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IVF Multiple Cycles and the Long Haul BG #11


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#76 dreamstoreality

Posted 29 November 2011 - 08:11 PM

Hi all

Ive tried numerous times to post on here but for some reason, it always drops out or freezes, not sure why.

I'll post this before I continue so I know it's going to work.  here goes.....

Brilliant so that worked.'

Firstly - Mitchp, I'm so so sorry sweetheart, I so hoped this was your time, god life and ivf suck sometime. I hope you find courage to get you through, please don't give up with your DP. I can't imagine what it must be like for you now your embies are gone, but know that we are all thinking of you.

Halby and Liltuss how are you both going?

Libra - are you ok?

AFM, going back next month to FS to see about next steps before we try again in January. Am almost 100% healthy again thank god. I too cannot wait to see the end of 2011 it has been a year that has fully sucked.

Not only that, further to what someone else said about people announcing preganciees, a so called friend of mine, told me the night of DH's birthday party that she was pregant - first month trying. Next time I see her she tells me how she cannot wait to have this pregnancy over and done with so she can feel "normal" again. Really? WTF, I told her that I would do anything to be in her position right now. She was then talking to another friend, who has also done ivf about pregnancy symptoms, I said what are you talking about, her response - oh you wouldn't understand, you've never been pregnant. No f'n kidding, thanks for reminding me. Then this week emails me to say had 12 week scan, all good, so amazing. Yeah thanks.

Where do some people leave their brains and sensitivity. I would love to say that she isn't aware of our issues, but she is one of few who is, so completely uncalled for and very very hurtful.  Grrr.

Only 32 sleeps until the end of this year - bring it on.

Wishing everyone all the best going forward xo

Edited by dreamstoreality, 29 November 2011 - 08:20 PM.


#77 halby

Posted 29 November 2011 - 08:34 PM

Indigo I am so sorry to see you back here, not that I dont love reading your posts but I was so thinking that all was moving well. What happened darl????

Dreams so glad that you are nearly back to full health. I hear you on the insensative friend front, there is this one chick with me that used to ask in front of people I had only just met how it was all going and just talk about her own pregnancies and children without any care for anyone elses feelings. She new it p*ssed me off and to be honest I can say without remorse I dont like the chick, and she is one of DH good mates partners, but thankfully they live north of the river and we live south. Dh doesnt like her either so that helps

As for me going well had a lot of twinges and pulling in the tummy today even at one stage had some sharp type stitch pains on my right side. Hoping it is all a good sign. I am also feeling really congested in the nose and throat as if I have sinus or a cold. Now I am hoping that this is a good sign as when I fell with DD we flew to Sydney for chrissy holidays so I didn't make many notes to go on, but remember so well being so congested and stuffy and it was exactly the same day post ovulation too........C'mon Salt & Pepper.........
Had a wonderful relaxing acupuncture session today. Didn't quite sleep but must have been a deep meditation as I feel vague about the 40 mins. I always feel so refreshed after.

Mitchp how are you????? I am thinking of you.

Listuss hows your waiting going? I hope you are taking it easy or are you still hectically busy?

Hi Libra hope all is well with you.

Well thats it from me today better run and have a shower as I have just pigged out on Tuna bake. 2 helpings, such a piggy am I.
Hello to anyone I have missed.

Edited by halby, 29 November 2011 - 08:35 PM.


#78 mitchp

Posted 30 November 2011 - 08:00 AM

Hey all and thanks for your lovely thoughts. There's nothing we can do aye to help a BFP so we just have to keep on moving.

DTR - great to hear from you and I completely agree re: 2011 sucking - 2012 you'd better be the bloody one.

I can't believe the insensitivity of your so-called friend DTR - I get emotionally wrecked just reading FB updates about pregnant friends let alone having someone knowing what we've been and continue to go through making insensitive statements like your so-called friend.

I wouldn't be able to help myself but tell them a few home truths about how lucky they are, but that's just me.

Good luck to all - baby dust to all x

#79 HRH Countrymel

Posted 30 November 2011 - 08:09 AM

Oh Indigo - I'm so sorry.

I join you in wishing a swift 'bugger off' to crappy 2011.... 2012 will be EVERYONE'S year!

This forum will disband as there will be no more long haul girls!

#80 minidiamond

Posted 30 November 2011 - 08:59 AM

Indigo, I'm so sorry.  I was lurking a little while back in grads & saw that you were a little worried, but was praying it would all be okay.  It is just a horrible, horrible feeling and nothing but time & TLC will help make it feel better. Big hugs to you.

Mitch, I am so sorry. There is always that glimmer of hope & I was thinking it might be for you this time but not to be.  sad.gif   I hope the new year brings you & DP new hope.

DTR, good to see you again & glad to hear you're back on track health wise.  There is nothing you can say to those insensitive billygoats, except sorry that you have to be subjected to that.

Halby, I think you have a few promising symptoms my dear.  Sorry to hear you've got a bit of a cold but the other bits sound very interesting .....  plus the other, let's call them metaphysical signs !!  Are you going to POAS ??

AFM, not much happening really. 8dpo today, been a little tired, although I'm busy at work, had a function in Melbourne last night & just on the way back at the airport as I type.  Didn't really seem to have any implantation twinges like I did on previous BFPs but ya never know.

Do you ladies know ... does your temp rise with progesterone or just in the luteal phase generally ? I don't think I should be reading too much into higher BBTs but just thought I'd ask ....

#81 minidiamond

Posted 30 November 2011 - 09:02 AM

Indigo, I'm so sorry.  I was lurking a little while back in grads & saw that you were a little worried, but was praying it would all be okay.  It is just a horrible, horrible feeling and nothing but time & TLC will help make it feel better. Big hugs to you.

Mitch, I am so sorry. There is always that glimmer of hope & I was thinking it might be for you this time but not to be.  sad.gif   I hope the new year brings you & DP new hope.

DTR, good to see you again & glad to hear you're back on track health wise.  There is nothing you can say to those insensitive billygoats, except sorry that you have to be subjected to that.

Halby, I think you have a few promising symptoms my dear.  Sorry to hear you've got a bit of a cold but the other bits sound very interesting .....  plus the other, let's call them metaphysical signs !!  Are you going to POAS ??

AFM, not much happening really. 8dpo today, been a little tired, although I'm busy at work, had a function in Melbourne last night & just on the way back at the airport as I type.  Didn't really seem to have any implantation twinges like I did on previous BFPs but ya never know.

Do you ladies know ... does your temp rise with progesterone or just in the luteal phase generally ? I don't think I should be reading too much into higher BBTs but just thought I'd ask ....

#82 halby

Posted 30 November 2011 - 09:31 AM

Child mentioned

Hey all

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me. I my god it is my last birthday in the 30's.......The big 40 next year wow. I actually said it for the first time yesterday and just about fell over.
Have a wonderful day planned, hanging out with DD this morning and going to go for a baby cino and then DH who has had to do some work this morning will spend the arvo with us and then he and I out to Thai for dinner. Had my morning coffee in bed so was lovely.

Listess about the temp ? It is the progesterone that causes the rise. Mine to be honest is so irregular and I dont think my themometer is that great sometimes. I'm only 36.7 this morning, although I throw low temps as a rule, but did have a dip on monday morning, which they say can happen at implantation, but who knows. I honestly dont know how much stock I take in it..

I hope that everyone has a wonderful day, I know I will even for an old chook

#83 indigo~

Posted 30 November 2011 - 03:45 PM

Thanks halby, countrymel and liltuss for your kind words. Saw the FS today and am booked in for D&C on Monday. Unfortunately, she couldn't do it today and is then out of town till next week. My preference is to get it sorted asap. Will have a break during December, ready to climb back on the horse in January.

Halby, wishing you a very happy birthday!!

#84 mitchp

Posted 30 November 2011 - 03:48 PM

I'm so sorry Indigo - I mustn't have read your previous posts correctly:(

I'll be thinking of you on Monday.  bbighug.gif

#85 dreamstoreality

Posted 30 November 2011 - 03:54 PM

Indigo, sweetie I'm so so sorry to hear your news. God its just not fair is it.  As if we don't go through enough.

Mitch - have spoken to "so called" friend and let her know how her comments hurt and maybe to try and think before she speaks.... her response was gold - I don't understand what you mean, I don't talk about my pregnancy around you!  

Um, yeah ok, you go with that chicken!

Happy birthday Halby!  I hope the last year of your 30's is your best year ever and that you have wonderful celebrations tonight.

Hi to everyone else.

I think we all need this -  hhugs.gif  hhugs.gif  hhugs.gif  hhugs.gif  hhugs.gif

#86 indigo~

Posted 30 November 2011 - 04:01 PM

Thanks mitchp and DTR.

I hear you on the insensitivity thing. I had a bit of a rant at the FS today because there was a woman in the waiting room with a child about 1yr old that was crying and calling out "mummy, mummy, mummy" over and over again and she just let it go on while talking to one of the nurses for ages. Talk about insensitive, standing in the middle of a full fertility clinic waiting room. You'd have thought she would take it out to the foyer or at the very least try to soothe the child to stop the crying. I might have dealt with it better on any other day. Just not today. I was seconds away from giving her a piece of my mind. Bit sorry I didn't now.

#87 halby

Posted 02 December 2011 - 04:05 PM

Hi ladies its been quiet in here thats for sure.

I hope you are all well.

All good here just waiting waiting. Am through the first week so that is good. Have what I think is sinus and allergies with a bit of a chesty cough now too, and a sore throat here and there. Strangely all started around implantation so hoping it is a positive sign. Am trying to stay away from my pee sticks in the cupboard, keeping them till maybe Monday/Tuesday.

Just wanted to say hi and have a great weekend

#88 indigo~

Posted 03 December 2011 - 07:07 PM

Hello all,

Halby and liltuss, you both must be coming to the business end of the 2ww? I hope all is going well. Liltuss, I saw your dec2ww posts and am quietly squeeing for you without wanting to jinx things or being too premature.

Got stuck into some serious housework today. Garden will get some attention tomorrow. It feels good to work up a sweat. Looking forward to Monday for the D&C to get things sorted. It's been a long week.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

#89 mitchp

Posted 05 December 2011 - 10:39 AM

Hey all. Indigo - thinking of you today, it's such an emotional process to go through (I think/remember) so I hope you're doing as well as you can be.

Everyone else - how are you travelling? Those in the 2WW - any good signs yet?

AFU - We're doing ok - DP is having her final transfer with this donor sometime this week (waiting on clinic to ring today).

Our weekend was ok - I got trashed Friday night with work but all good. Saturday ended up at a friend's place who has another friend with 3 year old son turn up. Normally I wouldn't be too bad, but I haven't seen this particular child before and the reason is he's from the same donor that DP and I miscarried our first baby to. So, getting to see this child that had no resemblance to his mother, I'm guessing he looked pretty much like the donor we had (only had him first IVF cycle as he got pregnant the max number allowed) and he was adorable. Looked like a cherub. Needless to say we didn't stay that long after they arrived.

Anywho, back to my doldrums.

#90 minidiamond

Posted 05 December 2011 - 11:11 AM

Thanks for the kind words Indigo.

I am also thinking of you today, I don't really know what to say though.  When I've been there before, I think I've felt like I just want to get it over & done with & move on but it's also important to recongise the grief.  Massive massive hugs to you.

Mitch, that must've been hard seeing the sweet little boy & the memories & thoughts it invokes.  When you're down, there always seems to be something doesn't there ?  If it's not so vivid as a living child, it's a date or anniversary of a disappointing day.   Very tough, I feel for you and really hope this transfer for your DP is the one.

halby, are you feeling better ?  Four sleeps my dear !  These last few days before BT are excrutiating ....

DTR & everyone, hope you are all well.

AFM, BT on Thursday, I have done some HPTs and got BFPs which is awesome ... but the real test for me is sustaining the pregnancy so I've got a few hurdles yet.  Feeling okay but would like more symptoms to tell me it's different to previous times.

#91 halby

Posted 05 December 2011 - 11:36 AM

Indigo thinking of you today. It is horrible to think we have nearly all been through this. I dont know how much we are all meant to take, but I know you will be ok. Take care of yourself.

Mitchp you go girl and get trashed, I think it does wonders. Fingers are crossed for your dp transfer, I truly hope this is the one. There is always constant reminders of unfortunate events isn't there.

Listuss Still poasing or happy enough now to wait for beta? I expect a good hcg for you being that you tested positive earlier than what you normally do. What test did you use when you got your negative first??? I only ever have used first response.

afm well hanging in there and am on nicker watch now. Day 24 but ovulated day 12 so AF due Wednesday. Having cramping on and off feel like af is on her way, but in saying that I never get cramps until right when she is at my door knocking. So that is probably the progesterone. I still havn't poas, I really want to but am so scared of getting only one line looking back at me, that I dont think I could bare it. I am only 12dpo today and this is when I got a ++++++ last time, but with the numbers of DD I think it would have been negative at this stage. Maybe I should test in the morning, before I hit the road for work, atleast then I am busy all day.......Just have to get through the day.

Hello to everyone else I hope things are good. This has been a quiet group lately, I figure everyone getting ready for chrissy. I truly love this time of year just nice to spend time with family and friends.

Have a great day all

#92 minidiamond

Posted 05 December 2011 - 03:07 PM

QUOTE (halby @ 05/12/2011, 12:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I still havn't poas, I really want to but am so scared of getting only one line looking back at me, that I dont think I could bare it. I am only 12dpo today and this is when I got a ++++++ last time, but with the numbers of DD I think it would have been negative at this stage. Maybe I should test in the morning, before I hit the road for work, atleast then I am busy all day.......Just have to get through the day.

Halby, I know this is hypocritical of me, but maybe just test day before BT ? In the old days, I just did that, because I hate the waiting for phone call.  f you test in the morning, you're right, you'll be busy but you might also be distracted.  I dunno, it's so hard.  You've been strong so far that's for sure.

To answer your Q, I did a FR at 9dpo / 4dp5dt & got the BFN then did Digital Blue @ 10dpo & got the BFP.  Did another FR 11dpo with quite a strong line. Won't test again  unsure.gif

#93 First One

Posted 06 December 2011 - 07:49 AM

Holds breath for Liltuss and keeps fingers crossed for Halby original.gif

#94 indigo~

Posted 06 December 2011 - 05:00 PM

Hello ladies, thanks for your kind thoughts. All went fine yesterday. Spent the night at ma's but am now back home and back in the land of Internet connections wink.gif I was going thru withdrawal symptoms for my iPad. Think I might have a fever though, as I'm feeling a bit hot and flushed. Am keeping up the panadol, so will keep an eye on things.

Halby hun, I saw that you caved and PoAS at 12dpo. Too early, me thinks. I try and hold out till 14dpo (clinic BT on 17dpo), but will often cave on 13dpo. Maybe try again in 2days, if you can wait? It's SO hard I know, and must be 10 times worse thinking this is the last roll of the dice. Haven't you said before that you didn't get 2lines with DD till 17dpo or am I mixing you up with someone else?

Liltuss, fantastic steps in the right direction! Though I guess us jaded long haulers are well aware the BFP is just the start of another, almost harder, leg of the overall journey. Bring on the BT and some happy news for our group  hands.gif

Mitch, all the best for your DP's transfer this week. I can only imagine how hard it would have been to see the little one by the same donor. hugs.

Feeling flat today and wondering how much more I have in me. I'm sure I'll bounce back. I went into this gig expecting it to be hard, and not expecting it to happen straight away. But sheesh, 8 stim cycles, 2 major clean outs of endometriosis and 2 miscarriages in 15 months is alot. Grumble, grumble.

Edited by indigo~, 06 December 2011 - 05:03 PM.


#95 minidiamond

Posted 06 December 2011 - 05:09 PM

Indigo, good to see you here, yes, definitely look after yourself.  I hope you can spend a couple of days in bed/couch, it's really important emotionally as much as physcially to rest I think.

I'd be surprised if you felt anything but flat, don't be too hard on yourself.   I totally hear you on the expectations of AC - whoever thought it would be so damn relentless.  I often wonder where the real me has gone, didn't think I'd be hijacked so much by this process, left uncertain, unsure & even now, still not out of the woods.

Anyway, lot of rest and gently gently, so that you can really enjoy the Xmas break & 2012 is a fresh start.

Halby, sweetie, I hope you are okay.

waves.gif First one, thanks for popping in & kind words

Hi to everyone else..

AFM, two sleeps to go til BT, still very nervous.  I am not sleeping well (waking early to pee) so today was exhausted & as I'm working from home, managed a kip in my 'lunch hour'.  Hoping the sleep issues & tiredness is a good sign.

#96 halby

Posted 06 December 2011 - 08:13 PM

hey all thanks for your kind words.

Indigo you hang in there. I know when you write it down it all seems so long. 21 transfers for me now, and yes it was me I only had a hcg of 88 with dd on 16 dpo so no it wouldn't have shown on a hpt at 12 dpo. More on that later.

Liltus I am so excited for you, I commented in the dec 2ww on it. You deserve this and stay positive this is the one for you I know it.

First one thanks heaps, I am still hanging in there with some hope.

Afm well still no af which is promising I suppose. And after my complete emotional breakdown with DH who was wonderful I might add and even shed some tears, I goggled as I do and discovered a lot of women who got neg hpt on 12-13-and even 14dpo and then a positive hpt the next day, so it does give me some hope even if for one more day. I do have another test and will do tomorrow morning. DH bought me some omni last night and it just didn't taste good so couldn't do it. My thought is I will drive DD and I to my beta and then onto harbour town for some chrissy retails therapy. So if I do the hpt in the morning and it is a neg then I will be shopping hard...... Retails therapy does wonders. I will pop in late tomorrow once I have official results. Keep your fingers crossed for me that maybe I can get that miracle.

Hello to everyone else, I will try and catch up on the goings on over the next few days.

#97 halby

Posted 07 December 2011 - 09:32 PM

Well I did go to write this earlier and got interupted so now I am back....

Well beta is in and as I thought a bfn for me.......
But I am ok as I had that emotional melt down the other day and although we still keep some hope we are atleast prepared. I also did the other hpt this morning and went shopping with DD as said after blood test and we had a lovely morning tea, and a good shop.

Child Mentioned

Now as it stands it is the end of the road for ivf for me, but I will never say never. The only things said today about it as we hashed over everything in the emotional meltdown the other day. So all I said today was, we wont discuss it for another 6 months we will go on with moving forward and will keep all our baby things, and if the desire is still really strong then we will talk, and I think at that point the final decision will be made. So depending on where we are at in 6 months time will be were we will leave it for now. He was really happy with that, and for now it is time for me. I am now planning on loosing 30kg in the next 6 months, and maybe doing a few other things that I really want to do for me. As we all know we tend to loose all our interests when our life revolves around trying to have a child. I am one of those people that gives anything I do 100% so I have no regrets, but in saying that we neglect other aspects of our lives.

I am very blessed to have my beautiful Emerald Rose who truly is the light of my life, even when she sees the tears she wipes them away and asks me whats wrong and dont cry. She give the best cuddles too. So either way 7 years since starting ivf has been worth it. Every tear, every pill, every kilo, every needle, every ultra sound, everybody looking at your bits, every negative phone call, and every bit of waiting that we do all comes down to holding that baby in your arms, and even after 21 transfers, I can honestly say that if it was just about me, I would be back on stims tomorrow, but it isn't just about me.

I suppose what I wanted to say was thank you for sharing, listening, and crying with me over the time, and know that if you believe it will happen, then it will. I always new I was going to be a mum and I was never going to give up before then. Unfortunately you cant pick when it will happen as that is up to fate, but dont give up as it will happen for you. Trust and believe !

Now I will be popping in and seeing how you are all going so I expect to see some bfp's in the next while. Stay strong ladies and you never know maybe you will see me next year giving it another shot, we will just have to wait and see what the universe has in store for me. If the belief is still really strong then I will be back.

Take Care

Karen

Edited by halby, 07 December 2011 - 09:33 PM.


#98 librablonde

Posted 08 December 2011 - 09:46 AM

Halby,
my heart aches for you and I know there's no much more anyone can say at this point. But your post was truly uplifting and I really hope I see you again on other areas of EB. You've often inspired me in the LH forum and I've been in awe of your strength during your journey. I hope the next 6 months gives you some release and peace, Karen, and time to recharge your body and soul. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs with us all, and encouraging everyone along the way. I so hope your dreams come true, whatever you decide they may be. Lots of love to you xoxoxo

Edited by librablonde, 08 December 2011 - 09:47 AM.


#99 mitchp

Posted 08 December 2011 - 10:29 AM

Hey all.

Halby - I feel the sense of grieving you have and wish to thank you for always being there for me and everybody else in the LH group. As Libra said, I do hope to see you around the EB traps and that if and when there is good news for the rest of us LH group that you will be there to share.

You take care x

#100 Spock

Posted 08 December 2011 - 11:02 AM

Halby,  I'm so sorry to read of your latest news. This is such a difficult path and very unfair. I am glad you have your Emerald to hug and hold as you put your 'normal' life back together and try to regain a sense of yourself away from the world of ivf. I hope to see you around EB again, even if you decide no more ivf. You have always been so supportive of me and I really appreciate that as all this heartache is so isolating. Sending you many hugs. Take care. Spock

To all the others ladies here in this BG, well I was one of the founding members of this BG and found myself to be one of the last 'originals' without a successful bfp, it just got too hard for me to post after everything I've been through, seeing others leave, whether with a bfp or not. I do pop in from time to time and I wish all of you the best. You all strike me as strong lovely people. Hope to see some bfp's from this BG soon.


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