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IVF Multiple Cycles and the Long Haul BG #9

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#51 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 06 September 2011 - 05:35 PM

Oh Libra, I'm sorry.   I wish things would just go smoothly for you (and everyone).   Will be thinking of you tonight and tomorrow.

#52 halby

Posted 06 September 2011 - 07:25 PM

Libra I am thinking of you hon. Your hcg was awsome so """I know I know""" easier said than done, but try not to worry. I hope that your body just settles down and starts to enjoy that little one. I am sending you massive hugs.
missmatilda, just wanted to say try not to feel too down, I know that feeling too well, but it will happen you just have to keep believing. I know it is hard to wait, but it is when everything is perfect.
afm, all good here am really enjoying the gluten and dairy free feeling fab. But nothing exciting happening, just busy with work. I will be watching you all

#53 Rosabella

Posted 06 September 2011 - 08:47 PM

Hey everyone, just popping in to check up on everyone.
Libra - Thinking of you and hoping your BT shows everything is going well. xoxo
Liltuss - First One is right, it's just not fair. I wish there was something I could say sad.gif

Think of you all and have everything crossed for you xoxo

#54 librablonde

Posted 06 September 2011 - 09:42 PM

Thanks for the kinds words, ladies. Well, I've been bleeding (not just spotting) most of the day and passed a few more clots, so I'm not hopeful about this pregnancy sad.gif Will have to wait until tomorrow afternoon for the results of the morning BT. I'm just praying that this embie sticks. I've spent much of today laying down and trying to take things very easy. Had an acupuncture session this morning and my practitioner was quite certain I was still pregnant based on my pulse readings. But maybe I won't be pregnant by tomorrow.... Just have to wait and see. hands.gif

So of course, I've been obsessively Googling all things related to miscarriage and bleeding. And feeling peeved b/c if I did lose this one I'd want to do another EPU and there may not be enough time before Christmas to fit it in (I need to be taking my DHEA again for 3 months prior to EPU. I think DHEA really helped my egg quality last time round). And I wanted it done before the end of 2011 so I could claim more back from the Medicare safety-net thingy. So if I do another EPU it may be at full price if it has to be pushed out to 2012, but I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

So I've got Lavender oil on my temples and my dog and cat have been glued to me all day long. They're currently snoring away with me in bed while I type.

Halby, First One, Meggs and Rosie- so good to hear from you all bbighug.gif
A big hi to everyone else.


#55 dreamstoreality

Posted 07 September 2011 - 11:00 AM

Hi Libra, how are you feeling this morning? Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear the news, but hope that your results are still positive and it's just "one of those things" and everything continues to go well for you.

Please update us when you can and take it easy again today.

Thinking of you.

Hi to everyone else.

ASM, am starting injections again tonight.

#56 mitchp

Posted 07 September 2011 - 11:32 AM

Hi all - Libra, I'm just popping in to say 'try' and keep positive - I have a friend who was convinced she was m/c with bright red blood, clots, the whole 9 yards and fortunately it was all ok to go onto a healthy babe.

Good luck - fingers crossed.

Baby dust to all that are trying x

#57 librablonde

Posted 07 September 2011 - 12:35 PM

Ok, well my BT today shows hcg 1678, which has increased from hcg 653 on Monday. But I'm still bleeding bright red blood and passing more clots, so I have no idea what to think. So I'm just sitting tight and praying for a good result. I asked for another BT in a couple of days and more next week to be sure....... The FN thinks my bleeding is a cause for concern but it still might be ok...... OMG, I still have a toe-hold on this embie.

#58 dreamstoreality

Posted 07 September 2011 - 01:00 PM

Libra, the good news is that your level has increased a lot.

Although not good news that you are still bleeding, but you never know and so far so good.  Hopefully it stops very very soon.

Please take care of yourself and thank you for updating us.

#59 Deb37

Posted 07 September 2011 - 02:22 PM

Those prayers might be working - you're in our thoughts....take care

#60 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 07 September 2011 - 03:55 PM

Hi Libra - they couldn't come up with worse torture if they tried.   Hope you and the embie can hang in there.  Did they test your progesterone?  

#61 minidiamond

Posted 07 September 2011 - 04:41 PM

Oh gosh Libra.  I have some inkling of how you feel in terms of the waiting & not knowing .... but no words or reassurance can really help I know - just to know we're all thinking of you & some of the experiences of othes who've had early bleeding and are now is the DIGs is something very positive to hang on to !

Try hard not to google - nothing on google will change anything for you !   (My DH would yell "pot, kettle black" if he saw that last sentence I just wrote but try to stay away)

#62 dreamstoreality

Posted 07 September 2011 - 05:10 PM

QUOTE (Liltuss @ 07/09/2011, 04:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Try hard not to google - nothing on google will change anything for you !   (My DH would yell "pot, kettle black" if he saw that last sentence I just wrote but try to stay away)

laughing2.gif So would mine, but who doesn't have issues taking their own sound advice?

Libra, fingers, toes, hands, arms, legs etc crossed for you.

bbighug.gif  I wish this big hug icon didn't have such a lovely smiley face, but you know it's intention I'm sure.

#63 mitchp

Posted 08 September 2011 - 03:10 PM

Hey all - we're out before it even began! Last frozen embryo didn't thaw. I seriously need to purchase a boxing bag thing. So out of last EPU only one fertilised and that was our only chance. It didn't work (of course). We seriously must have done something so bad in our past live/s - this is complete and utter BS.

Good luck to everyone else.

#64 librablonde

Posted 08 September 2011 - 03:18 PM

Oh no Mitchp! That sux, I'm so sorry sad.gif I have no other words for you. Yes, a punching bag might be a very good idea right now...... wow, that's so awful, my heart really goes out to you both. The universe if so unfair.

#65 mitchp

Posted 08 September 2011 - 03:26 PM

Thanks Libra - I just can't see any light at the end of this. It's getting further and further away from us. And I know it's not just us - I just can't reconcile all this emotion and tears. I hate sitting in my office crying my heart out - people asking 'are you ok' me, 'I will be' - I mean what do you say.

Actually no. I'm fu*ked- I may never be a parent. My DP may never be a parent. We've done everything right. We're rapidly losing friends cos' I can't keep my emotions in check and we just want to hide ourselves away from everybody. And I know that's not right. Everyone get on our case about our weight. Yes we know we're putting on weight. You try taking fertility drugs and dealing with the stress of 5+ years TTC with no luck. Then tell me how you feel.

Oh Gods. I'm so sorry... just venting away and I can't stop! I've added to my blog/diary and I thought that would help but I seriously just want to be asleep for 5 years and wake up to a child in our lives.

Thanks again Libra. I know you lot all understand exactly how I'm feeling and you are my saving grace.

I'm just an angry little person at the moment !

Thanks for listening to my rant!

#66 dreamstoreality

Posted 08 September 2011 - 04:05 PM

Ah Mitch, that really really sux. I'm so sorry for you and your DP.

5 years is a bloody long time. 3 years is bad enough. I can only imagine what the other two are doing.

The universe does suck and I'm well over people that seem to have it easy and fall pregnant really easy too. A friend of a friend had a baby today and whilst I'm happy for her, her BF is a loser and it makes me so sad as I know all of us on here would dearly love to have that option and that we would be remarkable parents.

I've been thinking about how long DH and I will do this journey for and it changes all teh time dependant on my stregth. I wish the crystal ball would let us know if this is even going to work or if we should just give up and try to adopt.

May be we aren't meant to be parents either.

Doing another cycle at the moment, but I don't know.

Mitch, you and DP are definitely not alone and my heart goes out to you both.  I have some understanding of how you feel about embryos as we have never had any to freeze at all and I'm well over being a pin cushion I tell.

As for the weight.  I think earlier this year I weighed about 20 kgs less than what I do now. I know that that probably isn't helping either, but walk around in our shoes in the year we have had and then tell me how you feel and that you aren't going to comfort eat and then feel worse about it anyway.

We all get it Mitch and massive cyber hugs are being sent your way.

I hope that you get your miracle very very soon xo

#67 mitchp

Posted 08 September 2011 - 04:11 PM

Thanks so much dreamstoreality - you've hit the nail on the head. I know in my heart we will have to stop IVF at some point. I don't believe the laws have changed to allow a same sex couple to adopt so I'm unsure there whether there's any chance.

We just never thought it would take this long or turn us into almost completely different people (me anyways).

Good luck to you and your DP for this upcoming cycle - baby dust for all.

#68 dreamstoreality

Posted 08 September 2011 - 04:38 PM

Sometimes the laws in this country are so arcahic it's scary. I'm so so sorry.  It is just wrong, but we probably shouldn't get started on that debate.

If you ever want to chat feel free to pm me. I think my saving grace in all of this is keeping my depression at bay with some anti depressants and a wonderful counsellor, as well as you all too.

Thinking of you both and sending lots of cuddles.

#69 minidiamond

Posted 08 September 2011 - 04:57 PM

Oh Mitch, you poor thing & big hugs to your DP as well.  I just feel helpless trying to think of what to say to make it feel better - and we've all been in that boat (of not knowing the right thing to say/write) - so I'm hoping just a big cyber hug will be a tiny little bit of support to you.

I am 5 ft nothing-ish,  and heavier than I have ever been, it's horrible.  I have a gut I never had before & even loose clothes make me look & feel fat.  Meh ... don't worry.  Do what you need to do.

Do try to do some things for yourselves for your physical well being.  Not crazy exercise, but something very basic & obvious but worthwhile I've found is do as much as you can to engage your senses.  Smell flowers, feel water, breath deep & take in some fresh air if you can.  Watch a sunrise, walk on the beach etc etc.  Even if it's stuff you do every day, stop & feel it.  I just cuddle my puppy dog and smell his doggy smell which I love so much (yes a little weird for some!) - it helps in the tiniest way.

Before I go - Libra - how are you lovely ??

#70 librablonde

Posted 08 September 2011 - 05:57 PM

Hi ladies,

Mitchp- I totally hear you on the weight thing. I am currently the heaviest I've ever been in my life, it's just awful and I've lost all self-confidence and pride in myself. I guess there's no excuses, but it started with IVF and and then continued when I had the 2 young siblings of my older permanent foster kids come to live here- the stress was phenomenal with these traumatised kids. And then the distressed reactions of my older foster kids in seeing their siblings having to come and live here and them acting out in their behaviours. And then another EPU. So I stopped exercising and cooking healthy meals and just battled to get by each day. Things are much better now, all 4 kids have settled down and are a cohesive group, so I've been recently starting to pull myself together again after so many body blows. But life had been just bloody hard and I stopped caring for myself. So I totally understand where you're coming from  with the weight thing and people perhaps making judgements about it. I'm blessed in that my FS makes no judgement about my weight at all. I think he knows IVF is hard enough without extra pressure.

Liltuss- I'm still bleeding but it's slowed down to watery bright red when I wipe. I'm pretty crampy, and am having another BT for hcg and progesterone tomorrow morning. My family have been awesome in rallying and helping care for the kids while I've rested a fair bit. I just hope I can make it through to my 6 week scan and that there is something left in there. God, the uncertainty is awful. I just can't even believe an embie could even hold in there, after that deluge..... I guess we'll see.

A big Hi to everyone else.

#71 Guest_senecio_*

Posted 08 September 2011 - 06:20 PM

Librablonde, I'm SO sorry to hear of the torture you're currently going through. It makes me so angry. mad.gif For those of us who have struggled so much, it SHOULD all be easy once we get a BFP. It seems that it almost never is. sad.gif I'm on tenderhooks for you and will keep checking in and hoping like crazy for good news.

Mitch, I'm so sorry to hear how difficult things have been for you lately. sad.gif It sucks. I really feel for every one of you still going through this hell and I'm hoping for some good news from this group very soon.

#72 librablonde

Posted 09 September 2011 - 04:38 PM

Hi ladies,

Mitchp- how are you holding up today? I've been thinking of you and  wondering if you both were alright. Have you and DP discussed your next steps? I'm so sorry about the loss of that embie, I'm sending you lots of love and cyber hugs.

Liltuss- how are you?? Thanks for your kind words. So, are you going to take some time off work, as you'd talked about a while ago?

Senecio- so nice to hear from you, and thank you for your lovely post. original.gif

DTR- where are you in your cycle right now? And is it the same protocol that you've used before? I understand when you say "maybe we aren't meant to be parents". I've felt that way so many times, and each set back my Negative Nancy brain says "See? See?! I knew it!".  The IVF process can be so demoralising, I really have to work hard at being positive and knowing we all have the right to be parents and deserve that joy in our lives.  I expect everyone who has had to travel the AC/IVF road would be a great parent as we've all worked so bloody hard for it.

Meggs- thanks for suggesting my FS test my progesterone. I had a BT for it this morning as your query prompted me to Google progesterone levels and impacts. I called my FS and sked for that BT and he agreed.

Deb37 and Miss Matilda- how are you both?

AFM- well, I had another BT this morning (am still bleeding after 4 days, but very lightly now). Hcg had more than doubled and is now 3671, and Progesterone is 45. So they're good results but I still can't seem to shake the idea that something must be very wrong since I've had such heavy bleeding. The FS and FN both assured me that everything is looking good and didn't recommend and other med's to help things along. So now I just have to hope and pray that when I get to my u/s scan on the 20th, that there is actually still an embie in there. I can't imagine how that is possible, I've been such a headcase these past few days. Today I blubbered on the phone to my long-suffering DP, thinking it's all going to go wrong, despite her rational arguments that everything seems fine and just trust my FS. We'll see.......

#73 dreamstoreality

Posted 09 September 2011 - 05:12 PM

Libra that's so positive that your levels have doubled again! Hang in there, that's great news! It's definitely cheered me up. I can only imagine how you feel and I'm sure the 20th cannot come quick enough.  Fingers crossed and all still for you.

Mitch - how are you going? Have been thinking of you all day.

As for me, I am injecting Gonal F at the moment, 375 is my level this cycle. Have been very emotional today. On Sunday I will start with the second injection too.

On Wednesday we are off for a blood test and ultrasound to see how my eggs/follicles are progressing. Gosh I am praying so hard that it works this time. As we all do I know!

The crazy thing is, I can't even remember roughly how many days after that blood test and ultrasound that we normally go in for egg collection - I feel like I should know this stuff backwards!

This weekend is pretty quiet for us which will be nice, I can take it easy.

I will no doubt be around tonight on here lurking if you guys are around, we can chat!

#74 HRH Countrymel

Posted 09 September 2011 - 06:04 PM

Hi everyone.

Libra I'm thinking of you.... you and Senecio are supposed to be my lucky charms...!!
Proof that ol' fancyshirt can deliver the goods!

I just wanted to come in and confess so I don't upset DP when he gets home...

My cousin and his wife had a baby girl on Tuesday - I was cool.
He sent me photos today - I was cool.
I went into the baby store to buy a present this afternoon - started to lose my cool.
Randomly grabbed a tiny pair of socks, paid, got them 'gift wrapped', stood there reading the giant list of names on the counter of pregnant people waiting on some particular item - lost a little bit more of my cool
Listened to the heavily pregnant woman and her partner discuss the amount of children they have - second marriage - with the woman who worked there - last vestige of cool starts to slip..

Sat in my car in the carpark clutching my tiny socks........ and BAWLED.

#75 librablonde

Posted 09 September 2011 - 07:21 PM

Countrymel- that post was just gut wrenching to read. I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but I know there's nothing. We can all relate you your post, I'm sure. Are you going back to start cycling again soon? I chuckled about Senecio and I being your lucky charms: I know a couple of people around me who have had babies through seeing Dr Fancyshirt (TasIVF) and they've been my lucky charms: my DP had her 2 sons via IVF through him (before she and I met), another woman I know has IVF twins from seeing him. So he does have successes, I just hope we both end up being one of them. hhugs.gif

DTR- So are you starting Orgalutran with the Gonal? Cycling is so emotional, I know I cry at the drop of a hat when I'm on those med's. Hang on..... I cry at the drop of a hat now too! blush.gif My DP said in an exasperated tone today "Oh my god, you're so-o-o hormonal!!!!!" when I was crying on the phone. I don't even know if I was happy, upset, tired?? Just a blubbering mess. I'll have my fingers crossed for you for your EPU.


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