subsequent fallout (PND, attachment difficulties, BF problems).  

As for myself, as I jump into the "no man's land" of perimenopause at the age of 41 without even had a missed AF, life isn't perfect but we have to work with what we have.  Count my blessings, give thanks, be greatful for my beautiful husband and family. Love myself and appreciate the gifts I have been given: life, health, home, job, family, friends (not in any particular order).  There are many ways to be a productive member of the human race, and also many ways to nurture the next generation.  I wish everyone luck and love on their journey.

#70 laffi

Posted 29 November 2010 - 02:51 PM

Prue's original posts were about ivf. It is not surprising that a lot of people doing ivf turned to this blog to follow Prue's ups and downs and share their pain through this cruel journey.

Now Prue is pregnant and a lot of her readers still are not. Unfortunately some of her recent posts do come across as insensitive towards her original fans who can only dream what it's like to be pregnant. Especially since some of them will never be able to ever know what's like.

#71 flossygirl

Posted 29 November 2010 - 03:17 PM

The thing that upset me about this blog entry was the following sentence:
"Physically, IVF was a walk in the park compared to this."
I guess Prue was trying to describe the seriousness of her illness by comparing it to her experience with IVF.  And perhaps she was trying to create a bit of controversy.  But why make this comment when so many of the blog's readers are struggling with said "walk in the park" at the moment?  

I know that Prue's current condition is a serious and debilitating one.  I just wish that she didn't use such a flippant remark to make her point.  Surely the same message could have been conveyed in a more sensitive way, considering the audience?  

But then again, it's her blog so I guess she can write whatever she pleases.

#72 ohwow

Posted 29 November 2010 - 03:45 PM

Quite clearly this topic is raising some very valid points on both sides of the fence.

My journey was only 2 years long and in comparisson to so many of you, it is nothing. But to me it felt like an eternity. After experiencing a second m/c and then being told that IVF was my only option, I prayed for MS every day and that i didnt care how sick i was, i just wanted a healthy baby that would make full term, would be born alive and stay in our world till it was grey and old.
I am still in the early days of my pg and i have been quite sick. Not to the point of hospilisation, but to the point where i get to work and have to go home to change my clothes from vomiting on myself and peeing myself at the same time.
No it's not fun and no i dont enjoy vomiting or wetting myself through the violent vomiting - but i asked for it (I literally did when i prayed for it). For me, eating 5 different plates of food after dinner cos i constantly feel so hungry that my stomach hurts, only to throw it all up several hours later is part of my journey to finally reaching my goal.
In between the moments of feeling 'yuck' i look down at my changing belly and place my hand on it and smile. I smile because through every bout of vomiting i remember the journey that i have had to walk to get here and for me this is the path that i have to keep walking to reach my destination.

This is how I feel and i understand that everyone feels differently. I completely understand where you are coming from Prue and i truely hope that the 'Yucky' part of pg will dissapear so that you will be able to enjoy part of being pg.

At the same time i understand how reading the words that have been posted can upset people who are still experiencing infertility as i was in that position not so long ago myself. I remember despising anyone who whinged/complained about being pg. That is human nature and that is what we do. It dosent make the human race mean because they have 'feelings'. I sincerely hope that anyone experiencing infertility will be able to one day 'complain' about what are the highs and lows of pg. GL to you all.

#73 louise3now4

Posted 29 November 2010 - 03:46 PM

QUOTE (senecio @ 29/11/2010, 11:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I find it odd that you chose to have more than one child given how horrific the whole process has clearly been for you. And I can show you MANY, MANY women who's health has been placed at risk, more than one that HAS died and many more that have wanted to die from not being able to conceive. What an utterly absurd and ignorant statement.

You don't need to "pretend to know what infertility is" but if you are going to make such blatantly wrong statements about an issue that destroys the lives of so many people it may be a good idea to check your facts. Just a suggestion. original.gif

Sorry. I should clarify.
HG is a naturally occurring side effect of pregnancy that has been affecting women since the beginning of time.
IVF and any dangers to the physical well being of one choosing to undergo this is a relatively new thing. You cannot compare the two and it is silly to try to do so. This is not a competition.
Prue is pregnant, she is suffering, she should not just have to *have a stiff upper lip and deal with it*.
Look I wish all of you success in your IVF attempts. But please just give a pregnant woman a break and understand she probably can't make the most of it and enjoy every second right now.

#74 andyk

Posted 29 November 2010 - 04:01 PM

QUOTE
Prue is pregnant, she is suffering, she should not just have to *have a stiff upper lip and deal with it*.
Look I wish all of you success in your IVF attempts. But please just give a pregnant woman a break and understand she probably can't make the most of it and enjoy every second right now.


I don't think we're reading the same thread, because all of my posts and a lot of the others too, are not saying that we don't feel for Prue or asking her to have a "stiff upper lip".  What I have said and will continue to say is that I would love to be in her position, terrible sickness, hospitalisation, needles whatever... to be carrying a healthy baby (or two).  



#75 Guest_senecio_*

Posted 29 November 2010 - 04:12 PM

QUOTE (flossygirl @ 29/11/2010, 04:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The thing that upset me about this blog entry was the following sentence:
"Physically, IVF was a walk in the park compared to this."
I guess Prue was trying to describe the seriousness of her illness by comparing it to her experience with IVF. And perhaps she was trying to create a bit of controversy. But why make this comment when so many of the blog's readers are struggling with said "walk in the park" at the moment?

I know that Prue's current condition is a serious and debilitating one. I just wish that she didn't use such a flippant remark to make her point. Surely the same message could have been conveyed in a more sensitive way, considering the audience?

But then again, it's her blog so I guess she can write whatever she pleases.


Flossy, I was a little taken aback when I first read this sentence too: At first glance it sounds intuitively wrong to have 'IVF' and 'walk in the park' in the same sentence. But after re-reading it I think it's perfectly reasonable for Prue to describe it this way. Her illness sounds absolutely horrendous - without a doubt, infinitely worse than any physical side effects of IVF that I've experienced. I know that many IVFers have horrible physical side effects - OHSS etc - but clearly, Prue's, like mine, weren't truly awful (or they may well have been awful, but what she's going through now is way worse). She's describing her experiences truthfully - I see nothing offensive about that. Prue's not claiming that IVF is a walk in the park, or that all aspects of IVF are easy - just that physically her current experience is harder than her physical experience of IVF.

Yes, I am insanely jealous of Prue because she's pregnant, but I don't think it's fair to judge her for her response to her situation (or for describing her response honestly in her blog) anymore than it's fair for a fertile, who hasn't walked in my shoes, to judge me for many of my crazy and irrational infertile responses to things.

Louise, perhaps you misunderstood my post - I wasn't actually comparing HG and IVF, nor was I suggesting it was a competition blink.gif - I was simply stating facts as you seem to be misinformed. And if you had experienced infertility yourself you'd understand that it is not really a "choice" to go through IVF any more than you would see it as a "choice" to take your child to a doctor if he was suffering a life-threatening disease. Our biological drive to have a child is no different to you natural mother's instinct to protect your child from harm. There is no choice about it. It would be lovely if there was.






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 
 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Viewed Articles

 
Advertisement
 
 
 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.