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How do you cope with negative reactions?
5 replies to this topic
Posted 08 February 2012 - 04:00 PM
C here... thought I would open a topic about how to cope with negative reactions from the people around us.
It seems for us not many people are happy about our exciting news...
I am married (celebrated our first anniversary a few months ago), healthy and work from home. Hubby is at uni, but we both own a business.
I don't have much family, a few sisters and brothers... my foster mum died 2 years ago.
Hubby's family is very close (something i struggle with). And at this point only one member has actually been happy about our news!
I am really struggling with that! Most of it has to do with my SIL TTC, but it seems to have put a whole downer on our pregnancy. My sisters were excited and their support is great, but all live interstate. The people that I thought I could count on for support are kind of bummed that we are pregnant. Hubby is doing so great... he even told his family to show some support and be encouraging, but it seemed to have fallen on deaf ears.
So far I have tried to ignore it... I have been sensitive to SIL, explained to her family that I understand why she is upset and that we are trying our best not to hurt her... I have told them that what we need now is for the family to be exciting and supportive... I am now stuck for ideas...
So how is everyone else doing? How do you cope with (if any) negative responses to what is perhaps the MOST EXCITING thing that can happen in a woman's life?
And any tips on how to do deal with all the in-laws?
Posted 08 February 2012 - 05:13 PM
I'd just do my best to ignore it.
We had one negative comment from FIL about it DS was an "accident" andwe just responded with something positive.
I know its hard, but if you and your DH are happy then thats really all that matters (sounds very cliche...but its so true)
Posted 08 February 2012 - 10:58 PM
How disappointing for you. Hopefully they'll warm up a bit as the pregnancy progresses. Maybe they're scared to get excited until you're in the 2nd trimester? They've probably invested a lot of emotion into your SILs TTC journey, and so feel more empathy with her at the moment.
My family is not going to be impressed about us having a 3rd. I'm going to tell them they've got 7 months to get used to the idea, and that I expect them to love this baby as much as our other two. They already worry about DD feeling sad when I have to give DS attention. Bizarre.
I'm sure my brother will think I'm stealing his thunder again - I had the first baby (a girl), then I found out my second was going to be a boy just after they found out their first was going to be another girl (12 weeks apart in age), and this one is due 4 weeks after their second, and on their daughter's birthday. They went over by a couple of weeks last time, and I went under, so it's likely these two could be born within a week of each other, if mine doesn't arrive on or close to niece's birthday. However it's not a competition, and hopefully there'll be enough love to go around. Personally I'm delighted that we're so synchronised!
Posted 09 February 2012 - 12:30 PM
Thanks BikingBubs and Tuesday_nite, I'm sure when all the heightened emotion calms down DH's family can show they are happy. Last night MIL brought out all of DH baby clothes which was a huge step! And SIL and I had a chat (and a cry) and I think things are getting better.
BikingBubs - I hope your gets excited - cousins close in age would be great for your whole family - give the kids plenty of friends to play with
Posted 09 February 2012 - 12:46 PM
Saw this in recent topics, so don't really belong here but thought I could put my 2 cents in.
I think the first time you find out you are pregnant it's like the whole world has changed - and in reality your whole world has changed but for everyone around you it's like cool..okay...good. Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean that the world suddenly should start revolving around you. While it's an awesome thing to have happen to you and a huge part of your life now, other people have their own lives to live and your pregnancy is not the most amazing thing to happen in their lives - just yours!
And if you have never had to deal with infertility, you cannot even begin to know what it's like not to be able to have something that someone else seems to get so easily. Have a bit of sensitivity for your SIL - maybe even visit some of the forums on TTC to see what some people are experiencing.
I'm sure as the pregnancy progresses and your child is born, things might be different. Just enjoy your pregnancy without expectations of other people and how they should be responding to you.
Posted 09 February 2012 - 09:21 PM
Thanks BoatieBabe - you are right, the world does not revolve around me and I know that a new baby is not exciting for everyone. this is just something I struggle with and perhaps other mums too.
I am sensitive towards SIL, and have spent a considerable amount of time seeing my own sisters struggle too... we know that it is difficult, especially when it is so raw at the moment.
I wonder though if there other mums who have done this before and what happened when bub was born, what are practical things you can do to make family or friends who are TTC feel comfortable...
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