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IVF Multiple Cycles and The Longhaul Buddy Group #6
148 replies to this topic
Posted 13 March 2011 - 06:53 PM
Dearest Spock, Just letting you know I am thinking of you and you will be in my thoughts tomorrow. I hope you have loving, supportive people around you to give you strength.
Posted 14 March 2011 - 09:23 AM
Spock - I have been thinking of you all week. I can't believe that you have to go through this all again. Take care of yourself today and I hope you get your puppy so that you can have some wonderful puppy love. Dogs are such beautiful animals and I'm sure the puppy will be a good distraction and ease some of the pain (even if it is only a tiny bit).
Panda and senecio - I hope you guys are hanging in there. You have both had to deal with so much. I hate that it seems no one if this group is going to get a BFP and actually be able to enjoy it like a normal woman would.
Brookar - All of my FETs have been natural (apart from the NK Cells meds). It feels weird leaving everything to fate but it is kind of nice not to be pumped so full of drugs. Where are you at with your cycle so far? When is first BT?
librablonde - As if IVF isn't hard enough they have to screw up your donor sperm too. So much is out of our control on this journey, it's not fair that another choice was taken away from you
carita - I am so sorry your embie didn't make it. My clinic never rings to say whats happening with our embies and it is a huge shock to go there and find out things haven't gone as planned. Hang in there and take a break. I know that for myself a break is the only thing that has kept me sane and able to keep functioning. It does my head in a bit to be waiting but not nearly as much as the way I feel while cycling.
Hi to everyone else - Megs, moi mwah, first one....sorry if I missed anyone
AFM well I am off for my transfer today and I am just not feeling it. I hate even posting about it when I know what our beautiful Spock is going through today. I have convinced by FS to let me use clexane this cycle so I will be starting that tonight and I have by BT scheduled for the 25th which just happens to be the day before a family wedding. All my thoughts are around what will I do when I get another BFN. I can't even feel a small bit of hope. I'm beginning to wonder what the point of having the transfer is. Sorry for the negative post. It's just a real crappy day but on the plus side it's a public holiday and I don't have to go to work
Posted 15 March 2011 - 08:13 AM
Spock - was thinking of you yesterday. I hope everything went as well as can be expected and you are resting up today.
Rosabella - how did your ET go yesterday? I know it's so hard to be hopeful. You want to protect yourself from a disappointment. I really hope this is the one for you and you can have some excuses ready as to why you aren't having a few wines at that family wedding!
Librablonde - when's your next acupuncture appointment. Mine is Wednesday afternoon. I'm really looking forward to it.
Afm - not alot happening. Had a BT this morning, CD9 so a little early I'd say for any action to be happening.
Hope everyone else is travelling ok...
Posted 15 March 2011 - 02:02 PM
Spock- I hope you're resting today after yesterday Big hugs to you xox. Did you end up choosing a puppy?
Brookar- I'm doing my next acupuncture session this Friday arvo and just can't wait. I find it so odd that I'm so looking forward to having it LOL I would never have thought I'd like it so much. Anyway, I hope yours goes well on Wednesday. Serenity now!
Rosabella- I also felt very "meh" during my last FET. Everyone kept telling me to be positive and I just wasn't feeling it at all. I was even comfortably numb for my last BFN, although I realized a few weeks later how much I was surpressing my hopes and sadness when I felt I wanted to drink some wine one night, so went and did a POAS test "just in case" . IVF has turned me from a normal person into a human yo-yo. That said, I'm on a new positivity kick and I've got my fingers crossed for you during your 2WW.
Carita- how have you been? I'm so sorry about your embie. Have you and your DP decided where to from here?
Panda and Senecio- I hope everything is ok for you both.
Country-Mel, First One, Flamingo, Meggs1, MM, CC and everyone else- I hope you had a public holiday yesterday and were able to take some R&R. My DP and I attacked my frost-ruined veggie garden and sowed new seed for a winter crop. It was a really lovely day and was a nice diversion from being inside my head LOL
Posted 15 March 2011 - 04:06 PM
So sorry to hear your news. How devastating for you both. A puppy is a great idea, we now have 2 after our long IVF journey (4 fresh, 5 frozen cycles) and it's been the best thing ever.
Just wanted to say we used PGD after 2 early miscarriages with IVF (4 and 5 weeks) plus I'd had a miscarriage years ago too. I also had NK cell testing (inconclusive, so I did the prednisolone thing) plus I was on clexane even though no obvious thrombophilia issues (I insisted). The PGD was a god-send. The first PGD cycle, 0/4 embryos were chromosomally normal which was a huge blow but at least I didn't have to go through the pain of a pointless 2ww or another early miscarriage. The second PGD cycle we got 3/8 embryos chromosomally normal and replaced two - now pregnant with twins. Cost is huge but evens out if you count all the FETs etc. I found PGD helped me understand why IVF/pregnancy wasn't working - it finally gave me an answer when noone else could. I highly recommend it for people in your situation. There's a PGD forum on bellybelly which is great, many of the women are doing it for genetic conditions but I found it really useful even though I wasn't using PGD for this reason. Good luck and thinking of you. Hope PGD gives you some answers and some success at last.
Posted 15 March 2011 - 05:19 PM
Sorry for missing in action, have been flat out which is great to keep the mind occupied, and have finally got DH to aggree to starting again. So back to sniffing on Friday and fingers crossed. I feel really good about it as I feel fantastic. I think knowing that I am using the clexane and dex for the first time on a stim, I think I will finally hit the jackpot on a stim cycle.
Which brings me to mentioning to Brookar and Rosabella, I too have beautiful embryos but getting them to stick was my tough part. Since taking clexane and dex and the vitamins requested I have not looked back. I notice you have just started your clexane Rosebella, the best of luck to you, and I hope it works. Be careful as they are blunt needles, the dart approach definately works better.
Spock, I am so glad you are getting a puppy, they are very good for you, and hang in there.
I hope everyone else is well and will try and pop in again soon
Posted 17 March 2011 - 01:20 PM
Oh moi mwah I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is so hard to stay positive I know but you just have to keep yourself busy, and whatever you do dont google like I did as it made my situation in December worse for.
I have everything crossed for you, as no heartbeat at even the 6.5 weeks scan mark is not uncommon. Implantation may have been later that you think???
Keep us posted ok
Posted 18 March 2011 - 09:57 AM
moi mwah, oh dear, i hope your embie has simply been late to attach. it's absolutely horrible to go through this. really hope everything works out well for you.
halby, that's great you are trying again. best of luck. great that you're motivated. i have to say i hate the clexane injections, i bruised so much and they stung. frankly i just hate needles, seen to many of them.
foxy77, thanks for sharing your journey with me. it's good to hear of suucess stories after all the sadness i've been going through. thanks for your tips. i am scared about pgd testing, what if none of my embies are any good?? not sure i'd cope, but better than another m/c.
brookar, hope all is progressing well with you.
rose, hope your transfer went well. it is difficult to be motivated when you've had dissapointments but I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for you.
hi to chesire cat, libra blonde, panda, senecio, meggs, country mel, carita, first one, flamingo. hope you're all well. been very quiet from some of you.
afm, going to visit our puppy on Sunday as the breeder is taking all of them to a dog show. wish we could bring him home but he is too young. have booked our holiday to Borneo so leaving next weekend for 1.5 weeks. be good therapy to escape. when we return we will pick up our puppy. we have named him Sooty as he is all black plus I used to love the UK show the Sooty show when I was small. When I'm home next I'll try to post a picture of him.
i'm very up and down. we watched Toy STory 3 last night. loved it but i burst into tears at some scenes where the little girl was playing with her toys so cutely. Made me wonder if i will ever experience seeing my own child play with toys . Can't wait to go overseas and not think about babies, ivf, lost babies etc. not feeling social at all, especially if i know there will be pregnant women or lots of cute babies around.
only good thing is since the d&c my pregnancy symptoms are finally going away except i still have a pregnancy belly as still sore and big boobs. so now i look pregnant which i hate as it's just a big lie. i'm going to have to put some effort into losing the belly when I get back. ahhh the joys of ivf.
Posted 18 March 2011 - 02:48 PM
Oh Moi mwah I too hope your implantation was just a little later than thought. I hope you have some nice things to keep you distracted over the weekend.
Spock - Borneo sounds fantastic. A girlfriend of mine went last year and had an absolute ball.
Rosabella - how are you feeling now?
Librablonde - I've got my 2nd acpuncture session for the week this afternoon. My friend who referred me to this therapist warned me he would want to schedule quite a few sessions inititally. I guess I just go with the flow and keep handing over that plastic
Afm - Had my 2nd bloods today and at CD 11 my estrogen is still really baseline. As I almost expected my all natural FET cycle looks like it will turn into a medicated one. I questioned FS when he suggested trying another natural cycle as my last one had been cancelled, but when he said the success rates are higher that way i thought it was worth giving it a try. They're giving me one more blood test on Monday and if I'm still not doing anything much they'll start me on FSH injections which I handle better than the other HRT drugs I've been on previously. Still pretty bummed about it. If I was just medicated from the start I would be gearing up for a transfer soon. Tempted to have a Friday afternoon glass of wine, but my DH is such a fitness/health freak at the moment I'd be sipping away on my own!
How is everyone else going?
Edited by Brookar, 18 March 2011 - 02:54 PM.
Posted 18 March 2011 - 05:53 PM
Spock - wow, what a great holiday destination. Will you be doing lots of active adventuring, or mostly just cruising around the sights? And I love the name Sooty
Moi mwah- jeez, why can't the universe just give Long Haulers a break??! I have no words of wisdom, but I'm crossing all fingers and toes for you. My BFF didn't hear a heartbeat for her DS until 7weeks, so I hope your embie is just taking it's sweet time for you.
Brookar-I had my 2nd acupuncture session this arvo as well. Ahhh, the serenity.... I just floated away and was most disappointed when the session ended. I'm surprised that the practitioner isn't scheduling me with stacks of sessions, but maybe that's because he's so heavily booked. But I'm sure that after my EPU he'll suggest I keep on doing weekly sessions forever and a day. That's ok, though. The 30 mins of total relaxation is worth it for me. You must be really peeved about this cycle possibly having to wait for medication next time round. Definitely wine is the answer to that one.
Rosabella- I haven't stalked you (yet! he he he) to see if you're in any of the 2ww forums, but I hope all is well for you.
Foxy77- you gave me food for thought with the PGD thing, thankyou so much for sharing that. If this cycle doesn't work then I think I'll definitely enquire about the testing. I just checked TasIVF's website and it doesn't say if they do PGD testing, so I'll call my clinic and find out next week just out of interest.
Carita, Panda, Meggs, Flamingo, Senecio, CountryMel, Halby, First One- a big hello to you all. Have I forgotten anyone?? Probably! I've got a ditzy brain right now with my tragic hardcore diet and lack of caffeine LOL
Posted 19 March 2011 - 10:43 AM
Hi everyone particularly the acupuncture girls
My acupucturist has been trying something new (in addition to acu on transfer day) which is a session around 9dpo. She said she read a study on it. I believe it helped me, and she has had a number of other BFPs with her fertility patients the last few months, so maybe worth looking into?
Have a good weekend everyone.
Posted 19 March 2011 - 12:09 PM
Meggs - Thanks for the tip on the acupuncture, I'll have to ask my therapist about it at the next session
Well I knew this day would come, but I didn't know it would be so soon. My best friend told me today she is pregnant with her first child. She has been off the pill since November and I knew they were trying, and they are one of the lucky ones. The hardest thing though this morning was when she told me she was 12 weeks pregnant. We share everything and she knows all the intimate details of my IVF etc, which I know is the reason she was hesitating to tell me but to hold out this long in telling me.... The other thing I found hard to cope with is that the last time I saw her, 3 weeks ago (we usually see each other every week but she has been busy with work and was away....now I know she was avoiding me), I asked her about her cycles since going off the pill and whether she'd got into a regular pattern etc. Unbenown to me she already knew she was pregnant but rattled on about cycles etc for a while, not mentioning she was already pregnant!
Bottom line, is I'm ecstatic for her but so very very sad for me and I feel so selfish. How have others coped with this? Distancing myself is not an option as I know that would hurt her and I already have so many friends with little kids that I've distanced myself from, I'd feel like there was no-one left.
Off to the movies this afternoon to see Limitless. A good distraction hopefully.
Thanks for listening xxx
Posted 19 March 2011 - 12:32 PM
Ah Brookar, it's a blow isn't it?
'Luckily' for me my friends are all now past their baby making days, my best friend and I joke that her children (the ones we were going to have as 'playmates') will make great babysitters when - WHEN!! - mine come along! The only pregnancies I have to grin and bare these days are acquaintance ones... easier I think.
I've got back into charting.
I'd given up but my cycle has been getting inexplicably longer every month, so I'm not sure on dates anymore - yes I'm a tragic, but I still hold out that tiny ray of hope that I can do it 'the old fashioned way'.
DP was a bit traumatised at first, he was afraid that the little 'beep' from the thermometer each morning was going to lead to me forcing my attentions on him!!!
I showed him the chart and he then got all huffy that I had 'missed' one of his *quote* "superior sexing efforts" - it was duly added!
Going for a FET next month, my employer finally got around to back paying me (from February 3!!) so there is some spare $ in the kitty again.... Dr Fancyshirt can spruce up his wardrobe on my coin!
Is everyone doing acupuncture? I might have to give it a whirl, although the only person offering it in these parts looks a bit unprofessional - do I really trust them to stick needles in me???
Edited by countrymel, 19 March 2011 - 12:33 PM.
Posted 20 March 2011 - 11:59 AM
Oh Brrokar you are not selfish, it is envy. It is very hard not to confuse envy with jealousy or selfishness. If you truly are wonderful friends you need to ell her that you are over the moon for her, but also tell her that you are envious that you are not yet pregnant. I emphasise the word yet! My best friend had 2 while I was trying for 1 so I can understand, and now I am trying again, she is 6 months pregnant with number 3, and yep with the miscarriage in December it was hard.
To the point, dont hide your feelings because you will put distance between you and thats not good. Open up and you will adjust, and soon you will have your own BFP
Posted 20 March 2011 - 07:17 PM
Brookar - Good luck with your BT tomorrow. Hopefully something has been happening over the weekend for you. I know how you feel about your best friend being pregnant. My best friend has had 3 kids in the 7 years DH and I have been married and trying. The youngest is 3. I love the kids to bits but it is hard sometimes. Also my closest friend at work just had a baby and got pregnant first month of trying. Its tough but I think it would be worse if I didn't have my friends in my life.
Librablonde - I feel like a yo-yo too. Its so much easier sometimes not to be positive in the hopes it will hurt less when the BFN comes. Sounds like you are getting into a good head space now, I might have to try that myself this week. Oh and I haven't posted in the 2WW forums. Trying not to drive myself insane.
halby - Yay that you got DH to agree to try again. Good luck, I have everything crossed for you. Thanks for the tip on the Clexane, I'm nice a bruised after just 6 days.
moi mwah - I can't believe after everything you are still having to deal with such uncertainty. I have everything crossed for you tomorrow. Like everyone else has said hopefully its just late attachment and the scan will confirm everything is going great. Hang in there.
Spock - Your holiday sounds great. Going to Bali last year was the only time I really escaped the pain of IVF. I hope some time out helps to heal some of your wounds. Coming back to Sooty will be great too. (Love the name )
countrymel - good to see you back. Well not good because it means you still have to go through this crap, but I am glad to hear you are going again with a FET. I have everything crossed for you.
AFM - Transfer went well and I was very relieved to hear that 2 embies were thawed and two survived and were transferred. DH and I had a massive fight right before leaving which resulted in me (in my hormonal state) telling him not to come We are all good now though. It was stupid really. My 2WW hasn't been too bad so far. The clexane is a bit rough but I am coping. My BT is on Friday but I think I will test before I go so that I can be prepared. I keep checking my boobs hoping they will get sore but nothing yet lol.
I did have a terrible, thoughtless friend story to share before I go. A close friend of mine had her first in January and it only took her a month to get pregnant. I thought she would be at least another year off having a baby and she was never really into being pregnant so it is hard for me to relate to her sometimes. Anyway, at a party last night some friends were talking about how they would be someones surrogate. My friend turned around to me, knowing we have been told to explore our other options, and said 'there you go, maybe you should just give it one or two more goes and then use a surrogate. Who wants to be pregnant anyway and go through labour, as long as you get the child in the end it doesn't matter how you get it.'. I know she is right but I'm not ready to give in yet
It cut a little deep as this week has seen two friends have babies which has been rough. It has also seen the passing of the month I thought I was finally going to have a baby (I thought I would get pregnant first month back at IVF last year when they found NK Cells, making me due now).
Sorry for the long post, just had to get that out.
Posted 21 March 2011 - 10:27 AM
Oh Moi Mwah how heartbreaking. So sorry for you and DH. Sounds like your body and bubs were both fighting as hard as you could to stay together.
Posted 21 March 2011 - 10:29 AM
I'm so sorry to hear your bad news moi mwah. I'm so devastated for you.
I wish there was something I could say
Take care of yourself, we are all here if you need anything.
Posted 21 March 2011 - 12:22 PM
I'm just so sorry to hear your heartbreaking news.
Take care of yourself, we are thinking of you
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