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IVF Multiple Cycles and the Long Haul BG #11

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#126 minidiamond

Posted 17 December 2011 - 03:52 PM

Hi Mitch, how are you doing and how is DP ?  hands.gif AF has stayed away.

Spock, how's your POAS-fest going ?? More dark second lines I hope ! Two more sleeps until BT isn't it ???  

DTR, how are you ? Did you go back to FS yet ? I hope you have a plan for January.

Libra, if you're popping in, know how much we're all thinking of you and sending you many many healing vibes.

Indigo, hope you are feeling a little better sweetie.

Halby, how are you ? Is DD getting excited about Santa ??

AFM, just toddling along, still hoping for more signs of a viable pregnancy.  Am very  ssleep.gif ssleep.gif  today although that may be because I had a late night last night.  Felt a little queasy briefly earlier but that's it.  I'm not eating that well (alot of ice cream hehe) but I will sort myself out after next week.

Edited by Liltuss, 17 December 2011 - 10:43 PM.

#127 indigo~

Posted 17 December 2011 - 07:05 PM

Hello all! I've been trying very hard to stay away from EB for some mental space, but I'm not being very successful at that! I'm addicted to my iPad at the moment and it's just too darn easy to pop in and see how everyone is going.

Libra, thinking of you and your DP.

Mitch, how are you and your DP going? I really hope the dreaded AF has stayed away.

Liltuss, are you hanging in there ok? I can imagine you're willing the days away until the 23rd. Really hope you and Spock both have sticky ones and an uneventful time of things. I know we avoid using the word "deserve" because we all deserve success, but I reckon the ladies of this group have suffered enough and do bluddy deserve some good news.

DTR, how're you going? Do you have plans to cycle in the new year?

I'm doing ok, I guess. I'm struggling mentally, swinging between tears and rage. So seeing the counsellor on Tuesday. I don't know how much good it will do. I'm convinced they don't think they've been successful until they've made you cry! Not doing well physically either, having packed on more weight and am now the heaviest I've been in a very long time. I have started walking again though; have been each day for the past 3 days so far, and I'm sure that will help with both body and mind.

Seeing the FS on thursday for a scan to see if all has reverted back to normal and to pick up drugs so that i'm ready to roll once AF turns up in January. I've decided to do another stim cycle even though I have 2 frozen. I'm staring down the barrel of my 40th birthday and rapidly running out of eggs, so thought I'd leave those 2 tucked away as my last chances.

Big hugs to everyone.

#128 minidiamond

Posted 19 December 2011 - 05:05 AM

Hey all
Quiet in here hope everyone had a reasonable weekend ...

Indigo, I hope the counsellor is useful for you.  Whenever I see the psychologist when I'm at my worst, I wonder how much good it's done bit if you can try and go when you're feeling a bit better, I reckon that helps too because you're mind's not in that single track of all being horrible.  Anyway, I hope it helps even if a little bit tomorrow.  On the physical side, good luck with the scan, I think another stim is a very good idea, I have done this to get a few in the bank and if I'm not successful with this pregnancy, will do it again next year.

Keep up the walking - I think it's pretty unusual if you're going through ivf and don't get blobby - I certainly have.

Mitch, any news from your place ??? I'm really hoping it wasn't AF after all for your partner

Spock, I will be thinking of you today for your BT !!!!!  Let us know how you get on.

Hi halby and hi and hugs to you libra if you're here....

Afm, it's just one day at a time and thats very hard !! Have no symptoms which is really worrying me, I'm having another BT today and have decided to move my scan from Friday to thursday - having a family lunch friday and I dont think I could face it if I had to come from a bad news scan.

Have a great week all - the jolly big fat man and that break I think we all need desperately are nearly here !!

Edited by Liltuss, 19 December 2011 - 05:08 AM.

#129 dreamstoreality

Posted 19 December 2011 - 08:50 AM

Hi all, DH and I had a lovely weekend, which was good, so needed to relax.

We are back to the FS in January and also the FN to collect our supplies to try again Jan/February.  So fingers crossed.

Mitch - how is your DP going?  I am hoping she doesn't know her body as well as she thinks and you get some wonderful news very soon.

How is everyone else going?

I am hanging out for Christmas and 2 weeks off work. DH is working through which means my days will be spent at the nearby beach and when I'm not there I'll be lounging in our backyard in our hammock reading my kindle!  I cannot wait, although I wish DH had time off as well.

I too am the heaviest I've ever been.  I don't know about anyone else, but I find this time of year really hard with Santa and all the beautiful children around and so excited, so I just eat, eat and eat some more.

I am starting Tony Ferguson in January.  According to the dreaded weight scales, I'm about 40kg overweight sad.gif, not really sure how that happened, but if I could loose 10 I know I would feel better and that's a massive start so that is my goal, as well as to get pregnant and then put back on teh weight I am going loose!!!

Indigo, all the best with the counsellor and it doesn't matter if you cry, if the tears need to come out then they are better out than in.

thinking of everyone else too.

#130 mitchp

Posted 19 December 2011 - 09:31 AM

Hey all - how's everybody doing? Libra, hope you're hanging in there girl.

AFU - AF arrived well and truly yesterday, one day after it was due sad.gif DP is ok with it as we didn't think it would work but were still trying to be positive. I hate the whole 'making plans' thing when we get to a day after AF and it hasn't arrived. But it wasn't to be. Rang the clinic to advise - my words - of course it didn't work, it never does.

So, we are now down for a new donor. We have used all our remaining embryos and now have none. Hopefully the new donor will be just what we need and it will be a Feb or Mar pick up/transfer.

Good luck to everybody else in their current cycle.

This really is a long hard slog and I'm quite angry we are still going through it.

Have a great Christmas break guys and like other here, DP and I have both stacked on the weight so will make a concerted effort after New Year's to lose some!

#131 librablonde

Posted 19 December 2011 - 10:33 AM

***WARNING: loss and depression mentioned**

Well.... hi lovely ladies. I'm back  sad.gif
I've been silently stalking this thread as usual but have been too fractured to reply. It's now been 10 days since Gabriel's birth and passing. Life has been a waking nightmare, I've been mostly in bed and we had his funeral yesterday, burying his little brass urn of ashes and planting a wonderful tree over him at my mum's property. I've been in a daze for more than a week, just sobbing, wailing, bleeding, and having almost no sleep. There are just no words to describe how shattering it's been, and now finally my practical, IVF-centric mind has kicked in:

so what will this mean for me and my future having children? I'm already 40 and have one tiny 2-cell embie left. I can't get in to see my FS until February. He may decide to do a fibroid removal, so I'll have to wait for that. Then I'll have to wait at least 1 month before that next FET. Or perhaps he'll want me to do another EPU before I get even a day older. But I want to take DHEA and Coq10 again as it helped me so much last time and so it'll be 3+ months before I can have that EPU. And that can easily take me through until July next year before I even can try again for another ET or FET. I've spent that last 2 days coming to terms with the fact that perhaps Gabe will be the only child I ever carry inside me, and it's making me lose my mind. And then when that 2-cell embie is gone I'll need to choose yet another anon donor and will have to sit on a waiting list for that.............I'll turn 41 in October.......

Tomorrow at 9am was meant to be my 20 week scan. Instead, they're now using that timeslot for a follow-up scan after the miscarriage. And then I need to meet with the doctor again on Wednesday to discuss my results. And it's right before Christmas and I'm so low right now I can barely think about it and the kids are so excited.......

So I know I just have to hope and put one foot in front of the other but I'm just so damn tired. I just want to sleep for a really long time. I've been offered counselling through the hospital and will take them up on that offer, but not yet, I'm not ready. But the clock is ticking very loudly again and I can't afford to sit around feeling sorry for myself. FFS sad.gif

Thankyou for the lovely PM's and posts in my m/c thread, I read them all and was humbled.

Liltuss- I'm so happy for you with your BFP and I really wanted to message you, but just couldn't bring myself to do it before sad.gif  I really hope you have a great pregnancy and it all goes well. Can I have permission to live vicariously through you via EB??

Same goes for Spock- hang in there, hon, I so hope it goes well for you.

DTR-I also need to get on the fitness bandwagon, I'm the heaviest I've ever been too sad.gif This journey is just so hard, and food is my BFF right now.....

Mitchp- my heart goes out to you both. xoxo

Indigo- good luck with your EPU, hon .

Lots of love to all of you xoxo

#132 mitchp

Posted 19 December 2011 - 12:29 PM

Hey all.

Libra - I just wanted to say, and I'm sure I speak for all of us here, thanks for checking in and letting us know how you're doing. I can't even imagine the rough time you're having at the moment so really appreciate you letting us know you've 'been here stalking'.

I hope you, your DP and your kids have a good Christmas. Yes there will be hard and emotional times, but they're all so lucky to have you in their lives.

Take care xxx

#133 First One

Posted 19 December 2011 - 12:37 PM

Libra, my heart is with you yet there are no words I can say.  Just know there's another who is thinking of you and your DP.

Liltuss, you know I'm waiting anxiously for nothing but wonderful news from you!  My everything is crossed for you.

#134 minidiamond

Posted 19 December 2011 - 01:05 PM

Libra, I read another of your posts through tears.  You are right, it is just one foot in front of the other right now.  We are all just at the end of the keyboard if you need to cry, vent or be angry.  One day in the not too distant future I hope we can sense the smile in you again.

On the practical IVF front, if you have the strength, it seems like your body is able.  In the meantime, I hope the kids at Xmas can bring you some happiness through this horrible time.  

Mitch, I am really sorry this one wasn't to be.  I can completely understand your anger, it's just not fair, I wish I had some answers for you - some answers for all of us.  Take care.

AFM, I had another BT today and my levels have kept rising, now up to over 50,000 so that brought me a sense of relief.  Trying to get through the days to the scan are difficult but that's given me another reason to be positive.  I also changed my scan from Friday to Thursday so only 3 more sleeps now.

Take care all ....

Edited by Liltuss, 19 December 2011 - 01:05 PM.

#135 librablonde

Posted 19 December 2011 - 01:22 PM

Liltuss- that's brilliant news with your HCG. Sounds like your bean is going off like a firecracker in there original.gif I don't blame you for bringing your scan forward: the waiting would have been killing me too. Exciting times ahead original.gif  ddance.gif

Mitchp- yes, I'm so sorry about your latest BFN, it just sucks. And sucks some more for being before Christmas and all that.

First One- thanks for your kind words xox.

Edited by librablonde, 19 December 2011 - 01:23 PM.

#136 indigo~

Posted 21 December 2011 - 06:10 PM

Libra, you are such a strong woman. I have been thinking of you and wondering how you and your DP are holding up.

I hear you on the ticking clock. It totally sucks that our ages are forcing us forward, when it would probably be good to take some more time to heal. If I didn't have the age factor, I would be taking at least another month or two off to try and get some mental strength back, lose some weight and have a break from injections and vitamins etc.

Liltuss, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I truly hope all goes well at your scan.

Spock, when is your first scan scheduled? I'm so happy things are progressing well for you.

Big hi to Mitch and DTR too!

No news from me. Had my counselling session yesterday which was ok. What it helped me realise was that 2012 will most likely be the year that IVF either "works" or I decide to stop. Either way, IVF will probably be coming to an end, which is a positive in that life can resume. In a crazy way, that is something to look forward to.

At the moment, I'm thinking I have 2 more fresh cycles left in me, then the 2 frozen, and then if it hasn't worked it might be time to call it quits. But in reality, I'll be taking it a cycle at a time. I have a scan tomorrow to make sure all is ok to kick off the next cycle when AF arrives.

#137 librablonde

Posted 21 December 2011 - 06:35 PM

QUOTE (indigo~ @ 21/12/2011, 07:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Had my counselling session yesterday which was ok. What it helped me realise was that 2012 will most likely be the year that IVF either "works" or I decide to stop. Either way, IVF will probably be coming to an end, which is a positive in that life can resume. In a crazy way, that is something to look forward to.

Hi Indigo- your words totally resonated with me. For me, 2012 will be "make or break" I think. I've decided that after I see my FS in February, and he probably will do a fibroid removal, then I'll do a FET with my little 2-cell embie and if it's a BFN I'll do one more EPU, then do the freshie  and any possible FET's until they're all gone. Then I'll be done. I don't have the $$$ to do EPU's ongoing, and it takes such a toll on my body and family. This whole thought process has been pretty sobering, but at least it's finite, which I feel I need right now. I just wish, wish , wish I had more time up my sleeve so I didn't feel so confined by my decisions. It's with rueful memories that I look back on my teen years and early 20's when I was still dating guys. I was the poster child for safe-sex practices, there was absolutely no way I was gonna be irresponsible and get UTD.... Then, I had no idea that I could ever be in the position I'm in now. Jeeez....

Liltuss and Spock- can't wait to hear more about your scans and BT's. I've been following you in other threads and hoping it all continues to go well. It certainly is looking good original.gif

A big hello to Mitchp, DTR, First One, Halby and all our other lovely ladies.

AFM- had a hard day today. Cried my way through my follow-up appointment at the hospital, fought with my mum, cried at the school pick-up, can't wait to get into bed tonight and start a better day tomorrow. I know I'll get better, I just want it to be now  wink.gif

Edited by librablonde, 21 December 2011 - 06:37 PM.

#138 mitchp

Posted 22 December 2011 - 07:08 AM

Hey all. Indigo and Libra - I'm with you - 2012 will be a big IVF year, no matter what happens. I agree if we keep getting BFN's that we'll end up discussing it and calling it a day if it doesn't work. Slowly but surely we are planning for a child free future if it comes to that.

I have my first counselling session this morning after a two month break and I think I'm ready to make the next appointment after today for 3 months away. I'm going to wean myself off the sessions I think as I'm doing ok. Not the best. But not completely an emotional freak like I was.

Good luck to those having scans and transfers - good luck to all.

Merry Christmas girls - and I'll be lurking over the Christmas period. You all take care of you and be strong x

#139 Spock

Posted 23 December 2011 - 10:35 AM

hi ladies,

mitchp, really sorry this cycle didn't work out for you. sending you sympathetic hugs. hoping you and your dp will be okay over this holiday time. i hope your counselling session helped you clear your thoughts. i too see a counsellor but not regularly, usually just in the lead up or at the sad end of a cycle. i guess all you can do is take it cycle by cycle and see how much you and your dp can manage with that.

libra, you are lovely. i hope you are beginning to heal although i imagine it will take a really long time to truly come to terms with what has happened. i do hate how the ticking clock of age doesn't leave us any time to heal emotionally. i hope your dp and foster kids are bringing you some comfort.

indigo, sounds like you are ready for 2012 to get back into things again. hope your scan went well.

hoping 2012 is the year for all of you in this bg as i'm sure you are all hoping too.

***warning pregnancy mentioned***
afm, just wanted to say thank you for thinking of me, especially when you all have your own battles to deal with. so far i am cautiously optimistic as both bt's have been fine. just waiting for the next bt at year end and then the 1st scan in the new year. if that scan works out, then i will feel more confident.

hope you all have a lovely Christmas and New Year.

#140 halby

Posted 23 December 2011 - 01:35 PM

Hello all, have been hectic with chrissy preparations but wanted to pop my head in to wish you all a very merry christmas and a safe, propsperous and fortunate New Year in that special way. I must say that I think many of us will not be sad to bid 2011 goodbye, and can only hope that the universe has blessings galore in 2012.

Mitchp to you and your dp I am so sorry it didn't happen this year, but moving forward to a new year with a new donor I am sure will bring success.

Libra, oh what can say other than you are stronger than what you think. To go through what you have and still come out the other side and just get through the day is amazing and I take my hat off to you. You have many decisions to make as that horrible clock does play on our minds as it ticks louder louder and louder for us hey..... Cry, sleep and even yell if that all helps, there is no time limit on how long healing will take, I am thinking of you.

Indigo you sound really ready to get going again. I am glad. I hope that this next cycle brings the unltimate success for you and you wont have to think further ahead. Bring on AF for you and get the ball rolling.

Spock, congrats to you again....... No cheeses or drinkies for you over chrissy.........Lucky girl I am sure you dont mind.

Liltuss I am so happy for you, I hope that everything continues along nicely for you, I know your one step at a time attitude, and in this group it seems to be the way we are of late, but try and enjoy it. I will enjoy all the ham and soft cheeses for you over chrissy ok, oh and the drinkies....

To first one dtr and everyone else all the best for the new year and cycles.

child mentioned

afm, just getting ready for chrissy and still trying to loose that weight. after only 2 days back into my walking I bruised my heal so obviously over did it, bugger, but am going today no matter what. Finally finished all the pills so hopefully the puffy faced will be gone in a couple of weeks, horrible. Cant wait for christmas day, all the family here at our house, and I love it. DD is right into santa this year great age, even singing the santa comes to town song, very cute. Finished all my groceries this morning and am ready and rearing to go. Only 11.30am here, another half hour and I might even have a drink...... As for the ivf front, cant shake it from my mind, I already know I will be asking to try again. I will bite my tongue until about March April, and then I will raise the subject. I have a feeling dh will be expecting it, and I think he will say yes with conditions. I am thinking one stim cycle only and whatever frozens we yeiled from that. Now dont tell him OK....hahaha.

Merry Christmas ladies, thank you for always sharing your feelings and thoughts with us, and I hope that our group brings some bundles of joy in 2012.

Kisses, hugs, and cheers.


Edited by halby, 23 December 2011 - 01:37 PM.

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