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If your child didnt want to go to childcare, would you pull him out?

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33 replies to this topic

#1 ilovemychildren

Posted 19 March 2012 - 10:52 AM

I pulled my son out of childcare after only attending less than 7times. It was his first time.
Now everytime i visit a new childcare to see what the childcares look like before enrolling him, he gets stressed and says he doesnt want to go.
What should i do?
Are all children like this?

#2 imamumto3

Posted 19 March 2012 - 10:59 AM

It can take 6 weeks for a child to settle in to childcare so I wouldnt be pulling a child out just because they didnt like it after a few sessions.  Each new centre he goes to is going to be the same.  Does he not like to be away from you, is that why he is saying he doesnt like it?  I would be finding a nice centre, giving him time to settle in & then see what happens.

#3 Futureself

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:03 AM

Why is he going? If you don't have to have him in Day care perhaps explore some less intimidating social situations such as kindy or playgroups where you are with him to get his social confidence back? He might be experiencing some anxiety so needs gradual, but firm, exposure to new people, meeting strangers, following rules and other environments.

#4 Ferelsmegz

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:08 AM


I have to work. What else would I do with them?

#5 Guest_~Karla~_*

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:08 AM

I pulled my oldest out of child care when he was 3 because he was hating it. He had been there for about 18 months and never loved it, but it got worse and worse. It got to the point where he was waking up crying every morning because he was so worried it was going to be a daycare day. I wanted to pull him out for ages, but DH didn't.  I ended up pulling him out (best thing I've ever done for him) and kept him home for about 6 months. We moved house and he started at a new community daycare with a pre-prep program and loved it. He never had any anxiety about going and we ended up sending him full-time 5 days a week because he loved it so much. He used to cry when I turned up in the afternoons because he wanted to stay longer!

I think you need to trust your instincts and just do what you feel is best for your child.

#6 vegiepatch

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:10 AM

QUOTE (Mrs Optimus @ 19/03/2012, 12:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have to work. What else would I do with them?

Same. I don't have an option.

#7 Butterfly*77

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:12 AM

QUOTE (vegiepatch @ 19/03/2012, 11:10 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Same. I don't have an option.

Same here. DS had a few dramas time to time about going but in the end, he loved it and has no issue with OHSC at school now. If you need to work, you can't consider pulling them out.

#8 JapNFeral

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:13 AM

Oops misread -sorry.

How many days a week does child go? Is it full days?

Edited by JAPN2, 19 March 2012 - 11:15 AM.

#9 Fright bat

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:16 AM

Nope. Kids can just go through rough patches, or take a while to settle in. DS has been in from six months and is now 2.5. He's had two periods of a couple months each when he cried when we left, and refused to go. And then he's been back loving it.

7 times is hardly enough time to let them settle in for the first time.

All that being said, if you have given it a 'proper' go and like Karla's child, your child was still traumatised by it, then give it a break if you can.

But I believe in making kids have a good go at doing things they don't want to. If you let them off the hook every time, then that's what they learn - if they protest enough mum and dad will let them get away with it. DS is allowed to have things he genuinely doesn't like - like mushrooms and tomato - but that's after he genuinely spit it out every time for weeks saying he didn't like the taste, and he still eats every other vegetable given to him.

#10 mummame

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:24 AM

I did. I started my son when he was 2.5 and he just didn't settle in at all. I knew this as there was a library across the road and one day I looked over (stalker!) and could see him just crying in the corner of the yard all by himself and this wasn't the first time I saw him left all alone crying. I was not comfortable and I could see he was just too upset it broke my heart. I took him out after 5 weeks. He started at a different centre when he was three and settled in almost straight away. I think he needed to be a bit older and I didn't need the stress I was 20 weeks pregnant, so I waited till bub was born before starting him again.

#11 SeaPrincess

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:29 AM

I agree with Karla - DS1 was OK in the first daycare he went to, but we had to change when he was about 18 months old.  He went 2 days a week, but he never settled in well, and got to the point where he would cry if we even drove in the same direction as daycare and would only stop after we had driven past.  I pulled him out as soon as I finished studying for that year and kept him home for nearly a year.


#12 roses99

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:35 AM

Only if I was also uneasy about the childcare centre and if I felt that my child's fears/worries were based on real problems with the level of care.

My 22 month old daughter goes two consecutive days a week and has done since the start of the year. The past two weeks have been the first times she has not cried at all when I dropped her off. Even at the start, she would settle quickly once I'd left. But now there are no tears at all and she absolutely loves it.

#13 Twinmum+2

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:40 AM

Yes.  But then we had other options, so we had that luxury.  

Maybe try family day care instead?  If you get the right carer it can be lovely, and nowhere near as intimidating for a small child.

#14 Sharatam

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:42 AM

I once looked after a little boy who would cry from the second he got there (actually before then, as I would hear him crying from the carpark) until the second his parents came to get him. They persisted for ages, until they decided to pull him out of the center and tried him with family day care. He absolutely thrived in family day care, and I saw him with the carer and other children in a shop with a bright smile on his face. It was hard to believe he was the same child. I would consider all my options if my child was miserable in a center, including looking at other centers and family day care, etc.

Good luck, there is nothing worse than seeing your child distressed.

#15 rosebudkt

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:44 AM

Yes. Absolutely.

My daughter didn't settle and she only had 3 visits. She refused to eat, sleep, drink any fluids, and vomitted from stress. They called me on all 3 occasions asking me to pick her up. I just knew it wasn't right for her. And I couldn't bear putting her into the centre again knowing she was that distressed by the experience. My other daughter went at the same age to the same centre and had absolutely no problems (she is still there). They are different children with different personalities.
In the end I moved out of institutional daycare into the family daycare system with her and she settled with no problems at all. She needed a smaller group with one carer, and just loves it. The double drop off is a pain but my kids are happy and that makes it easier for me to go to work.
I think some kids need different standards/models of care in the early years, not all kids will settle into the routine of a daycare centre, I would look into other options, or if you can postpone work for a few more months.

Good luck!

Edited by rosebudkt, 19 March 2012 - 11:45 AM.

#16 libbylu

Posted 19 March 2012 - 11:52 AM

It depends on the circumstances and the age of the child.  If under 3 and you don't need to work, then I would forget about it.  If over 3 or you do need to work then it is worth persisting.  My DS never liked going to childcare or kindy at either of the two fantastic centres we sent him to from the age of 18 months to 5.  He would have always preferred to stay home with me and often made a fuss in the morning and cried when I dropped him off.  But I had to work so it wasn't an option.  And I knew that as soon as I was gone he settled really well, had a great time and was hard to get him out at the end of the day!  He just found the initial parting from me stressful at the start of the day.  Some kids are like that and if you let that stop you then they may never learn to deal with it.  Now he's at school and he loves it.  Still needs about 5 kisses before I am allowed to leave though!

#17 No girls here

Posted 19 March 2012 - 12:00 PM

I've been in this situation a couple of times.

With our day care, my son cried every single morning for ages and ages and would say he didn't want to go.  However I was happy with the centre and the care he was receiving there, and I do know that he would settle after I left so it wasn't like he was upset the entire day.  I did not pull him out.

When he started school he was the same with before and after school care, however the quality of care was very poor there and I felt awful leaving him, so I arranged for other people to look after him as much as possible, and just had him going one afternoon a week.

#18 Wigglemama

Posted 19 March 2012 - 12:06 PM

I have to work so I have little option but to send my kids to some form of care. I have been very lucky in the fact that my children have settled well. I have pulled them out of centres where, I felt, that the care was sub standard. Of course I arranged other care first but I would always find a better option if I didnt feel my childrens' best interests were put first.

#19 I*Love*Christmas

Posted 19 March 2012 - 12:11 PM

For me yes I would pull my children out. I am home with them every day so I don't need childcare and if either of mine wasn't enjoying it I would pull them out.

#20 TheGreenSheep

Posted 19 March 2012 - 12:25 PM

QUOTE (Mrs Optimus @ 19/03/2012, 12:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have to work. What else would I do with them?

Me too.

What I can tell you from my own experience is that we go through ups and downs. ATM DS2 became unsettled and I would have to pull him off me at the door. He has never been like that in the 2yrs he has attended. Coincided with DS1 starting school and leaving his little brother at daycare. but given a few weeks it has all but disappeared.

ABC nearby closed and I was stuck for options, found a alternative at the one down the raod, DS1 attended 1 day a week at a private daycare. Hated it fromt he start, eventually we moved so I pulled him. He was thrilled not to go back there. So I am glad I did.

You do what suits you and your situation.

#21 auntpriscilla

Posted 19 March 2012 - 12:28 PM

I would, but only if they seemed genuinely miserable, with no improvement in sight.

I know someone who pulled their child out of childcare because he was absolutely traumatised by the whole experience. This was after many, many weeks, several times a week.   Both parents worked, and they ended up getting a nanny.   This was also problematic, and I remember them talking and thinking about how they would manage if one of them had to stop working.    

There will always be a small minority of children who really, really struggle with being cared for by someone who is not Mum/Dad/Grandma, but most of them will go on to settle into school with no problems.

#22 CallMeFeral

Posted 19 March 2012 - 12:35 PM

Would depend what hating it meant. Crying while leaving I've just ploughed through - DS has done that for the first 3 months every time he moves to a new class - however once I'm gone (beyond the first week or so) he's been fine.

However in this sort of case:
QUOTE (~Karla~ @ 19/03/2012, 12:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I pulled my oldest out of child care when he was 3 because he was hating it. He had been there for about 18 months and never loved it, but it got worse and worse. It got to the point where he was waking up crying every morning because he was so worried it was going to be a daycare day.

I would pull them out.

#23 Freddie'sMum

Posted 19 March 2012 - 12:36 PM

OP - how old is your DS ??

Is he going to daycare so you / your partner can go to work ??

Are there any other daycares nearby that you would send him to ??

How about Family Day Care or using a nanny / au pair / extended family and / or friends ??

For a lot of people - their answer would be a simple "yes" or "no" but I think it's a bit more complex than that.  I work (part time) to help pay our bills so - in our case - the girls HAD to go to daycare.  We don't have extended family nearby.  I had their names down for Family Day Care and never heard back.

Is this his first time at daycare ??  Can you or your partner change your work life (shorter days / shorter hours / flex time) so that he can not attend daycare or only go for a couple of days a week.

Good luck.  It's hard because you don't want to be at work worrying about your kids in daycare and are they OK.  It's very stressful so I would battle it out until you found an alternative (even another daycare) that both you and your DS are happy with.

#24 LeeBee8

Posted 19 March 2012 - 12:39 PM

So long as you can be sure nothing happened at the center that frightened him, then I say just tough it out. Kids will get used to it. Its hard when they cry, but he wont get any better if you keep him at home.

#25 Super Cat

Posted 19 March 2012 - 12:46 PM

Yes. DS was three and was going one day a week, just so he could have some experience with other children other carers and routines. He hated it. He never really cried about it but he just didn't like it and I got the feeling he was just hanging for home time every day he was there.

After 6 months we pulled him out. He's grade one now and had no issues at all with kinder or school.

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