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Family - lacking support
10 replies to this topic
Posted 11 March 2012 - 11:13 AM
Can we all have a vent together? Who else has little or no support from family? Or who gets the opposite - judgement and lack of understanding.
I get so p*ssed of with my mother. She sees the kids a few times a year, then has the gall to give me the third degree with every choice I make - then - get this - she whines to my older brother and gets him to call me up and "talk to me".
Its destroying the relationship with my brother, I know that she has him convinced she is right so he sides with her. She is controlling and manipulative. As long as you do what she says (or in thier case at least pretend to - where as I wont pretend either) then she is ok.
THe latest is the lectures about us going to Tassie in Oct/Nov/Dec - what about the boys education/stability etc....well DUH they are homeschooled and we will rent a house!
Why dont I let J have more freedom (scout camp) umm sleeping in tents in a forest near water holes. No adults in the tents. NO!! He takes off when upset and doesnt stop! He is going from 6am till 10pm not overnight, thats enough since its only his fifth week in scouts!! He's 13 diagnosis autism.
Join me and make me feel not so alone with a useless grandma and grandpa!
Posted 11 March 2012 - 12:12 PM
I have issues with my inlaws. I am EXTERMELY lucky that they live across Australia (we are in Melb, them in Perth) and we only see them twice the year at the very most
Posted 11 March 2012 - 12:23 PM
We wanted to move to Tassie or Vic permanently, but we have just been given the word that our IFS grant has been finalised for a huge amount and its only in WA. So now cant go or lose all the funding.
However we can still disappear for half a year then move rural where we are a looooooong way away! We may still end up saying stuff it and moving anyway and lose the funding......just to get away from her and to also have the acreage and cool weather that we so much desire..... hate WA, its just so stinking hot and dry.
Posted 11 March 2012 - 02:35 PM
Oh what a shame your grant is only valid for WA, still WA is a huge state, moving up too Broome might be nice or you can go sideways and get something close to the WA/SA boarder. The only problem with these moves is the potential lack of ASD support for your kids
Posted 11 March 2012 - 06:59 PM
Pick me, pick me!
DH and I havnt spoken properly for over a year to his mother, after she told Abbey that if she plays near the septic that Abbey will fall in and drown in the poo consequently my child who had no issues with holes in the ground will now no longer go anywhere near them and is petrified of holes in the ground!! She knew back then that Abbey had anxiety issues and she still did this!
Before this and we we did live in perth, MIL was no help or support as she is so set in her old ways and was forever accusing me of spoiling Abbey, doing too much with her, not being hard enough etc.
DH's dad and stepmum are no better. These are the people I spent 3 loooooooooooooooooooooong and frustrating days with when in Perth last week. DH's dad isnt so bad, but SMIL is a total PITA and just wont shut up in that her view is Abbey has her problems due to a past life and that she drowned apparently, and has been re-born with her issues because of this!! and that to "fix" Abbey's issues she needs this potion and that potion and that reiki/any alternative therapy will cure her of her anxiety and speech problems.
Arrrrrrgh! I get you Cat. I really do. We have no family support, and when they do try and support us, they wont listen to me and my husband, only there own opinions. Its so frustrating.
Posted 11 March 2012 - 07:10 PM
what is it about MIL??
I try really hard to cut out additives from my sons' diets in hopes that it will calm #1 will PDDNOS a little and help his sneaky poos. it takes a lot of time and costs a lot of money to make and buy good quality food.
(she look after them 1 day a week.) i pack lunches, sometimes just snacks - yog and fruit) but she continues to buy cheap kids yoghurts, gives him red jelly, treats consisting of lollies etc. arrggh... she wont listen to my slightly more than subtle hints. i feel like i need to see a dietician to cement what he is allowed to eat and tell her to stick to it.
we have heaps of problems between 4-6pm, DS1 goes apesh*t. i explain this to her and her reply way "Oh, well he wont be doing that in my house today", i had to stifle my laugh and equally wanted to punch her... i wonder what her magic touch was going to be... needless to say, he lost the plot! but arggg, she knows best obviously.
i feel like booking a week long holiday, just hubby and i and let her experience what its like more than one day at a time... oh, with the rue that she's not allowed to give in to him!
Posted 11 March 2012 - 07:26 PM
Icehouse - if your MIL wants to try your DD on alternative therapies (such as Reki), far enough (it's good to try different things and I'm sure it wont harm your DD), but let MIL know that she will be footing the bill for these therapies
Posted 12 March 2012 - 11:56 PM
My mum is interstate and after her last week long visit she said to my DH that she was glad her grandson was not her child.
Ouch. My son adores his Nanny (my mum) and she could say that to my husband. And she said it to him instead of to me.
I am glad that my amazing, fabulous, quirky son is mine too. She could never have dealt with him.
I'd be more okay with my families lack of support if they would 'do no harm'
Posted 13 March 2012 - 05:47 AM
In regards to the scout camp, leaders & parents are not allowed in the tents with the kids as they are too worried that something may happen.
Can you not go along on the camp
Posted 13 March 2012 - 08:35 AM
I still wouldn't be allowed in the tent though, so unless Im sitting up all night or tying a line to his foot and to mine then it wont help. (plus I cant as I have 4 other ASD children - I am the main carer so unless I take them all with me?)
He actually takes a carer with him everywhere he goes, including scout camp but she isnt allowed in the tent either, so no help at night.
Thats the thing my parents dont understand - he has a full time carer and did when at school as well, yet they think he is fine without one - funny that the school couldnt cope without one though yet they think he is fine without!
Posted 13 March 2012 - 07:05 PM
yep. i've never known a set of grandparents who can be hurtful towards their grandchildren. they just simply don't understand and don't want to try and understand. it is like water on a duck's back to them.
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