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November 04 Parents # 696
91 replies to this topic
Posted 19 January 2011 - 06:56 PM
Kim, is your husband just a little misogynist? Just a little?? I like how he measures a woman by what she can achieve in addition to kids. Does he measure men the same way? By their kids plus whatever else they do? No, I bet he thinks only of their work/study/sporting achievements. OK, I'll get down off my high horse now.
I don't think the number of kids or the working hours or even the study load are all that important as to whether someone has a tough time of it or not. Its how all those pieces come together and what sort of support you have that make the difference. For a lot of people, having 2 working parents mean they have the money and justification to buy in a whole lot of support (cleaner, nanny, gardener) etc that others do without. So its hard to compare, because you are comparing apples and oranges.
You mentioned previously that your DH is always at work till 7.30 - can I ask what he does? Only if you want to share, that is!
Posted 19 January 2011 - 07:03 PM
One wonders! But I think you have a valid point!
I love your first para Caro! Very succinct and what I am thinking too!
Edited by Girolama, 02 February 2011 - 09:45 AM.
Posted 19 January 2011 - 07:52 PM
Kim, I don't really know how to respond to what went on with your DH. I agree with Caro, in that it is quite difficult to make a comparison. The situations are vastly different. And I don't see it that you struggle? Sure, you are busy and you seem to work hard but not struggle? You have priorities. Sorry, that all sounds like a load of codswhallop. But you are working and taking on a FT study load. I think you are great. It doesn't matter if you don't "use" it. Mate, you are good at it! He should be proud that you can do *all* those things, as well as enjoy life. I see he has used pysch in telling you "it is your reaction, so own it" lol
Anyway, got to go, I have a hairdressers appointment (only joking, have only had 3 haircuts in the nearly 2 years we've been here), am getting my nails done (pair of nail clippers in the bathroom), and a long, leisurely lunch booked in (leftovers from 2 days ago).
I've 2 ill children at the moment Sucky time of year.
Posted 19 January 2011 - 09:16 PM
LOL Kylie, hope you enjoyed all that pampering
Have things thawed out a bit now, Kim? And don't feel bad about b**ching about your DH here. We won't think less of him, promise! My DH is quite enlightened, but still manages to give me the sh*ts a fair bit
Posted 19 January 2011 - 11:02 PM
Actually, over here in Germany, the men do a lot of the day-to-day care of the kids. Probably half the parents doing pick ups are men. A lot of them are the part-time or SAHP. Not what you would think of in Germany, huh? I just thought that an interesting aside
Caroline, oh yeah. It was just what I needed. I have to admit, I get little pampering in. I had a whinge to DH the other night that having almost non-existent energy, no-body (ie him) has given me a moment to feel better lol He apologised but we've things on our mind.
My gf is coming over in July. One weekend we are going to meet in Rome (she's almost booked out for things to do!) and she will come back here to stay a few days before heading off again.
Urgggh. Need coffee to keep me going.
Posted 20 January 2011 - 07:49 AM
Hey there .
SS, your weekend away sounded brilliant . I'm glad you were both able to spend this time together - do you think the issues of last year have passed and things more settled between you two?
Kim, catch-up, happy with anything, just throw a date out there and see what happens though I think most of us Syd people do better on weekends? I'm not sure, just guessing.
Your DH's comment: if it were my dh who said that, I'd point out all the ways she was NOT coping. Mean-spirited to put someone down like that and list their flaws but I hate being seen as someone who can't cope with things (cause I know I'm not that sort of person) and I would point out all the ways I do cope perfectly well with f/t study, p/t work and managing a house-hold and then list the 'help' this other woman gets.
If he still felt that she was coping better than me then I'd make sure he knew that if I were working f/t and had the help she did, I'd cope perfectly well too.
I might tell him that his comment made me feel worthless and under-valued and I'd check that he valued me and my efforts in the house-hold and supported my study. Even if he did not understand why I felt this way, it's how I feel and yes, 'they' say we should 'own our feelings' and that 'no one can make us feel a certain way except us' but still, that does not take away from the fact that his careless statement made me feel like I wasn't being appreciated. That's what I would do.
My DH jokes about me being a 'lady of leisure' and when he does, I list all the things I do every day and ask if he would like if I stopped doing them .
And then I'd do my darndest to 'move on' from the matter as I know I've said things which have upset dh in the past and some things are still 'stale-mates' between us, some things we've agreed to disagree on, but I don't want those minor things to get in the way of a good day so we both let it go and try to enjoy life again.
Edited by dippinsniffer, 31 January 2011 - 08:50 AM.
Posted 20 January 2011 - 10:18 AM
Thanks girls and Kylie yes I do think I am great too! LOL
And he scored too so all good! Make up sex is go darn good! LOL
OK, tanty over!
I will look at a possible date and put it out there ok?
Edited by Girolama, 02 February 2011 - 09:46 AM.
Posted 20 January 2011 - 12:03 PM
... I put my big girl undies on and owned the moment and went back without storming out of the house!
All sorted now and I have the support to drop a day of work this year to help with study (his suggestion) so score!
And he scored too so all good! Make up sex is go darn good! LOL
Good news !
Posted 20 January 2011 - 01:28 PM
shaggers! lol at kim!
could we pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease look at Sunday arvo's??????
CAN'T DO - Sun 6 Feb, Sun 13 Feb. Other than that we're generally around. sgee goes with stupid the 2nd w'end of each month fyi!
love to all x
Posted 20 January 2011 - 01:47 PM
So which of the 20 Feb or 27Feb is Sgee around?
We could do that one! I think I'm pretty easy with either!
Posted 20 January 2011 - 06:07 PM
We're good for either 20 or 27 Feb
do we LOCK one in?
where is Malli and dip and everyone else!!??????
Posted 20 January 2011 - 08:22 PM
Im still here, Can we do the last sunday in Jan? Or during the week after th 26th. My packing has to finish by Monday eeek. Went to Ikea today picked up 3 layby and have 2 more to pick up tomorrow and one grocery run of things i wont be able to get in jordan - one last time. I hope to hardly visit the shops i have totally exceeded the budget.
I leave on the 8th.
Hope the last sunday is ok by you guys??
Posted 21 January 2011 - 06:02 AM
where is Malli and dip and everyone else!!??????I do work sometimes ya know!
Malli and Dip are herrrrre! More to the point, where is everyone else?? Pix is in Melb.
I'm pretty sure that date is fine for me, I have to check my diary to be 100% but I can't be bothered getting up off this comfy sofa right now but should be good. And if everyone can't make it before Malli goes, we can always do another .
Edited by dippinsniffer, 31 January 2011 - 08:51 AM.
Posted 21 January 2011 - 08:35 AM
roger that Malli!!
Sunday 30 January (day before school starts!!! arrrghhhhh!)
Federation Park, Glebe?
I'm thinking of places that will have good parking if we aim to meet around 2-3pm????
Posted 21 January 2011 - 09:43 AM
Most of the crazy days are over (mom left last week), H&I are taking two weeks off to laze around the pool starting tomorrow pm, so I'll do a bit of a catch up and load some recent pics of the little ones.
Am feeling cranky as I'm doing the cabbage soup diet. Have already lost 3 kg's since Sunday, so that makes me a little less cranky.
Starting my degree mid Feb and am pumped.
The kids are good, M is at summer school (which she is loving), E is the friendliest person I've ever met and B the opposite. Moody, grumpy little thing with short temper, but she can also be adorable and is most of the time. She's cutting her eye teeth atm, which is not bringing the best out in her!
Will do personals when I pop back in, now off to read back to catch up on everyone's news.
Posted 21 January 2011 - 09:55 AM
Hey there. I've just something I need to share as the only person I can talk to about it here is DH.
Mum sent me an email the other day about my Auntie. I'm not sure if I've mentioned before but she has been struggling with major depression that we know of for about 5 years. Could have been for longer but you know how some people hide it.
She has had a lot of electroconvulsive therapy, tried numerous cocktails of drugs. But nothing fixes it. She went to her normal doctor this week, he asked how she was, she said "not too good" but didn't elaborate. He sends her on her way. Fast forward a few days and my Uncle comes home and she ingested a very large amount of medication. So she is back in a closed ward.
My mum and her other sister were visiting yesterday, chatting and the fill in doctor had some ideas that he will discuss with the head psych. But he is saying to give her more ECT.He is of the strong belief that it is not a hormonal or chemical imbalance. My mum asked if her attempts were a cry for help and he said that is not normal for someone her age. And he is of the opinion that she will eventually succeed in death, somehow. I can see how upset Mum is. She knows my aunt is so unhappy. She feels immensely lonely. And the doctor was trying to glean any information that may have led to my aunt feeling like this.
Anyway, that is basically it. I'm up because now DH and I are sick. The headache associated with this is pretty rank so I'm waiting for the drugs to kick in so I can sleep. Chat later and take care.
Posted 21 January 2011 - 10:59 AM
Oh Kylie I'm so sorry to read this and its a hard one.
So I gather it's your mum's sister, younger or older?
Is your uncle struggling as well with her condition or does he just get on with things as best he can? My only real suggestion is that is she well enough for her and your uncle to have a little holiday in some new environment? new surroundings? Its so very sad and I feel for your mum.
I'm not sure but I think some of you may know that I have been in a very similar place with my first husband who took his life when I was 25 (he was 36). This is not about me, but I can share the experience of what your family may be feeling and going through. Mine caught me off guard and i do believe she is crying for help, but that is just from my personal experience and what i discussed with the physcholgist I saw at the time. All situations are different and I think that a change of environment may lift her spirits.
I hope that things get better for you all over the coming days. Will be thinking of you guys xxx
Posted 21 January 2011 - 12:47 PM
Wow Kylie that is a tough one!
Strange the Dr is so convinced that ECT is the only way to go and that she will eventually succeed in her suicide attempt (if that is really what they are) but most suicides tend to be (as SS put it) a cry for help!
I was always under the impression that ECT (which by that way DOES have success) was only used as a last resort when all other avenues have been exhausted.
You poor thing.....that is hard to deal with at any time, even worse when you are half way across the world!
Well I am sitting here waiting for my nephew to arrive (he's been to the beach with mates) and then I am off to the gym for an hour or so until I have my rental inspection.....then I am taking the girls to the aquatic centre to jump off the boards and splash around. Already had an ocean swim today but the beach was shut. We had to use the pool and the waves were crashing into it.....but it was crystal clear and a glorious temperature! NIce Summery day!
Posted 21 January 2011 - 02:09 PM
TOMBI, I'm glad you guys are taking 2wks to laze by the pool .
KYLIE, yes, what a sad, sad situation. Have they had a second opinion? Yes, you have mentioned your aunt's situation before and I do 'feel' for your family and mum.
No advice my end, sorry, except getting a second or third opinion and going with what one feels is the best option.
And you're sick too! That sux ! It's the last thing you need with your anaemia!
KIM, sounds like you're having a lovely day in the water . Yes, such amazingly glorious, warm weather . Though I'm not in the sun, so that helps! Hanging in the shade most of the morning and currently in my darkened room .
Edited by dippinsniffer, 31 January 2011 - 08:52 AM.
Posted 21 January 2011 - 04:56 PM
Hiya and thanks guys.
This is about specialist number 5. They cannot pin down any diagnosis, it isn't manic depression or anything that they can define. The drugs have little impact. And she can (well, has been able to up until now) recognise when she is slipping so then goes in to admit herself. She honestly wants to feel "normal" again.
Thanks, SS I think what the doctor said, SS, was that at 63, depression calls for help in older people aren't the norm. He said usually a female in the 25-35 year old age bracket would do that. She sees no hope of ever feeling happy holding her grandchildren. She really, really tries. They are well off, as her husband is a well noted builder. She was/is a respected nurse. So they have a house on the beach, and a home in Brunei which she tries to go to to get away. They have a good relationship with the traditional people there, who look after her when they go, so she also feels bad that she has "everything" but cannot see any way out of the quagmire. She goes to Brunei and comes home a week later, upset and back on ward. She goes to visit family when she feels better and usually comes home a mess. So even a change of scenery just doesn't cut it for her.
So, it isn't really like she doesn't get help herself when she feels she needs it. Well, up until now.
Also, I think she feels that she has just about done everything (a maximum amount of ECT, drug cocktails, self-help, counselling). You name it. You would expect some progress.
She is able to talk about it quite openly. As to how she feels, but I suspect unless one is there, really, I cannot get an understanding of it
Kim, the ECT is a last resort. It was quite a decision for them all to make. But for years she wasn't responding to any medication. And she has got progressively worse. So I think he thinks rather than her trying to take her own life, they will attempt more. I think mum was quite happy that this doctor was so forthright with them. At least they know to put in 150 percent with the visits so she doesn't feel so alone.
Anyway, we are all home today. Aggi has just started to come down with teh flu. Silly DH went into work today but they have a lot to complete so I think he is hoping for a quick day. And poor Aggi has to miss a very important sleep over and is very upset over it. Poor poppet.
Thanks again. Feels good to go through it in my mind.
Posted 24 January 2011 - 02:12 PM
Hey girls, just a quick hello to say I am back after 6 weeks of travelling. We really had a fantastic time and the kids did so well! I am nearing 24 weeks now and must starting to feel it, so am trying to get more rest and going to bed earlier (pah!)
I am up to my eyeballs in emails and proofing but once that slows down in the next week or so, I will pop in and chat some more.
Been thinking about you all and was great to read all your news - took me most of today! xx
Posted 25 January 2011 - 05:57 AM
Hey Pix . Have been thinking of you too, I've really enjoyed reading and seeing your photos of the US and Melb. Yes, I'm sure you have tons to catch-up on at home, it's like that going from one big holiday away to another . You know what I was thinking of the most? Wondering how you found really living with your family for weeks on end. I was thinking, the longest I've spent with DH and the kids continuously has been about 2 weeks. But you've spent 6wks continuously with your husband and kids and I was wondering if you'd learned anything from it about your family? That's actually what I thought about the most .
KYLIE, any news on your aunt?
All fine here .
Edited by dippinsniffer, 31 January 2011 - 08:52 AM.
Posted 25 January 2011 - 06:32 AM
"we picked up the kids from my parents who chucked a tantrum on pick-up" LOL Read it again, Dip.
Dip. No further news on my aunt. She is in a closed ward, I'm assuming they are watching her. Mum will probably go in again this week to see her
Posted 25 January 2011 - 06:38 AM
coincidentally DH saw her when she first came in and my heart leaped when I saw his writing in her notes, he's still 'got it'Awwww that gave me butterflies in my tummy! How adorable! Sigh!
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